I notice some people try and get my attention due to the prurient magnetism I have on them.

Sugomu

hasnt Seanet shown he has more sense than u already ?

U are the daftest NLer ever, we all know that.

Who be ur papa sef ?

Prologue

A man of dour countenance, whose kneeling posture
in cultured "London, UK," where we
lay our scene, a study in dignity is.
From infamous notoriety risen to new scurrilous
heights a feud, and uncivil tongue makes civil minds unclean.
Forth from the fecund mind of this bloke issue drama,
arguments, and rejoinders to put an end to all contrary
contentions. The continuance of which by the entrance of one
CARLISTO77, whose erudition makes him nonpareil
on nairaland, is rendered senseless.
But for their duel, hostilities on Nairaland which naught else
could remove, would continue worlds without end.
And now, if you with patient ears attend, their duel, nay,
its genesis we shall view.


SCENE 1: Somewhere in "London, UK"

Sagamite (kneeling before a portrait, his likeness, afixed onto which a sticker that reads: Super, Supra, Intelligent ME!!!! His face is uplifted, and though his contenance is dour, the eyes, how shall we describe them? Not since Einstein or such apologists as C.S. Lewis, or such philosophers as Emmanuel Kant, or theologians such as Thomas Aquinas was such intelligence evident in a person's eyes. But we may not compare him with Kant but rather with Hume since he is no idealist, nor with Aquinas but to Hitchens since he pays no heed to religious mumbo-jumbo. We meet him, though, engaged in a strange ritual.)

O Atha, god who does not exist, who did not make anything, who does not hear nor respond, thank you for recharging my super, supra, intelligent mind while I slept. I wake me now, o god of all eists to attend the duty I enjoy most. Thanks for giving me all the time in the world to attend to this beloved vocation. Now here is my request: Grant me the strength, the bile, the vocabulary, to abuse and to render senseless everyone on Nairaland today. Let my arguments destroy any joy, hope, or optimism that comes to the Forum today. Let my intelligence and power of argument and logic be evident to all today and,

Daemon (a being sentient but invisible)

What are you doing? I thought you didn't believe,

Sagamite (not deigning to look around for the speaker)

Shut up, retard, who told you I be---

Daemon

While you are wasting your time a new thread is in full swing on Nairaland, and---

Sagamite

slowpoke! My Blackberry, laptop, and desktop all signal me, "ping," of any development on Nairaland, so,

Daemon

They must not have "pinged" this time because they're all rejoicing on Nairaland.

Sagamite

Asinine goat! assertion that defies logic and intelli---

Daemon (pointing to Sagamite's gadgets)

See for yourself.

Sagamite (stands up and goes to the desk, his Blackberry is lighted. He taps a key from both his laptop and desktop. His face clouds and he bangs a fist on the desk, the Blackberry flies off, but with the dexterity of Peter Rufai, he snatches it in mid air. He studies the message on the Blackberry)

Nigeria Vs USA: 4 - 2! @ Women's U-20 World Cup.


What?! That's impossible!

Daemon

Not impossible, it's a fact!

Sagamite (still not bothering to look for his interlocutor)

But that's good, isn't it? It means they will be abusing the president and the NFF

Daemon

Wrong! They've forgotten about the president and the NFF for now, they are all rejoicing. In fact, this appears to have united them.

Sagamite

What?! They are not supposed to be happy! They are suppose to be angry and bitter and abusive at every turn!

Daemon

So I thought! I also thought you'd be busy doing something about it instead you are pra---

Sagamite

RETARD! I wasn't! My religion is Objectivity and I follow it religiously. I am a Prophet in the Temple of Objectivity. I don't do Islam, I don't do Xtianity, I don't do Jesus, I don't do Mohammed.

Daemon

Ok, ok! Do something then!

Sagamite (sits and open a web page on his desktop computer, the page displays a "Google UK" search engine. He types as he mutters.)

Pic---ture---of---the fal---co--nets---

Bingo!

Now let me copy and paste on Nairaland, but I will first post this and see how they react.

(types the following with two index fingers with surprising speed:

As usual, we pack a bunch of obviously over-aged people to go and thrash kids and we call it achievement.

Colombia, abeg, thrash them to shreds please. I beg you in the name of Obantala!)

What? Someone has responded already? Now the picture---! (he face changes from dourness to delight)

All his gadgets begin to emit "pinging" sound. He jump up in delight and turns to give a fist bump to his interlocutor but sees no one!)

Have I been talking to myself? That can't be, it was an intelligent---but why would it matter? With my highly developed mind, this is simply a manifestation of a Freudian tic! Even Nietzsche talked to horses!

(turns back to the computer screen)

What?! Someone is asking "who is this Sagamite?" Here is who Sagamite is (types furiously as before).

Sagamite?

Sagamite is one of the most intelligent contributors on NL.

Sagamite is probably the most intelligent person you will ever be opportune to interact with in your lifetime. NO DOUBT!

So I suggest you go to church (if you are Xtian) on Sunday and thank God you have been priviledged today to engage with Sagamite.

Make sure you up your tithe to 60% to signify and match the magnitude of this gratitude.

(Laughs sheepishly and hysterically)

Daemon

Now that's more like it!

Sagamite (turning around but seeing no one. Concludes that he must surely be in a Nietzschean mode)
What do you expect!

Daemon

You do deserve praise, see how incensed you've made them! hee, hee, hee, hey, hey, ha-ha-ha-ha! I like this!

Sagamite

Atha, you de o! you don ansa mai prayer nau, nau!

Daemon

I thought you didn't be---

Sagamite

Shut up! RE----TARD-----!! Am I abusing myself! It can't be, I'm too intelligent!

Daemon

Before I shut up, I must warn you.

Sagamite

Wetin! Warn me about wetin!

Daemon

One is coming, the thong of whose sandal you might not be able to buckle or unbuckle.

Sagamite

slowpoke! Asinine goat! Retard!

Daemon

Yes, yes, but I must warn you all the same. One is coming---

Sagamite

Olosi! Get to the point. Don't make me laff, eh, mate!

Daemon

I like that slang! One is coming----

Sagamite (jumping up and beating his shaved head dexterously like beating the conga)

AAAGH!

(A knock on the door and a voice)

Voice

Are you alright in there?

(Sagamite does not answer)

Daemon

Sorry, eh, mate! His name is CARLISTO77

Sagamite

slowpoke! Retard! Asinine goat! That was a woman olori buruku!

Daemon

I mean the man who is coming!

Sagamite

slowpoke!

Daemon

His grammar is unmatched! His lexicon, impeccable! His syntax---let's say idiosyncratic and highly original. Mate, he's going to stump you. This is one man you cannot win against. He will be your nemesis on Nairaland. In fact, you need to dust up your swear words, slowpoke, retard, and asinine goat will no longer cut it.

Sagamite (looking troubled)

What do you suggest?

Daemon

Try nincompoop

Sagamite

Nycom what?

Daemon

Nincompoop, le' me spell it for your (spells the word), and while at it, look up the meaning of "Putain de merde"

Sagamite

Putin---

Daemon

Putain de merde. CARLISTO77 is going to use it against you. It's best you know the meaning of the phrase. (Sagamite looks alarmed) I told you the guy is hot! Go get the dictionary and dust up.

Sagamite

I need to post more pictures, a game, but thank you, eh, mate!

Daemon

No problem.

Sagamite

But what is the meaning of Putain de merde? (There's no answer. Sagamite looks around.)
Am I talking to myself again? Atha, thank you for making me more like Freud! You gave me this prurient magnetism!

Sagamite's gadgets

Ping, ping, ping


SCENE 2: Somewhere in Abuja

Taiwo Ogunjobi

Sani, come and see this.

Sani Lulu (approaching a computer screen)

Menene?

Ogunjobi

Is dis two guys, ehn, higly intelligibly! Sagamite and CARLISTO77. come see the grammar an' sense.

Lulu

I tol you bifor. Nigerian ehn, de a bery bery intelligint. I kyant berif dis! wa is he duin in Landan! a vaste of talin an' natura lisosis.

Ogunjobi

I tink we shud contak him

Lulu

a you kirazy? dis man may bi intelligint bu' see how he is abuzin as!

Ogunjobi

you a missin de poin Sani. Dis gai sabi logic an' ajumen. If we haya him as our loya, we wi win dis case agens di federa gofmen

Lulu

O ho! Haba! Gaskiya! you sfik de surut! Taiwo, you a bery bery intelligin yua sef.

Ogunjobi

I aks Amanze to fon di oda gai, Carli, em, Amanze, wat is de nem of di oda pasun (Amanze is busy on the phone)

Amanze (throws up his hands in frustration)

Gini Kwanu, Nna, dis man I canno' undastan him! im grama na too much!

Ogunjobi

What happened?

Amanze

im se somtin laik putin de madmen an den aks me who is inqui--qui--sitive--tiv--tiv--ness my a-a-appellation.

Lulu

Gi mi de pon (dials a number)

Ogunjobi

Pu rit an spika please.

Phone (a voice)

Desist from objurgating your dissoluteness and insolent mortification!

(The three men look at each other in awe.)

Ogunjobi

Di gai is gut! (The other two nod in agreement)

Lulu

Haba! Gaskiya! wat lemain nau is tu ge' de two fiful ta wark tugeza. Ip we kyan du zat! we wi win ebery keis agais as!

Amanze

Nna, mek we focus on di oda gai in London, Uk, fest! (Lulu and Ogunjobi agree). A beg oga kolam.

Lulu (dials a number)

SCENE 3, Somewhere in London, UK

Sagamite (answers a call on his Blackberry)

This is Sagamite, London, UK.

Lulu

zis is Alhaji Sani Lulu prom Nigeria. Hawa u?

Sagamite

slowpoke! Retard! Asinine Goat! Nincompoop! Putain de merde!

SCENE 4: Somewhere in Abuja

Lulu, Ogunjobi, and Amanze exchange glances.

Ogunjobi

Di man is gut!

(The other two nod their agreement.)

Dr Kitaun:

Sugomu

hasnt Seanet shown he has more sense than u already ?

U are the daftest NLer ever, we all know that.

Who be your papa sef ?

As I said, you are as daft as him hence he would look like a genius to you. I bet you do not know the meaning of bankrupt as well.

Alakori!

FBS,

I'm sure it's not you, but someone is deleting my posts. You are the moderator, would you kindly look into it? Thanks.

Sugomite

go screw a dog. That way u might get more attention, all u have done to ur father's name is to associate UNBRIDLED DISSONANCE with it,

Mr Acha would be very ashamed he didnt get u flushed thru d lavatories!

Nna but those colombian chics fine sha,i go like go dat colombia one day

Dr Kitaun:

Sugomite

go screw a dog. That way u might get more attention, all u have done to your father's name is to associate UNBRIDLED DISSONANCE with it,

Mr Acha would be very ashamed he didnt get u flushed thru d lavatories!

Dimwit, keep your fantansies to yourself.

You say the Nigerian girls are over aged , the people on this forum ask you for proof but you say you deduced it from their pictures meaning you dont really have concrete proof. Someone else now says that going by your line of argument, that the German girls are equally over aged but you demand proof from the person. So where do you want this to lead to?

Its important to note that am not in any competition with you to win the most intelligent. Am making a normal contribution like normal people do.

soloqy:

You say the Nigerian girls are over aged , the people on this forum ask you for proof but you say you deduced it from their pictures meaning you dont really have concrete proof.

What proof do you have that Aghahowa is not 27 years old?

What proof do you have that IBB stole?

So does that mean Aghahowa did not lie about his age and IBB was pious with public funds?

soloqy:

Someone else now says that going by your line of argument, that the German girls are equally over aged but you demand proof from the person.

I demanded proof for the Germans?

Where?

When?

How?

Only a DIMWIT will say a German team is not of the age they claim. Such a fooool thinks countries like Germany are like Nigeria?

Not only can you access the birth information of a German player, you can publicly access the birth information of her lineage up to her great-great-great-grand-parents. (Note: that is THREE greats there)

Only an utter foooool will say the Germans are using overaged players.

Most of the youth players would have joined a team from the age of 7 to 10 and their progress would have been tracked and recorded and there for everyone to go and check.

Furthermore, they will all be in spheres of life you will expect at their age range (e.g. still in high school at 16, not have a record showing they have worked for 8 years at 16).

I can go to Inslington and access all info about the birth of Wayne Rooney and his ancestors. It was recorded from his year of birth, he did not obtain passport using sworn affidavit and renewing the affidavit every 4 years.

John Terry, Ledley King, Ashley Cole and Jermain Dafoe were all in the same U-14 team for years, it is a club which players join from the ages of 5 and above. There are several like that with record keeping better than the Nigerian state.

soloqy:

Its important to note that am not in any competition with you to win the most intelligent. Am making a normal contribution like normal people do.

I hope not.

^ SAGAMonkey!

It is ISLINGTON not 'INSLIGTON' . . . ITK wey no sabi spell !

Dr Kitaun:

^ SAGAMonkey!

It is ISLINGTON not 'INSLIGTON' . . . ITK wey no sabi spell !

Mugu, you could not even spell correctly what I spelt.

Good you know it. I am not surprised, you have to know all those underground stations when you tried to come over on forged documents and need to avoid deportation by claiming you are a resident.  So you memorised how to get across town so when immigration asks you, you look clued up.

@ Sagamite, why join issues with every Tom, Dike and Harry?

We all know most of our youth players are overaged. . . . some prefer to look the other way, but its a universal truth. . .

Anyway, a 20 year old woman is already fully developed, so age cheating does not give significant physical advantage in womens football. . . so yes, the girls deserve their crown if they win it. . .

I would worry about age-cheating in Falconets if I cared about Falcons, but the truth is, nothing consign me with womens football. . . .

@SAGAMITE,
Mugu, you could not even spell correctly what I spelt.

Good you know it. I am not surprised, you have to know all those underground stations when you tried to come over on forged documents and need to avoid deportation by claiming you are a [b]residence. So you memorised how to get across town so when immigration ask you, you look clued up. [/b]

When will you stop your verbiage and malapropism with redundant manner of expression.
Sagamite -INDIAN SOUP, please go back to school and finish what you needed to learn.
Whenever I read your Misconsequences on this forum, I'm always ashamed of a self-acclaimed Erudite with
scatological perfidiousness. Canticles of giblets coming out from four compass intuitions of a tomfool intellect.

Ibime:

@ Sagamite, why join issues with every Tom, Dike and Harry?

Na dem dey attack me for stating my opinions on our cheating na.

Dem think say it is "unpatriotic". So dem dey try PDP, Adedidu and Uba approach.  

Dem no know say I am like USA dealing with insurgents from Al-Qaeda.  

Ibime:

We all know most of our youth players are overaged. . . . some prefer to look the other way, but its a universal truth. . .

Some retards shameless are denying that. They deny, like utter morons, that it is not a universal truth.

Ibime:

Anyway, a 20 year old woman is already fully developed, so age cheating does not give significant physical advantage in womens football. . . so yes, the girls deserve their crown if they win it. . .

No, not really.

No 1, most of the players of teams not cheating will be mostly around 19 and as low as 17.

No 2, if you look at virtually most sports with heavy physical exertion, players only peak at their late early 20s (this is confirmed for football) and then the players compound the very slight loss (i.e. if there is) in physical prowess with experience in their late 20s to sustain the competitive advantage or peak. So when we cheat over real U-20s, we do not deserve it as we are using players that have an advantage illegally.

No 3, we are not only cheating, we are cheating unbrindledly. I mean, we are not using women that are 21, 23, we are using 25, 27, 29 etc. The same way we took Chukwudi that is about 30 to play 16 year olds. It is just too shameless.

No 4, if it was cheating at U-23 (Olympics) then I would think there is really no significant advantage.

Dr Kissarse slowpoke, can you see superior thinking at work? You are not in my league.  

Ibime:

I would worry about age-cheating in Falconets if I cared about Falcons, but the truth is, nothing consign me with womens football. . . .

I am looking at it holistically. It is just not the cheating at women's football, but I am complaining all the way to historically cheating at all age-grade.

CARLISTO77:

@SAGAMITE,
Mugu, you could not even spell correctly what I spelt.

Good you know it. I am not surprised, you have to know all those underground stations when you tried to come over on forged documents and need to avoid deportation by claiming you are a [b]resident.   So you memorised how to get across town so when immigration asks you, you look clued up. [/b] 

When will you stop your verbiage and malapropism with redundant manner of expression.
Sagamite -INDIAN SOUP, please go back to school and finish what you needed to learn.
Whenever I read your Misconsequences on this forum, I'm always ashamed of a self-acclaimed Erudite with
scatological perfidiousness. Canticles of giblets coming out from four compass intuitions of a tomfool intellect.

Retard!

@ Saga,

You know my cousin played for Rivers Angels and PH mermaids and was playing in the league by age 18.

Point being that women develop quicker and dont necessarily have to cheat to gain advantage. An 18 year old woman is already as strong as a 25 year old woman. Check Martina Hingis & others winning Wimbledon @ age 16.

Ibime:

@ Saga,

You know my cousin played for Rivers Angels and PH mermaids and was playing in the league by age 18.

Most of Nigerian players start playing in the premier leagues at 14/15. Okoro was at 13. Aghahowa was at 11.

So 18 seems reasonably (like in the West) but odd for Nigeria.  

Ibime:

Point being that women develop quicker and dont necessarily have to cheat to gain advantage. An 18 year old woman is already as strong as a 25 year old woman. Check Martina Hingis & others winning Wimbledon @ age 16.

I disagree.

You seriously erred there using an exception to shape a reality. What you pointed to was not a norm, but a prodigy.

If you go through all past female Wimbledon winners and even finalists, you will see that most are beyond their teens. This is not due to:

1) Teenage tennis players not being interested.
2) Teenage tennis players not allowed to compete.
3) Teenage tennis players not making an attempt by participating.

It was mainly due to players in their 20s being far better, the teens mainly get knocked out in the first round and take it as experience building, a pattern so resounding and embedded, it will strongly suggest an advantage for older players.

Now transpose this to other heavy physical exertion women's sports: Athletics (especially sprints), basketball, volleyball, hockey, netball etc and I am confident it will be the same story of teenagers lagging behind 20s in performance.

It just re-enforces that fact that females in their 20s have an advantage.

@sagamite, you see you are so stupid, define bankruptcy, it is a state of being bankrupt or about to go bankrupt. Its in the dictionary. When i started the thread i said "ogun state MAY go bankrupt" so why are you behaving like a crook in the jungle without limit. FOOLISH TOUT

seanet02:

@sagamite, you see you are so silly, define bankruptcy, it is a state of being bankrupt or about to go bankrupt. Its in the dictionary. When i started the thread i said "ogun state MAY  go bankrupt" so why are you behaving like a crook in the jungle without limit. FOOLISH  TOUT

You are retarded.

You are just toooooooooooo daft, no wonder Dr Kissarse worships your insight.

Which dictionary teaches you that not being able to afford new investments in non-critical projects is bankruptcy?

So if USA cannot afford new investment in Nasa, it is bankrupt or about to go bankrupt?

Tell me which dictionary defines bankruptcy as about to go bankrupt? Is that Oxford English Dictionary or Ijebu-Mushin Ingrish Dissionari?

Retard!

Fooool, you are bankrupt when you are unable to pay your lenders/creditors/liabilities!!!

DAFT slowpoke!

Mr I pay customs taxes for my travel agency business. You could not even lie effectively when you tried to boast. RETARD!

CARLISTO77:

@SEANET02,
It's prudent you do away with this SAGAMITE as per joining issues with him.
His type snores through oesophagus.
His thoroughgoing imbecility will never allow him to argue decently with his pars.
His defenestrated and nihilistic pragmatism will never allow him to put his intuition
into practicability of serving humanity.Rather, he would attack those that are not of the same line of
intuitive parallelism with vulgarity and incontinence. A waste to human posterity.

Retard, there should be a space between full-stop and beginning of a sentence.

@carlisto, you are right, lets us leave him with his insanity. Sagamite is a truncated project that seems to have been abandoned without any chance of being revived.

@SAGAMITE,
Quote from: CARLISTO77 on Today at 01:10:47 AM
@SEANET02,
It's prudent you do away with this SAGAMITE as per joining issues with him.
His type snores through oesophagus.
His thoroughgoing imbecility will never allow him to argue decently with his pars.
His defenestrated and nihilistic pragmatism will never allow him to put his intuition
into practicability of serving humanity.Rather, he would attack those that are not of the same line of
intuitive parallelism with vulgarity and incontinence. A waste to human posterity.


Retard, there should be a space between full-stop and beginning of a sentence.

JEJUNE. AFTER SERIES OF YOUR GRAMMATICAL REDUNDANCIES, YOU'RE JUST AWAKING FROM SLUMBEROUSNESS.
I LIKE THAT. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF TYPOS? THAT IS QUITE DIFFERENT FROM YOUR MALAPROPOS.
YOU SHOULD HIDE YOUR HEAD UNDER A SACKCLOTH AFTER SERIES OF UMPTEENTH GAFESS.
THE WHOLE USERS ARE LAUGHING AT YOUR SLUMBERY.

Guys . . .stop wasting ur time on a doofus that writes unbridled as 'unbrindled' . . .so much for an intelligent mouse!

seanet02:

@carlisto, you are right, lets us leave him with his insanity. Sagamite is a truncated project that seems to have been abandoned without any chance of being revived.

Retard, you can not defend your dictionary?

Dr Kitaun:

Guys . . .stop wasting your time on a doofus that writes unbridled as 'unbrindled' . . .so much for an intelligent mouse!

slowpoke, are you learning logic?

Sugomu

arent u ashamed of being the laffing stock of NL ?

Dude, forget e-yabs, I FEAR U ARE AN slowpoke IN REAL LIFE !

Dr Kitaun:

Sugomu

arent u ashamed of being the laffing stock of NL ?

Dude, forget e-yabs, I FEAR U ARE AN slowpoke IN REAL LIFE !

slowpoke. You are of the league of seanet02, not my league.

I keep on dissolving your stewpid opinions with logic.

What is bankruptcy?

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