Fertile women shut out by monogamy deserve a man

http://africanheraldexpress.com/blog2/2010/06/14/fertile-women-shut-out-by-monogamy-deserve-a-man/

BY: Farouk Martins Aresa …

There are all types of studies about when women are most attractive to men especially during their hormonal periods, but more research is needed about single fertile women that have lost out in monogamous marriages for variety of reasons least of which is looks. Nobody doubts that in or out of marriage, women still have the same biological needs, not only for sexual satisfaction but to procreate and be courted if they so desire.

If every woman that wants to and needs to be serviced by a man, the man has to come from available singles pool, granted that there will always be chronic bachelors. Otherwise we may see those already married vulnerable to the calling of equally fertile females. There is no other way, the reality is that other women want to be serviced by reliable men and they are ready to get him one way or the other. So the competition inside monogamous marriages has been transformed into fifty percent chance of success.

Most women dream about the flowery monogamous wedding so they rush for bridal gowns on yearly sales in stores, prepare for wedding day by hoarding certain items, keep some passed down ornaments that may be useful in the family home and hope the right man will come. Unfortunately, it does not materialize for every woman. Therefore, what do we do when our daughters are growing old in or outside home?

We sometimes confuse our daughters by jumping from being very strict or sometimes menacing to the boys; to a sudden change of asking them if they have a boyfriend. Well, even if they do, there will be disappointments with the boys we like and the ones we do not want around her. There is a point when we drop many of our requirements and hope she is happy with her choice. If that choice does not conform to the only norm in that community or expectation, we are forced to accept our worst fear sometimes.

Social scientists have seen greater tendency to depart from expectation in the social community to reality of the day in a complex modern society. Their statistics show less number of children and less time for the family to spend quality time together as both parents have to work in order to make ends meet. As more women bring income home, they develop ideas on what to spend their hard earned money on with or without a nod from their partners. It is hard enough living just together, then with kids and partner.

Consequently, there are more single women looking for a partner than are single men looking. Women have become more creative in attracting men, either by changing their criteria or choice, to realistically fit into the market or settling for their second best. The men could have got the best of that but for their inferiority complex to date women that are more educated or make more money than them. Those men that do not mind being Mr. Mom or switching from old role, make out well with the higher female class.

These increasing number of single women with university education whose priority is career first before getting tied down with husband and children has changed us. Before them, the number of men available to women for marriage was less than adequate after wars and riskier behaviors. On the other side are men waiting longer to get married since well paying jobs to support a family after high school has dwindled over the years.

The denial of this need of single women that cannot get a man exclusively does not mean they must be deprived of other relationships. Relationships are not limited to what others may consider unconventional, depending in what community we find ourselves. To fulfill basic need for partners, single women have been creative with polygamist, serial men monogamists, inter-ethnic-racial, bisexual and gay relationships.

We have to be a gambler to put everything we have on a social experiment that has less than fifty percent success, yet this is what we do when we take each other for husband and wife in a monogamous wedding. There has to be more to it than getting married otherwise it will not be a wise investment. If we were educated shoppers or gamblers, we would be looking for alternative that paid more or gave better chance of success.

However, there is more to marriage than the convenience of two people. It is a social propagation of life that involves children and extended families. The satisfaction that one has the other to himself and not share with anyone else is gratifying and reassuring to the couple but only if that relationship can last. Unlike past generation, liberty of individual interest may have overridden that of the social community by our hedonism.

Nevertheless, many traditional men and women are not moved by the economic reality of today. They still fit into the old role without anyone knowing which of them works, who makes more or sacrifices opportunity cost to spend quality time with the kids. But these are the minority of those that makes up part of the fifty percent of monogamous marriages which work. The rest of the fifty percent are made up of families that have tried to adjust to the new situation they find themselves.

We then have the rest of the fifty percent whose monogamous families do not work for various reasons. This is a challenge that may see traditional monogamous disintegrates. Those that are still holding on to it have good reasons to because they have a great deal at stake. If we think about the number of women that are single, these married women in monogamous relationships need to watch over their shoulders.

Though both men and women have biological clock running, one needs to get married earlier than the other. Married women in monogamous families are full of fear, scorn and do deride respectable women who submit to the natural tendency to marry a man they would not normally consider when they were under the spell of idealistic custom. These women are not any less in integrity but they realize that unless they adjust to reality, they may remain shelved forever.

It is the reason polygamy with far better chance of success no matter what its opponents say, remains worldwide practice.

What a way to promote philandery.

So if a lady decides to wait and nurse a career while others jumped into bed to get hold of that guy for marriage, the lady that waits does not know how to choice a respectable guy that will take care of her natural basic need. There are only philanderer left and chastity for life is the way to go, abi.

wow what a senseless thread.

if more nigerian women would date outside their race and country, that's one way of looking at it.

@ Poster, Is this a political topic

Sure, I guess men outside of their race and country are better. What a complex!

There is nothing more political than people, race, country and behavior.

tpiah:

if more nigerian women would date outside their race and country, that's one way of looking at it.

I really pity them!