Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:06pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
Lateralmaths:
what do you mean by you don't think it was rape? that line erased every other thing you wrote. Your opinion is noted. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:09pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
IamGodsGrace:
please can we communicate further? I need these words in my lige
Of course.. 08164786685. Why else are we brethren? |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:21pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: Please I need responsible advice
Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.
He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me
I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him. I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't. for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
Till this day he forcefully had sex with me . He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night. and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.
I feel less of myself and sinful too
Please what should I do?
those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset Virginity is indeed a lack of opportunity. Being disflower on your wedding nyt does not make you a good wife. There is no perfect being anywhere Go ahead n marry him The soothsayers v ruined many relationships Don't be a victim When you say yes, baba God wil Answer yes Txs 2 Likes |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by insperyadyou: 2:22pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
victorian:
Such aunties are to be arrested.. That's very terrible! Children both male and female should voice out when raped! Men raped by women should also arrest such mentally unstable women Women too should arrest such men who rapes. It's completely bad.
Parents should be close to their kids, so when such things happen, the children will easily tell their parents.
When I was very little, I should be 7years old then, my cousin who was way older tried raping me, he started with fingering me. I was like what's the uncle doing? He said I shouldn't tell my parents and he will buy chocolate for me tomorrow. In my mind I was like this is wrong, why is he touching me this way? And this guy came for the weekend. Omo! Immediately my parents came back from work, late in the night I ran to my mum and told her what happened. She was very angry, she told my dad and the cousin was really spoken harshly that night and sent off very early the next day. So parents be close to your kids, and they will tell u virtually anything or threats from extended family or strangers. Such boys should voice out to their mums or dad. Cut off such evil quickly!
you've had many unpleasant experiences. What do we call them? 1 Like |
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Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by johnstin(m): 2:38pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
OLUPRECIOUS: What should u do... The first thing u can do is to forgive him and also forgive urself. Virginity is a pride of a lady but u don't need to be a virgin before u can have happy home(I mean virginity does not guarantee you happy home). 2ndly, open up to your spiritual father or mother or somebody you can confide with..tell him or her your predicament (don't kill yourself or die in silent) as it is now, u need help u can no longer help your self. As regards to d guy, forget about him and move on with your life . He is not your husband, he just took advantage of u and ur weakness, if u give him second chance or allow him into your life again, he will ruin your life completely and cause more damage to ur injury(I wonder why u said u still love him). Please run for your life. Lastly, rededicate your life to Jesus Christ, allow Him to pilot and take complete control of ur life, listen to music and christian sermon. Observe your quiet time and tell God to connect you with a right man. Peace be unto you. GOD bless you for this post. You have said it all. Let me just add for the benefit of the op and many others that we will all have challenges at one point or the other. Suicide is not an option because it takes you directly to hell fire. I had a very critical challenge, prayed and prayed with no changes in sight. I had to be very patient for years. But thank GOD the situation has turned around for good now. The solution to every problem is this- give your life to Jesus Christ, pray over you problem and be patient (very patient). You can never be disappointed at the end of the day. GOD bless you all. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by perryy(m): 3:03pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing:
I was hopping to see a concrete evidence to confirm that he is not the one was blinded by love too For the past one year that you have been courting, have you been collecting money from him ? 1 Like |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by gbenyi: 3:45pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
First of all. Do you really love him? Do you ever see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? How compatible are you? Does he often subject you to abuse, and emotional torture all the time? Are you happier with him? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. If you love him, and you want to be with him, then why not? Secondly, how did he forcefully take your pride, did he seduce you or did he tie you down bdsm? Don't let others or your religious indoctrination be an a obstacle to your happiness. Take your time to think about it. Visit https://chofam.com You might just find what you need. 1 Like |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by joytothewise(m): 4:09pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: Please I need responsible advice
Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.
He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me
I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him. I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't. for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
Till this day he forcefully had sex with me . He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night. and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.
I feel less of myself and sinful too
Please what should I do?
those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset My contribution is : forgive him and let him go.... you have your faults! Since you have gone to Pastors and they told you NO No, but taking him to court blah blah... is not Godly.... he feels guilty already !!! 1 Like |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Jollymich(m): 4:17pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
Arrest him with what? Police my hand no dedia 1 Like |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by TimeManager(m): 4:22pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
MarieSucre:
No he honest, some men also demonised men here by telling her she was foolish to go and see a man at all. Check the previous comments. Mtcheew!, I can bet you don't have a stable relationship. Kiss the truth! |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Skylee(m): 4:55pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: Please I need responsible advice
Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.
He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me
I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him. I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't. for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
Till this day he forcefully had sex with me . He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night. and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.
I feel less of myself and sinful too
Please what should I do?
those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset Dear sis., Heed elderly advise. You said 5 different people advised you not to marry him, they all can't be mistaken my dear. What d elders see from afar, u can't see it even if u climb Mount Kilimanjaro. As per the virginity issue, the man that deserve you will still love you with ur status. You seem to have a good heart, he raped you that means he wanted to force u into marriage with him, he didn't deserve you young lady, he will do worse when you finally marry him. May God guide you though. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by GreatManBee: 4:57pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: Please I need responsible advice
Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.
He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me
I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him. I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't. for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
Till this day he forcefully had sex with me . He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night. and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.
I feel less of myself and sinful too
Please what should I do?
those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset You better leave him and move ahead. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by AtoyebiTaiwo(m): 4:59pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
Things don't happen as planned sometimes. Sometimes the wrong choices still lead us to the right places, don't give up. Pray to God yourself, forgive him even if you don't marry him. 2 Likes |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by 9t9jacobs: 5:15pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing:
ok I ve not considered reporting him but if I do I don't think I have a strong evidence apart from the broken hymen. is there anything else I need to know before reporting him that ll substantiate my evidence
You can get a confession from him as an evidence through the help of a professional therapist. You just have to play along to make confess to the act. Gisiske. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by TherWasACountry: 5:59pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing:
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Aunty, this part is the one thing that'd haunt your night long into the marriage if you get in. You've courted for a yr and he hasn't improved. If your help can't improve his spirituality (which is the fundamental solution), then you should probably wait. Pray for a man as Godfearing as you'd want. CRITICAL.
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Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by seangy4konji: 6:07pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
99miles: Mad people everywhere ! no be today. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by victorian(f): 6:14pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
insperyadyou: you've had many unpleasant experiences. What do we call them? Well it's part of life, I had to deal with. And it made me understand, there are different kind of human beings in this world. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by kabillion(m): 6:44pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
MarieSucre:
He might still turn out to be a good husband?? loool a rapist WTF bro. Authorities won't help the mata |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by sleekman(m): 7:35pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing:
ok I ve not considered reporting him but if I do I don't think I have a strong evidence apart from the broken hymen. is there anything else I need to know before reporting him that ll substantiate my evidence
For you to consider this shows you don't love him. I think the idiot saw the handwriting on the wall that's why he raped you. I tell ladies as well as men. If you're not ready to give don't take. Obviously he's not a husband material and you probably saw it long ago. Someother factors kept you from taking a concrete decision. Are there bruises on you? Any of your clothes torn? Does he have semen and your blood on your clothes to show forced? Where did this take place? Did he hit you? Did you scream no severally? Did you go to the hospital immediately after the deed? Did you shower after the deed before the tests? Did you cry out for help? Did you hit him back or tore his clothes? Did he drug you? Alcohol or narcotics perhaps? Did he use a condom? Just get yourself prepared for the tirade of questions. They aren't funny and sometimes the policemen that will interrogate you will look like your enemies. They'll definitely be your enemy if the culprit is financially bouyant but if the answer to the questions above are 70-80% affirmative then you've got a strong case to put the idiot behind bars if you're in Lagos. Outside Lagos you'll have a very tall order. There's a certain taskforce setup by the Lagos state govt to get rid of sex offenders, be it rapists, child molesters etc. If your answer to those questions is below 50%, my sister swallow your hurt, learn from the bad experience, stay clear from that monster or molester if you're convinced of what you're saying but no one will. Go check yourself for STDs, potential pregnancy and get a shrink. Yes you heard me right, get a shrink because you need to recover from this bad experience. Go for counselling. Church, govt hospital an older one with the right experience will do. Now for the big one. Get on your knees and talk to God about what has been stolen from you and ask for his own kind of intervention. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by sleekman(m): 7:42pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
joytothewise:
My contribution is : forgive him and let him go.... you have your faults! Since you have gone to Pastors and they told you NO No, but taking him to court blah blah... is not Godly.... he feels guilty already !!! This kind of talk is what promotes evil in our society. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by kenex4ever(m): 7:48pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: @vululadilolo
thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.
all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .
my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity. I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too
I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye
I knew it will get to the suicidal part. Please don't entertain such thoughts. I can feel ur pain, cut ties with the idiot because anybody that cause u to have suicide thoughts is not meant for u. Take this as one of those lessons in life. Move on, be celibate and if you find someone you trust again, tell him about ur past and you can show him this thread too. No one is worth dying for. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Richard067(m): 7:53pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing: Please I need responsible advice
Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.
He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me
I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him. I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't. for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.
Till this day he forcefully had sex with me . He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)
He is OK, financially, is educated and promising. But not God-fearing as I wanted.
Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night. and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.
I feel less of myself and sinful too
Please what should I do?
those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset Oh dear, its really disheartening but let me tell u wat u dont knw, take a look at d bigger picture, God is trying to tell u something, b tankful he did dat before you marry him, he's definitely not d 1 for you, am sure u must have seen signs nd dis is a more pronounced 1, so quit d relationship first nd dont mind dat love u tink u av for him its all going to wash off with time. So b strong u re not alone nd believe me God has prepared som1 for you nd he'll do wateva it takes to connect you both. Remember everything works together for a greater good for those that believe. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by queenbetsy(f): 8:31pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
Goldmaxx: you have big boobies ooo :oyou have big boobies ooo keep fingering yaself! ![tongue](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/tongue.png) |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by extremelygolden: 8:39pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
smileing:
I was hopping to see a concrete evidence to confirm that he is not the one was blinded by love too Please try and run a pregnancy test too. And I pray God strengthens you at a time like this. Heed the advise of those that said you should seek professional help. If you need to cry, please don't refrain yourself. Just go into your closet and cry until you feel the burden lifted, but never you nurture any suicidal thoughts. That man or anybody for that matter is not worth dying for, I beg you. Even this time, shall pass. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by marvinsync(m): 11:15pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
vululadilolo: He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!
I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?
If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know. His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?
There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.
You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.
Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do! 524 likes what in the actual fvck? |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by marvinsync(m): 11:15pm On Aug 12, 2018 |
vululadilolo: He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!
I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?
If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know. His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?
There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.
You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.
Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do! 524 likes! what in the actual fvck? |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by 400billionman: 5:43am On Aug 13, 2018 |
smileing: @vululadilolo
thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.
all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .
my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity. I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too
I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye
don't dare use a male counselor |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Codes151(m): 8:56am On Aug 13, 2018 |
Diso60090:
Which pastor? Suleman will do part 2 of this hardcore movie
I missed.. A good pastor.. Or sth |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by Simplestone(f): 11:48am On Aug 13, 2018 |
Please don't marry him....Please, you will regret it.. Virginity is not a guarantee for a happy marriage. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by faith123456(f): 2:46pm On Aug 13, 2018 |
I dnt think he raped you, he luvs you so much that he couldn't hold himself that fateful day, tho he has been holding himself all this while, and it just happened that day and you never saw it coming neither did he, the bitter truth is that you luv him so much and can't report or get him arrested, you both luv each other,and he is ready for marriage, I would advise you accept his proposal and move on, try to forgive him, cos I know he might have gone on his knees to plead for ur forgiveness, it just happened dear. |
Re: He Forcefully Took My Virginity, Wants Marriage. I'm Hurting. What Should I Do? by faith123456(f): 2:49pm On Aug 13, 2018 |
faith123456: I dnt think he raped you, he luvs you so much that he couldn't hold himself that fateful day, tho he has been holding himself all this while, and it just happened that day and you never saw it coming neither did he, the bitter truth is that you luv him so much and can't report or get him arrested, you both luv each other,and he is ready for marriage, I would advise you accept his proposal and move on, try to forgive him, cos I know he might have gone on his knees to plead for ur forgiveness, it just happened dear. nxt time keep ur distance, I know it is not easy, but try OK, lesson learnt... |