I need perspectives on an issue that occurred between I and hubby. I travelled after Xmas to spend the 1st few days of the new year with my extended family, I went with my 2 kids. When I returned, I asked hubby how he spent his new year day, whether he went visiting. He told me he only visited a lady in church,who told him she had moved from her former place,hence he wanted to know her new place and share love and fellowship as it was a festive season. Now who is this lady? A single lady in the choir cum secretary of our church. My hubby is the organist of our church. He used to drive her ailing mum to church on Sundays in the past, from her former place for a fee, she sends him hymn numbers on WhatsApp and my hubby thinks that enough relations to qualify her as a 'close' friend. I objected to that visit strongly because I felt it was unnecessary, plus she's a single lady of between 35-38 years although she has a younger brother who lives with her of about 21-22 years,I don't know if the bro was around when he visited and I don't care. My own is, he is a married man with kids, who should have principles when it comes to fraternizing with single ladies. I prefer he goes with me or a fellow man friend or with his kids, if at all,he feels it's necessary to visit a single lady in her home whether or not she's from work or church. He retorted that soooo,because he married me, he can't visit who he wants again? I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season. He said i'm vengeful for saying that. Am I being irrational?

Your husband must be a very gentleman.

dee92:
I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season. He said i'm vengeful for saying that. Am I being irrational?

married people and their wahala. that matter never reach to fight over jor

Has your husband ever cheated on you before,if the answer is no then you should pls learn to trust him.he could have chosen not to tell you he visited her and you probably wouldn't have known.

Ma are you having trust issues or you are feeling insecure...which one? Has your husband given reason(s) to doubt his loyalty or faithfulness? Anyways you know better. But I will advise you not to carry out that threat if not you won't believe what this little issue will cause in your marriage.

That's why we always advice them to be street-smart. He wasn't suppose to tell u jare, even if there's nothing going on between them. This might not sound OK, but no be everything them dey tell woman eh. You're not acting irrational, you're just being a woman/wife. Its your Husband that should know what and what to say out. Some things are better left unsaid to avoid wahala.

I don't cheat on my wife, and I don't tell her everything. I think its safe that way.

Expect them to come and start telling you that you are insecure. Na so mumu people for this forum dey behave.
Away match dey hungry your husband.

He did only one round

I think he told you that in order to make you jealous. Don't take it seriously, unless you have a very good reason to.

Women, very irrational madam. For starters why would you treathen him, men don't like to be treathened. Secondly what is wrong in visiting an aquiantance? Because she is single? What if he didn't tell you about the visit, would you have known? Calm now woman, goes to show you no even trust your husband.

elmagnifico411:
That's why we always advice them to be street-smart. He wasn't suppose to tell u jare, even if there's nothing going on between them. This might not sound OK, but no be everything them dey tell woman eh. You're not acting irrational, you're just being a woman/wife. Its your Husband that should know what and what to say out. Some things are better left unsaid to avoid wahala.

I don't cheat on my wife, and I don't tell her everything. I think its safe that way.

Comrade!!!
Unfortunately women don't see in the same direction as men on this kinda stuff...so safer you don't tell them!
Once I had to sleep on same bed with a lady while on a trip... nothing transpired between us and she still respect me for that...but can never share this with madam!

Na guilty conscience dey worry you op. You run go villa go see that your former boyfriend dat year Wey return for Christmas na why you body dey do you somehow say your husband go visit one single woman.

Since Wey you small, you don dey do Christmas and New year with your extended family for villa, Wetin stop you from enjoying the holiday with your own immediate family now and use the opportunity to pair bond with your hubby after working throughout the year? Small holiday Wey you go use do things with your hubby like couples, you run go villa, now you end up no dey happy.

Oyinbo man talk say na as we dey, na so we dey take see the world.

On a serious note, while your worries about this visit are legitimate, I'm of the opinion that if your husband had anything ulterior to do with the lady, he wouldn't mention it to you.

Expressing your reservations about the visit was enough and I believe even though he asked you if he shouldn't visit his friends again because he married you, he must have learnt a lesson. But you went ahead to threaten him you were gonna visit your single male friends come Easter as pay back.

This simply shows lack of character on your part. And lemme advice you, don't do it. Do not visit any of your single male friends. Because if you do and with the anger and resentment towards your hubby about this visit, na when dey guy don release inside you finish your eyes go open. No take your hand spoil your marriage o.

Go tell Oga sorry say you tell am say you visit your male friends too as pay back. I believe say Oga too go dey wise enough to tell you say sorry and him too understand how you feel.

The year too early to begin with "I no gree I no gree", cos na Wetin dey tear pant be dat.

Nairalanders.....hmmmmn....if the issue was vice-versa,please what will your advice be?

jaszplus12:

Comrade!!!
Unfortunately women don't see in the same direction as men on this kinda stuff...so safer you don't tell them!
Once I had to sleep on same bed with a lady while on a trip... nothing transpired between us and she still respect me for that...but can never share this with madam!

na so bro.. We aren't cheating, and we don't tell it all. Somehow someway we get respected.

The hypocrisy of the men here is out of this world.
If this lady had visited a male church acquaintance the tune of this thread would've been brutal. See their mouth, he shouldn't have told her.
What a shame

"I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single
male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season"

madam what u told him here is very bad....capable of ruining ur marriage. please apologize immediately cos hmm u hv lost d trust he has on u. Apologize to regain that trust, then let him know that u don't like d way he visits d single lady....u guys should talk abt it but in a low tone....I believe he will apologize.

Lmfao

I think your husband crossed the line of propriety and decent conduct expected from a married man. There is more to his visit that meets the eye. Even if his conscience is clean, the visit, at your absence, is as unnecessary as it is meaningless. And your reaction is modest and appropriate. Be calm, do not overreact yet. Be on the watch out, something sinister might be in the offing.

Mobi47:
"I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single
male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season"

madam what u told him here is very bad....capable of ruining ur marriage. please apologize immediately cos hmm u hv lost d trust he has on u. Apologize to regain that trust, then let him know that u don't like d way he visits d single lady....u guys should talk abt it but in a low tone....I believe he will apologize.

Talking about apologies? It should come from the husband first for the heartbreaking own goal he scored during Christmas.

If you want to get truthful answers, create a handle, attach "m" to your moniker, Then tell us what your wife/girlfriend did...

jaszplus12:

Comrade!!!
Unfortunately women don't see in the same direction as men on this kinda stuff...so safer you don't tell them!
Once I had to sleep on same bed with a lady while on a trip... nothing transpired between us and she still respect me for that...but can never share this with madam!

Madam won't tell you of the man she also slept on the same bed with. Nothing happened, you are safe.

Maybe you wouldn't mind, you are a man and you think in a different direction . No be only direction, kuku say you be wind-vane na.

lol

why haven't I seen the "you're insecure line" up to 10 times on this thread? because she's a woman?

@op your husband is immature and seem 70% jobless

married men do not go out to visit women, they hang out with their guys for football, drinks for fun, serious minded guys not the pressing brezz.and yansh crew

I'm sorry but if your man cannot see anything wrong with it then you're in big trouble

and trust me if you start visiting your male friends your marriage is heading to destruction

Ask “JEFF BEZOS” wetin shele!
You have never heard of “don’t ask, don’t tell” rule in marriage?

If you h-enter man wahala, you nor go finish the case o! Na one chance jale!

pocohantas:


Madam won't tell you of the man she also slept on the same bed with. Nothing happened, you are safe.

Maybe you wouldn't even mind, you are a man and you think in a different direction . No be only direction, kuku say you be wind-vane na.

This babe! The most hunted babe on NL! weh done! Ya comment is well received! Since your mind think am so...na so you be!! Keep it up...

dee92:
I need perspectives on an issue that occurred between I and hubby. I travelled after Xmas to spend the 1st few days of the new year with my extended family, I went with my 2 kids. When I returned, I asked hubby how he spent his new year day, whether he went visiting. He told me he only visited a lady in church,who told him she had moved from her former place,hence he wanted to know her new place and share love and fellowship as it was a festive season. Now who is this lady? A single lady in the choir cum secretary of our church. My hubby is the organist of our church. He used to drive her ailing mum to church on Sundays in the past, from her former place for a fee, she sends him hymn numbers on WhatsApp and my hubby thinks that enough relations to qualify her as a 'close' friend. I objected to that visit strongly because I felt it was unnecessary, plus she's a single lady of between 35-38 years although she has a younger brother who lives with her of about 21-22 years,I don't know if the bro was around when he visited and I don't care. My own is, he is a married man with kids, who should have principles when it comes to fraternizing with single ladies. I prefer he goes with me or a fellow man friend or with his kids, if at all,he feels it's necessary to visit a single lady in her home whether or not she's from work or church. He retorted that soooo,because he married me, he can't visit who he wants again? I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season. He said i'm vengeful for saying that. Am I being irrational?

not at all. In fact do it without talking

Trust is really dead in lots of relationship this days... Is there no correlation between an organist and a choir mistress.. be it single or married?

have u considered the fact that he told u because he got nothing to hide?... Why can't u just trust him for now untill u got a reason not to? haba!!

People sometimes try to fish out issues where there's none.... They keep on digging even when the ground is solid and protesting that there's no sinking sand they keep digging

lilmax:
lol

why haven't I seen the "you're insecure line" up to 10 times on this thread? because she's a woman?

@op your husband is immature and seem 70% jobless

married men do not go out to visit women, they hang out with their guys for football, drinks for fun, serious minded guys not the pressing brezz.and yansh crew

I'm sorry but if your man cannot see anything wrong with it then you're in big trouble

and trust me if you start visiting your male friends your marriage is heading to destruction

Maybe u did not read the part that says it was a holiday period... what if his so called "guy friends" traveled for the holidays,and there was zero option does that make him immature or jobless?

So you are worried because she is single? Would you have felt better if she was married?

So because she is single she automatically has designs on your husband?

The fact that you don't trust your husband is not enough reason for you to slander the woman. Please don't even think of mentioning such baseless accusations to anyone in your church, before you spoil someone's name for nothing.

Sort your issues out with your husband and leave the lady out of it.

ote author=dee92 post=74887406]I need perspectives on an issue that occurred between I and hubby. I travelled after Xmas to spend the 1st few days of the new year with my extended family, I went with my 2 kids. When I returned, I asked hubby how he spent his new year day, whether he went visiting. He told me he only visited a lady in church,who told him she had moved from her former place,hence he wanted to know her new place and share love and fellowship as it was a festive season. Now who is this lady? A single lady in the choir cum secretary of our church. My hubby is the organist of our church. He used to drive her ailing mum to church on Sundays in the past, from her former place for a fee, she sends him hymn numbers on WhatsApp and my hubby thinks that enough relations to qualify her as a 'close' friend. I objected to that visit strongly because I felt it was unnecessary, plus she's a single lady of between 35-38 years although she has a younger brother who lives with her of about 21-22 years,I don't know if the bro was around when he visited and I don't care. My own is, he is a married man with kids, who should have principles when it comes to fraternizing with single ladies. I prefer he goes with me or a fellow man friend or with his kids, if at all,he feels it's necessary to visit a single lady in her home whether or not she's from work or church. He retorted that soooo,because he married me, he can't visit who he wants again? I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season. He said i'm vengeful for saying that. Am I being irrational?[/quote]

The truth is that you did the right thing. Your husband has no business visiting a single lady in her house alone. He actually disrespect you by doing that. He should have boundaries. That he told you is immaterial, he may not be cheating but that's a wrong behavior and he may not be intelligent enough to know it's wrong. Kudos for telling him but don't threaten him it's needless

dee92:
I need perspectives on an issue that occurred between I and hubby. I travelled after Xmas to spend the 1st few days of the new year with my extended family, I went with my 2 kids. When I returned, I asked hubby how he spent his new year day, whether he went visiting. He told me he only visited a lady in church,who told him she had moved from her former place,hence he wanted to know her new place and share love and fellowship as it was a festive season. Now who is this lady? A single lady in the choir cum secretary of our church. My hubby is the organist of our church. He used to drive her ailing mum to church on Sundays in the past, from her former place for a fee, she sends him hymn numbers on WhatsApp and my hubby thinks that enough relations to qualify her as a 'close' friend. I objected to that visit strongly because I felt it was unnecessary, plus she's a single lady of between 35-38 years although she has a younger brother who lives with her of about 21-22 years,I don't know if the bro was around when he visited and I don't care. My own is, he is a married man with kids, who should have principles when it comes to fraternizing with single ladies. I prefer he goes with me or a fellow man friend or with his kids, if at all,he feels it's necessary to visit a single lady in her home whether or not she's from work or church. He retorted that soooo,because he married me, he can't visit who he wants again? I told him i would revenge by going to visit my single male friends come easter,after all,it'sa festive season. He said i'm ve ngeful for saying that. Am I being irrational?

Madam, you are not being irrational . It is normal for you to react that way. He should have told you before he visited her. Not to ask for permission, but to let you know in advance. You just simply flipped the coin to make him see how you felt. There is nothing vengeful about that.

men and women, both married and singles, should have boundaries.