Dear Agatha,

I live in England and have this Igbo friend who shares my apartment. My husband resides in the United States and asked I get someone to stay in the house with me, so I won’t be bored since life here can be very lonely.

This guy has been in my apartment for six months and we have never had a problem for once.

However, one day my 15 months old baby came to him crying, desiring he carried her, rather than pick up the crying baby he ignored her. After some minutes, he turned to address the baby; accusing the baby of snoring like her father. I was taken aback by this comments and instantly registered my displeasure with his comments to my daughter whom I pointed out knows nothing. He said it was a joke. I told him never to make such jokes again.

Agatha, if I expected him to stop after my protests I was wrong. As a matter of fact, that began another pattern in our relationship. Anytime my baby cried, it is either he calls her an embarrassment, ugly like the father or something in line with that. For months I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the things he was saying just to have peace in the house. However on Palm Sunday, I came back from church tired and with the baby in need for another feed. As I was about to feed her, this guy came into the house and my baby ran to him only for him to say to the baby that she cries too much, as is as ugly as the father. I snapped with all the bottled up emotions in me; I made him realize that my husband was better than him any day. He replied me too that he was finer than my husband and that he wasn’t even talking to me, but my baby.   

His response and attitude was more than I could tolerate so we went into hot exchange of words. It got so bad; he threatened to slap me. I was too angry to care, so I dared him to.

After everything, I decided to apologise being the holy week. I wanted to celebrate Easter with an open mind. When I tendered my apologies to him, he said he was only joking. I told him I didn’t like that kind of joke. He went to say that rather than apologise to my daughter and I, he would rather move out of the house.

Agatha, I have always treated this guy like my own brother, feeding him with my money, using my husband’s name to get him a job since he doesn’t have official papers. I feel bad about his behaviour. When I told my husband what happened, he pleaded with me to forgive him but I don’t ever want to talk to him again. He would be moving out at the end of this month.
He now tells people that I am too hard, that he has stayed with women before but my own is different that I don’t just give chances at all. So tell me if I should answer him or ignore him? And where I went wrong?

Taylor.

Agatha, you dont know what is going on in his mind? He lives in the same house with a woman he cant touch - come on, that is a lot of emotions bottles up- so he directs the anger to your daughter, and you didnt see that?

Agatha, call him, tell him you know how he feels, tell him to take it easy, care for him like a boyfriend etc.

Agatha, i just read your title again - is this guy your boyfriend? Does your husband know he is f------ you? He may be frustrated that you are not his own 100%.

Agatha!

just take it easy,dat all i can say 4now

Good riddance to YeYe Rubbish!!
'Respect me, I respect You' - What the Englishman calls mutual respect is the elementary key to a peaceful relationship with the People around us.

Which Kain YeYe play is that? Running Your mouth on ma Kid and Husband?
There are things I take exceptions to and that, is one of 'em.
I wouldn't want anybody ma kid doesn't feel comfortable with, around me.

If he acts that way in Your presence, imagine what he would do in Your absence.

@labiyemmy:

Agatha, you dont know what is going on in his mind? He lives in the same house with a woman he cant touch - come on, that is a lot of emotions bottles up- so he directs the anger to your daughter, and you didnt see that?

There's a reason love-peddlers exist. He could get one, if necessary.

@labiyemmy:

Agatha, call him, tell him you know how he feels, tell him to take it easy, care for him like a boyfriend etc.

The reason being?

@labiyemmy:

Does your husband know he is f------ you? He may be frustrated that you are not his own 100%.

A Boyfriend isn't necessarily someone You have intimate relations with.

hi taylor,
i believe u took d rite decision telling him to leave. it cannot be disputed that ur friend has no respect 4ur family. besides, in the first place sharing an apartment with a man when u urself is a married woman does not appear to be a wise gesture as u can see 4urself. let him leave ur apartment and put behind u d insults he hurled at ur family. u can get a more appropriate companion this time and i advise it shouldn't be a male.  we are here 4u.

@missyB

Which one be yours o? Are you the poster? Pls address the poster, not me. Respectfully me!

^{twinny u dey hia? how u take survive the opata wey some people dey yarn hia!}


@ topic

the main thing is that ,he is moving out, silence is Golden!

Why is she not living with her husband?

sounds like the poster herself has a crush on the guy. Which he's aware of and probably trying to break, hence his attitude.

If he says he's moving out and the woman is the one running after him and begging him not to, then urgent intervention is needed for her.

After all, she should have been the one ordering him out in the first place.

How you even wound up with a male housemate (when you have a husband albeit an absentee one) is beyond my comprehension.

Long distance relationships arent easy.

Exactly she has a crush on this guy and that's why I asked her why she isn't with her husband,which married woman in this age and time will have a male friend living in the same house with her and even allow him stay in d house even after he's insulted her husband and her child ,is this woman kidding me,what kind of man is she married to,a man that will allow her live with another man in he house all in the name of boredom

There is more to this,something would have given this guy the guts to act like the man of the house

Worst of all is the husband asking her to forgive the dude and let him stay,the devil baptize the
nyash of the idiot that would wanna lay his hands on me,a male friend , wat a friendship

I honestly question d love this man has for his wife

he cant respect your home, family or wha you have done for him. if he was simply having a bad day he would have come to you and apologised and tried to make it up to you. he is ungrateful and not worth your time or energy

if this story is true which i doubt then why feel guilty for nothn


and one more thing, this woman shd make plans to start living with her husband