Mothers are gem and demigod which we should respect and love cordially but what happens when thesame mother see you as nothing and places other people above you? well the stranger am talking about here is not really a total stranger but a sister in law. yes you heard me right HER SON'S WIFE. My mum feel so comfortable telling her everything about my life and she will never discuss her issue with me. Please don't think am not taking care of my mum, I do send her money almost everytime even when I know she doesn't really like me. I send money to her more than I send to my father. I have never had a confrontation with my sister in law (SIL)but she always send my mum to me and trust her she will deliver it perfectly. The last my mum told was "your sister in law said she can't marry the type of your husband" can you imagine. only God knows what my mum told her before she made that comment. Am not saying my mum should hate her o because I also have a mother in law that likes me so much but she will never tell me her daughter private life and I respect that. Though I have been a fool by telling my mum about my marriage and my private life because she has been telling my SIL everything, but why is she my mother if I can't seek advise from her on my life issue. I am very sure she's not giving my mum a dime because she's a full housewife that only depend on her husband for everything. I can never place another person child above the child that came out of my womb, no never it can't happen. please is her behaviour normal or am i the one overreacting

Have you confronted your mum telling her you don't like the way she tells your sil about you?

You need to change!

Cos it means you are truly nothing if your mother sees you as nothing.

If we hear from you mother, the truth about you would come out. So go bring your mother here to narrate her own side of the story. I will be waiting...

dingbang:
Have you confronted your mum telling her you don't like the way she tells your sil about you?

Yes sir I have politely told her I don't like how she's discussing my life issue with someone that doesn't value me and she should remember she is only sister in law and not my biological sister. she told me what is the big deal if she's telling her. That gor me so weak

munarule:

Yes sir I have politely told her I don't like how she's discussing my life issue with someone that doesn't value me and she should remember she is only sister in law and not my biological sister. she told me what is the big deal if she's telling her. That gor me so weak

good then stand on your ground and tell her its a big deal to you and if she continues, she won't see or hear from you again

OgogoroFreak:
You need to change!

Cos it means you are truly nothing if your mother sees you as nothing.

Thank you very much. there's nothing a daughter is doing for a mother that am not doing for her and God bear me witness. anytime she come to my house I always make sure she's comfortable and when she's going I know how much I do spend. I send her money regularly for upkeep and also told her to always ask me if she need anything. Abeg how again I wan take treat her. Though i don't really have much now but she knows I can buy her the whole world if I can afford it.

munarule:

Thank you very much. there's nothing a daughter is doing for a mother that am not doing for her and God bear me witness. anytime she come to my house I always make sure she's comfortable and when she's going I know how much I do spend. I send her money regularly for upkeep and also told her to always ask me if she need anything. Abeg how again I wan take treat her. Though i don't really have much now but she knows I can buy her the whole world if I can afford it.

a mother can never just be against her own daughter no Matter what. There is something you are not doing right. Maybe you married a man you are taking care of financially. Man wey no get work.

dingbang:
good then stand on your ground and tell her its a big deal to you and if she continues, she won't see or hear from you again

That is exactly what am saying, it is not easy I cut her off because she is my mum and will forever remain my mother. My junior brother blamed me for telling her all my secret. The issue now is I will soon put to bed and I don't know how I will cope with her when she will come for omugwo. She really showed me hell when I had my first child that I cried almost everyday just because the way she was treating me. I felt so relieved when she left. Another omugwo will soon start and I have been thinking of how to cope with her

OgogoroFreak:
a mother can never just be against her own daughter no Matter what. There is something you are not doing right.

That's why am surprise about her attitude because I have asked her several times what am not doing right and she said nothing. And the funniest is am her only daughter.

OgogoroFreak:
a mother can never just be against her own daughter no Matter what. There is something you are not doing right. Maybe you married a man you are taking care of financially. Man wey no get work.

My husband is financially ok and I also work for my money. my husband dont ask me for money

munarule:

That's why am surprise about her attitude because I have asked her several times what am not doing right and she said nothing. And the funniest is am her only daughter.

maybe you are the one feeding your husband. The problem might be the kind of man you married and I suspect it has to do with his financial ability. Maybe na broke man you marry.

some mothers can just scatter and divide their children,because of ordinary wrapper and money...always taking side with the well to do in the family.

donbachi:
some mothers can just scatter and divide their children,because of ordinary wrapper and money...always taking side with the well to do in the family.

But me too am taking care of her in my own capability. Though she really showed me am nothing when I was jobless and was not giving her anything but I expect her to change now that I have started business and also giving her what she want even though I can't give her the whole world

munarule:

But me too am taking care of her in my own capability. Though she really showed me am nothing when I was jobless and was not giving her anything but I expect her to change now that I have started business and also giving her what she want even though I can't give her the whole world

ask her if she's truely ur mum.else,she should tell u,ur original mum

Was she always like that or when did she start behaving like that, what could have caused it? anyways she remains your mom you cant change that but you can manage the situation. talk to a family member she holds in high esteem to let her know how you feel.. Keep being a good daughter to her but you might need to withhold certain information from her for a while and seek advice elsewhere where you are sure it won't come back to haunt you. my humble take.

This is serious. She is not acting like your real mom cos I know how mothers are especially with their only daughters. Well she's your mother and theres nothing much you can do. But I'll suggest you stop sharing your family issues with her and when she comes for omuguo treat her fine but maintain your distance and don't discuss much with her. When she asks tell her you're not happy with what did or is doing.if she leaves don't beg her just call your mother in law or even neighbors or church members to assist you. Safe delivery

munarule:

That is exactly what am saying, it is not easy I cut her off because she is my mum and will forever remain my mother. My junior brother blamed me for telling her all my secret. The issue now is I will soon put to bed and I don't know how I will cope with her when she will come for omugwo. She really showed me hell when I had my first child that I cried almost everyday just because the way she was treating me. I felt so relieved when she left. Another omugwo will soon start and I have been thinking of how to cope with her

na so. Still my mum story , before you know it, the same mom will make you wana commit suicide. Look you don't have to be emotionally weak. My parents try rubbish with me, they don't even hear from me for months. I don't like anyone giving me issues in my life and I love inner peace. I don't fvcking care whoever the person is, if you fvckup, I distance myself from you. I haven't even called my dad for four months now.. Yes!!

donbachi:
ask her if she's truely ur mum.else,she should tell u,ur original mum

she's my mum because we look so much alike. Though I use to ask myself atimes if she's really my mother because I know how I cherish my child

harbibi:
Was she always like that or when did she start behaving like that, what could have caused it? anyways she remains your mom you cant change that but you can manage the situation. talk to a family member she holds in high esteem to let her know how you feel.. Keep being a good daughter to her but you might need to withhold certain information from her for a while and seek advice elsewhere where you are sure it won't come back to haunt you. my humble take.

Hmmmm, I will say yes she has always been like this. even when I was a child we were not close at all .I rather confide in someone else than my mum. I even told her immediate sister(my aunty) about her attitude and she told me my mum is someone that is difficult to please and she has been like that from childhood. my main concern now is why she will be telling my sister in law everything that happen in my life whereas she will never tell me anything concerning my sister in law, and she think it is normal and cool. I won't tell her anything again, never ever. but I can't prevent her from coming to my house. Thanks for your advise ma

munarule:

she's my mum because we look so much alike. Though I use to ask myself atimes if she's really my mother because I know how I cherish my child

buy her a gift...considering her mood.then discuss it with her.

Money,money,money that's all I see and hear
Are u trying to buy your mothers love?

Wat is your worry? That she doesn't tell u the SIL secret or she tells her urs...if this is the problem pls stop telling her your secret if they are not safe with her..there s no law that says anything bad will happen to u if u don't tell her ur secret, haba, u can keep it urswlf.

If ur worried she isn't giving I much attention then let her be , leave her to spend time with the one she chooses, if she misses u as a daughter she will check on you someday...whatever is holding her won't hold her forever she's still ur mom

Once in a while u call and check on her if age doenst call, but don't get all fussy about her not giving u attention

if u have kids now, please bond with them ,if u have a caring and understanding husband ,bond with him...but also learn to enjoy your company and keep ur secrets

olufolake515:
Have you confronted your mum telling her you don't like the way she tells your sil about you?

yes I did and she told me it is not a big deal and besides it is my brother wife. just imagine o. I was thinking she will see it as mistake and apologise but she was claiming right.

Rizzoli:
Money,money,money that's all I see and hear
Are u trying to buy your mothers love?

Wat is your worry? That she doesn't tell u the SIL secret or she tells her urs...if this is the problem pls stop telling her your secret if they are not safe with her..there s no law that says anything bad will happen to u if u don't tell her ur secret, haba, u can keep it urswlf.

If ur worried she isn't giving I much attention then let her be , leave her to spend time with the one she chooses, if she misses u as a daughter she will check on you someday...whatever is holding her won't hold her forever she's still ur mom

Once in a while u call and check on her if age doenst call, but don't get all fussy about her not giving u attention

if u have kids now, please bond with them ,if u have a caring and understanding husband ,bond with him...but also learn to enjoy your company and keep ur secrets

Thanks for your advise. The mistake I made initially was making my first family my priority but now everything will change, my husband and children are my major priority now

I understand exactly how you feel. And your mother knows exactly what she is doing.

I would ask you to keep your distance. I know when she is with you for omugwo, she will call your SIL and gist with her in a way she has never gisted with you. But don't worry.

One day will be one day.

munarule:
Mothers are gem and demigod which we should respect and love cordially but what happens when thesame mother see you as nothing and places other people above you? well the stranger am talking about here is not really a total stranger but a sister in law. yes you heard me right HER SON'S WIFE. My mum feel so comfortable telling her everything about my life and she will never discuss her issue with me. Please don't think am not taking care of my mum, I do send her money almost everytime even when I know she doesn't really like me. I send money to her more than I send to my father. I have never had a confrontation with my sister in law (SIL)but she always send my mum to me and trust her she will deliver it perfectly. The last my mum told was "your sister in law said she can't marry the type of your husband" can you imagine. only God knows what my mum told her before she made that comment. Am not saying my mum should hate her o because I also have a mother in law that likes me so much but she will never tell me her daughter private life and I respect that. Though I have been a fool by telling my mum about my marriage and my private life because she has been telling my SIL everything, but why is she my mother if I can't seek advise from her on my life issue. I am very sure she's not giving my mum a dime because she's a full housewife that only depend on her husband for everything. I can never place another person child above the child that came out of my womb, no never it can't happen. please is her behaviour normal or am i the one overreacting

You have my kind of mum who doesn't kip anything that has to do with me secret.she obviously loves my step siblings more and she didn't hide it. No matter what I do to please hershe is Neva satisfied rather she Kip's complaining and condemning me. I had to ignore her and face my life with my kids since we don't live togeda. I call her once a while to check on her and she visits once a while too. I can't force her to love me.its her choice and decision.

I consider my sister in law my sister. I think of her as part of my family and my parents treat her as their own kid. I have zero issues with my mum sharing things about me with my sister in law. If I can share it with my mum, I have no problem with my sister in law knowing it. I find it interesting that you consider your sister in law a ‘stranger’.
You could either change your mindset or stop sharing sensitive info with your mum.

OgogoroFreak:
a mother can never just be against her own daughter no Matter what. There is something you are not doing right. Maybe you married a man you are taking care of financially. Man wey no get work.

Forget this man jo!! He's only trying to mess with you, don't even bother replying to him.

munarule:

That's why am surprise about her attitude because I have asked her several times what am not doing right and she said nothing. And the funniest is am her only daughter.

Keep being good to her but stop telling her anything about your private life because if she does not hear about your private life then she can't tell your sis in law about it.

munarule:

Thank you very much. there's nothing a daughter is doing for a mother that am not doing for her and God bear me witness. anytime she come to my house I always make sure she's comfortable and when she's going I know how much I do spend. I send her money regularly for upkeep and also told her to always ask me if she need anything. Abeg how again I wan take treat her. Though i don't really have much now but she knows I can buy her the whole world if I can afford it.

Must you confide in your mother?

From your story, you are the one feeding your mother what to tell your SIL.

Instead of opening treads and falling to your mom over and over again, just shut your mouth.

If you are going through something you need to share, go to your dad if you are close to him or share on anonymous blogs. If there is no one to trust, pray about it, write it on paper, read it and burn it etc.

OgogoroFreak:
a mother can never just be against her own daughter no Matter what. There is something you are not doing right. Maybe you married a man you are taking care of financially. Man wey no get work.

And so?

Would her inability to keep her secrets give her son-in-law a job?

stop sharing your secret to anyone if you don't want a third party to it.
make your marital home your priority, strive to build your home, your mum is done building her home.
if your husband is trustworthy, make him your confidant. stop taking your home outside.

your mom may be sort of person who like gossips and your sil is privileged to compliment her. since she is not working.
so, show your mum love not your secrets