My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs and want to have a child. We are both 38 and I am the only child while he is the oldest and has younger siblings who already have children.

I had a myomectomy years ago for fibroids and now have found out that I have to do a repeat myomectomy because the fibroids have returned and my uterus is enlarged past 20wks. A specialist reviewed my MRI and confirmed that there are numerous and large fibroids and a repeat surgery will be complex because there was scarring from the last surgery which has caused my uterus to adhere to other organs so they have to be careful not to damage the organs during the surgery and there are no guarantees that they will not take out my uterus during surgery if I lose too much blood. By the way, I'm already chronically anemic dued to the fibroids so loss of blood is a real concern.

My doctor has advised me to do the surgery, wait 6mths for the uterus to heal and then do ivf immediately after. She told me that I may not be able to carry the baby to term because my uterus could rupture but if that were to happen then, I could try again using a surrogate, with my eggs and my husband's stuff, to carry the baby.

Needless to say, I am afraid and I am usually never afraid. I love children and know that I was born to be a mother and I just can't imagine my life without children.

I am tempted to just use a surrogate right away before doing the surgery since I may still have to use a surrogate assuming the surgery is a success. My mother supports this and has even offered to pay the 7MM needed to use a surrogate but my husband is not too keen on the idea of a surrogate.

I am torn and I am afraid. I am praying and really trying to trust GOD that all will be well but there's a part of me that is afraid. But what if something goes wrong with the repeat surgery and they end up doing a hysterectomy

NLders, what would you do if you were in my shoes?

My heart goes out to you. You are a woman of faith so I will not sit here and try and give fear a chance. I like the idea of using a surrogate even before surgery but at the end of the day you have to be okay with it. A surrogate means it's your husbands sperm and your eggs just not your uterus. Who really cares what carries the child. It is still 100% yours. I understand your fear of doing this before the surgery because if they have to do a hysterectomy during the surgery then you might never have that chance. Sister think it over and pray about it and agree with your husband. I personally like the surrogate idea

Justin I know it is really hard when a woman longs for the fruit of the womb and it does not coome on time.
Well I think you have to do the operation also for your own health, so why don`t you do that first and after that you are in a better position to make up your mind. The doctors always prepare one for the worst but most times it doesn`t get that bad you know. Belive and have faith in God, he will see you through.
I have children of my own and a nephew living with me. I have to tell you my nephew gives me just as much joy and aches as my own children.  I hope you understand what I am trying to tell you. What makes a child so special is the love we show that child and nothing else.
I have heard of so many cases where Doctors claimed a woman will not get pregnant and she deed. Other cases where the doctors meant nothing was wrong and the couple never ended up getting a child. Sometimes they adopt a child and the woman suddenly gets pregnant. It is in the hands of God. I pray from the bottom of my heart that God will grant you and your husband a child of your own to love and cherish.

Thank you ladies for your words of wisdom! They are encouraging as I reflect on what exactly I should do. My husband is already open to doing ivf so I think he could come to terms with surrogacy as well. Regardless, I do know that I have to do the surgery because it is impacting my quality of life.

Thank you so much for the contributions. I do appreciate them.

Fear resides in the mind and Faith resides in the spirit.  Many people have fears, but with the strength of the the spirit, we overcome the material mindfull fears that have been conditioned into us from this material world.

If I were you, I would ask myself where this need to have a child comes from?  Is this strong desire a part of my ego centric thoughts that are worldly?  Or are they spiritual is of God's will?  Is surrogates God's will?  That is something I would do a lot of praying for.  With faith, I think God will provide you with direction.