1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a "you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur every leap year.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

9. Instead of "beer belly," you'd get "beer biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.