I read with awe, shock and sometimes pity mired in disgust, stories of women who feel aggrieved by wrong-doings meted out to them by men-folk.

These were women who have had dalliances with these men under ‘FWB’, ‘one night stand’, ‘loosely exclusive’, ‘side-chick’, ‘sponsor’ arrangements who are now crying ‘wolf’ as things have gone rather sour.

I often think .. “You were in a relationship that had no pre-set boundaries or definition as you had something to gain. You only cry out when things have not gone your way or there is a perception of wrong-doing: Then there is a sudden realisation of vulnerability particularly if a lot financially/ emotionally is at stake.”

“Suddenly I have been wronged with no admission of how I contributed to being wronged: i.e. being less assertive or repeatedly engaging in sub-optimal behaviour”… are the offered explanations.

Glaring omissions on the woman’s part such as taking personal responsibility, placing boundaries, working a little harder to pre-define the dalliance or using contraception in some cases which might have prevented this drama are often left unsaid, I muse.


These actions or perceptions of wrong are labelled broadly under the rape clause. I am no lawyer and will make no pretence to be knowledgeable about legal matters, particularly the technicalities but common sense should prevail.


I find absurd that culpability only belongs to only one party but not both of the people involved in the sins of the flesh.

The probability of ‘vulnerability’ has become the umbrella that houses every guileless woman who feels wronged by her ex-lover’s dismissal of her ‘love’ or attraction in some cases.
This is not a new fad/ occurrence as representations are found even in the bible… Remember Potiphar’s wife who cried rape when Joseph spurned her advances in honour of his master and his personal religious beliefs… hmmm mmm: You’re getting the picture!!


Unfortunately many Josephs abound. In the Nigerian context, where patriarchy is king, these Josephs have often eaten of the poisoned apple or have drunk from the poisoned chalice and find the task of restitution onerous at best when labelled guilty.
On the flip side, some of these women find this activity of being positioned as the vulnerable party, effectively increases public sympathy and by default legitimises their part in the said action, absolving them of all culpability: sometimes granting them access to financial redress. This is broadcast on social media as acceptable and the cycle is never-ending.



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My piece is not to the Josephs as society and nature to an extent, somehow protects them, but to the young women who feel they can take on risks/ participate in risky behaviour without a consequence. As a saying goes… there is no free lunch in Freetown.

Whether these walks on the dark side is borne out of a promised financial inducement, or simply a need to participate in sexual role-plays to entice a (would-be) lover without properly defined boundaries, lack of a good role model or lack of good home-training, there is a consequence or a price to your actions.
Be prepared to pay it.


The courts of justice or of public opinion may not always rule in your favour... As Society may rather frown at; and not tolerate or excuse your behaviour. People have lost their livelihood, families, financial independence and sometimes their good mental health, walking down this thorny path that initially appeared rosy. So prevention is better than cure, if at all there is a cure!!


To Future sweet girls/ boys, unplanned baby mamas/ papas, babygirls, small girls with a big gods or sponsors.
Be warned….. there is a price to pay: sometimes much more than what was gained initially or even bargained for.



Posterity reveals much but often too late for the central actor.

Let him/her that has functional ears, hear.


shalom!!