i think the heading/subject of this post should be changed., the hubby didnt cancel the marriage, the brides family did, after the man slapped the bride, go n read the poster story again!!.
the groom just needed a lil time 2 pull himself together, n the wifes constant nagging pushed him over the edge, not that slapping ur bride is good,, so at poster.tis u n ur family that cancelled n spoilt ur wedding/,

ur husby is a gentelman n really loves u 4 him 2 come begging the next day!!.
cheers wish u a happy married life!!
next time dont get preg b4 marriage

RipVanWink:


next time dont get preg b4 marriage

Would there be a next time

Holla!

Very irresponsible of the man to cancel the wedding. So will he run away everytime there are crisis in the marriage.

hello ,am new member and i don t no what to next please help me out, am waiting.

blood 45:

hello ,am new member and i don t no what to next please help me out, am waiting.

Are you new in this forum or in the use of internet?

Holla!

As much as the death of a close friend would hurt, it's not enough for the man to react irrationally, cos that's exactly what he did!

People NEVER think of the consequences behind their actions. People have been invited and have come from miles away, meals have been prepared, arrangements have been finalized! He owed it to his family and other friends, to go through with it, no matter how badly he felt!

Obviously, his attitude didnt come from out of space. His wife should have know the kind of person he is and how to handle him at critical times. I admit that the way she managed the situation was wrong, but that does not justify his actions, at all!

Infact, I think the man is crazy to react that way. If at his age he hasn't come to accept the inevitability of death - everybody's death, then he needs to grow up!

Ujujoan:

As much as the death of a close friend would hurt, it's not enough for the man to react irrationally, cos that's exactly what he did!

People NEVER think of the consequences behind their actions. People have been invited and have come from miles away, meals have been prepared, arrangements have been finalized! He owed it to his family and other friends, to go through with it, no matter how badly he felt!

Obviously, his attitude didnt come from out of space. His wife should have know the kind of person he is and how to handle him at critical times. I admit that the way she managed the situation was wrong, but that does not justify his actions, at all!

Infact, I think the man is crazy to react that way. If at his age he hasn't come to accept the inevitability of death - everybody's death, then he needs to grow up!

Thank you, and some people can'T seem to find any wrong in what he did, and even gave excuses for the slap he delivered to his pregnant wife. What if they had well wishers that flew in from overseas just for the wedding? The people that are not blaming the man or saying they would have moved the date are just selfish, the only thing they think about is themselves, not bothered if the priests waits in church for a hundred years, not even bothered if people left their various states just for this occasion

But like I said earlier on, this people are bloody hypocrites and would be the first to castrate the man if he tries that on them

The same people that talk about maturity

Ujujoan:

As much as the death of a close friend would hurt, it's not enough for the man to react irrationally, cos that's exactly what he did!

People NEVER think of the consequences behind their actions. People have been invited and have come from miles away, meals have been prepared, arrangements have been finalized! He owed it to his family and other friends, to go through with it, no matter how badly he felt!

Obviously, his attitude didnt come from out of space. His wife should have know the kind of person he is and how to handle him at critical times. I admit that the way she managed the situation was wrong, but that does not justify his actions, at all!

Infact, I think the man is crazy to react that way. If at his age he hasn't come to accept the inevitability of death - everybody's death, then he needs to grow up!

Very soon they will call you a saddist. Welcome!

Ujujoan:

People NEVER think of the consequences behind their actions. People have been invited and have come from miles away, meals have been prepared, arrangements have been finalized! He owed it to his family and other friends, to go through with it, no matter how badly he felt!

The guy was never going to cancel the wedding and never did. The gal did because of her insensitivity. And I think it's with many ladies to never have patience but always push their men to do things immediately without consideration.
The guy could have been considering the best way to proceed with the marriage. He had already spent his money (according to the gal herself), he invited people, he was very ready to make the gal proud though she was in a hurry to get pregnant and CAGE the guy. He didn't kill his friend to disrupt the marriage. Why couldn't she be at least reasonable for one. In everything in life someone has to lose more, she didn't consider her loss before acting her Super Heroine shine. She was quick to declare that she felt nothing for the guy, that should tell you that she never felt anything from the beginning but was always pretending, probably because she was already old and losing patience she got pregnant, and sensing some possibility of disappointment then she over-reacted. She was the one that ruined everything.

Holla!

The man obviously was in total shock! To think that the friend died on his way to your wedding will continually be something that can NEVER be wiped or
erased from the memory of that of the friend's family.

I think what he needed was some empathy and understanding from you. Obviously, you did not know his friend so well and so could not share in your hubby's grief at that time. I believed all you needed to have done was to be beside him, constantly reassuring him but the euphoria and enthusiasm of the marriage ceremony was paramount in your mind.

Your reaction to him was what inadvertently led to the cancellation of the wedding. You cancelled it and not him. I believe that if you had a more reassuring attitude, it will not have led to the slap you got from him hence the reaction of your family members. Also, some issues are best discussed in private and not in the full glare of everyone.

I do not in anyway support his change of mind about the wedding. Even if the marriage is postponed to a later date will not bring back his friend. He ought to have braced up and gone ahead with the wedding (though this may not happen without the guests noticing).

Despite all said, am glad some aspects of the marriage rites have already been done. This still makes you his legal wife. If you still love him (and considering the fact that you are carrying his child) you need to look for a way to make your family accept him back. The ball is entirely in your court. If you however choose to make him a thing of the past, are you ready to be a single parent? Do you want your child to be raised by only one party?

You have a lot of work to do and I suggest you begin now, if you want to save your marriage!!!

jumie:

The man obviously was in total shock! To think that the friend died on his way to your wedding will continually be something that can NEVER be wiped or
erased from the memory of that of the friend's family.

I think what he needed was some empathy and understanding from you. Obviously, you did not know his friend so well and so could not share in your hubby's grief at that time. I believed all you needed to have done was to be beside him, constantly reassuring him but the euphoria and enthusiasm of the marriage ceremony was paramount in your mind.

Your reaction to him was what inadvertently led to the cancellation of the wedding. You cancelled it and not him. I believe that if you had a more reassuring attitude, it will not have led to the slap you got from him hence the reaction of your family members. Also, some issues are best discussed in private and not in the full glare of everyone.

I do not in anyway support his change of mind about the wedding. Even if the marriage is postponed to a later date will not bring back his friend. He ought to have braced up and gone ahead with the wedding (though this may not happen without the guests noticing).

Despite all said, am glad some aspects of the marriage rites have already been done. This still makes you his legal wife. If you still love him (and considering the fact that you are carrying his child) you need to look for a way to make your family accept him back. The ball is entirely in your court. If you however choose to make him a thing of the past, are you ready to be a single parent? Do you want your child to be raised by only one party?

You have a lot of work to do and I suggest you begin now, if you want to save your marriage!!!

So he cancelled his wedding to spite his wife because she wasn't mourning his friend   

C'mon, let's not get sentimental here. The guy had no reason to cancel that wedding, except he has changed his mind about marrying her completely. If what you say is right, then why is he apologizing to her only a day after that?

What exactly do you mean by privacy? The guy had a wedding to prepare for and was fast asleep with dosens of guests in his house. How is that not a public affair?

The fact remains that the guy acted foolishly. Not the actions of someone I would call a man!

This is not just about the sorrow he was passing through, it's the responsibility he had towards his wife, her family, his family, and his other numerous friends who came all the way to witness his wedding!

Ye

precap2:

The guy was never going to cancel the wedding and never did. The gal did because of her insensitivity. And I think it's with many ladies to never have patience but always push their men to do things immediately without consideration.
The guy could have been considering the best way to proceed with the marriage. He had already spent his money (according to the gal herself), he invited people, he was very ready to make the gal proud though she was in a hurry to get pregnant and CAGE the guy. He didn't kill his friend to disrupt the marriage. Why couldn't she be at least reasonable for one. In everything in life someone has to lose more, she didn't consider her loss before acting her Super Heroine shine. She was quick to declare that she felt nothing for the guy, that should tell you that she never felt anything from the beginning but was always pretending, probably because she was already old and losing patience she got pregnant, and sensing some possibility of disappointment then she over-reacted. She was the one that ruined everything.

Holla!

Yea right, blame it on the woman! Isn't that what you guys always do?

A guys decides to cancel his wedding at the dissapointment of his family and friends, just because he wanted to teach his wife a lesson! And then go back the next day to apologize! And you still have the guts to say it's her fault!

All you guys think about is how desperate women are to get married. Did it ever occur to you that the guy wanted to get her pregnant before marrying her?

It's unfortunate dou, I mean it has happened already. But I dont envy the poster, who is stuck with such as child as a husband for the rest of her life!

@poster
anyone can understand that the husband was in a very low emotional state of mind. losing a close friend is not easy to bare,especially if he was very close.

postponing the wedding will only have you lose MONEY and you should have given your husband the time to "heal" from this tragic event. trying to force him into doing something he was not mentally fit to do was not the way to go.

slapping you was NOT right but people dont normally act right after hearing the news of a love one's death therefore you should forgive his act(unless it was not the first time)

Mr. BJ, I couldnt disagree with you more! I'm sorry, but your post is very unreasonable!

It's not just money that would have been lost if the wedding was postponed. What about his other friends and family that came all the way to witness the wedding? What about his wife and her family? And even the money is a very important thing to consider. My people say 'e jighi akpata atufuo a ba uba'!

The only thing that could have been postponed here is the mourning. Posting the wedding is very much penny wise, pound foolish!

If the wedding was months or even a week away, he could have posponed it. But not when people have come from all over. He insulted his family, the wife's family and his friends. Just beause he was mouning a dead friend. If doing that would have brought his friend back, then I would even slap the wife myself forarguing with him!

What he did was irrational, inconsiderate, selfish and very typical of men!

i really want to say thank you all for your contributions, i have not been able to reply this post because of the situation i found myself in ( cant eat or drink or even concentrate on my self) but thank God i am pulling through and getting better with each passing day.

today 26th of july is my one month of remembrance, all i do now is to give thanks to God. i also started work, apoligizing everyday to my numerous friends that came around for the wedding, even my co-workers.

@ precap2, i find it hard to believe that you called me a hooker in your mail, did you just said i tied the man down with pregnancy or what? any ways you re entitled to your own opinion, but i would like you to understand that in my culture once a man pays for a womans brideprice she is entirely his wife and she is supposed to fulfil all obligations to him as a wife. my traditional and court marriage was celebtarted on oct last year, with that i became his wife fully.
the white wedding as we all know is to invite God fully into the marriage and to exchange vows, it is a blessing of marriage.

my hubby is still apologizing, i have feelings and i have forgiven him because i dont hold grudges for long. it is just that i find it pretty difficult to explain to over a hundred guest i invited personally that i was not jinxed on my wedding day by my husband rather that somebody died. people find it hard to believe and i wont blame anyone who would not understand.

in addition, i pray that no one would have this kind of experience i had even my worst enemy. and my advice to all preparing to get married is this, please dont be carried away by the preparation rather dedicate more time in prayers for the sucess of the ceremony. i think i didnt do that much.

jenny9:

in addition, i pray that no one would have this kind of experience i had even my worst enemy. and my advice to all preparing to get married is this, please dont be carried away by the preparation rather dedicate more time in prayers for the sucess of the ceremony. i think i didnt do that much.

I love the highlighted. Amen

Jenny, am really sorry about my first post, I am really sorry, cant magine what you are going through right now. My advice now is that at the end of the day it boils down to you and your husband, not the guest or the caterers or the evnt planners, remove them all from the equation and think about you your man and your baby. Let me quote some parts of 1St Corinthians 13:
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, am nothing
4 Love is patient, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7[b] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; wh[/b]ether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (LOVE).
Forgive your husband, take back your home, the Lord is your strenght, am so sorry, wish you a happy married life. The end of a matter is better than the begining

jenny9:

@ precap2, i find it hard to believe that you called me a hooker in your mail,

I can't remember calling you that baby. I had to go through my posts in this thread to make sure I didn't post such when drunk (and I don't drink either). I'm very careful with words and such word as hooker can hardly be found in my vocabulary.
It's nice to hear from you and know you're alive and kicking. If you read thru my comments in your thread you'd see that I was saying one and the same thing. If you have time just look thru all the posts by precap2.
May God grant us all wisdom

Holla!

jenny9:

in addition, i pray that no one would have this kind of experience i had even my worst enemy. and my advice to all preparing to get married is this, please dont be carried away by the preparation rather dedicate more time in prayers for the sucess of the ceremony. i think i didnt do that much.

AMEN!! please find it in your heart to forgive him, love and accept him back, you know without him you are incomplete. Wish you best of luck

heeeeeyyy Jenny that's so good of u to have 4given him.
I wish u brighter days/years ahead in ur matrimony and I pray u dont suffer anymore setback

@ Jenny9,

Am glad you have forgiven your husband and that you are back on your feet.

Make sure you put God first in all that you do. Most especially as you are expecting a baby, you need to be prayerful for smooth pregnancy, safe delivery and a healthy baby.

Cheers!

My dear sister pls do not let anybody deceive you that you should forgive your husband.you need to ask [your husband for forgiveness too he lost a close frend coming for his wedding and all you wnted to do was get married he felt alone you should have empathised with him and you kept saying "my wedding" not our wedding pls get off your high horse and understand that you were both wrong.

andromida:

My dear sister pls do not let anybody deceive you that you should forgive your husband.you need to ask [your husband for forgiveness too he lost a close frend coming for his wedding and all you wnted to do was get married he felt alone you should have empathised with him and you kept saying "my wedding" not our wedding pls get off your high horse and understand that you were both wrong.

I agree with you completely.

Holla!

and btw, who went and told the man about his friend's death right before the wedding ceremony?

have people taken leave of their senses these days?

Lol @ Uju on a roll

andromida:

My dear sister pls do not let anybody deceive you that you should forgive your husband.you need to ask [your husband for forgiveness too he lost a close frend coming for his wedding and all you wnted to do was get married he felt alone you should have empathised with him and you kept saying "my wedding" not our wedding pls get off your high horse and understand that you were both wrong.

She isn't on any high horse, her first post was devoid of emotion because she is still in shock and is only just starting to unravel her feelings, this incident only happened a month ago

tpiah:

and btw, who went and told the man about his friend's death right before the wedding ceremony?

have people taken leave of their senses these days?

GBAM, they shouldn't have told the couple someone has died on that day sef, let alone someone dying on the way to their wedding. Some people are just devoid of common sense

Ujujoan:

Mr. BJ, I couldnt disagree with you more! I'm sorry, but your post is very unreasonable!

It's not just money that would have been lost if the wedding was postponed. What about his other friends and family that came all the way to witness the wedding? What about his wife and her family? And even the money is a very important thing to consider. My people say 'e jighi akpata atufuo a ba uba'!

The only thing that could have been postponed here is the mourning. Posting the wedding is very much penny wise, pound foolish!

If the wedding was months or even a week away, he could have posponed it. But not when people have come from all over. He insulted his family, the wife's family and his friends. Just beause he was mouning a dead friend. If doing that would have brought his friend back, then I would even slap the wife myself forarguing with him!

What he did was irrational, inconsiderate, selfish and very typical of men!

i guess we all feel differently about our friend. if anything would happen to my best friend on wedding day(or the day before), the wedding is DEFINITELY postponed. i would get up and go talk to everybody personally and explain to them the reason why i needed more time to get hitched.
ANYONE in attendance who will be against my wishes to mourn and get married in due time IS THE UNREASONABLE ONE.

how can you even think of forcing someone to get married during such a painful time?! the way you talk about postponing mourning clearly shows me that you've never lost a dear person in your life. i guess marriage is above everything in your world!

apart from catering, anything else can be replaced/wait until another day therefore its all a financial loss nothing to be remotely compared with human loss.

anyone wanting to go ahead with marriage in this situation is irrational, inconsiderate, selfish and typical of women thinking that the day of marriage is all about THEM. lol!

O my gosh!

O my gosh!

Mr. BJ quit trying to justify the man's actions. He realized he fuked up and apologized to his wife and she graciously forgave him. Let's drop it ok?

Ujujoan:

Mr. BJ quit trying to justify the man's actions. He realized he fuked up and apologized to his wife and she graciously forgave him. Let's drop it ok?

And you're pleased. One day we'll all reason alike

MRbrownJAY:

i guess we all feel differently about our friend. if anything would happen to my best friend on wedding day(or the day before), the wedding is DEFINITELY postponed. i would get up and go talk to everybody personally and explain to them the reason why i needed more time to get hitched.
ANYONE in attendance who will be against my wishes to mourn and get married in due time IS THE UNREASONABLE ONE.

how can you even think of forcing someone to get married during such a painful time?! the way you talk about postponing mourning clearly shows me that you've never lost a dear person in your life. i guess marriage is above everything in your world!

apart from catering, anything else can be replaced/wait until another day therefore its all a financial loss nothing to be remotely compared with human loss.

anyone wanting to go ahead with marriage in this situation is irrational, inconsiderate, selfish and typical of women thinking that the day of marriage is all about THEM. lol!

Most of them have robot feelings. They feel only what the electric impulse put in their memory, and that's usually not much. Canceling the wedding would have been good idea, but I personally would have held it in VERY low key, just to give the lady her day (since they believe it belongs to them alone). But for those calling for the guy to brave it and move on just like that have little that might appeal to my kind of person.
We're all different though.

Holla!

MrBrownJay gives great advice but when it comes to marriage? It is like a different person speaking.

How many men want to plan a wedding themselves? Go see the decor and pick out the colors? Most couldnt be fussed. That is why they tell their woman. . . It is your day do what makes you happy but everyone knows it is always about the TWO people getting married. Sometimes a lot of people here can be so unrealistic.