Hi Nairalanders, I have this decision to make which might affect my love life.

I got married last year, February to this beautiful and well endowed friend of mine and we have a beautiful girl to the family.

Before I got married, I used to be a womaniser cos I love sex, I even pay commercial sex workers to satisfy my urges everytime I visit the club.
While I was dating her, I opened up to her on my past and I promised her not to be afraid that I won't ever go back to such life. She also promised me not to worry that she will give me the real satisfaction when it comes to sex, that I will never look elsewhere.

We got married and she took in and gave birth. Alas! The end of the fantasies!
My wife no longer have the slightest of urges again. She is always tired, even on weekends.
For every sex we have, I have to force her to do it before she will finally give in.
If you check my previous posts, I have complained about this on this forum.
I got angry at a point and threathened to go get sex outside, she angrily said I should go.

Now, there is this lady friend of mine who is also married.
She kinda asked me out. I did not reject, but at the same time, I have been trying to avoid her cos of conscience.
Finally, today, I got fed up with my wife's character and invited her over. She is to see me later today, my conscience is still worrying me on what I'm about to do, but, bodi no be wood na!

Please advise me, and fast, I can even give you my wife's no on demand if that might help solve the problem.

Please note that I will act based on whatever advise I get here because I have long trusted this forum and I come here first before doing anything.
Thanks.

Sometimes our "inner man"tells us what to do but our canal body says otherwise.
Listen to your heart.

Please dont cheat on her. dont scum to the temptations. with this kind of urge, if you cheat, you will definitely do it again. your wife is in that phase almost all new mothers go through. caring for a new baby, husband, household and her self, is certainly ridiculously overwhelming. the stress of having being responsible for a new little person is more than stress enough to cloud your very sense of self. and sex at this phase is certainly not the priority. so, inasmuch as it is hard to make sense of everything now, you cant deny her your faithfulness. im sure she too WANTS the intimacy but stress and co makes it seem like she has lost all interest. why not sit down with her and try to COMMUNICATE(heart to heart talk) with her in the most understandable way not too much "talking"? why not help her around the house with some of the things you know that takes much of your time/energy? why not try new things to get her in the mood? pamper her, do whatever it takes to help her get back to action. maybe masturbation can help ease the instant urges. you cant let cheating solve your problems because you just invites more irreversible problem into your young marriage. it will kill the trust and weaken the foundation

it takes alot support from the husband to get most new mothers out of the "super-mom/human" phase, and cheating is not one of those support. you will certainly over-regret your action if you slip into this hole. it will not be a "one time" affair. your wife needs your support most to get her through this phase and im sure if you found yourself in your wifes position you wouldnt want her to cheat on you no matter what.

please for the sake of your young marriage, wife, yourself, and your new child dont let the devil deceive you by making you believe that cheating is the most easiest way to get out of your problem.

the problem you are going is very much workable and is a temporary phase for all-most all new mothers.

Thanks people.

@kay-pawpaw,
First,it is very obvious that you love your wife so much and do not want to ever cheat on her.I want to believe you are not actually asking us whether you should go ahead and cheat on her or not.You are subtly asking us how to avoid cheating on her now that you are almost about to.Here is what to do NOW:

1.You need to cancel your appointment with the said woman.To be sure you are safe from her,close work NOW and go to your wife whether at home or at her place of work to just stay in her company.Call the other lady and tell her something came up and your date with her today can no longer happen. Switch off your phones.It is important.

2.Tell your wife what just happened _{without necessarily disclosing the identity of the other lady}.Tell your wife you will be satisfied if she will give you just a bblowjob and mmasturbate you to eejaculte once in a while.You can even do it yourself while watching her unclothed.

3.After some weeks,she will pick up and start desiring sex as before the childbirth. Do not make demands. It will work out naturally.


Do not let any woman outside push you to destroy your or/and her family.

kay-pawpaw:

hi people
i am a young guy of age 28 in need of a mature lady between the ages of 23-30 for romance relationship. i am lonely and bored and i need someone to always be there for me.
i am serious about this. dont bother to reply here cos i dont get to read all the time due to the nature of my job.
i live in Ikorodu and my number is 08032777721. lets hook up and do it the adults' way.

kay-pawpaw:

thanks fubiluv,
you dont understand, i just moved to my house, very far from my former place and from my friends so i need someone around the place, ie Ketu, Mile 12, Owode Ikorodu and its environs.

@jennykadry,
Great job !
I actually thought he was serious and really needed help.Now I see clearly.Thanks a lot.


@kay-pawpaw ,
can you please come and defend yourself ?

Here I am, to defend myself.
I browse with the phone so I can't paste previous posts.
That post is not my only thread here.
I have a thread where I bitterly complained about this, someone should post that.
I was looking for sugar mummies then as a result of this, but now I have a job that is so demanding that made me barely think of side runs.

@gladiator
Thanks a lot for those words of advise. I'll try them and give you feedback here.
I already canceled the appointment with the lady, on my way home now.
@jennykardy
Check the other posts and you will see that I have been complaining about this a long time ago.
I was looking for those ladies then cos I was idle

@OP,
You didn't sound like u were married when you were soliciting "sugar mummies".That was deceptive !!!

I don't think I need to tell my status to that effect.
Do I?

na wa o. the world is really coming to an end. See someone coming out here, justifying adultery.

so if your wife isn't satisfying you, the next thing is to jump out. You don't even consider other options that may work out for both of you. Selfish man.

I seek refuge in God from the likes of you.

@zayhal
I have never committed adultery, but just thinking of considering the acd if it will help me to stop disturbing my ever tired wife at home.
Pls don't condemn me yet.

Its even unfair of some of you to come here and crucify me on this issue that is of great pain to me.
It makes me want to regret ever sharing it in the first place, but since I can't keep it to myself and can't share with friends who might mock me later on, I trusted this forum of people I don't see but whom I expected to hear the truth from.
Anyway, I thank you all for your advise, even the condemnations, I believe are targeted at correcting me lest I fall.
Long live Nairaland!!!
I love you all!!!

^^SHUT UP

Foolish man

kay-pawpaw:

Here I am, to defend myself.
I browse with the phone so I can't paste previous posts.
That post is not my only thread here.
I have a thread where I bitterly complained about this, someone should post that.
I was looking for sugar mummies then as a result of this, but now I have a job that is so demanding that made me barely think of side runs.

Shut the hell up, who is talking about previous post of complaint? here you are acting like some single man asking for ladies to be your lover whilst married. What do you want? a woman to fall inlove with you and you dump afterwards? eediot

@jennykardy
Is someone supposed to fall in love and later marry a Sugar Mummy?
I didn't ask for a young girl to date because I knew I would not marry her. All I needed was fun which also, I believe the Sugar mummies wants

kay-pawpaw:

@jennykardy
Is someone supposed to fall in love and later marry a Sugar Mummy?
I didn't ask for a young girl to date because I knew I would not marry her. All I needed was fun which also, I believe the Sugar mummies wants

Keep contradicting yourself, is this not your post

hi people
i am a young guy of age 28 in need of a mature lady between the ages of 23-30 for romance relationship. i am lonely and bored and i need someone to always be there for me.
i am serious about this. dont bother to reply here cos i dont get to read all the time due to the nature of my job.
i live in Ikorodu and my number is 08032777721. lets hook up and do it the adults' way.

where is the sugar mummy ? you said you did not ask for young girls what age did you state above?

Guy, stop digging me now,
I asked for ladies of my age and even older than I am, I am 28yrs, what do I want fro a 30yr old if not just fun.
Where did you put the last line "let's do it the adult's way"
I am bound to contradict myself because you people's bashing is too overbearing.

@ kaypawpaw
*shakes head*

kay-pawpaw:

Guy, stop digging me now,
I asked for ladies of my age and even older than I am, I am 28yrs, what do I want fro a 30yr old if not just fun.
Where did you put the last line "let's do it the adult's way"
I am bound to contradict myself because you people's bashing is too overbearing.

you said you did not ask for young girls but sugar mummys as stated above, then I pasted a post of yours where you were asking for women btw 23-30 when did 23 become sugar mummy? even 30?

~Sissy~:

your wife is in that phase almost all new mothers go through. caring for a new baby, husband, household and her self, is certainly ridiculously overwhelming. the stress of having being responsible for a new little person is more than stress enough to cloud your very sense of self. and sex at this phase is certainly not the priority. so, inasmuch as it is hard to make sense of everything now, you cant deny her your faithfulness. I'm sure she too WANTS the intimacy ,

@ Sissy,  I've been in this situation.  My wife put our son in our bed.  It lasted for four years.  We even started seeing a therapist to try to get our son in his own bed.  All intimacy stopped between us.  We tried to save our marriage, but it was like my wife was married to our son.  We ended up divorcing after 4 years of trying to keep our family together.  It was not my choice to divorce, but we initially separated and it eventually lead to divorce.  By the way my son is 7 and she still sleeps with him.

I am remarried and can not be any happier.  My current wife had experienced the same thing, her bf would use sx as a tool to punish her.  He would deny her intimacy.  We are both from the same world and decided in our vows that sx is very important.  Poster I really hope things work out for you.  Do not cheat, but give it your best and if it does not work out don't waste four years of your life.

luap:

@ Sissy,  I've been in this situation.  My wife put our son in our bed.  It lasted for four years.  We even started seeing a therapist to try to get our son in his own bed.  All intimacy stopped between us.  We tried to save our marriage, but it was like my wife was married to our son.  We ended up divorcing after 4 years of trying to keep our family together.  It was not my choice to divorce, but we initially separated and it eventually lead to divorce.  By the way my son is 7 and she still sleeps with him.

quite sad your marriage didn't solve the phase. its quite a tough phase for some women because it means re-arranging their whole self/life to accommodate someone else theyre going to be responsible for for a very longtime

@poster, I want you to understand that this is a phase in every child bearing woman's life.At this point in time a lot of women find it difficult to cope with taking care of the baby, work, and also taking care of the hubby at home. I have gone through this before and know how it is. However my advise to you is this, first you need to understand that this is just a phase, it might even get worse if you dont handle it properly as I know that you guys wud still want to have other kids also. However, you need to showmore understanding and love in order to get her come around. By showing understanding and love I mean you need to, sometimes, help her either with the baby or chores at home. You dont expect her to do all these and when shes dead tired want her to open up for you, no thats not the way it works. However when you help her most times the burden wud be less on her. Also you need toshow her love and pamper her alot. Talk to her and make her understand that though you understand that she might not alwaysd be in the mood because of the demand ofn the baby and all that , she needs to understand ur needs. Pls do not pressurise her instead talking to her and showing some love wud go a long way in helping.

As for the other woman, pls i wud advise you forget about her. If shes also married like you said, then wat wud you be doing with her? Theres no reason whatsoever for you to start having an affair with a married woman. It will cause you more harm than good. stick with ur wife and try to sort things out. Its only a matter of time she will definately come around and ur love life wud come back to normal. Good luck

Thanks so much Nelton.

@kay-pawpaw ,
Your had attempted to deceive unsuspecting women in earlier threads and posts as identified by jennykadry. It says it all about your attitude toward your marriage and of course toward women in general. I guess you hadn't changed much after marriage.

The capitalistic craze in people have made them to loose focus on what a marriage is suppose to entail in order for it to last. People now always think in terms of only what benefits them.If it no longer benefits you then you are out of the deal.huh? Let me ask. Do you come from a broken or polygamous home _{i mean no offense please}.People from such homes tend to become very self focused in relationships and not really minding how the other parties are affected by their actions. If you had grown up in a non-polygamous,non-broken home where there is love it could have been easy for you to see that you consider the other parties involved first before any action. You consider yourself last.
A lasting happy marriage is anything but what western societies advertize. They have a much higher percentage of broken homes. Divorce rate is about 40% in the US.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

Just go straight to the statistics section.
If you always have it your way,where is the love?

pls don't cheet on her give me her number she need counseling and another ting is she working and do u have some one helping out in the house work and are u ruogh or gentle in bed? try and also get every saturday punch for her to read i use to be like her but tings have change now pls she need to be spoken to about the important of sex in a marriage pls don't cheet on her