@ poster,

Im sorry to hear about your situation. It must be hard and painful. A guy has betrayed me before but your case involves a sibling and I can only imagine how much more painful your situation is.

As hard/impossible as it may seem the key to true freedom and happiness is forgiveness. It took me a long time to sincerely forgive my ex (till today I have not truely got over it but im on the way)
Ask God to give you the heart to forgive because there are some things in life that we cannot do on our own.
You cannot avoid your mum, sister and nephew for the rest of your life.
Like someone said, answer your sister and ask her why?
The way of dealing with a problem is from the root.

Take heart sister, and remember there are still good men in the world - though few, but they are out there!

as bad as it may sound, i think the best thing to do is to switch over to the siddon-look mode, because i know one thing for sure, what goes around comes around, cuz its obvious the guys wants to eat his cake and have it, he wanted you and was having affairs with your sister, and she got pregnant, i'm sure he had no plans for the pregnancy which he might have told your sister to remove but she refused to, and maybe he decided to play along after being threatened (just guessing o), but either ways, i will suggest you look for a very lively guy who really loves you and wouldn't mind showing you off in front of people, you know, (a guy with swagger). while we all wait and see how far your sister and her husband would enjoy their fake love affair, only time will tell , if he would be a faithful husband or as expected he will look for a younger finer chick to satisfy his lustful appetite,
my sister you should enjoy life and appreciate that it happened before you married him, what if it happened after you guys were married?,
my verdict, enjoy life and get a good guy and stop saying that all men are animals, because trust me, thats not true, this thought would only limit your chances of meeting a good and sincere guy, but that does not mean you shouldn't shine your eyes o, and try and change your looks, you know be more attractive and look nice, dont be desperate though, cheeers

wish you all the best
as for you sister and your boyfriend, they should ki$$ my royal a$$ idiots
***HISSES AND SIGNED OUT***

forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us. give your sis. a chance and freely forgive her, she is your blood ok. and may be the guy in question is not meant for you. if you ve not fund a true companion, bet you one is on the way.

wow, that  your sister is a very wicked person because she shld have told you  about it even immediately she knew she was pregnant for your bf. well you have to forgie her so as to move on in life. okay?

So sorry about your case,
but don't really know who is worst
men or women

Women are men's worst enemies: they can make any right-thinking man lame
too bad.

Find a place in your heart to forgive your sister

to err is human and to forgive is devine

sorry about what happened to you but how do people know who a new born baby resembles ?

What a pity?Do you love yourself, do you love life,would you want to get married?if the answers are yes, MOVE ON.How are you sure that that guy would ve married you.Why are you giving yourself double punishment for what you didn't cause?call you sister and reconcile with her[i know it is painful],let her carry on with the guy while you pray to God that your husband comes.you and the man were not destined to marry.now let me ask you,If the guy had died or dies would you remain a monk?Enjoy life jare, life is sweeter without that man.the guy likes you but loves your sister.go get your self a loving man.Are you UGLY?Don't you have good manners or is it education you don't have, Then why bothering and enslaving yourself.cheer up there are so many men that will love you and only you for your characters if they are good enough to command that.may God help you.

@poster, i can see the genesis of your hatred and inability to forgive; that voodoo shrine you'v been visiting (your profile pic looks like one ) might have corked your willingness to forgive; Remember, 4giveness is not an option, it is a must!!!!!!

Wow, what a wicked sister, and I pray you shall overcome this situation.

Here's my advice: Try your best to forgive her, because forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you! It is for you to heal and grow to be a better person. Forgive her, and make peace with the situation. However, this does not mean you have to become best friends and close sisters again, because I, personally, can never trust such a wicked person in my life ever again; I'm just saying you should make peace with the situation. If it were me, I would have a conversation with her, telling her that I forgive her for what she did, but we can never have the same relationship. It's definitly gonna be hard, but you deserve to have GOOD people around you, who have your best interests at heart, and I'm sorry but your sister has proved otherwise. Pray for healing and direction, remove all hate from your heart, and live your life the best you can with no regrets. I definitly don't regret cutting some people off, I just don't need negativity in my life.

She shouldn't havedone that , that is no go area. But the did have been done forgive her.

Forgive her if this story is real. She is still your flesh and blood and as for that nigga, the decision is urs, But trust me nothing good will come out of the guy for you anymore, I advice you let him go and u gotta move on with your life.

If it's a true story and I hope not that Nigga Chimp "Timaya's kind of"

Sometimes is very painful to forgive especially when we have been so hurt with scares all over us.
To have true happiness and joy, u must forgive her completely. No alternative

I beleive your sister is wrong and you are wrong too, you should not judge her, likewise not to judge yourself, to air is human and to forgive is devine, never to jugde anyman or anywoman, if God can justify a killer, mudered an adulterous man then who are we not to forgive ourself.

I belt with you, check around you, your life is stagnant in a way, if you pray to God and can grudges in your heart, then your prayer is going nowhere, no matter how much tithe you pay or how much dedicated you are to God, but all i will say to you is to loosen up, free your mind from the past, you can not change the past, the past might hurt you so much but you have to let go, free yourself and your sister from these bondage and the baby father too, then you will see the great door that will be open unto you.

The most noble thing is to forgive especially when it is unsolicited and undeserved. I feel your pain, but blood should be thicker than water (or in your sister's case blood should be thicker than semen). Truth is when all is lost, all you've got left is family. If you are still so bitter, you can't be over it if you still bear a grudge IMHO. The man isn't worth it, but you've let this singular action of theirs take over your life and perceptions, alienate you from your family, and deny you the opportunity of meeting a beautiful young man- your own nephew. Take the power back hun, take your life back. Love hurts true, but when you get it right, it's worth it. Good luck dear  

I agree with flgators on the first page,some pple r saying forgive n forget like they would if it happened to them,let's forget and leave pretence,I'm not tryingto make matters worst but i don't think I will have the heart to forgiv such a person ,If forgiveness happens, it will be later,don't force yourself to forgive when you are not ready to, such a sister can kill

let's face reality here,forget abt blood thicker than water and all them balderdash, it Is difficult to forgive n forget not when that inocent child is there to remind you of the past

I'll do exactly wat you did, dont no when i could 4give dem jor!!

i have goose bumps reading the poster's story.
It is really and very painful one.
Poster take heart. May God heal ur heart.
to me, the sister's crime is worse than the bf's.
Be determined to forgive both of them and pray constantly for
God to help u forgive. It is usually not easy forgiving someone
that has briused ur heart to that extent.
As for forgeting, it is only for the bitterness not to rush back to ur mind, when u
remember the incidence in future. Not that it will be erased from ur memory.
I feel ur pain and i can assure u that God can bring a man in ur life that can make
u laugh over the past.
Sure, most men are cheats, they don't worth all the troubles women go thru
for then, But there are still some good men out there, few and difficult to see.
May God help u indeed.

Henry46:

FORGIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! It's not her fault that she's more sexy than u're.

lol. very funny

ayahr sorry. just  take heart jare and ur sister's a hoe.

@ poster, i know it is hard to do what i am about to tell you but that will  be the only antidote to this issue.
Going by the way your story sounded, you are locked yourself up in the world of BITTERNESS AND PAINS, HATRED AND ANGUISH
My advice is this; WHY GET YOU CALL YOUR SISTER OR VISIT YOUR HOUSE, CONFRONT HER WITH THE ISSUE, ASK HER WHY AND WHAT MADE HER TO DO SUCH THING. It will cause tears because of the pain stocked in your heart over the years against her then receive the baby and get him some baby's item, love the baby by doing this you are healing/ relieving  yourself of the long stored pain.

Secondly get yourself reorientated about the events of life. You have been a victim of your environment, home and otherwise.
You cant continue this way.
THIS WHOLE SITUATION, IF YOU DON'T RESOLVE IT YOU WILL AGE FASTER THAN YOU THINK AND KNOW.

Cadolece,

Iyabasira's advice is one way to start healing the pain and moving on.
It is said that with prayers, all things get resolved.
But prayers still filled with hate gets no one where but is compounded with more hate.

You can continue saying NO I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS OR DO THAT, OR HEAR THIS OR THAT, OR SEE THIS OR THAT about the whole thing but one day you must resolve this on your own term.

Start the healing today, yes one step at a time, having to have everyone explain what happened will not change what is there (the baby) and will always be there when you do go visit after all has been resolved.
Wether they went behind you, where, when and how it happened will only make you re-live all that went on in the past.

Am no psychologist and can't imagine the pain you are going through but one thing I pray is that you someday find a way to get over the pain and heal properly.

Not all men are dogs or that bad, yes we are no saint and hopefully you find that good man that you so desire, one that will help heal the pain felt from having to live with the things your father/uncle put you all through, coupled with your experiences and the experiences of most women out there that find themselves in relationships with some bad men.
But there is a small percentage of women who have good experiences with men and relationships that may want to dissagree with you on men and am sure there are some good men out there that can also have enough bad experiences to tell you about relationships with some bad women.

I pray in some way you heal quickly so that you can go on and live a wonderful withrewarding life.

Iyabasira-I hail you OOO!!!

na wa oh, this life is beautiful but everything keeps falling apart,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my sister take heart, IN EVERY SITUATION GOD IS SAYING SUMTHING

PEOPLE, Carolece hates men with a passion, you can clearly see that from most of her post (she is not afraid to say it either). she has been psychologically bruised by men all her life and only intense therapy can make her change her views.
as i told her a few days ago, even if the greatest guy on earth was professing his love to her, she wouldnt get it thanks to her hatred for the male population.

this episode is just another reason for her to hate all men folks.

Permit me to say here that you have experienced one of the bitter side of life and you need to swallow the bitter pill in other to move on with life. It's quite pathetic and intriguing.
Whether the guy was a pig or sister was a bitch is immaterial, that is the mathematics of God that we humans cant understand to the fullest. PLACE NO TRUST ON ANYMAN BUT GOD. You may think the guy was a LovePeddler, how are you sure your sister did not start the moves by seducing the guy. The knife cuts the hand and you throw away/destroy the knife. Has the knife not done the cut?. The question now is how you move on with life. Thank God it happened SOMETIMES IN THE PAST, you need to move on with life. Follow the Biblical injunction you profess to belief and thread path of forgiveness. With your whole mind, hearth, body and soul, FORGIVE THEM ALL, everyone that was involved including the guy. This is not easy to do but you can make it happen if you really want to. And that is the only way with which you can move forward and achieve more. This will mean a whole lot of maturity in in disply. You need not questioning the guy nor your sister so that you dont reopen the healed wound. See it as if it never happened so that you can be happy yourself. Like you said earlier, the little boy is innocent. Take it or you leave it, the reality is now dawn on you now to show the innocent boy some love. Who knows what God has in stock for you through the boy in the nearest future.

You also need to open your mind towards embracing progress in life by not living in the past, pardon me to say that the so called Pastors/Imam even do the worse if God should open your eyes to see the kind of things they do in their closet. All guys are not same. Embrace new relationship and always belief that NO ONE CAN BE TRUSTED EXCEPT GOD and dont use the experience of the past to relate or judge the new guy but SHINE YOUR EYES. Wishing you the best in life, you deserve the very best of life, IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A BAD PERSON TO PASS , YOU WONT KNOW WHEN A GOOD ONE WILL PASS YOU BY, so open your mind, embrace new things. Am sure they are all regretting their unwholesome practice.

Just a little more addition, the pregnancy brought the whole thing to your close knit. What if there was no pregnancy or issue to bring their sharp sexual act into the limelight and you got married to the same guy, only for you to discover their long time hidden practices after you have had like two issues for him(your boyfriend). So, you need to be thankful to God for exposing them in time before it was too late for you. Am sure you will not kill either of them if you discover their practices after like three issues. SO, MOVE ON WITH LIFE,

I used to be very depressed when I had in mind and thought of all those that hurt me, from the day i decided to let go, things changed. I don't care whether they want me to forgive them or not.

I'm even trying to ask forgiveness from those I've hurt.

So, FORGIVE though you might not forget. It would liberate your heart.

Na wa oh! I no fit talk.please my dear forgive her so that a better man will come your way .just try, it hard but you can do it.believe me another man ,even better will come. This is really the end time. so what i watch is true? Na wa ohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

@Carolece

I do sympathize with your situation as it is one of the most painful moments one can live through: to be betrayed by two people you perhaps love most dearly! I am sure you went through a lot of pains and the fact that you posted this topic means that you are still hurting even though the incident happens long ago.

However, I must draw your attention to a few truths about life.

1. When you hate, the person that suffers most is yourself. You do a lot of harm to yourself when you hate.

2. When you do not or cannot trust, then betrayal will always trail you. The fact that you had a 'nasty' father as you claim, does not mean all men are like that. Putting all men on the same level as your father is wrong!

3. Every child, no matter the circumstances surrounding its birth, is a blessing from the Lord. It is an opportunity for all who are related to the child or who will have anything to do with the child during its life time, to learn certain lessons which the opportunity of relating with that child alone can bring. For you, it is possible that you are meant to imbibe the spirit of forgiveness and understanding from the whole experience. Until you do this, you will not be able to draw the necessary benefit from the experience.

4. It takes two to tangle, so blame both parties to the incident. However you should search within yourself if the opportunity for the betrayal was not inadvertently proffered by you. In addition, parents attract children through their qualities: good or bad and since you painted a very gory picture of your father's escapades, it is not far-fetched to imagine that your sister may have been attracted by your father through the homogeneity. In which case you should have been more careful.

5. It is also not fair that you have abandoned your mother because of the child she is helping to raise.

One thing I must draw your attention to is the fact that bottling this up is not the way to deal with it. Wallowing in self pity which is what you are doing right now, is not the way to handle the issue. That you could keep malice for upwards of three (3) years because of this incidence, also goes to show that you also have traits in you that are not noble. Unknown to you, the unhappiness which now surrounds you, is not restricted to your person alone, but must spread around your vicinity and every person you come across whom you thus deprive of the opportunity to freely express happiness towards you or with you, add to your burden! You can then imagine how much the weight you bear must be. No doubt you must constantly feel weighed down.

Again, you seem to be taking the easy way out by turning your back on your entire family and on men generally. You said men have to prove to you that they can be good! I will say that is rather presumptuous of you! Men do not have to prove anything to you but you have to open yourself to be able to trust and thereby attract a man that will be good to you.

You have no trust in you and that is very pathetic because human beings cannot live without trust. When you are betrayed, learn from the experience and move on! [b][b]How can you waste over three years of your life, hating and hurting and basking in unforgiveness! Life is too precious and short to spend that way. It means you have little or no appreciation for the opportunity of this earthlife. Life on earth has a definite purpose which I can tell you is not furthered by hating and not forgiving. In addition, you place little value to your happiness and life in general if you can hate for so long. You said you pray, what do you pray for? It will be difficult for your prayers to rise because the weight you carry in your soul will accompany the prayers![/b][/b]

You may not like what I am saying here but I will rather tell you the truth and live you to deal with it. [size=8pt][size=8pt][size=8pt][size=8pt][size=8pt][size=8pt][size=8pt]No matter how hurt you have been, you have no right to debase your life for so long. You are not being grateful to the Lord who gave you life! Contrary to what you may think, the greatest gratitude or appreciation you can show to the Lord for His gift of life, is supreme happiness through joyful living. Where you cannot achieve it, something is not right![/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/size][/size]

Look within your soul, forgive your sister and former boyfriend. Get in touch with them so that the process of healing your wounded soul can begin.

Goodluck and warm regards.

Forgive and move on, when you are happy God will bring a man that will love and worship you and you will forever remain grateful to God that you never ended with him cos he was not worth it.

you can only forgive those who ask to be forgiven though i am a firm beliver that adultry like some others is inexcusable