The stories are legendary… errors made when selecting tattoos under duress, heightened emotions, weakened relationships, or substance influence. But in the end, you alone are responsible for your ink. What follows is a gathering of standout people that boast tattoos that everyone will take pictures of… just for all the wrong reasons.
Star Light, not too Bright

(1) The undeniable top of the bad idea list goes to this winner, whose drunk-night-out ended with a fantastically poorly done constellation splashed across her mug. Already on the phone in the midst of planning its future removal before the morning’s end, her facial ink proves the hard truth: when in doubt, try it out with a Sharpie first.

(2)So That’s What that Smells Like

It takes guts to pull off an armpit tattoo. Even more to envision the appropriate composition as a shark devouring a helpless baby. I wish I thought of that….said no one ever.

(3) Got My Order?

Legend has it that this humiliating tattoo was the result of a lost bet. Nevertheless, it’s one meal this guy won’t soon forget. Or ever.

(4)Over a Billion Served

Keeping with the McDonald’s theme, we present the all-American classic: the Golden Arches tramp stamp. Notice the elegant matching panties and cropped top. Ronald would be proud.

(5)Marilyn, We Hardly Knew Ye

We can’t be sure who this is. It started off as Marilyn, but then something went horribly, horribly wrong. Maybe some anti-itch cream, perhaps? She looks like a decomposing corpse.

Red neck stunts

(6)Time of Whose Life?

When they see this dude rip off his shirt in preparation for some serious moshing, even the most diehard fan has got to be asking the question “Who’s that cover band playing Green Day tunes?”

[7]So Far Gone

Think she reps Team Meek Mill or Team Drake? What a classy way to show support for your favorite hip hop artist. And I hope that healed up ok…

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Crazy

(9)Hooray Meat

So I’m assuming dating a vegetarian is not on her bucket list. Neither is being fit, toned, tanned, or particularly attractive. She’s got this one down

(10)Hop On

No training wheels? No problem. Just grip onto my tramp stamp and hold on for the ride of your life. I can only make it about 5 miles before I’m out of breath, though.

(11)Chuck Taylor Forever

While there’s no denying the quality of this tattoo, red Chucks for life is a pretty solid commitment. And would look really weird under heels.

(12) E.T. Phone Home

Actually, upon further review this isn’t that bad of a tattoo, considering the actual resemblance to its subject. Touche! Still, an interesting choice and one that wasn’t executed well.

(14)You’ll “Roo” the Day

Perhaps the most hilarious part of this masterpiece is not the kangaroo, nor the love of pointed emblems, but that the shape of the stars actually, just barely, resembles Australia. If you squint, mate.

(15)Things Roll Off My Chest

This is one messed up decision. The subject and location are both questionable. I’m going to assume this guy is in a chair himself and isn’t making fun of others who are. But maybe I’m giving him too much credit and he’s a jerk who makes fun of handicapped people.

(16)Bald Britney

What better way to celebrate a bad decision by tattooing the result of one. Britney’s mega-meltdown, umbrella-swinging, head-shaved freakout memorialized for the ages.

The acne in her teeth is primo, too! Barf.

(17)Six Sick Dwarves

The most nauseating fact about this montage isn’t the inferred location of the missing dwarf (read: mining in the crack), but the fact that, judging by body hair, suggest our subject may be male.

(18)I Like Turtles

No better way to wake up every morning than having a surprised Michelangelo on you honker. Wonder if he turns red when the guy has a cold and needs to blow his nose frequently.

(19)Feeling Blue

When your Blue Man group tryouts don’t go as planned, you might be in the mood to do something crazy, like this guy did. Don’t do it! You’ll regret it, trust this guy.

(20)Bad Grandpa

The rule that tattoos look bad later in life is on full display here. So many questions about this one… it looks relatively new. Did someone do this to him? Does he have a drug problem? I want to know this story!

(21)Soup’s On

The bad armpit tattoo tradition continues. What happened to leaving something to the imagination? And is that an ONION? I wouldn’t want to advertise an onion odor anywhere near my pits.onion-pit

(22)Squeeze ‘Em Good

I bet the guy gets scared every single time he looks down and has forgotten about the tat. “Oh sh*t I’m about to be pinched on the nipple!” Hell, he might even need counseling for this.

(23)Wide Load

Like staring into the center of the sun, it will cause you to lose your vision. This one was clearly done as a joke, I think (well, hope)

(24)Evolution of a Tattoo

Subject matter and tattoo are on the same track…in progress. Darwin himself would be proud of this ink. Perhaps a little confused as to why so many modern humans receive such dumb tattoos though.

(25)More Effective Than Condoms

And the award for least attractive appealing tattoo goes to…

Hey, at least she’s giving people a warning. Poop-involved accidents are generally quite unpleasant.

(26)No words

(27)Moobs

I think this slack-jawed yokel is attempting to disguise his man-boobs with the lower lip on the smoking smile. Seriously, do these people look in the mirror?

(28) Colorful

You know, sometimes people with full face tattoos look intimidating, mean, or menacing. This tough guy still manages to look friendly, despite the green demons crawling out of his face.

(29)Classy

There seem to be a lot of misogynistic tattoos out there. This one makes clever use of the man’s armpit and turns it into a Rated X nudie scene. Nice.

(30)
Old blue eyes

I’m going to tell myself that this guy isn’t even aware of what’s going on back there. This is all a mean trick that a scorned wife or girlfriend did to him.
Right on the money