Yayyyyy. . .I wrote a play. 70 pages of pure dialogue.

Quite exasperating. . . .but fulfilling at the end of it.


Titled ''THE PIONEERS'', it is largely a parody of the Nigerian
music scene.

You will laugh your head off, even if I do say so myself.

Planning on staging it sometime later this year. . . .So watch out.

doyin13:

Yayyyyy. . .I wrote a play. 70 pages of pure dialogue.

Quite exasperating. . . .but fulfilling at the end of it.


Titled ''THE PIONEERS'', it is largely a parody of the Nigerian
music scene.

You will laugh your head off, even if I do say so myself.

Planning on staging it sometime later this year. . . .So watch out.

Letz see some excerpts first before you start jizzing your pants.

No wahala. . . .Excerpts coming soon.

(Puff Puff girls advance towards the pair)

Puff Puff no.1: Hellooooo. . . .You people should be careful oo

Benny: Say what mehnnn?

PP2: What we are saying is you shouldn’t make it so obvious you are a JJC.

Tayo: And what makes you think we are naïve jolly just comes?

Puff Puff no.3: (laughs coquettishly) I see your voice has some little jand to it. . .

Benny: Yeah mehn. . . we have been away in the states for some time now mehn

(The Puff Puff girl stare at each other quizzically. . . like his accent sounds ridiculous)

(Puff Puff girls dismiss him and turn to Tayo)

Puff Puff girl no. 1: So how long have u been away for

Tayo: We’ve been away for a few years now ladies. . .First studying and then a little work and now we are back home in earnest.

The other power puff girls: WOW.

Benny: Yeah mehn. . . we coming back to our country to do something big ladies. We are about to be big hitters mehn

Puff Puff no.2: Why are you putting mehnnnnnnnnn at the end of everything you say?

Benny: Because that’s how we do it up in the states mehnnnnnn.

Puff Puff no. 2: Na you know oo. . .But what is this big business you people plan on doing?

Benny: We are going to transform the music business like never before baby. . .

(Puff Puff girls look at him dumbfounded. They turn together to look at Dayo)

Tayo: Yes Ladies, we are about to do something mega Naija style

(The Puff Puff girls start to laugh hysterically)

Puff Puff girl no.2: na wa for una oo.

Puff Puff girl no.1: You mean to tell me you went to the states mehnnnnn. . .and all you came back with is ideas to do music business.

Puff Puff girl no.2: Una don tell una papa and mama?

Tayo and Benny: No.

Puff Puff girl no.1: But what did you go to Yankee for ehn. Don’t you know graduates from abroad are in serious demand here.

Puff Puff girl no.2: Yes na. . .You can do any yeye degree abroad and be ahead of any graduate from any school in Nigeria.

Puff Puff girl no.3: So did you people do Music degree at least?

Benny and Tayo: No

Puff Puff girl no.1: So what did you do then?

Benny and Tayo: History

(Puff Puff girls laugh hysterically again)

Puff Puff girl no.1: Wait first. . . . .U mean to tell me, you left this country to go and study History. . . HISTORY !!!!!!

Puff Puff girl no.3: You girls should wait now. . .maybe they did it at masters level

(Benny and Tayo shake their head)

Puff Puff girl no. 1: Na wa. . .you boys should have stayed in obodo oyinbo o.

Puff Puff girl no.2: They should flog you sef for wasting opportunity.

Puff Puff girl no.3: Do you know how many people would fight for the opportunity to go to Yankee .

Tayo: So what do you ladies think we could have studied?

Puff Puff girl no.1: Ahn ahn . . . anything to do with Petroleum

Puff Puff girl no.2: Business and computing

Puff Puff girl no.1: Engineering

(They all face PP3 waiting for her contribution)

PP3: (stuttering slightly) well. . .girls don’t you think we are a bit too hard on these boys. They are many ways to make money you know.

PP1: so you agree to this whole music nonsense. So you will carry your future husband to your father’s house and when he asks. . .(in a mocking elderly tone) ‘’my son, what do you do for a living’’, he will answer (in a mocking Jamaican tone) me, I am an EN-TER-TAI-NER,

PP2: (in a faux American tone) yeah pops. . .I am a hip hop star pops

(The Puff Puff girls laugh heartily among themselves)

(Benny and Tayo stare at the PP girls mindlessly)

PP1: Haba. . .why una dey look like Lukman?

PP2: abi. . .you are no more interested in being Nigeria’s Puff Daddy?

Benny: You know mehn. . . We are going to prove you ladies wrong mehn.

Tayo: Yes Ladies. . . .you will be hearing a lot about us.

PP1: I will believe it when I see it.

PP3: Anyway . . .wat are your plans?

PP2: Abi . . .you expect your musical empire to conjure from thin air.

Tayo: Jesus. . .you really take us for fools. . .

PP1: Well you are making a great case for that.

Tayo: We are holding auditions ladies. We are looking for Nigeria’s mega star?

PP3: Like Fela

Kenny: Hmm. . .I like that mehnnn. Like Fela. A modern Fela mehnnnn.

Tayo: You know B-Daddy. . . .

PP1: Ogini. . .what did you just call him?

Benny: That’s my new star name ladies. . . .B-DADDY (he announces this with relish to the audience)

(The PP girls are laughing at him again.). . . . . . .

Me likey already.

Nice! It's quite hilarious too.

(Puff Puff girls retreat to corner again as they call for next contestant)

(Militia enters. He is decked in war paraphernalia like a commando soldier. He backs into the room as if talking to people outside#~)

Militia: If you move . . .I will grenade launch you. Oi, stop there. I chance you, so wetin dey happen. You know how long you Nigerians have been chancing Niger Delta.

(He makes as if to unleash his grenade launcher)

Militia: You for come na. . .I go fire your head. I am ready to kill una Aunty and una Uncle. Good. You will fear fear.

(As he turns to face Benny and Tayo with his hands still on the launcher, Benny and Tayo raise their hands in apparent surrender)

Benny: We mean no harm mehnnnn. .

Militia: Dem Papa . . . .Dem Mama ooooooooooo

Tayo: We surrender

Militia: Haba. . . wetin happen, why are you people raising your hands like primary school children? And what do you mean by you surrender?

Benny: Its alright mehnnn. . .I am a brother of the struggle.

Militia: Aren’t you two, Benny and Tayo?

Tayo: Jesus, whoever sent you, we will pay triple

Militia: DEM MAMA DEM PAPA OOO. . . You two should man up jo. Yoruba man too dey fear sha.

Benny: Its easy for you to say mehnnnn. . .

Militia: Na wa. . .I came here for audition na. I am Militia, the singing MILITANT. As I shoot down the forces of oppression, I sing along. DEM MAMA DEM PAPA OOO. That is how I got my name. . .the singing MILITANT.

Tayo: You mean you are actually here for the audition?

Militia: Yes na. . .Na for the audition I come na.

Benny: Phew. . . Jeez, you put the fear of god in me mehn

Militia: hehehehehe. . .This no be creek na. I reserve my militancy for the creeks. Right now. . .I am on Make Love Not War.

Tayo: Hmmm. . the singing Militant. It has promotional possibilities.

Militia: That’s right. . .DEM MAMA DEM PAPA OOOO

Benny: Why don’t you leave their fathers and mothers alone mehn and sing for us.

Militia: haaaa. . .One Love. . .

DEM MAMA OOO. . .DEM PAPA OOO
YOU KNOW SAY MY NAME NA MILITIA
BORN TO FIGHT THE STRUGGLE IN THE DELTA
PEACE TO MY FELLOW BROTHERS
SUPER MILITANTS IN GBARAMATU
GOVERNOR OF BAYELSA AND RIVERS
PRESIDENT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC
YOU FIT DEY FIGHT US BUT WE STILL LOVE YOU
MY PAPA. . . FOR THE LOVE YOU SHOW ME

EVERYBODY SAY KURUMA YEYE. . .KURUMA YEYE
EVERYBODY SAY KURUMA YEYE. . .KURUMA YEYE
DEM MAMA DEM PAPA OOOO
KURUMA YEYE KURUMA YEYE.

Tayo: Jesus is Lord.

Militia: Yea man. . . .one love. . .Praise to the almighty Ja

Benny: Yeah. . .tell him your answer mehn

Tayo: Ermmm. . .you tell him

Benny: But I told the last one first mehn

Tayo: I don’t think so.

Militia: Na wa. . . .Yoruba dey fear like this sha. Look, its not a matter of life or death to join you people. . .In fact, I make enough money from bunkering and kidnapping to launch myself. So if you no like me. . . .talk now, or else I go kill all them mama and papa

Benny: Okay. . .Dayo, tell him mehn.

Tayo: Jeez. . .Kenny you have no balls. Okay Militia, it’s a no.

Militia: You say wetin? Did you just tell me no?

Tayo: Yes.

Militia: No wahala na. . . .Its okay. Nothing spoil. I will head back to the creeks now. But watch out. . . You will hear of the Singing Militant. One Love to ALL. And make sure you love yaself.

(Militia exits with his paraphernalia and Puff Puff girls come to the fore)

PP1: Dem Mama oooo

PP2: Dem Papa oooo

PP3: hehehehehehe. . .So B-Daddy, I never knew you were a supporter of the Delta struggle.

PP1: walahi. . .Americana don wan piss for pant.

(They are rolling over laughing again)

Benny: So is this the going to be the routine mehn. . . .Some crazy dude runs in here and you come out to laugh at us afterwards right.

Tayo: Leave them Kenny. At the end of the day, we shall see who is laughing.

PP2: Kai. . you people are stubborn oo, . . Instead of you to just concede and hire us. We can sing and we are not crazy.

PP3: And we will not give you poisonous dodo or launch grenades at you.

Benny: Whatever mehn. . . .the day is still long and I have hope that there are some sane people in this country mehn.

Tayo: Sane and can actually sing.

PP1: Okay oo. . .we shall see. Girls lets go and watch the show

(PP girls exit while a next contestant is called)

Doyin13, aren't there any bedroom scene in this PLAY of yours.
I have been thinking. . . . . .I want to ACT in it when it HITS the stage.

Ayyyyy well done!!!!!!!! The excerpts are really funny! I wish I could commit to writing 70 pages of anything. So good on you "mehhhn"!! lol

The Singing Militant!!! Now THAT I'll pay an arm and a leg and to see.

Lmao! Hilarious stuff, Doyin!!!

hey doyin.

you have got a good piece here.

plz i will like to have a word with u.

08076976917
07066479760

discuswithmayor@yahoo.com

Good one

i tot we have plans to do some black scholes modelling and some Quants for some banks in London, u don leave me go dey do Nollywood?
LOL

100 gbosas for my guy
nice one

well done! you have skills

Who will direct your play?

Nice one Doyin

Anyways, i will like to know when you are going
2 stage d play. I will love to work
with u.

Got some idea

SHALOM

well done

very nice

nice job Doyin, i loooove the dialogues
i've not read many plays, but i know the playwright starts by giving us a cast of characters and how they fit into the play. and please describe the situation properly for us so that the scenes won't be too confusing. in the first scene when you said puff puff girls approached the duo, i assumed they were just two till a third one jumped into the mix, got me confused for a while. kudos to you tho, keep it coming

Nice 1 Bro, u 'r mouthed

doyin where are u?

uhmn

nice job

Nice one there, Doyin! Wish you the best in this and your other works.

Good work

doyin dear why hath thou forsaken this thread