Your Most Revered 14 February "Valentine's Day" Might Be A Fuss - Conspiracy About Valentine's Day

I'm not a prophet of doom, neither am I a suit-sawyer but some things needs to be said and no one wants to hear that his/her most revered day or time is actually an opposite to what he/she might actually think or believe. To proceed, please be informed that this read is attributed to Richard Easton -- The Matchmaker.

I have it on good authority that Pope Gelasius, the one who established Valentine's Day in 500 AD, was secretly moonlighting as a restaurant owner who wished to pump up the volume at his trendy eatery in downtown Rome. Restaurant owners across the country have got to be wetting their pants right now knowing that the dining-cash-cow of the year is an otherwise lonesome Monday. They'll be laughing all the way to the bank on Tuesday. The laugh's on us.

Prepare to pay through the nose for crappy pre-fixe food and bottles of wine no one ever heard of in a jam-packed venue you wouldn't have patronized except it was the only place you could score a reservation. The whole idea pisses me off. Why not just celebrate the night before? Because that's "mistress night" according to restauranteurs, the second greatest cash-cow of the year. February 13th is the night philanderers take out the women they are actually having sex with. Sorry gentlemen—you're busted!

Back to Valentine's Day, if you're a guy, you've been in a suit all day. You just want to take a shower, throw on a pair of jeans and a sports jacket, and enjoy a cozy dinner with the one you love, but oh no, that won't due for this Hallmark holiday, so you've got to get back into another suit, hopefully a black one, and oh yes, pick her up with a car and driver. Damn it Dagwood, you forgot about the car. Taxiiiiiiiiiii… Don't forget the flower and candy either. Too late! The florists are sold out. Harry Winston anyone?

If you are a woman, you've been shopping all week for a new dress, shoes, handbag, and sexy stockings. For what? So he'll see you in a way he never has before. Is it love? God, I hope so because this one night out is going to cost you both a fortune. Maybe he'll pop the question? "Girls, he asked me to marry him on Valentine's Day." How original! I think I'll throw up!

Talk about amateur night. You thought New Year's Eve brought out all the homebodies. On V-Day you'll be sitting next to a couple who haven't been out to dinner since last V-Day. "Awe shucks honey, look at the little roses on all the tables—they thought of everything." Yikes! Get me outta here!

Want to do something really unique for Valentine's Day? Stay home! If you are like most of my clients and friends who dine out all the time, cook dinner. What a treat! Stop by your high-end grocer the day before to pick up all the essentials including caviar, and then the wine store for a bottle of Dom Perignon and a vintage bottle of Saint Emilion. Don't forget the flowers and candles—and a simple gift.

You will not only save a bundle, but you will also enjoy food and wine far superior to anything you could afford out. Most important, your Valentine will love you for it. "Girls, you wouldn't believe all the trouble he went through for Valentine's Day—the sweetest thing I ever saw!" Yep.

Can you imagine that all the fuss about V-Day is just so that a restaurant owner could increase his sales and make more money? The conspiracy is not far fetched and since their is actually to genuine explanation for V-Day, this could be it. Because, that is all their is.

THE JOKE IS ON US - HAPPY VALENTINE



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