I fixed my gaze on the diced barbecued chicken on my plate. Not looking up, couldn’t look up. “I’m sorry”. All I could say. It sounded absolutely absurd even to my ears, but I had to say something, my silence would have been an insult to him. I listened, watching him spill his mind and emotions.

We don’t always get what we want. Hell! We don’t get who we want. He continued, but I felt the truth was way better than leading him on. I’d hate if someone did that to me too.

“D.L….” I stopped again. The words hung in my throat. D.L was short for Dreadlocks. I fondly called him Dreadlocks because I loved his hair. The very thing that caught my eye the day we met.

Each lock stood out; well-trimmed and nourished. I appreciated men with neat hair, groomed nails and great dress sense; amongst other things.

He held my mind. “Becca what do you want really? Tell me what it is you are looking for in a man, and if I don’t have it and if I can’t get it, I promise I’d let you be”. I smiled.

He was one of the most honest men I knew. Honesty had become a very rare attribute, as well as loyalty. Words were spilled easily, but each word lacked action. It’s easy to profess love in DMs and on chats, it’s easy to say ‘I love you’ to people’s faces and promise them ‘heaven and the world’.

My phone rang. An unknown line was calling. I didn’t answer. D.L didn’t deserve to be disrespected like that. I kept staring at the phone, wondering who it was. My extended family in the UK don’t even remember I exist, can’t be them. The friends I’ve got there would text first before calling me. I was lost in thought…..

“Becca say something na” He said, gently squeezing my palm.

“You really are a wonderful person D.L.” I smiled. It was the truth.

“Someone would love you, I’m sure there are several already. But I can’t, you deserve someone who would at least meet you halfway. I’ll be selfish to hold you back from true happiness”. He let go of my hand. My phone kept buzzing. The moment was tense so I just kept it back in my bag.

“It’s fine” His face said otherwise. I wanted to apologize again for hurting him, but it was of no use. You shouldn’t apologize for something you do over and over again, that’s an insult. Apologies should be rendered when you are genuinely sorry and ready to change.

He had invited me out for a lunch date, which I honored because standing him up wasn’t an option. “Should I take you back to your friend’s place or you want to go to the mainland?” He asked, bending over to fix my shoe laces. I always tie them wrong. A shiver ran through my spine as I watched him tie my laces. The gesture was heartwarming. He sat right.

“So where do you want to go?” He asked again.

“Don’t worry about me… I’d get a cab or board a bus” I didn’t want any more favors.

Really unfair.

“So you feel your leg has healed enough for you to start jumping buses right?” He pointed sternly. He got busy with his phone. ‘Now he’s pissed’ I sighed. If he was pissed, he had every right to be. Through the good, bad, and ugly, I always find him there. Either to lend a helping hand, a listening ear, or to be my ‘knight in shining armor’.

‘You get what you give’ was one of my favorite mottos. He gave honesty, he deserved it back. “Your cab is two minutes away. So you can go wherever you want Becca. I tried with you. I’m sure you know that” He got up and turned to leave. I held his arm. “I’m honestly sorry D.L. You don’t deserve a girl that won’t love you enough”.

“You’ve said it a million times. It’s just sad you refused to be ‘that girl’ for me” He cut in. I let go of his arm and watched him walk out of the eatery, then into his car. He drove off without looking my way.

I brought out my phone and saw Ruthie’s five missed calls amongst others. I dialed her number.

“Bae what’s up?” I asked as I heard her voice

“I’m ok sis” Ruthie responded. “Where have you been? I called severally.” She added.

“I had a date with D.L…. It didn’t even end well” I tried to explain briefly.

“You’ve always rejected the boys that loved you Becca! Stop doing that!” Ruthie yelled.

“And the ones I loved?” I asked pointedly.

“Well you can’t be like this forever madam… what do you want?” She asked.

“I want a sugar daddy” I laughed so hard…. I could at least tell my friend the truth if I couldn’t open up to D.L.

“Bloody Bitch!” Ruthie laughed too.

“I’d see you girls soon….” I looked out the window of the eatery and saw the Uber drive in. “I’m leaving now. My cab is here”.

I sat in the cab and remembered the unknown number that called. I called back. Straight to voicemail. In no time, my phone rang again.

“Good afternoon Becca” My heart jumped. It was Mr Bami.

“Mr Bami!!! So good to hear from you. Didn’t know you travelled already” I was truly happy to hear from him.

“How are you? I hope your leg is much better?” He asked. ‘So sweet’ I thought

“Yes it is sir. How long will you be gone for?” I asked, hoping he would be back soon enough. “Ma, would you like me to drive through Ikoyi or I should take the expressway?”

The Uber driver asked me.

“Are you with someone?” Mr Bami inquired after hearing a third voice. “Yea you can take Ikoyi” I said to the driver…. “I’m inside a cab. I was talking to the driver.” I explained to Mr Bami.

“Where are you heading to?”

“Back to my friend’s” I told him. “I had to go out. We get bored most times. All we do is Netflix and eat.”

“Awwwwww” He teased. “You girls can chill for a while at my other house. It is unoccupied. It has a pool and it’s really spacious.” He suggested. Oh my goodness!!!! No one has ever made such offer before. I was dead sure the girls would be glad.

“Wow! Bami! This is the most amazing thing I’ve heard all year!” Thank you so much sir” I couldn’t hide my joy.

“I’m glad you are happy. Let me make arrangements with my security and the chef. Call me when you get home” He settled.

“I’ll most definitely do sir. Thanks so much for the offer.” I expressed my gratitude and hung up. It was something to look forward to. I had seen pictures of the duplex, big and lovely. Having a chef to ourselves, a driver and the security at the house.

Wow!!!! I couldn’t wait to get home. D.L came to my mind again. ‘I’m sorry dear, love will have to wait’ I thought to myself as I stared at all the lovely houses on Bourdillon. I want one too, but love can’t get it for me.