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| Here Is What I've Been Searching On Google (i Might Need It Later) by AFONJAboiy: 11:35am On Feb 20, 2018 |
Method 1: Jumping Off You will need: A good high building or cliff No regrets Optional equipment: A cape Locate a nice high building or cliff to jump off of. And do the following; 1. Go to the top. 2. Jump. 3. Do a flip. 4. Do a barrel roll. 5. Rinse. 6. Repeat. 7. Die. This method has a number of advantages. It's simple. It's dramatic. You can save on funeral costs and have yourself buried in a pizza box. On the other hand, if it's raining, your clothes will get soaked and your body will just wash down the drain. Also, it's just not terribly original. Dozens of people try to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge every year. Boring. (Make sure to do the flip cause you never know, you might get a perfect ten.) |
| Re: Here Is What I've Been Searching On Google (i Might Need It Later) by AFONJAboiy: 11:38am On Feb 20, 2018 |
Method 3: Jumping off a Plane You will need: Plane Ticket Make a Skydiving Reservation Ignore instructor during flight Refuse parachute and jump to your death Optional: Aim for pigeons as you plummet to the earth Optional: Wear a cape and/or a superman suit For those of you that have never liked to listen to directions, this is an obvious choice. You get to your goal and continue your longstanding tradition of ignoring the words of others. Are you listening? Hey! Come back! I'm not done talking yet! Note: if you are afraid of heights, then make someone on the plane angry,and he will throw you out from the plane without even caring about your acrophobia. |
| Re: Here Is What I've Been Searching On Google (i Might Need It Later) by AFONJAboiy: 11:40am On Feb 20, 2018 |
Method 5: Suicide Bombing You will need Atomic bomb A location where someone carrying an atom bomb won't look out of place. New York is good for this: nothing looks out of place in New York. Religious tract of your choice. The Kama Sutra is a particularly good option, but you could also try the Book of Common Prayer or the Analects Walk to a suitable street corner. Street corners are the proper place to do anything important in New York. Set them up the bomb. Yell something incomprehensible in a foreign language. Some possibilities are "MA BITE EST EN FEU !" or "9時から布団4枚!!!" Cover your testicles Generate a mushroom cloud. If you've ever wanted to have your passing remembered, this is the method for you. However, it is wise to make sure that before you blow yourself up, you stop all the other people on the corner with an atom bomb. You don't want someone else hogging all the glory, lousy poseurs. |
| Re: Here Is What I've Been Searching On Google (i Might Need It Later) by AFONJAboiy: 11:57am On Feb 20, 2018 |
Method 7: Emotionally Disturbing Piano Wire Beheading You will need Superglue Piano wire Jaunty Hat (Jauntiness is a must) Find a very tall building, overlooking a public place. Stand at its summit with lots of piano wire. Attach one end of a piece of piano wire 5 meters short of the ground to your ankles. Secure the other end to the building. Place your head in a noose made from another length of piano wire that is 6 meters short of the ground. Secure the other end to the top of the building. Glue the hat and your chosen hand to your head. You wouldn't want to lose your hat. Jump! The result: at 6 meters from the ground, the piano wire noose around your neck will tighten and slice your head off. Your head will, however, not fall because it is stuck to your hand. You will be found dangling upside down with your head stuck to your hand spraying everyone in a 5 meter radius with your bodily fluids. Your Jaunty Hat will have to be taken from your cold dead hands. And a record 45,099 people have killed themselves after witnessing a piano-wire suicide and the number just keeps rising. What a coincidence! |
| Re: Here Is What I've Been Searching On Google (i Might Need It Later) by AFONJAboiy: 11:58am On Feb 20, 2018 |
Method 8: Overkill You will need Gun Piano wire/Good rope Portable pool Sharks Tall Building A friend(Optional, you poor poor fool) This method is for those who have actually failed at failing. (And even if you do manage to bungle this sure fire method...well...it's still entertaining  .))Find a very tall building, overlooking a public place. Get to the roof. Remember, use the stairs, not the elevator. You don't want to die from a faulty elevator! Tie a noose around your neck, and secure it to the building. Make sure the rope extends to the bottom, so you hit the ground and still break your neck. Alternatively, you may use the piano wire method above. Get a friend to position a pool at the bottom, and dump the sharks into it. Load the gun, and stick it inside your mouth. Jump! What will happen: The rope should kill you, ripping your head off as you hit the bottom. If the rope breaks, the fall would still kill you. If THAT doesn't work, you can still pull the trigger for the gun and blow your brains out. What? Still not dead? Then the sharks will eat you. This is recommended for Emos, who seem to be completely unable to kill themselves. |
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