If u truly love him, go ahead wit d marriage. He ws scared of losing you. Pls forgive him.

When my bride price was paid I specifically asked my family to ask his (husbands ) family if he has a child out of wedlock. He denied having any in front of his family and my family.

I told them that I don't want a man with a child, If he has a child the negotiations should end on the spot. I had previously experienced awfulness of a relationship where the man had children with another woman.

The reason why I did that was to make sure that in future when such things come up, no one blames me for reacting a particular way.

Mcy56:
It's so wrong for any man or woman to hide such important and conspicuous thing!

A living child is not what anyone can keep secret forever. May God deliver women from these deceitful men.

A man recently went for an introduction and they are currently planning wedding unknowingly to the woman that the man had a grown up child already. He lied to the lady with an excuse that if she (or her father especially) knows, they wouldnt agree to her marrying him.

I was of the opinion that he should have let the lady know and decide whether to go ahead with him or not instead of lying. Now, when the truth is finally out and the woman reacts badly, he will be among the losers to be name-calling women.

I look at you ladies sometimes and laugh if you have ever think that 70% of Nigerians are ladies...and most are single...if a man keep such a secret is for the betterment of the relationship as far he does love you..fine you might be upset for not letting you about it.. but my dear you have nothing to lose...be wise and carry on with the marriage and make your own baby with him...don't hunt him by his past.

abeg no listen 2 wetin dem dey tell u 4 nairaland o.love ur man and accept d pikin.nobody perfect ,u sef go get some skeleton 4 ur cupboard nah

bcoz love dey dat y

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
I don't mind as long as he tells me from the onset.

chaii banging you just dey hungry me

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

AND SO WHAT? U HV KNOWN NOW. DEAL WITH IT. WHATS WRONG WITH HAVING A CHILD BEFORE MARRIAGE. FIND OUT HIS EXCUSES AND U PPLE SHOULD GO AHEAD,PLS.

You know what you can tolerate. If a child from another woman is something you won’t wish for yourself, run now. Don’t be forced by preparations for marriage and sentiments. A child is not something anyone should ever hide.

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

follow your mind...

Meanwhile, is that the child at ur dp

Dat man is a woman not MEN

I can't hide anything for NIGERIA girls, AGREED u stay AND DISAGREED u go.

jibrilyaba:
abeg no listen 2 wetin dem dey tell u 4 nairaland o.love ur man and accept d pikin.nobody perfect ,u sef go get some skeleton 4 ur cupboard nah

Will she tell the man if she has commited fornication lots of time and aborted manytimes? before,senseless people that thinks a man having a child out of relationship is bad because he dnt inform her.so what?

fof1:



AND SO WHAT? U HV KNOWN NOW. DEAL WITH IT. WHATS WRONG WITH HAVING A CHILD BEFORE MARRIAGE. FIND OUT HIS EXCUSES AND U PPLE SHOULD GO AHEAD,PLS.

Abio,its even sickening listening to her sef,as if child is HIV OR HEPATITIS B

Imagine what else he's lying about, what else he will lie about in the future. Then his family that covered for him, imagine what they're capable of. If you must proceed, be ready to look over your shoulders for the rest of your life

Every action in life has consequences.while admitting anyone can make mistakes:morning can reveal what the night will be.except you are desperate to get married because of biological clock or societal pressure, that man may be bad news.he is going to be a chronic liar and the marriage will have a foundation of deceit. It is a sidewalk into polygamy.
once a child is involved ,the mother becomes a permanent fixture in his life and don’t forget OKAFORS law(a ....once knacked can always be knacked. Depending on his tribe there is an adage that says ‘whosoever has a child for a man is no longer a concubine’.

Think very well. Only you can determine what is best for you.

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

How long have you been dating? I feel anything beyond 6 months after the start of dating is wrong. If he can't open up to you, then he is someone you can't trust

He is your fiancé. ..but he has a child out of wedlock?...help me wrap my head around this one. Did you ask when he planned on telling you about the child? ...maybe between rounds 2 and 3 on honeymoon night? Is the child with the mother and her husband? ..does he support the child?...how often does he visit?..how can he visit the child but have nothing to do with the mother?...what is meant by his nothing? You need to jam him with JAMB questions or it would he revelations upon revelations if you do decide to ehmmm....take the plunge.

Buh madam, I see no big deal in this. U want to walk because of this?

TiffanyJ:
Your relationship lacks trust and honesty. He should have told you and allowed you to decide whether or not you want to marry him after having a baby. After all, no one is perfect.

relationship coach in theory, practice is all a different kettle of fish

I don't consider this a mistake, he deliberately kept it from you. if u eventually marry be ready for more dark secrets. there are still honest men out there.

he was so wrong not letting u know from d start up of d relationship, there are lots of unanswered questions. most times its beta a guy marries d mother of his child . how are u sure d lady in question is married ? and he will not end up running back to her later in future. have seen a senerio where a husband have to marry d mother of his first child bcus the child is now rich and wants his mother in his fathers life. if that happens to you in d future can u cope with DAT? like I say there is so much unanswered questions. its ur decision to make I hope u choose rightly.

Are you to married the child or your finance if you love him with qualities he posses go ahead with him

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

You are short of words!!!!!!!

What do you think is the way forward?

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

He loves you and does not want to lose you, if he is remorse about it,forgive him and ask for terms or conditions on how to take care of the child

the man is a deceit, and no liar will offer anything good, pls be wise

I had a similar issue of recent. Just flirt around with a lady 3 times and she came back after 8 months to tell me she was pregnant. I ignored her and will never accept such child. So do you xpect me to tell my fiancé. It’s not possible. We all have différent cases and it all depends on how we want to handle them. Just try and sit your man down and talk to him if you truly love him. It might work out.

What else could he be hiding? You shared my sentiment. Only time will tell other important things hidden from this woman.

introvertious:
there could be other secrets locked around him too. sometimes, the signs are just being thrown at our faces...... B WISE

xendra:
hmmm! my story want just be like your own .......Men!

What about men?
Do you know how many men have married ladies who had children but kept such secrets away from their men?
I childhood friend of mine even married a grandmother of 3. She only told him that she had a girl at younger age and the daughter was attending a polytechnic.
The poor guy only discovered fews later that she had 3 children and the only one she admitted to having was already married and have a child.
My friend was 42, never been married, no kids. He couldn't tell his family due to shame until in his sick bed. He never recovered, died at 47 childless in 2017 from a protracted illness.
So, shut up.

My dear go ahead with the marriage if he apologies to you, many people advising you not to, will at your back marry the same guy they have commdemed. Though he should have disclosed to you.

steph2sweet:
Pls matured minds in the house, i need an advice. I just got the shock of my life today. I got to know that the man I am planning to spend the rest of my life with has a child out of wedlock. I heard this from someone close to his family and I confronted him about it. He said he is afraid to loose me, that was why he didn't tell me about it. That he doesn't have anything to do with the lady that gave birth to the child for him, and that the lady is already married. I am just short of words.

He is full of shit. Don't marry him, thank me later. If he can lie about such a thing he can lie abt anything. A man you plan to spend the rest of your life with should not keep such a thing as secret. In fact should have told you the moment you started dating

Most times it's a reality you wished it never happened and you do not even know how to explain it.
For the ladies that feels the man is a devil,make sure you tell your husband how many kids you terminated before meeting him.

@poster> if he have everything you need in a man,please do not work away.
I was played into a woman game plan and became a father so early in life to a beautiful angel,my story long,women can be too desprate.

My present fiance found out herself,infact she instructed me to go look for the child and today i have my child.

I asked her to go away if she can't take me having a child but she refused.

In my case i was used,she even attempted to blackmail me,requesting i pay 5m to her.

Remmythe:


looking at most of d comments here,I see nothing bt comments filled with hypocritical statements,none of ds people really try to reason otherwise,D fact dat d man decides not to tell you does not mean that he didn't love yu,I perfectly understand the scenario,he jst couldn't find dat confident to tell yu,my advice to yu is dat yu should jst try to understand him and find a place in yur heart to forgive him..
It's happening to me currently and I'm yet to find d confidence to say it too,hopefully gon do it someday tho