i have been married for 10yrs and you all know how it gets, when your old in this thin called marriage.
now i noticed i and my husband are growing apart, i dnt know how i feel towards him any more .
we have our know problems but you know how it gets when ur out of love, what can i do?

I dont really believe in this, cause i believe staying together as couples should even make the love grow more and more, what i meant is that you should be loving him more

are you married? i have to know for how long?

jani30:

i have been married for 10yrs and you all know how it gets, when your old in this thin called marriage.
now i noticed i and my husband are growing apart, i dnt know how i feel towards him any more .
we have our know problems but you know how it gets when your out of love, what can i do?

wow sweetie, I am so sorry to hear this.

But I think you guys need to recreate the passion and things you liked about each other when you first fell in love. I completely understand that marriage can become mundane after a while especially when you are really busy and have children.

We have been together 8 years and married for 5. What we do is always trying  keeping the zzzzzzzz alive in our relationship. We find ways to keep each other on our toes. We always have "fun sex" not "married sex"if you know what I mean, we get really naughty. I have learnt to initiate sex and love making in different ways to keep the fun alive.

We try to be very open to each other and try not being stiff or boring.

Please my dear, you need to open up to him per your feelings , let him know if there is something missing. Try not to get to emotional about it but open and honest.

Marriage can only be boring and mundane if you allow it. You have to work at it (it is full time job). Kudos to you guys, to be with someone for 10 years is no joke and you must doing some things correctly.

So Bottom line, you are not out of love , you are emotionally not connecting, so try and do the above, but I do understand it takes two.

Shalom

Newest:

I dont really believe in this, cause i believe staying together as couples should even make the love grow more and more, what i meant is that you should be loving him more

Of Course

jani30:

i have been married for 10yrs and you all know how it gets, when your old in this thin called marriage.
now i noticed i and my husband are growing apart, i dnt know how i feel towards him any more .
we have our know problems but you know how it gets when your out of love, what can i do?

it is called middle-age crises.

absolutely nothing. Just be yourself.

@poster
Miss Tolutara said what I have in mind and she being married said it better than I would have. You heard her right spice up your life(I mean marriage) or it can get monotonous and drab. I wish I am lucky like you guys and have a married partner and I will work what I've got. Get cosmopolitan magazine, redbook. Visit their site online and other sites that can help you get creative.
I hate to see monotonous marriages and wish you can go to work and remove monotony from yours if you feel it has gone so. You need to go on an intensive lecturing of yourself on how to put the zzzzzzzzzzzz in your marriage like Tolutara said. Get him involved too, you can start with a remake of your look, get some Rihanna short cut or something long and sexy as you will like, buy him some different clothings, hot looking jeans, body hugging tops for men that will have him looking yummy and attractive all for you. Why don't you too party and celebrate your 10th year anniversary if you haven't done that. Go to work girlfriend! and no you are not out of love with him, may be bored with doing the same thing all over and perhaps not going out much together and getting bored coocooned at home. You two can chill in a hotel for the weekend, the Eko meridian with those beautiful seaview will be wonderful.

Ivynwa:


@poster
Miss Tolutara said what I have in mind and she being married said it better than I would have. You heard her right spice up your life(I mean marriage) or it can get monotonous and drab. I wish I am lucky like you guys and have a married partner and I will work what I've got. Get cosmopolitan magazine, redbook. Visit their site online and other sites that can help you get creative.
I hate to see monotonous marriages and wish you can go to work and remove monotony from yours if you feel it has gone so. You need to go on an intensive lecturing of yourself on how to put the zzzzzzzzzzzz in your marriage like Tolutara said. Get him involved too, you can start with a remake of your look, get some Rihanna short cut or something long and sexy as you will like, buy him some different clothings, hot looking jeans, body hugging tops for men that will have him looking yummy and attractive all for you. Why don't you too party and celebrate your 10th year anniversary if you haven't done that. Go to work girlfriend! and no you are not out of love with him, may be bored with doing the same thing all over and perhaps not going out much together and getting bored coocooned at home. You two can chill in a hotel for the weekend, the Eko meridian with those beautiful seaview will be wonderful.

I quite agree, you don't even really to change your physical looks just your outlook of things need change. Be more playful. It's not that serious you know. I have 3 kids and I still dance for my hunny.

For sure Tolu, I wasn't saying she must change her look, just suggesting getting a different look that can wow her hubby for a change and make him weak on his knees for her all over again. I'm sure the feeling of being told she looks good will boost her up.

jani30:

i have been married for 10yrs and you all know how it gets, when your old in this thin called marriage.
now i noticed i and my husband are growing apart, i dnt know how i feel towards him any more .
we have our know problems but you know how it gets when your out of love, what can i do?

that above statement is where you problem(s) lies. if you dont love or feel anything towards this person no more then nothing that you will do will make you love him again etc. if the problem was just that boredom had set in your union or a "routine" lifestyle then i would understand but if you dont love him any longer, nothing can help you get back into "loving mode".

@MrBrownJay you always have great advice for situations but we are trying to save a marriage here not allow it to die. Should she be told,"Go ahead find another man?"
It's wise she be patient and work on it first, who knows? It can be redeemed. Isn't that one of the reasons we Nigerians have great and lasting marriages.

You got it all wrong, lady.In your statement, you added"you all know how it is" because you've been married for 10yrs. Get this in your skull, people don't usually grow apart because of the lenght of marriage, they bond even more. Yoy're the type of woman every good would be husband prays not to meet or marry. I have been married for 14yrs and some times, I feel so sorry for people that are not married. If you're looking for people like you to encourage to start having afairs, you've come to the right place. I hope you'll not teach your kids with your own understandings of marriage. Just go back and read your own writing. "when you're old in this thing called marriage." Shame on you. you married the guy already in your head, thinking it may not last for long. If you think you're unhappy, wait until you start dating, exactely what you're dieing to do. good luck

For how long will you continue to live in what you tagged a miserable marriage.if you can't endure longer,why can't you just quit instead of fooling your husband provided you are not cheating on him already.just my candid opinion

Ivynwa:

@MrBrownJay you always have great advice for situations but we are trying to save a marriage here not allow it to die. Should she be told,"Go ahead find another man?"
It's wise she be patient and work on it first, who knows? It can be redeemed. Isn't that one of the reasons we Nigerians have great and lasting marriages.

i didnt say a word about marriage but rather about how they felt about each other because, in my opinion, thats the most important point in any marriage but since you are keen on "saving" this one then lets talk about it.

whats the point of saving a marriage when there is no affection/love/care between the two?!
would you rather they stay miserable in this union for the sake of"being married"?
the poster said it herself: she doesnt know how she feels and is out of love for him. the way she even talks about this union feels like she has absolutely no respect for it.

after time, people can get bored etc BUT the catch is that the love remains even if the attraction/glitter aint there any longer. like many failed union out there, the only thing that seem to bond/keep them together is the kids(if any) and that piece of paper they signed.

i would not advise her to go away and find another man BUT i would advise her to go away and find happiness. . . . . . . . . wherever that may be.

@Jas man
Nnaa men make u take am easy dey attack her now, na brotherly advice she dey seek and at the state she is in, she needs handling with care. She is more honest than millions of women that sticks to men they have no feeling for for other motives.

@poster
You should be sensible here and see how you can resuscitate life back into your marriage girlfriend, we wey no dey inside marriage dey wish for opportunity to have somebody to call your own and love, I am not asking that you remain where you are no longer happy. One should live this one life we ve got happily but abeg try see whether it will work okay Baby. Note down the things that attracted you to him, in the process you might remember those stuffs in him you may not get in another person out there, you may leave him only to appreciate him the more later you know.

@Mrbrownjay
I give you the credit for knowing how to leave your comments from a neutral angle without hurting the poster's feeling but you sure are swift as a dove

MRbrownJAY:

i would not advise her to go away and find another man BUT i would advise her to go away and find happiness. . . . . . . . . wherever that may be.

Here you said it out while justifying yourself ambiguously, how can one nail you down here-----smooth as a snake.Smile
Where else will she find happiness if not checking out another man?

Ivynwa:

@Mrbrownjay
I give you the credit for knowing how to leave your comments from a neutral angle without hurting the poster's feeling but you sure are swift as a doveHere you said it out while justifying yourself ambiguously, how can one nail you down here-----smooth as a snake.Smile
Where else will she find happiness if not checking out another man?

some women would run to the next man for happiness while others would vow never to remarry or be stuck with a man again. unlike the popular belief, she can be happy by herself.
if a woman thinks that only being with a man will bring her happiness then she has definitely FAILED in life.

I agree that a woman should first complete herself and must not be with a man to be fulfilled and happy but the creator has made man and woman to compliment each other and to be companions because after creating Adam alone, he realized that he needs a companion. He knows what we need even when we do not realize that you know.

He knows that for Adam to have Cain and Abel and perpetuate life and procreate and replenish the world  that he needs Eve. However we make all those new age psychological quotations to suit the points we are making nothing changes these facts of life.

It's like a man thumping his chest and declaring that he does not need a woman for his sexual gratification because he isgay or can jerk as he wants but none of these changes the fact that men need women when they want to have their own blood children or have a natural family.

@tolutara while reading the comment of somebody that is real busy below

MRbrownJAY:

i didnt say a word about marriage but rather about how they felt about each other because, in my opinion, thats the most important point in any marriage but since you are keen on "saving" this one then lets talk about it.

whats the point of saving a marriage when there is no affection/love/care between the two?!
would you rather they stay miserable in this union for the sake of"being married"?
the poster said it herself: she doesnt know how she feels and is out of love for him. the way she even talks about this union feels like she has absolutely no respect for it.

after time, people can get bored etc BUT the catch is that the love remains even if the attraction/glitter aint there any longer. like many failed union out there, the only thing that seem to bond/keep them together is the kids(if any) and that piece of paper they signed.

i would not advise her to go away and find another man BUT i would advise her to go away and find happiness. . . . . . . . . wherever that may be.

She's here because she wants to make things work, she wants back the man she married, she wants to be the lady her hubby once fell in love with. . .


Contribute a line or two, you have it in you Surely you can't leave her hanging with the "just have intimacy. . .  "and have more sex". . . "oh and be more playful". . . "you could update your look". . . "no need for that, only being more playful would suffice" . . . . . . arrgghhh . . . answers that has been reverberating round this thread na


Hello lovely ladies fancy seeing you two here

^^ no need for all that nah. No need for your sarcasm either.

let them divorce since the sparks are no longer there.


abi?

so many women around wey dey find husband- why should the man limit himself especially since the marriage has grown apart.

not so?

tpiah:

^^ no need for all that nah. No need for your sarcasm either.

let them divorce since the sparks are no longer there.


abi?

so many women around wey dey find husband- why should the man limit himself especially since the marriage has grown apart.

not so?

jani30:

i have been married for 10yrs and you all know how it gets, when your old in this thin called marriage.
now i noticed i and my husband are growing apart, i dnt know how i feel towards him any more .
we have our know problems but you know how it gets when your out of love, [size=14pt]what can i do?[/size]

Thanks everyone for all your advice, but for others i want you to know that it is not easy for someone to come online for
some advice. not any kind but about marriage, all in the name of wanting someone to talk her into having an affair, its not an easy thin to do
when i came into this thing called marriage. i heard my fears but becos of the love i felt i thot its just one of those cold feet stuff ,
little did i know that it will come to a day that all my fears will come crushing down on me. for those of you who thinks i should change my looks,
there is nothing wrong with my looks and i must say our sex life is very good but outside that we do not have any relationship, we dont talk abt anythin ,
we sit in different sitting rooms cos he likes cheaters while i love to read novels, i pray what ever reason that brought us together will keep us. but for
me i will still be there becos of my kids, one is 8yrs while the other will be 5yrs. again thanks to all of you.
cheers

The first step would be to tell yourself you need this marriage to work.
The next step would be to make it work. Talk to you husband express yourself, when he is in a good mood.
Don`t take things for granted think out things to do to make him happy and pay more attention to you. Make him feel like the man in the house, every man needs that. Show intrest in what he does, what he wears, when he looks tired or stress. Be there for him in good times as well as bad. My husband is sitting next to me watching the match. I am on the laptop and watching too . Every now and then I give him a hug or crack a joke, tell him I love him. He mostly just laughs but I knows he likes hearing that.
After so many years of marriage he is everything to me ,father mother, brother friend, lover. I can trust him always,everywhere , everytime. This love is worth so much mor than that heart trobbing infatuation at the beginning.

@poster
did you have much in common before marriage and it disappeared or you NEVER had anything in common fromthe get go apart from good s e x and nice dates?!

@busy body
by the last comment of the poster, we can clearly see that she is miserable in that marriage. maybe YOU would like to offer her ways to stick in there and "make it work" but i will repeat that she should go and find her happiness WHEREVER THAT MAY BE.

@poster
Miss Chaircover and Miss Mutter are stuffs great wives are made of, do follow their advice dear. It is good that you try to share your husband's interest with him even when you have no interest there, wives are always advised to do that,  I have read that up from different sources. It's the same thing like a mother wl bring out time to watch her kid play wt his school basketball team even when she does not like the game. If you keep burying yourself in your novel night after night, both of you wl drift further apart.

Concerning my advice to up or get a different look that can draw wows from your husband and to try making your husband look hotter for you, I did not mean that something is wrong wt your look girlfriend. I know you sure are a fabulous lady. Was just suggesting some ways to spice things up to prevent things from getting too monotonous, I am sorry if that made you feel bad okay Baby.

jani30 , why not do spmething u havent done for him for a very long time. just plan a suprise party for him and call his friends around.or try dating him again while in marrage.u can try askin him qstions abt his day let him be on d answering side.ask him abt his best colour best fun thins minus sex. u could learn to be interested in his things of interest and drop ur novel for noe.then when he sits to watch telly,throw ur body all over him on d couch.
yes he wuld be surprise but tell him u want to spark up ur marriage.go watch movies together and try hanging out with ur hubby.lil by lil u guys will pick fondness in each other minus d sex thing since dat part is ok.

i'v been w mine 4 6yrs.its as if we just met yxtday.

Obviously you feel the love has fizzled in your marriage. Instead of him, do you know what you need or want to feel inlove or loved again? Is it a feeling? Change in routines? Vacation? what?

I say sort that part out and you can just begin to understand your problem.

10 years, children, step family, friends, and a husband is a lot of investment to throw away. Spend time analyzing your problem first.

jani30:

Thanks everyone for all your advice, but for others i want you to know that it is not easy for someone to come online for
some advice. not any kind but about marriage, all in the name of wanting someone to talk her into having an affair, its not an easy thin to do
when i came into this thing called marriage. i heard my fears but becos of the love i felt i thot its just one of those cold feet stuff ,
little did i know that it will come to a day that all my fears will come crushing down on me. for those of you who thinks i should change my looks,
there is nothing wrong with my looks and i must say our sex life is very good but outside that we do not have any relationship, we dont talk abt anythin ,
we sit in different sitting rooms cos he likes cheaters while i love to read novels, i pray what ever reason that brought us together will keep us. but for
me i will still be there becos of my kids, one is 8yrs while the other will be 5yrs. again thanks to all of you.
cheers

Is he getting his tips? . I'm just kidding.

MRbrownJAY:



@busy body
by the last comment of the poster, we can clearly see that she is miserable in that marriage. maybe YOU would like to offer her ways to stick in there and "make it work" but i will repeat that she should go and find her happiness WHEREVER THAT MAY BE.

Yes she is miserable but that is because her 10 years marriage has struck a rut and she is dejected and hoping this ain't the norm, because she had signed her marriage vows for together forever, hence the "please help" in her title.


And yes she had expressed concerns about her feelings towards him, but I am sure with a few pointers, it can be rekindled, and if the love's faded, she is still in good company because I can bet 75% of Nigerian marriages are not done and sustained on the basis of love alone. They wouldn't know love if it smacked them in the face


Sorry i mixed you up with someone else in this aspect, hence the "you have it in you comment", I forgot for a moment that you always have been in the "no nonsense, no bullshit, walk at the first sign" brigade