ipobarecriminals:
icamello! Look here and listen up very clearly. Beating ur father is not d solution to the problem. If u beat him and he curse u,even God will honor dat curse.Why?There is curse of the parents,it work.U may not see d effect now but it sure work.May u not suffer miscarriage.May ur light/lamp not be put off.As thing are now,ur best bet is to FLEE elsewhere. Change ur number/ dnt even contact ur friend,family/ neighbor.u can make new friend elsewhere. Go spiritual too(not wicked lifestyle/ otumophor ooo).I believe he'll change by the time all RUNZ from him.FLEE

Sir, I have no intent of doing that. It’d be petty of me. I will flee as you have advised.

icamello:

Sir, I have no intent of doing that. It’d be petty of me. I will flee as you have advised.

God bless U..

omogidi234:


This sounds good.

Please let me add my little shot.

1. As a Yoruba man, I will tell you this , if you are one good, you don't need to do all you have mentioned above .

If he still has siblings or uncle and auntie, you could call an extended family meeting. Tell them all these and make your request known without disregarding him.

If there's no extended family, then you can just cut off from him.


As a Christian, I will advise you to forgive him and let go off the hurts , that's the only way you can be free otherwise, you may carry the hurt forever and these are things that cause depression etc, doctors would tell you that. I need point out that it is difficult but achievable.

Finally as a lawyer, I want a situation whereby it would be on record that he can give an undertaking not come near you , mum and sibling as well as ensuring such doesn't damage your family name. A lawyer should be able to help out with that.

These are 3 stand points I am mostly likely to look at issue.

I wish you all the best.

He has siblings and parents. His elder sister, brother and others had always try to intervene but he is always rude to them. The insult has become unbearable for them that they fear intervening further. I’ll cut all ties with him but I’m sure he wouldn’t still take that well. He’s the kind of person that wants things to go bad for you so you will realize your mistakes and come and beg him and he will go to any length to achieve that. But I will only be lying to say God hasn’t been faithful in disappointing him with our successes.

Orchid45:
You said your dad is fetish, I think it's best you thread with caution. Your mom no longer lives with him, so I doubt he is still a danger to her life.Forget about him. Make sure she is not emotionally blackmailed into moving back in with him.

I know this will be hard for you to do but if can apologise to your dad. You are just starting life, the last thing you need is any hindrance to your success. Apologize and stay far away from him.

Thank you so much. An elderly man like a grandpa to us had called me to see him some days after that ugly event. Fortunately, I met my dad there, peddling all forms of lies and rumors as usual. He was shocked to see me. After the long talks, the man ordered me to apologise and I had no choice but to obey. Ever since, we haven’t talked nor have anything together.

Achieverbb:

Dear op, I know you are deeply hurt by the action of your dad towards you and your mum. I sincerely feel your pain because I know how it feels to see your love ones being hurt while you feel powerless.
I want to advice you base on experience because I grew up in a similar case with yours. And my first world is that "If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.Shannon L. Alder" you should try and ignore or let me say forgive your dad and let nature or karma do his job, your dad will soon regret all his action and by the time he realise that it will or might be too late for him. Thank God you have gotten a job and your mum has a house of her own. She should try and work her transfer back to where she built her house. She is a strong woman and I'm sure she will be fine. I think you guys need the distance because time doesn't heal all wounds, only distance can lessen the sting of them. So you guys need to distance yourself from him.
Lastly don't try to be brave in this case because brave, make you strong, but they also make you stupid. You end up tripping over your own two feet.” (Hadrian). The only revenge you have against him is for you to be successful, so that you can take care of your mum as a queen that she is. Again don't try to attract curse on yourself by trying to put put your dad down because according to the law of God, after God is our parent and no matter how irresponsible your dad is, he's still part of the reason why you exist. Thanks

NB: using a friend account to send this message. My first time of commenting on nairaland and its because I'm deeply touch by your message

Wow! Your words are quite touching, I must say. May God continue to increase you in his wisdom. Thank you!

Chubhie:
Your mum is the real MVP! Tell her I LOVE HER!

You are duty bound to secure and protect OUR mother. She's now a person of high value.

Young warlock, Thou must be strategically tactical. What better way than to stay out of range and stealth mode.

The spirits raised you a warrior to defend your soft mum in moments as these. Step into your true office with no fear or doubt.

Don't you think your old man would've hurt you if he had that level of clearance? You are well backed and he knows it.

Respect him, stay out of his radar and allow him annihilate himself which he ain't doing badly at it.or allow nature take its course. The old must always give way to the new. This is the law.

Never go the route of direct confrontation, dirty your hands and make people blame you for the old mans death.

Smile,dobale,clean out and blank out into safety with your sweet mum.

I am really amazed at how much I’m learning here. It doesn’t take an Eisten to digest your words of wisdom. I’ll stay far and out of range as you suggested. He’s really destroying himself and some of his “alfas” have told him these but he just wouldn’t change. Very egoistic. God bless you sir!

Thank you, Nairaland family. I am so moved that I just shed a tear. My God will continue to bless you. To all those who contributed, God will meet you all at the points of your needs. May you never lack any good thing you desire. I feel good being able to share this with people after so many years, without the fear of being judged or stigmatised. Thank God it’s a faceless forum. Best I ever did was to write all my experiences on paper, a lot of them. Blame it on depression. It feels like you all lifted a heavy burden off my chest. God bless you all.

I will be suspending all revenge plans I highlighted in my first post. I will flee, focus on my life and mum, get closer to God, push further on her getting a transfer out of that town. That should wrap it up! Nonetheless, I still hope he isn’t given the party ticket again at the coming elections. He never hesitates to brag about how he will deal with us (myself, mum and sister) when he “gets to Abuja”. Lol!

Many men will neglect their families when the going is good and then become humble when things crumble.

Let your dad be. Do not waste precious time and money that you could use to achieve much to fight him.

Focus on your mum. She needs to be break free from your dad's hold or else she will continue to remain his vomit that he keeps going back to.

icamello:

Thank you very much. We will stay away as you have advised. I sincerely do not have issues with him having baby mamas or girlfriends or his lifestyle. That’s his cross. While my mum was with him, he would bring his girlfriends home to sleep with them. He would even insult my mum right before these girls lol. But when it gets to the point of threatening our lives, it only makes sense I seek help and being an evil person I know he is, they aren’t empty threats.

Thanks again.

Wow. Just wow.

You all together have the patience of saints.

icamello:

Thank you so much. An elderly man like a grandpa to us had called me to see him some days after that ugly event. Fortunately, I met my dad there, peddling all forms of lies and rumors as usual. He was shocked to see me. After the long talks, the man ordered me to apologise and I had no choice but to obey. Ever since, we haven’t talked nor have anything together.

That's good to know. Since you've apologised keep your mum, sister and yourself far away from him. He can talk all he wants it won't affect you.

There's bound to be pandemonium if you take any drastic action against him.
So, the best thing to do is just to ignore him. Glad mum is out already.

The man did not play any role raising u ,so take him just like ur biological father and not a daddy cos u dont have one.
He will not change till he gets close to God or get humbled by poverty or old age.

Dont seek for revenge cos being a bad father will hunt him one day,just pray he lives long to see u become a wealthy,good son,husband,father and over all be close to God ,U owe urself that.
Leave him be and take good care of ur mother and sis.goodluck.

A wise person will choose his fight.

This one is not your fight.

Get a good job and make your mum comfortable.

Move as far away as possible from your dad.

If you can get a good man of your mum age, let her remarry and forget about your dad for ever.

God bless you.

Salam brother.
I don't usually do this but going tru your story and people's contributions will make me wanna enlighten u on d little I know about parents.
See ehn, no matter d kinda xters your dad has, u don't have ANY RIGHT WHATSOEVER to insult, beat or disgrace him. Remember he sired u. The Qur'an taught us dat.
Before u try to justify your reactions, I will tell u dat I've once been there. My mum though. Imagine my mum telling me ........ *sighs. I don't wanna go down that lane ever again . I became suicidal
Well, Alhamdulillah, we are now best of friends.
I will just implore u to try to relocate with your mum n sis and seek d advice of well meaning religious leaders n u keep praying for him. U will realize that it's wat I've said so far that u will told too. I did that and it worked for me.
'Ma ti ara aisedeede obi e wo ina'
May Allah guide u into making d right decisions.

CHIMAMANDA come ooooooooo!

ImaIma1:
Many men will neglect their families when the going is good and then become humble when things crumble.

Let your dad be. Do not waste precious time and money that you could use to achieve much to fight him.

Focus on your mum. She needs to be break free from your dad's hold or else she will continue to remain his vomit that he keeps going back to.

Thank you sis, I am grateful.

Seahawk:


Wow. Just wow.

You all together have the patience of saints.

Abii na

Mznaett:
There's bound to be pandemonium if you take any drastic action against him.

So, the best thing to do is just to ignore him. Glad mum is out already.

I will sis. Thanks and God bless.

Evacroft:
The man did not play any role raising u ,so take him just like ur biological father and not a daddy cos u dont have one.
He will not change till he gets close to God or get humbled by poverty or old age.

Dont seek for revenge cos being a bad father will hunt him one day,just pray he lives long to see u become a wealthy,good son,husband,father and over all be close to God ,U owe urself that.
Leave him be and take good care of ur mother and sis.goodluck.

Well said! I know I don’t have a father and he has told me times without number to go look for my father elsewhere. With all the comments here, I don’t think I want to take up any form of revenge now. I owe everyone that contributed here that. But the way he goes around telling everyone lies about me and my mother really disgusts me. God bless you sister!

greatcrown:
A wise person will choose his fight.

This one is not your fight.

Get a good job and make your mum comfortable.

Move as far away as possible from your dad.

If you can get a good man of your mum age, let her remarry and forget about your dad for ever.

God bless you.

Thank you sir, I do appreciate your comment. Lol ever since we were young, we’ve always told her to go and remarry but she always says she can’t, because of us. She said if she does, we may suffer and she cannot stand that.

Toeyean1507:
Salam brother.
I don't usually do this but going tru your story and people's contributions will make me wanna enlighten u on d little I know about parents.
See ehn, no matter d kinda xters your dad has, u don't have ANY RIGHT WHATSOEVER to insult, beat or disgrace him. Remember he sired u. The Qur'an taught us dat.
Before u try to justify your reactions, I will tell u dat I've once been there. My mum though. Imagine my mum telling me ........ *sighs. I don't wanna go down that lane ever again . I became suicidal
Well, Alhamdulillah, we are now best of friends.
I will just implore u to try to relocate with your mum n sis and seek d advice of well meaning religious leaders n u keep praying for him. U will realize that it's wat I've said so far that u will told too. I did that and it worked for me.
'Ma ti ara aisedeede obi e wo ina'
May Allah guide u into making d right decisions.

Thank you my brother. It’s good to hear from one with a similar experience. I don’t insult him. All I do is to always make it known to him that he wasn’t there for me, which he doesn’t like. And how I criticize him for smoking, drinking and adultery too because I can’t take it. Then there was this time my grandpa asked if I knew my step brothers and I said no. He later woke me up in the middle of the night to say next tome I deny them, he will fight me like is arch enemy. That was exactly how he said it.
I did not beat him. Bro, what could I have done when he was hitting my mum right before us? Wait for him to kill her? I had to push him away and I did that lightly.
Disgrace? Maybe. After the incident, people around gathered and I told them the kind of person he is and how he threatens me often with jazz and I told them that they should tell him to use the same jazz to heal his failing business and to complete his house that has been there for years and that I wanted a paternity test and so many ones shaa. That’s all. If you say I was wrong with that, then I ask for God’s forgiveness.

It's quite painful, but life is too short for all these. You are a young man with lots of energy, instead of using the energy against your dad, just leave him alone and focus on your mum. Channel your energy in making money. As a Christian, Christ mostly preached forgiveness, it may be hard for you but that's the only solution. Forgive him, move your mum far away from him and live your life..forget everything about him. Am sure when the chips are down, it will even be your mum that will come and beg you on his behalf and am sure you won't bear to see your mum beg you... so what happens then??

Forgive him and learn from all he is doing and move on happily.
You are feeling this way because of your inability to let go of all the things he has done.
Use your energy positively on you, your sis and your mum. You will feel better for it.

icamello


The NGO cannot do anything without the support of your mum I doubt if your mum will press charge's. It is not a viable option. Writing to the police will not solve anything either. You don't need to stress yourself.

You need to accept that your mum is not going to listen. I qn sure she hs always dreamt of a day he woul come back crawlibg yo her and asking for forgiveness. Don't bother warning her away from him. However, you could threaten to abandon her if she reconciles with him again. You should not stop advising her even though you know that she will not listen, let her know that she should not allow anybody to use as a back-up plan. For those peace makers, find a way to let them know that you disapprove of their mission.

You need to let go of all the anger against your dad. He doesn't deserve it. You can do without him in your life. Also, how about getting a man for your mother if she is still interested? That might keep her from wasting her time with your dad.

Hmmmm...I think you should to leave him alone and move far away from him. I hope your mom have finally learnt her lesson.

icamello:

Thank you my brother. It’s good to hear from one with a similar experience. I don’t insult him. All I do is to always make it known to him that he wasn’t there for me, which he doesn’t like. And how I criticize him for smoking, drinking and adultery too because I can’t take it. Then there was this time my grandpa asked if I knew my step brothers and I said no. He later woke me up in the middle of the night to say next tome I deny them, he will fight me like is arch enemy. That was exactly how he said it.
I did not beat him. Bro, what could I have done when he was hitting my mum right before us? Wait for him to kill her? I had to push him away and I did that lightly.
Disgrace? Maybe. After the incident, people around gathered and I told them the kind of person he is and how he threatens me often with jazz and I told them that they should tell him to use the same jazz to heal his failing business and to complete his house that has been there for years and that I wanted a paternity test and so many ones shaa. That’s all. If you say I was wrong with that, then I ask for God’s forgiveness.

To start with, I'm female.
Keep asking for God's forgiveness on all that u said u ve done so far. As for him hitting your mum, u shud try to get a restraining order or something. Connect to an NGO that focus mainly on women and explain to them. They should be able to help u get something of sort. I repeat, do not engage in either verbal or physical abuse with him. U don't wanna end up like him, do u? Besides, two wrongs can never make a right.
Keep praying for him too cos I know a man in his right senses wouldn't lay his hands on d woman he professes love to. Something is definitely amiss. It might not even be physical.

Op it is well. I feel you die. Wish we can talk privately. it is well

bruv i read ur post but ll tell u somthings dou might sound absurd but the truth when there are issues btw parents child(ren) have to be careful extra ordinarily so as not to see the WRATH of God through them.bruv u and ur mum and sis should try as much as possible keep arms lenght with him(avoid)mean ur dad dont tink of flexin muscle with him leave him to his CREATOR to judge him den u see wat happens ONLY GOD KNOWS BEST