after i was born (27 years ago) the doctors told my mum that she could not have anymore children. So my mum and dad have 3 daughters (including myself as the youngest)

All of a sudden, 5 years ago, my dad said that he wanted to marry a second wife in order to have a son. My sister's and I were against it, and my mum adopted a non-chalent attitude. We soon learnt that they had had this conversation hundreds of times over the years, and she refused for him to marry again. Before long we got a call to say that he had married again. We were never informed of when it was happening, or who this lady was! (we live in the UK, and my dad goes back and forth to Nigeria)

So after trying for a child with no success, a couple of years ago, my dad brought up the issue of adoption. My mother went crazy as this was what she was suggesting all these years instead of going to marry again. We also supported my mother and said no.

Lo and behold, last week, my father announced that he had adopted a new born baby boy.

How can a father do something like this without a care for how it makes his children and wife feel. he is tearing his family apart!

[s]_{will comment later, something doesnt just add up here}[/s]

Wahala dey o

Sorry i no it hurts but you all should try and forgive him, is just that he want you all to have a brother but he did it the wrong way.

thanks for the replies guys. I understand the whole having a son for legacy business, but i also think it's unbelievably selfish. We are not bad children. We look after our parents well!

hmmmmm that's so selfish of ur dad. yes hope he realises his mistakes someday soon.

who is caring 4 the son now, where is he. God is already punishing that man by not giving him children from the other wife. and yet he still didnt learn.

the boy was born last week, and is being looked after by his second wife back home. My dad is here recovering from chemo after having being diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. He's looking to head back to Nigeria asap.

I honesty think there's more to the story than your dad is letting you in on. Anyway just forget aabout it these are you fathers problems and you shouldnt make them your issues in any way whatsoever. I know it may not be an easy thing to do. Also do not take it out of your half/brother love him like your blood, and give your mother all the support she needs.

But you know what I am thinking here, I think your father has been living a double life for ages.     

I think that boy is your fathers biological child from maybe the other woman or someone else!

jumie:

I think that boy is your fathers biological child from maybe the other woman or someone else!

were you reading my mind ?

jumie:

I think that boy is your fathers biological child from maybe the other woman or someone else!

thats what i thought too but did not have the gall to say so

Is your father a yoruba man?

Hi everyone

Thanks for the responses. My father is an Igbo man (through and through!) I don't think the baby could be his, as he has been in the UK for a year now, getting hospital treatment.

He is indeed living a double life, with his second wife back home, and my mother here in the UK. He only really comes to the UK for hospital appointments/treatment. To be honest, if it wasn't for that, I'm sure he wouldn't come at all!

We have tried to speak to him sooooo many times. Even getting other family members to mediate, but he just says that we don't understand, and that he's doing it for us so that when we get married we can still come to the house and have a say. That's just BS in my opinion. We have a very good relationship with my father's brothers, and couldn't really care less of what they decided to do with the family land, etc when my dad has gone!

How can you do something for someone, when they are begging you not to do it? Doesn't it then just become all about you, and nothing to do with them?!??!

@poster
i am wondering why he didnt divorce the second wifey when he discovered that she couldnt have kids of her own and then adopt a kid with wifey number one?!

i think the kid story is not the MAIN reason for all this mess but your father is an adult and can do what he damn well please so just accept it (as he obviously doesnt care what you people think)

also, if your mum lives in the UK and your father is always in 9ja then i understand why he would need some "companionship" over there to cook and clean for him etc and someone to take care of the kid.

This sounds like an excuse to take a second wife.

For as long as I can remember, there has always been talk about my dad's need for a son. My mother suggested many years ago, when I was young that they should adopt a boy, but my dad insisted that the child must be his blood. Hence the need for a second wife.

@MRbrownJAY My parents have been in the UK since the early 70's, but my dad has been going back and forth for many years. If he wanted companioinship, he should have taken his first wife with him!

Also, my dad will never get rid of the 2nd woman. He will never admit that he has done it all wrong. As per his own words- "you want me to go a lick my vomit?!?!?"

But like most are saying, my dad has made his bed, so he can lie in it.

Everyone has a right to live there dream.  Your dad's was to have a son. He has my respect, despite what your mom and you daughters objections, he stood fast to his goals.  You should learn from your father, when you move to your own future, remember, everyone has a right to be happy and pursue their dreams.

Now if we can get people like your mother and sisters to support their men. We might be happier.

This is like wat happened in my family, jst dat my mum dies nd left I nd my sis. My dad remarried bt the woman hasn't given birth till now. They were talkin of an adoption bt we jst kept mute. Nw my dad jst discovered he has a child frm anoda woman unknown to him. His son has refused to accept d fact dat my dad is his dad. As for me nd my sis, ntin concerns us. We're jst livin our lives. All we're waitin for is to get married nd honestly, if I shld hav my way, ntin will concern me wif my dad.

@op, my comment is influenced by the nollywood films I've been watching lately.

- something went wrong with the marriage
- dad was influenced/advised by friends who have done same (a high % of Nigeria men residing in Europe keeps another family at home)
- mum might know something about the inability of the other woman to conceive
- the baby might be his
- he is probably being remote-controlled
- Best to leave him alone, pray for him and give him his space. he will return to his senses faster