Hi,
I have a friend who, after 15years of marriage and five lovely children got the chance for her and HER HUSBAND only to travel to ABuja for a holiday.

She said to me today that she got to meet his mother in Lagos (the mother lives in Enugu though) and that she got to meet one other family member in Abuja during a short stay there.

My Question is: IS the situatiuon so bad in Enugu to the point that u are unable to to travel there with a foreigner (polish) after all those hours of travel why meet only two family members in Abuja and one in Lagos

Sorry I was just wondering, like for EG my sisters husband is from Holland but if I go there regardless of reason I will visit them. Am I correct in saying that?

OK, apparently kidnappings are an abvious fear factor but at this stage is there no state protection? (for Eg if I were to go to Enugu??

I aksed my husband the same question. I only went to Lagos, and though I met most of his family (based there + people who came from the village to visit), I also wanted to go to his village. He told me he was not so eager to do so for a few reasons: security, comfort (I  say I don't care about it, but as he noted it is already difficult for me to not eat extremely fresh food in Lagos, i wouldn't be able to eat anything in the village  ), local customs (we would have to eat and/or sleep in each house, which would make the stay long and he's afraid I wouldn't be able to cope with the level of comfort, the food, the language, culture etc.).

I'm a bit disapointed about it but I understand his reasons, though I'm not sure if it has to do with the idea that western girls have to be pampered or real concerns on his side So I accepted his decision, but not forever,  I still hope I'll go there someday 

As for your friend there could be many reasons why she didn't meet many family members on that occasion. Maybe the husband didn't want to let everybody know he was back (you know how it is when someone is back from "abroad", maybe he had other things to do, maye he just wanted some private time with his wife, Did she said she wanted to go to his village?

Not sure if she specifically wanted to go to his village ( I would though) not only is the trip long, the tradition is very important!
IMH why travel all the way andnot meet the whole family, ie I was in Enugu yes that was in 2006 but, my Question is:

Would it be dangerous in this point of time to go to Enugu as a foreigner?
Do you think it is necessary to see ur husbands family home?
Is this a stupid Question?
I was there before but right now would it be safe for 'foreigners' to go there?
thanks!

Sorry it maybe just me for misunderstanding these reasons, life or death I would want to go to his childhood village. Regardless of culture or trust, I think, to me it would be an overhanging thought, I mean why would u travel so far and not go to ur husbands family home

thank u for ur replies again! everyday we learn something new

i for one cant bring anyone not from my village to my family hut- i dont need the shock face abeg.

Maybe because it is very important to you, you can't imagine that some people don't really care about going "to the village". I think my husband didn't go to his village for over 15 yrs. As for me, I've been living abroad well over 5yrs, went back a few times but never brought my husband home, neither visited my whole extended family. Last time I didn't even met any family member coz I was in another part of the country and didn't have time/energy to travel more. My family doesn't mind, and my husband doesn't either. I will bring him home this year, and introduce him to everybody (he already met my parents and siblings when they came and visited us), but it was not so important for us before that.

As for me, I really hope to see his village someday, so I could get a picture of what some of his childhood memories are like, but I'm in no hurry. I guess he'll first go alone, and we'll go together anytime we have a good opportunity.

As for safety in Nigeria, I am not an expert, but I also know that some people (westerners) travel around nigeria no matter what. It all depends on the risks you are ready to take.

Am I wrong or this post means that [i]you [/i]want your hubby to take you to his village ?

Women like to look for trouble for themselves. A guy not wanting to take his wife to the village has a reason, for the mother to come all the way from whatever village she is from to come and see you, you should know that there is a problem so where. I have never been to my parent's village before. My grandparents ran away from their village when the jinx was too much for them to take. My parents rarely go there because they know the outcome of going there often. If my mum had insisted on going to see my father's people only God knows what the outcome will be.

Is it a must to go to the village?
I might take her there, just to see where and how i grew up, cos it will make her appreciate what i have achieved, but it is not a law that she has to be taken there.

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

0hsisi:

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

LOL

funny but true

@Ohsisi : Your post is quite judgmental and prejudiced towards western women. I went to Nigeria, didn't have generator nor A/C, washed myself with a bucket in common bathrooms (yes the one all people from the same floor use), used okada to go around, ate local food bought on the street, and hand washed our clothes in a bucket. Many of other "western wives" I know did the same and in most cases, they were more than happy to live a simple life, but nigerian husbands are the ones who feel pressure and want to impress with their "oyinbo wives". My husband almost had a heart attack when I told him I wanted to take bus and okada, but it was fine with me. There's no A/C in my country, as a student I cooked for years on a kerosene stove and so on, so please, not all western ladies grew up in a mansion with 24/7 comfort

Miss_Ife:

@Ohsisi : [b]Your post is quite judgmental and prejudiced towards western women. [/b]I went to Nigeria, didn't have generator nor A/C, washed myself with a bucket in common bathrooms (yes the one all people from the same floor use), used okada to go around, ate local food bought on the street, and hand washed our clothes in a bucket. Many of other "western wives" I know did the same and in most cases, they were more than happy to live a simple life, but nigerian husbands are the ones who feel pressure and want to impress with their "oyinbo wives". My husband almost had a heart attack when I told him I wanted to take bus and okada, but it was fine with me. There's no A/C in my country, as a student I cooked for years on a kerosene stove and so on, so please, not all western ladies grew up in a mansion with 24/7 comfort

dont really think, its just the hard raw truth in many cases

0hsisi:

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

Yes o ,you can say that again jor.

0hsisi:

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

The misconception we Nigerians have of 'western women' is that they have never roughed it beforee.Not everyone born in England is of royal lineage and so lived a life of being waited on hand and foot.

I'm born and bred in Nigeria and if I have to rough it in your village,I no dey follow you go.

0hsisi:

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

"
Funny indeed! But sometimes, its Naija men that want to impress their 'Oyinbo' wives, most of these foreigners don't even care. Those foreigners cherish that simple life alot. Abeg, go and watch this movie "Usofia in London". U go laugh tire.

0hsisi:

Nigerians that marry these foreign wives really do have a burden on their hands
You have to constantly explain and re-explain yourself
Give ample notices,excuses and answer a million whys
It must be very tiring
I can't imagine a husband always explaining what a particular food is called,the ingredients,translate not only his local language but pidgin English too.
It's hard enough to marry from another tribe where the spouse doesn't understand the language but at least the Nigerian experience and expectation is very similar.
If I go village or anywhere in Naija with my oga and the generator is broken down,I will happily use lamps at night,happily draw water from a "drum" with bucket,bathe out of the bucket and happily pour a bucket of water into the toilet to flush.
But these our men have to bend over backwards to cater to the comfort of these their foreign wives.
God forbid the generator breaks down.
He may start apologizing and may be forced to fan the woman all night while she complains of how hot the place is
If the gas cylinder is empty suddenly, how will she cook with a kerosene stove or firewood sef if need be?
These men dey try o
If I be man,I no fit carry that kain load ,marriage is hard enough

this is just too funny - u do know we are in the 21st century right? its not about people living in developed countries never "roughing" it or from royal linage but that there are just some things that people who grew up in a developed country will never experience in their life and why should they. Abeg if i want constant electricity then that is how i want to live my life - am I wrong to want a a level of comfort deemed normal in 2010.

a man that marries a western woman should expect to explain somethings that he might not have to explain to a woman born and bred here. After all I'm Ibo and understand Ibo but the dialect spoken by my husband differs slightly and at times I don't understand him - should he now divorce me cos of that small inconvenience,

if they don't want to bend over backwards they should go and marry a local wife - what is the complaint - or don't u know kidnapping is real.

If you knew the level of security in eastern Nigeria, you wouldnt say what you were saying!

You think he husband would want to risk her getting kidnapped? I dont think so!

^^^ Lol