Please House Advice Me, What should I do?

I am a man, 40 years of age, my spouse is 38; I got married nine years ago. My spouse had given birth to a baby girl while she was in Secondary school; the girl finished her SS 3 this year.

But since I got married to my wife, she had been unable to conceive. We’ve tried medical and native drugs none worked.

I suggested to my wife that we should adopt a baby, she refused, I suggested this because I love children and I want to have the one I could call mine.

I suggested to my wife nine years ago when we got wedded that she should let her daughter stay with us, she refused, the girl stayed with her parents.

Recently after, thorough medical examinations, it was discovered that I have low sperm count, yet my wife did not cooperate with me on the said adoption.

Advice me, what do I do?

You need your spouses consent before you will be allowed to adopt, both of you will be interviewed social welfare and Judge have to be satisfied that you will provide the best environement for your child.
Talk to her, explain how you feel and how much you want a child, if this fails you can get people she respects to talk to her. Good luck

You need your spouses consent before you will be allowed to adopt, both of you will be interviewed social welfare and Judge have to be satisfied that you will provide the best environement for your child.
Talk to her, explain how you feel and how much you want a child, if this fails you can get people she respects to talk to her. Good luck

Thanks Aisha for your advice. I've done all you suggested and my wife remains adamant. She has her own child, yet she doesn't want me to have any. I am thinking of divorcing her. What do you suggest?

have you tried fertility drugs?

what's her reason for refusing to adopt?

I have tried some drugs and local herbs.
My wife could not give any reason for her refusal. What do i do?

@poster
let me get this straight: are you saying that your wife WANTS another kid but only if its one of her own? or she just doesnt want any children any longer?

i guess you guys are not spring chicken anymore and raising children late in life isnt easy but the important point IS: if she didnt want (didnt have the time) to raise her own daughter, what makes you think she will want to do it all over again with an adopted kid?!

unless your wife fully and openly accept to adopt, there is no point doing it otherwise (unless you divorce her).
having a child that will be unwanted by the mother is just wrong and we can already imagine what will happen when you are NOT around.

I will not advocate for divorce but if you feel really strongly about having a child and your wife remains adamant, find out why she has taken such a hard stad and try to work around it. Its really a tricky situation, best wishes

aisha2:

I will not advocate for divorce but if you feel really strongly about having a child and your wife remains adamant, find out why she has taken such a hard stad and try to work around it. Its really a tricky situation, best wishes

but the wife won't give a reason for refusing to adopt. tough situation.

Try IVF, if she does not want to adopt then,go for assisted conception.

bawomolo:

but the wife won't give a reason for refusing to adopt. tough situation.

My Brother wetin you want make i talk? I cant tell him to divorce his wife, na me go marry am?

Well Aisha, I need serious advice from this forum and i want you to give it straight. I am divorcing her anyway because she is just selfish.

MRbrownJAY:

raising children late in life isnt easy

I didn't know 38 is late in life, they're both just getting to their middle ages.

deagleng:

I am divorcing her anyway because she is just selfish.

Selfishness is not enough ground for divorce and remember you have your own little problem too, it's not as if it's entirely her fault. As a matter of fact it's not her fault she cannot conceive, so take it easy with her, mister.

Even if you divorce, you might not be able to impregnate another woman. U got low sperm count. I can feel ur urge to haveyour own kids but Oga u gotta work on urself.

deagleng:

Well Aisha, I need serious advice from this forum and i want you to give it straight. I am divorcing her anyway because she is just selfish.

Well you have answered yourself. No one should be so rigid, I was consoderably worried on why she would not let her own daughter live with her. I wish you well, everyone deserves to be happy if having a child makes you happy then you should have one. Good luck

hope you did not use the hospital your wife is recomending try another hospital alone for your sparm text cos at times some women could be very funny o they might be the problem whole dey deceive you to thier own hospital for fake check up be wise and as for devorcing your wife u have to realy think about it cos it is not always the best solution,

I wonder why your wife is being so selfish. But i think you should still try and talk things through with her.
Also i believe there are some steps that can be taken towards improving the sperm count?
Why don't youtalk to a health practitioner and try them out?
Goodluck!

From my own point od view, I dont think the woman is being selfish. Infact on the other hand, I think she's thinking of the adopted child!

A woman who wouldnt have her own child living with her is certainly lacking marternal abilitites. She probably knows she would ruin the poor child's life! (bad parenting can do that you know).

@ poster

Not everybody is meant to have kids you know. Sometimes, the whole thing is over rated sef. If your wife dosn't want anymore ids, you cantry and deal with that. Cos let's face it, you are partly yo blame here!

if you can't deal with it then maybe you should go ahead and divorce her and find a woman who'll give you what you want.

goodluck!

@Uju -

From my own point od view, I dont think the woman is being selfish. Infact on the other hand, I think she's thinking of the adopted child!

Why cant you be fair and objective in your posts? Why do you always make assumptions about peoples situations, just so you can justify your opinion? How do you know the OP's wife is thinking about the adopted child? Did she make you privy to this information? Is there anything is his post that led you to this conclusion? I'm just making an observation, that all.

Not everybody is meant to have kids you know. Sometimes, the whole thing is over rated sef. If your wife dosn't want anymore ids, you cantry and deal with that. Cos let's face it, you are partly yo blame here!

This is very insensitive - i suspect this is because he is a man. If the wife did not want to have children, she would not have had one of her own so early - unless she changed her mind afterwards; which is selfish, as other posters have already alluded to here. When did this kind of attitude espoused above ever solve any relationship problems?

@OP -   A low spermatozoa count does not necessarily stop you from conceiving - it just reduces the odds. You can still conceive via IVF. Whist this is far more expensive than adoption, it may be an avenue you may want to pursue; and if your wife says NO to this as well, then  you know she even more selfish than you originally thought.

Also, it is also pertinent that your wife undergoes a fertility test as well - even though she has had a child before. This is standard procedure with couples having difficulty in conceiving.

^^ Dont be silly!

She had a child in secondary! How could she have wanted that? Dont you see how that experience might have affected her view of life and having children? The fact that she had her youth interrupted has obviously spoilt the idea that children are a blessing for her! You guys are the ones being selfish here. The woman is having a hard time loving her own flesh and blood and you still want her to adopt.

Looks like the poster has made up his mind on what to do already and like I said earlier, maybe that's a good idea!

have you both discussed/considered Assisted reproductive technology i.e IVF?

adoption is quite hard for some for the obvious reasons but does she truly even want a child? i ask, because even though the issue of infertility is hard on couples but at least she'd be willing and open to options and not be completely numb and un-cooperative(as you claim) on the issue. but do continue to communicate with her on the issue, maybe the thing is sure too hard for her

dont lose hope though, some men with LPC can still father a child

@poster since your wife will not allow the child in your home,adoptb a child and keep him/her with your parents.The score is 1/1.

of what use will it for him to adopt a child and then dump it on his parents while he clearly has a home and wife and is very much capable for caring for him/her

sayso:

@poster since your wife will not allow the child in your home,adoptb a child and keep him/her with your parents.The score is 1/1.

look out for your marriage and not youself. Insist your wife do the same. Having a child take both parents, even for adoption.

coolier:



I didn't know 38 is late in life, they're both just getting to their middle ages.

Selfishness is not enough ground for divorce and remember you have your own little problem too, it's not as if it's entirely her fault. As a matter of fact it's not her fault she cannot conceive, so take it easy with her, mister.

at 39, this woman is having a child late in her "reproductive" life. yes, some women are pushing up to their 60s to have kids but menopause comes much earlier than that for the masses.

so i am safe to say that in your mid 20s to early 30s is the ripe time while anything before that is "considered" early and after that period is considered late.

also it means that they will be in their 50s when the kid just turn 10. . . . . . . . . . .  although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it will greatly reduce the amount of physically demanding activities that can be done with a growing child such as play sport etc. lol

@Uju -

The woman is having a hard time loving her own flesh and blood

Another blatant assumption.

aisha2:

Well you have answered yourself. No one should be so rigid, I was consoderably worried on why she would not let her own daughter live with her. I wish you well, everyone deserves to be happy if having a child makes you happy then you should have one. Good luck

You heard from one side and you turned yourself to marriage counsellor and yet you do not have marriage experience.
You only allow yourself to consent to the will of a confused, selfish, ungrateful fool, who will blame innocent woman for his inability to produce a child. What woman go into marriage without a child and yet will be happy? You never wait a moment to consider the feeling of the woman who gave 9 solid year to a worthless man, yet advise wrongly.

Thank you Alyxm or what is your name. But mind your language, as sensible as your contribution is, yet you spoilt it with calling me fool. We are not fighting here, I just need advice from sensible NL not worthless people.

Alxmyr:

You heard from one side and you turned yourself to marriage counsellor and yet you do not have marriage experience.
You only allow yourself to consent to the will of a confused, selfish, ungrateful fool, who will blame innocent woman for his inability to produce a child. What woman go into marriage without a child and yet will be happy? You never wait a moment to consider the feeling of the woman who gave 9 solid year to a worthless man, yet advise wrongly.

Am sorry

aisha2:

Am sorry

Aisha, please don't be sorry.

You don't need to be married to give marriage counselling. Not all marriage counsellors are married, it's a qualification that's awarded, regardless of ones marital status.

Your advice has always been good on here, don't give up!

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