Maybe the Material Gals should were price-tags so that we can tell them apart, no long thing lol. I don't believe that all gals are like that though ! But some Nigerian girls can be quite materialistic and that is a turn off! and at the same time no gal wants to go out with a Scrub!

i agree with the poster to a certain extent 95% of girls (and guys too) enter a relationship with hidden intentions. although u and the girl in question may not speak about it openly, u both know it at the back of ur minds. relationships are a game, and they are designed in a very tricky way in which the first person to give into the others intention (if he can bang without paying, or if she can extort $$$ without banging) is the loser. another game breaker is if either one of the two openley speaks about the others intentions (e.g "so uv just been trying to use me all this while abi?" this person is accused of bieng too insecure or forward and looses the game too. either way, someone is gonna win and someone is gonna loose. the winner is reffered to as the "heart breaker" and gains credibility. the loser is refered to as the "heart broken" and looses credibility. its only in few cases that "true love" comes into the game and re-defines all the rules, but we know this doesent happen too often so my advice too all guys is play the game smartly. remember ur credibility is at stake

^^^^^^^its funny how you seem to think that people go in relationship for the sole purpose of banging(male) or extort money(female). they probably do in 9ja, (lets quickly have a prayer for them), but if you look at it this way then you will never find happiness in life.
and then you wonder why women want to use designer gear and fake hair to fool men?! no wonder!!!!

looking at relationship as a war field with winners and losers will ALWAYS have you fail, but most importantly, will have you completely miss the beauty of that person which definitely dont lie inside her pants.

also if i understand you correctly, if a gal decides to go ahead and fukc you, she automatically looses credibility?! and you are gaining credibility. . . . . . . credibility for what?! from whom?! AND buying a gift will make a man lose credibilty?!  9ja, na wa oh!
let me ask you a question:
- if a gal is a hoe that gives her toto to anyone anyway, what credibility are you gaining?
-if the guy is rich anyway and dont mind spending the "change" that the gal is asking, what credibility is he losing?!

here is a cue: the best and most important credibility you should be concerned of getting is BEING YOURSELF/GENUINE!
(unless you 15yrs old and still battling with yourself to control your cokc.)

Some questions for You, MrbrownJay . . .

MRbrownJAY:

they dont and thats why they shouldnt get married at the first place. marrying any guy/gal out there that is as good as any other is a waste of time and that marriage will always be tested!

Do You think marriage is a thing of choice or destiny? I.e - Is there a certain woman made for a certain man or any man just chooses any woman [the benchmark for choosing her is irrelevant, here].

MRbrownJAY:

its not about marrying someone because you think they are the right one  but its about marrying someone because you KNOW that they are the one.

How do You know someone is the right one for You?

^^^^ i feel u bro and it pains me to lay the story out like that but this is the sad situation of things in Nigeria. relationships have been commercialised to an almost disgusting manner to the extent that a girl asks u about ur salary on your first conversation, did u get that? i said FIRST CONVERSATION!!! bro its best u stop living in wonderland and embrace the situation as it is. the painfull truth is that the normal rules of love dont apply in that country called nigeria even the girls are open about it and shamelessly call any guy who spends on them a "maga", now tell me how a guy being called "maga" is not losing credibility also tell me how a girl who sleeps around isnt loosing respect to? my post is the true story man and i know once in a blue moon love does happen and i did mention that, but 9%% of the time, its all business,nothing personal.  

^^^ that post was for mrbrownjay

slyfoxxjoe:

^^^^ i feel u bro and it pains me to lay the story out like that but this is the sad situation of things in Nigeria. relationships have been commercialised to an almost disgusting manner to the extent that a girl asks u about your salary on your first conversation,  did u get that? i said FIRST CONVERSATION!!! bro its best u stop living in wonderland and embrace the situation as it is. the painfull truth is that the normal rules of love dont apply in that country called nigeria even the girls are open about it and shamelessly call any guy who spends on them a "maga", now tell me how a guy being called "maga" is not losing credibility also tell me how a girl who sleeps around isnt loosing respect to? my post is the true story man and i know once in a blue moon love does happen and i did mention that, but 9%% of the time, its all business,nothing personal.  

i understand how you think man but you have to accept the fact that, although many Nigerians act like that, you will either have to settle and marry such a woman in the future OR you have to wait until the RIGHT One comes along(if you are willing to wait patiently)

if you are on a first date with a gal and she asks about your salary then you are obviously with the wrong person and should get up and leave (she doesnt even deserve a free drink). why would you waste your life, time and energy on trying to fukc such a slag which you CLEARLY know, dont give a damn about you?!

a slag who sleeps around is no better than a man who does the same thing. . . . . .  being a slag is not wrong in my world, its being a slag and pretending to be a nun which is!

here is what you should do, hang in different places, with the right crowd who aint suffering or who aint trying to pretend to be someone they are not. a crowd on the same level "financially" as you are. a crowd that will value you as a man and not as a piggy bank,  . . . . . . .  and if they have the audacity to value a man through his money then you definitely should run as you are still hanging with the wrong crowd. LOL!

Missy B:

Some questions for You, MrbrownJay . . .
Do You think marriage is a thing of choice or destiny? I.e - Is there a certain woman made for a certain man or any man just chooses any woman [the benchmark for choosing her is irrelevant, here].

marriage is a whole: destiny AND choice. it all depends on how long and hard you are willing to wait for that special person but also it has all to do with what your idea of marriage is, whats your reason for wanting to get married AND whats your expectations of such an act.

there is someone out there for EVERYONE, but more often than not, people decide to settle for less (lowering their standards) and therefore end up with a second choice. this will always be a problem because although you may love that person, he doesnt fulfill all your desires and you will have to either suppress these desires within you or go and get them with someone else.
if the right person happens to have "wrong issues" then he obviously aint the right one. . . . . although he showed great signs of being right, dont be fooled by that! some people are good at thinking that changing someone into the kind of spouse they are searching is the way to go, WRONG!!! 

everything has to be RIGHT and only then will you KNOW that they are the one. a person ought to know it in their guts/mind. if they dont then they have 2 choices to make: keep on searching or settling for less with a stranger because of peer pressure/age/money or the notion that this person will become RIGHT with time.(thus the answer to your second question)

mbj u still believe in fairytales, how cute! i understand what you say, i highly doubt its as simple as u put it, if special= perfect, biiiig nono, I believe a marriage needs to be worked on, A MAN WILL ALWAYS COME ACCROSS ANOTHER WOMAN WHO SEEMS BETTER, thats x3 for women!! I do think there is someone out there for everyone but to a certain extent, the way arranged marriages always work out has changed my perspective, that special person isnt someone thats been ready-made to perfectly match with you, that special person is ready to love you, accept you and be faithful to you, no matter what he/she meets in future no matter what his expectations are or used to be. The whole fairytale idea will keep a person waiting for what will never come. . .thats what i think sha oo dont get me wrong. The time of fairytales have gone;

MRbrownJAY:

marriage is a whole: destiny AND choice.
there is someone out there for EVERYONE,

Sorry but  marriage cannot be a thing of choice and destiny at same time and what do You mean by ''there's someone out there for everyone''.
Forgive me, prolly I posed ma first question wrongly. I'll rephrase in a way that even a neophyte to easy comprehension would understand without difficulty -
Do You think, the selection of one's spouse is totally based on choice
[any man can marry any woman and his criterion for choosing her doesn't count here and now] or a certain man was made for  certain woman [ to each man, there's a destined woman and whether he finds/accepts her does not count, here and now]?

MRbrownJAY:

if the right person happens to have "wrong issues" then he obviously aint the right one. . . . .

I'll come to this part but before then, let's tackle this . . . .

MRbrownJAY:

everything has to be RIGHT and only then will you KNOW that they are the one. a person ought to know it in their guts/mind.

What does 'Right,' imply here?
Do You mean, when one has an inner conviction that they are with the 'Right' person, then, they certainly are with the right person?
Example : X is convinced Y is the right one for him, therefore, Y is the right one for X?

If yes, then, I disagree totally.
The actual reason for ma numerous questions was to question Your comment, talking about ability to Know that one is with the right one.
This, is ma stance - You can never KNOW if You're with the right or wrong one . . . .We can only think we Know

MRbrownJAY:

everything has to be RIGHT and only then will you KNOW that they are the one.

Quoting this part of Your comment, again . . . .Everything can never be right. Hence, the reason for the existence of the famous quote - ''Nuffin/ No one is perfect''. Just 'cause there are faults doesn't make the person the wrong one and just 'cause everything seems 'Right'/smooth, doesn't make the person the Right one.

You still want us to carry this further?
Start by expounding what it means to be the ''Right'' one.

Are chics really that bad?

zebra543:

mbj u still believe in fairytales, how cute! i understand what you say, i highly doubt its as simple as u put it, if special= perfect, biiiig nono, I believe a marriage needs to be worked on, A MAN WILL ALWAYS COME ACCROSS ANOTHER WOMAN WHO SEEMS BETTER, thats x3 for women!! I do think there is someone out there for everyone but to a certain extent, the way arranged marriages always work out has changed my perspective, that special person isnt someone thats been ready-made to perfectly match with you, that special person is ready to love you, accept you and be faithful to you, no matter what he/she meets in future no matter what his expectations are or used to be. The whole fairytale idea will keep a person waiting for what will never come. . .thats what i think sha oo dont get me wrong. The time of fairytales have gone;

lol!!!!you are the one who believe in fairytales. . . . . . i believe in reality!
if you find a man that is NOT what you were looking/hoping for, the realists like me, will keep on searching. the dreamers, on the other hand, will believe that this person can be "molded/changed into what they desire or they just give up their search and settle because of "other factors".

of course a marriage needs to be worked on, till the day you die, but if you have to work on the fact that your spouse hates your guts because he didnt really want to marry you instead of working on keeping you desires afloat then you are in the wrong union.

people in arranged marriages are "more happy" because these people have given up their desires for the benefit
of seemingly happy relationship. if we all give up our desires then, YES, we will automatically all be happy with whomever out there.
stating only physical attraction, i can safely say that waking up for the rest of your life next to someone that disgusts you is definitely not happiness in my book. yes you may grow to love/accept that person in the long run but it will be for the benefit of something completely different such as RELIGION/FAMILY.

remember that what seems "perfect"might not always be. every man and woman have desires and we all know how difficult it is to find the right one for us. if some people want to play the "marriage loto" then so be it.
the fact that a person is willing to go through it MEANS that they have thrown their desires out the window and will rely on what their parents think is the right person for them. . . . . .

the times of fairytales ARE gone and its now the times of REALITY where men AND women have the right
to say and settle for who they really want and not any stranger just to make others happy and make them believe that we are happy. . . . . when truly most are not.

Missy B:

Sorry but  marriage cannot be a thing of choice and destiny at same time

destiny will bring many people to your life, good and bad, that have "MR right qualities", your choices will have you make the right decision into settling with the RIGHT "MR right". so it is both especially since we all know that destiny can bring towards you the "seemingly perfect" partner with flaws that some people might overlook because of desperation instead of understanding that this person aint fully right for them. if something is not right before marriage, it probably wont be after marriage.

and what do You mean by ''there's someone out there for everyone''

everyone has criterias of what they are looking for in a mate. some have very few expectations while others have loads. there would always be someone out there who matches your criterias, the catch is to let destiny brings them towards you and to stick to your criterias no matter what!

What does 'Right,' imply here?
Do You mean, when one has an inner conviction that they are with the 'Right' person, then, they certainly are with the right person?
Example : X is convinced Y is the right one for him, therefore, Y is the right one for X?

of course when one has the inner conviction that this person is right BUT also when this person meets all her criterias. if a person feel that they are in presence of MR right but that he has cheated on her then while she is totally against adultery then there is no point in continuing this relationship EVEN if she is in love. her brain must take over and deal with the issue at hand accordingly.
its just like if someone has all the criterias but yet you are not convinced and something just dont feel right (fishy) but you cant really point it out. . . . . . . . . . then you shouldnt marry that person either! 

The actual reason for ma numerous questions was to question Your comment, talking about ability to Know that one is with the right one.
This, is ma stance - You can never KNOW if You're with the right or wrong one . . . .We can only think we Know

if we just need to THINK that we are in the presence of the right one then we may as well just hook up with anyone.
if you are looking for a god fearing person while the "right one" doesnt give a damn about religion then, yes, you should marry him because you THINK he is the right one and will completely change after marriage.he will probably teach your kids about the lord instead of snoring in bed all sunday morning while you guys are at church but there is a high possibility he wont. are you ready to take such a gamble on such a subject? some things can be overlooked while others are crucial. . . . .  thats the criterias that should never be overlooked.
but hey i guess we have a different view on the subject.

MRbrownJAY:

people in arranged marriages are "more happy" because these people have given up their desires for the benefit
of seemingly happy relationship. if we all give up our desires then, YES, we will automatically all be happy with whomever out there.
stating only physical attraction, i can safely say that waking up for the rest of your life next to someone that disgusts you is definitely not happiness in my book. yes you may grow to love/accept that person in the long run but it will be for the benefit of something completely different such as RELIGION/FAMILY.

no arranged marriages work because they are more realistic.You cannot meet someone and KNOW he/she is whom you are looking for who you are in love with who is for you untill you have spent ALOT OF TIME, with the person! Love is something that is built, all that love at first sight physical attraction crap goes away, unless there is something deep inside the marriage cant keep going! Ive seen arranged marriages, the men love thier wives because the women are brought up to please thier men, the women love thier husbands because the men are brought up to look after thier women, they enjoy getting to know each other and they look forward to spending thier lives together! Marriage is a journey loving your partner is where it finishes! physical attraction can never keep a marriage together, in fact it doesnt even contribute! Go and check, how many beautiful women get dushed everyday?? physical beauty is nothing! I am not saying women should settle for less, hell no! I for one dont encourage it, a man has to be on your level, but i DO believe once a man is married if he or she is realistic they will work towards loving each other instead of being busy looking for clues that show he/she is the 'soulmate' or the 'one you've been looking for' what if the one you've been looking for, that youve seen in your dreams is a psychotic serial killer??

zebra543:

no arranged marriages work because they are more realistic.

to be realistic is just another way of saying lower your standards and accept this persons flaws and be miserable in the name of family. whats being realistic about marrying someone dishonest/violent/ugly/unattractive/not driven/incompatible to you?

You cannot meet someone and KNOW he/she is whom you are looking for who you are in love with who is for you untill you have spent ALOT OF TIME, with the person!

yes you have to spend yrs to truly know that someone is right for you and, even then, you might be wrong as we all know that many are good at faking it.
anyone marrying someone before spending yrs with them will have only themselves to blame.there is no need for rush in marriage!
spending time with someone will confirm that they are right for you but if they are unattractive from the start, whatever you do wont make them attractive. i use physical attraction because that should be the minimum requirement in marriage (IMHO)

Love is something that is built, all that love at first sight physical attraction crap goes away, unless there is something deep inside the marriage cant keep going!

you must have misread my post as i never talked once of love at first sight, thats a different ball game, how can you say that you"love" someone you absolutely dont know?! they are in love with the appearance but that is just one important  reason to evaluate someone, definitely not all the foundations needed to marry someone.

Ive seen arranged marriages, the men love thier wives because the women are brought up to please thier men, the women love thier husbands because the men are brought up to look after thier women, they enjoy getting to know each other and they look forward to spending thier lives together!

if someone love his/her partner regardless of who that person is/does then thats good for them. i say use you BRAIN to love someone, nothing else! almost everyone around the world is brought up to please their spouse. have you ever heard any parents who said to their children that they should despise their partner?!
the difference is that arranged marriages have a preconceived idea of what a man should do/act and vice versa while we all know that people are different. the catch is that these people will suppress their being for the good of that marriage. to each their own!

Marriage is a journey loving your partner is where it finishes!  physical attraction can never keep a marriage together, in fact it doesnt even contribute! Go and check, how many beautiful women get dushed everyday?? physical beauty is nothing!

i am sorry to say that, in my book, physical attraction is part of the foundation of any marriage. you have to be somewhat attracted to her mind, her beauty etc. it all has to come together to keep a marriage. some will decide to drop it at the benefit of other factor but thats their life and their misery.
many dead gorgeous women get dropped because they relied on only their beauty. a dumb unemployed beauty wont go far in life unless her future husband was looking for a trophy wife. and even then, such husband knows that she will loose her beauty with time while he can just divorce her and remarry a younger more fresh dumb unemployed beauty. 
also you want your kids to have great features, how will that work with your "great compatible" monster of a wife?
also how will you EVEN get it up to have children if that person makes you THROW UP instead of GET IT UP?!

I am not saying women should settle for less, hell no! I for one dont encourage it, a man has to be on your level, but i DO believe once a man is married if he or she is realistic they will work towards loving each other instead of being busy looking for clues that show he/she is the 'soulmate' or the 'one you've been looking for'

these clues should be looked for BEFORE marriage. after marriage is the time to enjoy, drive and cherish what you already got. as i said, marriage isnt a gamble where you throw the dice and hope for the jackpot. if thats what you want then fair enough!

what if the one you've been looking for, that youve seen in your dreams is a psychotic serial killer??

 

this is the tragedies of life that NOBODY cant avert, not even arranged marriage folks!

lol