i have never been married so i really cant say much but i think one reliable solution is DISTANCE.
we wont live too close to either family
we would visit only when we must
members of either family must call before visiting. (that includes my mother and hers)
No member of either family is allow to live with us( even if we live in a 10 bedroom mansion)

Pretty simple. you are married to a woman/man and have created a new family which must come first in all things. So that being said, YOU STAY THE Zap AWAY FROM THEM.

I do not know anyone who's ever succeeded in avoiding the witches and wizards, unless that person totally suspends who he/she is for the sake of peace. But then, they will call him/her mumu. There are two solutions: stay single, or have them kidnapped and killed before you marry.  You may want to do the last one yourself to make sure it is actually done, and that no one will blackmail you in the future. .


But, seriously, whatever you do, ask yourself: is your fiance's love worth all the hassle? One thing is sure, you will need a lot of good luck. I wish you happiness.

You cant satisfy them all, just do ur best and star to ur words

@poster:
"afrobaby", has said it all. Wallahi there is no magic in "in-laws" than to do that {love them for who dey are and for giving u a wife/husband, treat them the way u will treat your parent, and be the best u can}.
Generally in life you start being a son/daughter-in-law to someone and later become a mother/father-in law to another person. If the principle is orderly followed there will be no victor nor vanquish.
Wishing the best, you can make it.

As for me, talking from experience, I will say love them, care for them,
do whatever you can as long as it's within your limit, but don't go out of your way
just to please them. And the most important of it all is, never allow them to live
with you, living together will definitely bring problems, they're better kept at a distance.
When once you allow that, to push them out will cause problem between you and your spouse
Good luck.

First and foremost recall that at one point or another u had issues wt ur siblings, even ur parents. having one wt ur inlaws does not make them witches and wizards.

From the onset make up ur mind never to get upset or pick a quarel with them; Be friendly wt the friendly ones but set ur boundries and keep the distance.

This way it wouldnt take tyme for the quarrelsome ones to realise u dont have time 4 their troubles.
Good Luck

True life story………,

I know this is lengthy but please take your time to read it to the end

SMALL MISUNDERSTANDINGS GREAT CONSEQUENCES

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years
with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.
Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide
for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that
she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a
woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and
started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South
to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the
bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round
and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch
mother".

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy
the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me
into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to
back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously
until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of
panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living
room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you
young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also
can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the
house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble
away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly
you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever
came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told
her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes,
when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and
every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would
get even more upset about it, Hubby playfully pinched my nose and
said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of
everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise
happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the
breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the
wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like
the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to
notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it
as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's
Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not
wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the
comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon
her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep
all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them
later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash
bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash
the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash
them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the
dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in
her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he
did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt
child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me, I got mad and
asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared
at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't
possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After
that incident, for a
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that
there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who
to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast,
mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without
any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby
happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me
for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the
embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own
breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a
little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's
cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then
turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of
unfairness overwhelmed me, After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just
for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but
to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt
a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing
up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could
not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited
everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying
and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the
washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes, I
opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us,
then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me
a final stare in the eye and
followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return
home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I
had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want
me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I
simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events
happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a
colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a
doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense
of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't
hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the
possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital
entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days,
but he looked haggard. I had wanted
To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I
couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and
finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that
disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told
myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I
have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am
having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in
circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab,
my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even
withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted
look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That
night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took
the bank deposit book and some money and
left the
house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational
man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh
and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work, I wanted to clear this out and
have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary
gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic
accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed
to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already
passed away. Hubby did not look at me,
His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin
face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could
this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with
only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out
brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after
mother left the house, she walked in
dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old
house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to
walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came
and hit her, I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I
had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if, In his
heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity
and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we
are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in
his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back
in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough
scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at
all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went
by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us
continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each
other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a
western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a
girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair
for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment
of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and
stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to
him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me,
looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his
hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me, I can
only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink
of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I
will collapse
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home;
he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following
mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned
home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had
returned to take some of his stuff, I no longer wish to call him; the
initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I
go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again
every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office
colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No,
I will not, I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way
of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The
whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table,
there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without
even looking
at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually
learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat
and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed
feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep
repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry, " my eyes hurt
terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung
up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled,
walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and
pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's
accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control
my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart,
everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could
never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry"
to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I
can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold
look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep
scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him,
totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of
reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever
and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some
warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat
anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I
stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of
paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby
will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I
will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in
mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of
groaning, I kept quiet, This used to be his trick; last time,
whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and
find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He
has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because
there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning
came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products,
children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of
it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use
this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He
has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his
typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web
surfing
but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one
late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came
rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had
been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat
off my brow, throughout the
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me
and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny
but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else
would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door
opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile
at him despite my contraction
pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me,
eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his
hand. Hubby looked at me,
smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for
him in pain, He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of
his, I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but
the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body
at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had
liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle
that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first
discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for
his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his
room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's
cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had
thought that, the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote
for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take
a look at you before I
fall, is my biggest wish now, I know that in your life, you will
have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany
you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no
longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible
difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when
you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ,
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have
accompanied you through life journey. To be
honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered,
she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me
most, " From play school to primary school, to secondary,
university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love,
everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my
biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you,
forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you
be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby, My dear,
if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile,
thank you for loving me, These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give
them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to
him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the
packaging, "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son
over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I
want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms, " He
struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in
his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the
button on the camera and the sound of
the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my
face, A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most
in this world
is gone forever, " Cruel misunderstandings one after another
disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend
of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her
remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is
finally revealed at a price, everything became too late.", ,

Kai I do not agree with this o. This is the mentality that will put you in trouble in the first place. Just remain humble and friendly and helpful.

zebra543:

101 on inlaws? Well it will start on what kind of people they are, because your best bet is to stay away from them and only visit them at christmas, but if they are the interfering types it will make it a bit difficult. Respect them, they should respect you back dont mingle too much with them, dont go overboard to please them only give what they ask and if you dont have do what you can. Dont get involved in family feuds, if anybody wants to start trouble with you tell your spouse about it and leave it there, whatever you do- DO NOT accomodate any of them, there will start the gossip and from there will start the problems!

It's to integrate yourself into the in-law family, become a part of them and see yourself so, work to be so.

@Bagseg
Thanks for that story as twas worth reading every step of the way. I'll defo take a cue from it.

NEVER start battles you cant win !!!

SO TRUE

And if going for a fight or argument choose your alliance wisely.

AND know when to admit defeat.

@Bagseg
I like this your post i will like us to have a word on it, can you email me? Pls check my profile for my email. Thanks

Be yourself and stay away from ideal talk.

Be yourself and be open to them, they will like you

The best way to avoid problems with in laws, just say yes to all their wishes at that time and later on kept your views in front of them Always try to avoid arguments with them if it happens move out from that place. 
Insurance Claim Adjuster

ok! best way ever: Get married to dat man/woman without parent

omotodra: MY DEAR, YOU CAN'T AVIOD IN-LAW'S PROBLEM AT ALL ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY START THEIR WHAAAAAA LAAA. My advice to you is to marry but study them very well in order to know their character from the moment you move in.

Don't ever rely on any of them until you are able to witstand them at same time know you bundries. Don't laugh with them too mush so not to invite insult sooner than you might think. Most of all give everyone their due respect and pls don't tell them your top secrets it will only back fire on you.

Speaking for myself, i did my best for both my Mother and Sister-in-law but all they did was to repay me with evil. I've learnted my lesson so I don't allow any member of my in-law's  into my house any more. It's my hubby that go to visit them once a while. Which is good for me. 

some ladies are fools.... Exactly the way u & ur mother + some other family members will not be allowed 2 visit ur own brother simply because he's married. The problem the whole world is facing today was caused by a woman, men becareful.