Only in Nigeria

Fulani Terrorists kill thousands, the federal government says: accommodate them. IPOB kills no one, the federal government says: kill them.

Nyako allegedly stole 2.9 billion, the federal government says: grant him bail to have access to foreign medical facilities. Metuh was accused of embezzling 400m, the federal government says: ensure he doesn't travel abroad for medicals (even when the man is obviously dying)

Northern Forum threaten Southerners, federal government says: stop antagonising northerners, Southern People accuse the Caliphate of nepotism, ethnic chauvinism and religious intolerance, federal government says: that's hate speech!

Babachir Lawal ate grass worth 400m, he was sent home with apologies. Stella Odua was accused of cars worth 270m, they said: crucify her!

A Northern president destroyed the economy and the unity, they said: he's the best thing after sliced bread. A southern president expanded the economy and forged unity, they said: Finish him!

INEC registers underage voters in the North. FG says: we are not aware. The South wants INEC to register underage players here, FG says: we shall deal decisively with all offenders.

A mallam walks about with daggers, FG says: it is our dresscode. A southerner is found with a penknife, he's arrested for illegal possession of arms.

Fulani Terrorists and Boko Haram bear firearms, FG says: let's negotiate with them. State governments set up vigilant groups to protect their people, FG says: disarm them.

Northerners took over the security services, FG says: this is due to their high population. Southerners pass more to be admitted into schools, FG says: let the federal character prevail.

Crude Oil from the South is shared across the country, FG says: the oil is belongs to Nigeria. Solid minerals are mined and exported in the North, FG says: they're illegal miners (with headquarters in Abuja).

Sharia Law was implemented in the North, FG says: it is only for Muslims. Ramadan fasting came and Christians were stopped from operating restaurants, FG says: you must obey the Laws of the State!

Southern importers need FOREX for international trade, the FG says: there's scarcity of dollars. Northern Muslims go to Mecca with government dollars, the FG says: we must subsidize dollars to encourage them to pray in Saudi!

...and so much more!

Relax! It ain't One Country, Two Systems. It is Two Countries, Two Systems...only pretending to be one...

#giveusbiafra

Bleep up one Nigeria.

minus the give us Biafra u wrote at the end of this cool write up, u made excess sense. I'm just beginning to hate this country, sometimes I even wonder why I was born here