Friend Who Has Good Intentions But Is A User. - Culture - Nairaland
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| Friend Who Has Good Intentions But Is A User. by topup: 5:00pm On Jul 02, 2010 |
Hey there, I guess this is more of a rant than an actual search for answers - though I would very much like to hear what people have to say. Well, last year my roommate was kinda imposed on me, in a group of 6 girls, we all split into pairs when searching for accomodation, my roomie wasn't the neatest so I voiced out some concerns - after all who actually did the pairing off?? Anyways, we ended up together, and that year I had decided to do my own thing, and branch off slightly away from my 'friends' because I was starting to take some of their negative characteristics. Anyways, fast-forward another year living with her - just her, and due to circumstances we are very close, and she is has good intentions and has been there for me a lot of the times, she is always there to talk etc. But yesterday has just reminded me of how different we are. I feel like I'm the giver in the relationship, I have a car, and it almost came to an argument to prove to her that I should be able to do whatever I want with it - it's mine!! I used to get calls - asking me to pick her up because of period pains and such. Anyways, recently we had an event to attend, and explaining my plan to my mother, she brought a valid concern, why am I going to pick up this roomie, when she lives in the opposite direction to the place where I am travelling i.e. I waste an hour going in the opposite direction to pick her up from her house, and then return to mine to travel. So I called her up (knowing she would be difficult about it) - she is very convincing and good with words, and if she doesn't want to do something, she finds a way to make others do it for her, I explained how ridiculous it is, and she began to say, she'll be tired, it's the day after her birthday so she just wanted to relax, the train journey to meet me is 1hr or so, and she'll be tired. I mention that she'll be tired, but then I'll drive all the way to the party, and I'll be tired, so she wouldn't have to worry about that bit. Most people, if faced with a lift, will just back down, and listen to the person - but she began to ask "Is it a money thing, I will gladly pay you to come and pick me up. Cos if it's not the money, then fine I'll back down, but if it is I'll pay." I'm not a taxi service, money for petrol doesn't cover money for servicing etc, and it's not that simple, is she gonna pay for my tiredness etc? Then she mentioned "You always say these comments." Shocked for being criticised for airing my opinions, I reply "If you don't agree with what I have to say, then that's fine, these are just my opnions." Well anyways, I told her, it's not because of the money and funnily enough she continued - despite previously saying she'd back down. Now, in this conversation, she is coming up with very convincing arguments, like she can pay any price, to take a train to mine is expensive, I changed my mind not to pick her up 2 days before the event, but Lord, I'm not asking her to go it alone, I'm just asking her to reduce 1 hr journey time in half by doing her bit. Anyways, the conversation went on for so long, with me standing my ground but her finding more reasons and different options. She suggested we meet in the middle, which I initially disagreed with until I realised the location she mentioned was in fact half way to the event location, so I agreed, but I was fatigued. I have finally decided to slow down this friendship, the year we've spent together living in the same flat has given us a delusional sense that we are best friends, but we're really not, I think I give more into the relationship than she does. I know she gives a lot, and because of the stress I had in school, sh has had to be alone a lot and manage the house cleaning a lot too. But now that school is over, and she's inviting me here and there, calling me most days, I want to dim things down. I'm kinda tired. Any suggestions? Has anyone ever had to kill a relationship?? |
| Re: Friend Who Has Good Intentions But Is A User. by iice(f): 5:27pm On Jul 02, 2010 |
topup: You could say i'm a pro  Kidding. . .no really  If you're not happy and feel like you are being used then let go. You are right about the car. It's yours so you get to do whatever you want with it. BTW, why do people feel the need to get something out of someone or do something in the same measure to match another's actions?  Can't people just be friends and not get in each others way? |
| Re: Friend Who Has Good Intentions But Is A User. by topup: 5:56pm On Jul 02, 2010 |
iice: Do you think it has a lot to do with people not being confident in themselves, climbing on others isn't the only route, but a lot of people have that mentality, to go up, someone must come down. I value friends, but I learnt a lesson thanks to my mum and awful girls in highschool when I was younger, you don't need friends. Really, you don't. I've been on my own before, and it works. |
| Re: Friend Who Has Good Intentions But Is A User. by iice(f): 6:09pm On Jul 02, 2010 |
topup: Yeah, that is a reason. Also i think people are just lost. They either have no sense of self or they adapt someone else's characteristics. I mean like you said, it's not the only route but people choose to do this instead. Plus, some people attract these kinds of people. topup: For real oo |
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