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Resume Of Jesus Christ! by Ndipe(m): 4:02am On May 26, 2010 |
Resume of Jesus ChristAuthor Unknown Address: Ephesians 1:20 Phone: Romans 10:13 Website: The Bible Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume. Qualifications: • I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19). • I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7). • I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7). • I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13). • The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14). Occupational Background: • I've only had one employer (see Luke 2:49). • I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful. • My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17). Skills & Work Experiences: • Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18). • I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33). • Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9) Educational Background: • I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6). • In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3). • My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105). • I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21). Major Accomplishments: • I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26). • I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15). • I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15). • I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead! • There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website. References: • Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance. In Summation: Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart. In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15). http://www.inspire21.com/stories/christianstories/resumeofjesus |
Re: Resume Of Jesus Christ! by Mudley313: 4:42am On May 26, 2010 |
Resume of Jesus ChristAuthor Unknown @ bolded. NO you didn't send no one your resume. someone on the internet helped u type out your resume, same way others have been helping u do basically everything. would take u more seriously whence u can do something on your own Qualifications: any other source to confirm your qualifications apart from a book of jewish mythologies and fairy tales? Occupational Background: i thought u were a carpenter ![]() Skills & Work Experiences: my country men nigerians are one of your most ardent followers but the country is still riddled with proverty undermining their vast oil reserves. FAIL • I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33). uh huh. then why did u sit still n do nothing when 1,500 tutsis called on you and still were all slaughtered in your house (a church)? FAIL • Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9) and why have arderants of faith in you been the cause of most murders and genocides in your name? FAIL Educational Background: and why couldn't you write your own book yourself when you visited earth? illiteracy? Major Accomplishments: the archenemy (devil) you claim to defeat is still roaming the earth and winning more souls than you. . .and why cant you just obliterate him in an instant? not a hard request to make to an "all-powerful" entity References: this is the only section you get a pass at. you sure do got mad references of fanatic followers who all have differering views of how to serve you. if only you had written your book yourself and not left the job to others who's incompetencies created such confusion on how to interprete em In Summation: NEXT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> |
Re: Resume Of Jesus Christ! by Jenwitemi(m): 7:41am On May 26, 2010 |
LOL! @ mudley ![]() You just muddled up jesus' "resume". ![]() |
Re: Resume Of Jesus Christ! by SLIGHT(m): 9:51am On May 26, 2010 |
Lord Jesus, u are already the ownerof my life and i love ur great works. Forgive those who sin against u, have mercy on the whole world. |
Re: Resume Of Jesus Christ! by Mudley313: 7:21pm On May 26, 2010 |
Lord Jesus, u are already the ownerof my life and i love your great works. Forgive those who sin against u, have mercy on the whole world.
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