APC! PROGRESS!!!

By Tom FredFish

On June 24th, 2018, about six thousand, eight hundred delegates of the ruling All Progressive Congress, APC, from the thirty six states of the federation converged at the Eagles Square, Abuja to elect members of their National Executives that will steer the outgoing party for another four years or so.

During the convention which recorded embarrassing human and policy somersaults, the party known for disparaging views made a very unique invention in her party politics - they changed their slogan.

The former slogan, change, which the party used to drive her nocturnal propaganda in order to capture power from the PDP in 2015 was changed to progress.

Investigations however shows the APC led federal government has performed in office beyond comprehension in all strata hence the need to improve on the performance and place Nigeria on a map of progress and development. The following reasons amongst others were deduced to have been why the outgoing APC changed their slogan to progress:

i. The APC led Buhari administration has changed the Nigerian security nomenclature, apparatus and convictions of the country, as Nigeria is now safe. The army are now more dedicated - they no longer seat and supervise as innocent Nigerians are being slaughtered. The Nigerian Police has also witnessed tremendous change. Their dedication to duty has seen a skyrocketing change of the numbers of crimes and deaths from hundreds to thousands. The police has now gone through TRANSMISSION under the able leadership of IG A. Idris. They have changed from, detecting and preventing crimes to setting-up perceived governments enemies and critiques for speaking against their great performance. Boko Haram has completely and totally surrendered. No more bombings in the North East. Evans the popular kidnap kingpin has been arrested and detained thus there are no more kidnappings in the country. Political assassinations and thuggery are no more. No more armed robberies in the country. All the robbers tormenting Nigerians have been arrested in Kogi state and transferred to Abuja. Nigerians now sleep with their doors opened and eyes closed without fear.

ii. Nigeria economy has changed tremendously from bad to good. Nigerians are now the richest people on earth after India according to recent findings. People now eat four-square meals a day. No more beggars on our streets. The APC government has created millions of jobs opportunities in country courtesy of the government supervised White Paper Jobs - BetNaija, Bet360, Nairabet and the numerous coupon offices now open for youths to gamble with their lives. Recruitment of repentant members of Boko Haram and Fulani herdsmen into the military, police and other security apparatus are ongoing to absorb qualified Northerners into the security forces for better services. Graduates no longer apply for jobs after graduating because there are so many jobs on ground. Employers are begging jobless youths to come and work because so many jobs are available for youths who seats at home awaiting the monthly Npower stipends. The situation is so good that citizens of other African countries such as Ghana, Mali, Togo, Payan etc are now trouping into the country because of the numerous jobs opportunities. At the last count, the APC has created 135 million jobs with about 134 million 950 thousand jobs unabsorbed.

iii. INEC is now very independent and no longer conducts inconclusive elections. The impartial commission now conducts free, fair, and credible elections.

iv. Nigeria can now boast of credible infrastructures throughout the country. All federal roads have been dualized and the bad ones tarred. The Calabar-Itu highway is now a lovely site to behold. It has for long been commissioned. The newly constructed railway lines - from Lagos to Kano and Lagos to Aba are working perfectly. Nigerians no longer use roads. A friend who used the train last week from Lagos to Onitcha confessed to the change in infrastructure, noting all the good deeds that APC has brought to Nigeria under three years. Our roads are now safe for traveling resulting to Lagos being the state with less casualties in road accidents this year.

v. Social services has experienced change for better in the country. Starting with health facilities which has been renovated throughout the country with new ones constructed and equipped with modern equipments. Our President no longer has need to travels to the UK for medical checkup, (in case he does, know that it is for sightseeing).The Aso Rock clinic is now equipped to undertake any health challenge from any parts of the world. Other social amenities like free pipe borne water, public toilets, recreational parks, and affordable housing in the 36 states of the federation are available. Babatunde Fashola should be promoted. He has done a good job. As promised, six months into office Nigeria experienced stable power supply. In almost all states in the country Nigerians now enjoy 24 hours of uninterrupted electricity.

vi. Nigeria's corruption ranking has also changed. Fighting from behind, Nigeria is now one of the most corrupt free countries of the world, made possible by President Muhammadu Buhari conscientious, pragmatic and thorough fight against corruption. All corrupt politicians from the former ruling PDP are now in jailed and those that doesn't want to be in jail are baptized, transformed and transmitted into the APC as new creatures and saints who they ask to "go and sin no more". The result of these creative efforts of the APC are that Nigerians are now corrupt free with all Buhari's appointees untainted.

All these are revealing confessions of the APC change game from 2015-218.

Now that they have fulfilled the change they promised Nigerians, they opted to progress from what currently obtains hence the change of slogan to progress.

Thus, from 2019 Nigerians should expect progress in the following areas:

1. Progress in Fuel price from 145n - 300n per litre.

2. Progress in prices of food stuffs with a bag of rice progressing from 22k - 52k

3. Progress in electricity supply from 24 hours power supply a day to 48hrs uninterrupted power supply a day.

4. Progress in Basic Education that will result to free education.

5. Progress in security with Fulani herdsmen occupying all the lands in the country and becoming full-time and recognized state-owned killers group.

Merriam Webster dictionary defined progress as a "process of improving or developing
something over a period of time."

Given these changes recorded by the APC so far, nothing can be better said than the fact that the APC wants to improve on their dismal performance in office such as corruption, hardship, killings of innocent Nigerians, incompetence, impunity and the bad economy policies it melted on Nigerians since 2015.

No doubt, there will be absolute progress but not from the APC. The progress they are offering will be of dire negative consequences if they are given the opportunity to remain in power beyond 2019.

Tom FredFish is a media consultant and public affairs analyst.