I am about to install the Wife 1.0 latest version. Please read below.

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Software Division):


Dear Systems Analyst,
   
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
   
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
   
Applications such as 'Boys' Night out 2.5' and 'Grove 5.2' no longer run, and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected ' Saturday Premiership Viewing Center 6.3' always fails and 'Saturday Shopping 7.1' runs instead.
   
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite IT applications. Be it online or offline.
   
I am thinking of going back to 'Girlfriend 7.0', but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

Regards, Your Customer
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   ,  AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:
   
Dear Customer,
   
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0, the higher version of Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0, which is not certified by the Ultimate Software Creator but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having installed Wife 1.0, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the occasional challenges as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE \ ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Although Wife 1.0, is a very high maintenance program it can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as 'Gifts 2, 0' and 'Chocolates 5.0' or 'HUGS\ KISSES 600.0' or 'TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 3.5' or even Eating-Out-Without-the-Kids 7.3' (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Secretary 2.1' (Short Skirt Version) or Neighbour's Daughter 4.5 or deceitful Church Sister 4.2. Don't even think of 'One-Nightstand 3.2' (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Somebody sent it to me and I thought of sharing it. Enjoy.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-435771.0.html

Who sai?! Dear user, never mind we have various malwares just for situations like this: business trip 5.0, visit ur mother for a week 1.1, even valium 2.0 for using the housegirl or sista-in-law programs. Etc etc.

For security reasons u need 2 visit our warez forum for more sturvs.

Or why not install the new os version-linuxwife 9.04! It can co-exist in a new partition and wife 1.0 wont be any wiser. It uses less resources (depending- some reported opposite though dt is becos of their ineptitude)
All u need do is shut down wife 1.0 b4 booting the other. Linuxwife 9.04 is more caring and gives premium subscription to bedmatics 5.0.
For more info visit www.opensourcewifeys.net

I ve dis thread be4. Y ar u reposting it? Tis ok sha. Very funny.

Hello @Moderator

Just discovered that my Topic and Thread is missing from the Romance Section.

I wonder if that thread/topic was offensive to you or rather you're bias against. Just curious you know. The topic reads "I'm Coming back to Nigeria soon, need a decent girl to hook up with! Hook me up pls.

I'd appreciate if you get back to me. You can email me.

Thanks