my mother died of cancer

im ashamed

please dont judge me

im ashamed because of the following reasons...

1. i was a born again christian always talking about God / and always so focused on my future.. those who were atheists / were not serious back then.. are now doing better than me, whilst me who was a christian has a destroyed life including dead mother

2. HEAR ME OUT FIRST! in the year 2012... I did mock some people who had a dead parent (when i was a teen)
example :

a. a girl who was supposed to be my friend when we were in school but started to bully me... so in anger i wrote her a message and in the message i did write that her dead father would be ashamed of her for that behaviour

b. a boy who started to maltreat me because i did not give into his sexual wishes i said to him in anger that it is good that his dad is dead so he doesnt have to see what type of horrible son he has

c. a girl who was supposed to be my friend started to bully me.. so in anger i told her she will die of that her illness and God hates her

d. finally, when i had a mental break down/ so mentally unwell i went to a psychiatric hospital, i tweeted to rihanna that it is good her grandmother is dead, and i also told another celebrity that i did not like that her mother will die young


... i have not done such since then and i never will..

but i feel as though is this my bad karma?

im so ashamed.

,

I really think you need to take a chill pill. gone through all your post and it sure seems you need good help.

Since you have gone to a psychiatric establishment, I'll say you should re engage yourself with your psychologist/psychiatrist/ therapist and be more open.

2morogobeta:
my mother died of cancer

im ashamed

please dont judge me

im ashamed because of the following reasons...

1. i was a born again christian always talking about God / and always so focused on my future.. those who were atheists / were not serious back then.. are now doing better than me, whilst me who was a christian has a destroyed life including dead mother

2. HEAR ME OUT FIRST! in the year 2012... I did mock some people who had a dead parent (when i was a teen)
example :

a. a girl who was supposed to be my friend when we were in school but started to bully me... so in anger i wrote her a message and in the message i did write that her dead father would be ashamed of her for that behaviour

b. a boy who started to maltreat me because i did not give into his sexual wishes i said to him in anger that it is good that his dad is dead so he doesnt have to see what type of horrible son he has

c. a girl who was supposed to be my friend started to bully me.. so in anger i told her she will die of that her illness and God hates her

d. finally, when i had a mental break down/ so mentally unwell i went to a psychiatric hospital, i tweeted to rihanna that it is good her grandmother is dead, and i also told another celebrity that i did not like that her mother will die young


... i have not done such since then and i never will..

but i feel as though is this my bad karma?

im so ashamed.

No.its nor karma. Pls stop blaming yourself OK.
Its going to be all right. Tomorrow is going to be better OK? I sent u a message on ur email.
Please reply me. In case you want to talk ..I'm here for u.
Its going to be fine. Promise