Hi Nairalanders,
I need your advice. My five years relationship is at the middle of a great storm. For the past one year, my girlfriend has been complaining that I am not romantic. She's always telling me that the relationship is boring. Here is a text I got from her today after calling her.

"Each day, my heart longs for a happy and better relationship. Do all you can to make this relationship romantic and fun-filled. Happy night rest".

It all started before we started dating. She made me realize that she is not freaked by words, that guys are always flattering girls with those words. This deleted all the words I would have been using for her in my dictionary.

To my greatest surprise, she has been complaining for more than one year now, that I don’t use words for her. She said I treat her like a normal friend (not like someone she is in a relationship with). I'm finding it hard to use those words because she made me delete them in my dictionary. Anytime I call her, she is always expecting words from me. When her complaints got unbearable, I started using those words but she said I'm saying them because she asked to always do so. She said they are not from my mind (which is true). This made me stop again.

Back in the University days, she does not complain but for the past 3 years, we have been hundreds of kilometres apart. Recently, I asked her why she agreed to go out with me when she knows I am not romantic and lively (we were like 5 guys chasing her back then). She said it’s because of my morals. Naturally, I am an introvert and I don’t talk much. That’s why she said I’m boring. I’m not romantic because I don’t use words for her.

Now, I am thinking of calling it quit with her because I don’t think I can stand her complaints anymore. I have never tested another girl but her complaint is making me to have a rethink. I'm thinking of starting afresh with someone else with a new dictionary that contains all those words. The problem is that a known devil is better than an unknown angel. I don’t wanna lose her because I have invested a lot in the relationship. I can’t imagine myself chasing a girl again because I chased her for more than 2 years before she said yes to me. At the same time, I'm finding it difficult to do what she wants because it has not been part of the relationship right from the onset. I love her but I hate her complaints.

HOW CAN I BE LIVELY AND ROMANTIC IN A DISTANT RELATIONSHIP? Must I always say I love her? I need your advice please. Thanks.

marriage is serious issue,it is meant to be enjoy not to be endure!!!!!!!if love is blind,marriage will open the blindness,if she cannot accept you the way you are now and marry her because you don't want to loose her or start afresh,you may regret your action because then when you are married to her it will so frustrating,you Will not have any place to go(for better for worse) and it may lead you to what you didn't planned for in your life(marriage)

You can really try to please in any way you can just to please hher and she also needs to take you the way you are !

@nath01, thanks. I'm still thinking of the decision to take.

@stroke-in, every other thing is there except the understanding. I think I better open my eyes wide so as to clearly see the girls passing by.

@big father, I'm trying my best but it seems my best is nothing to her.

how you wan make i read that essay but stay positive

her love for you is definitely waning

Each day, my heart longs for a happy and better relationship.

coupled with this, any sharp man with sugar coated mouth can easily snatch your girl away from you at this point

i think the problem is more with her than you. she either needs to accept you for who you are or work "together" with you on what you got, if it needs improvement or move on and go find out if the grass is greener outside, which usually isn't

Guy,

In distant, relationships, na yans dey rule. And your girl is no different from any woman i know. They all like sweet words. Whether you like it or not, you gotta use dem. Go re-insert those missing words in your ''dictionary'' before it is too late! I feel u care about this woman. So,keep her.

BTW, you said if you get a new girl, you will have to get a new dictionary with all the old words in it. Why is it getting difficult for you to re-introduce them to this chic dictionary now? Abi the complaint don dey kill your ''love'' for her too? U don dey eye one other chic, abi?

4rm your sayings, it seems like you don't like this lady? Cos if you do, you will always cherish to make her happy. What do u mean by that you have deleted 'the so called words' from your dictionary? Better find way put it back.

@poster
any man who has some common sense in his brain will understand that you cant act the way you always did, NOW that you got into a LDR.

if after 5yrs you cant find it within you to tell this person (with whom you should be very comfortable) how you feel about her/you/your relationship then the problem is bigger than you think.
she wants you to make her feel that all is well, to reassure her about why you guys are doing this, to give her strength as i am sure being away from each other se*xless, passionless is not an easy task.

also you wrote:

It all started before we started dating. She made me realize that she is not freaked by words, that guys are always flattering girls with those words. This deleted all the words I would have been using for her in my dictionary.

its all about telling her how you TRULY feel not telling her words from an imaginary list that you have in your head. look at her,look at what you guys have and be honest about how you feel about it.

Anytime I call her, she is always expecting words from me. When her complaints got unbearable, I started using those words but she said I'm saying them because she asked to always do so. She said they are not from my mind (which is true). This made me stop again

what else should she expect from you when you are both at the other side of the world from one another?! you are talking as if telling her how you care/love/feel for her is a burden to you?!

Back in the University days, she does not complain but for the past 3 years, we have been hundreds of kilometres apart. Recently, I asked her why she agreed to go out with me when she knows I am not romantic and lively (we were like 5 guys chasing her back then). She said it’s because of my morals.

so do you expect her to treat you, and expect from you, the same as she did when she first met you?!
dont people evolve in the relationships near you?!

Naturally, I am an introvert and I don’t talk much. That’s why she said I’m boring. I’m not romantic because I don’t use words for her.

but you wrote before that you had this "words"in your dictionary before deleting them. . . . . .so which one is it?! do you have the goods or not?!

Now, I am thinking of calling it quit with her because I don’t think I can stand her complaints anymore. I have never tested another girl but her complaint is making me to have a rethink. I'm thinking of starting afresh with someone else with a new dictionary that contains all those words.

if such a silly, "easy to fix" issue is making you rethink then i understand why she doubts the supposed love you have for her.

At the same time, I'm finding it difficult to do what she wants because it has not been part of the relationship right from the onset. I love her but I hate her complaints.

 

at the beginning of this relationship, you had no problem changing yourself for her (forgetting your "dictionary" BUT NOW its a big deal for you to do it?!
i guess you are simply tired of this union and you should just be honest instead of trying to make silly excuses like these ones.

she don dey beans somebody else so~

i think d girl likes u she helpin u out,so dat u know what she want,to keep d relationship goin, u must learn how to, only if u dont love her.

i dont see anythng hard in tellng your GF how you feel about her, its not just words, its what u feel deep inside!

I strongly advice that you read the FREE relationship tips on how to build a successful relationship on http://www.leaddate..com.
Read it and figure out the area(s) you need to make amendment.