In a materialistic society like ours, the way you appear, what you wear, how you carry yourself and how people choose to see you is how they’ll treat you either good or bad.

As typical Nigerians, on first encounter with people, we tend to judge by the person’s immediate appearance. Even after we become a bit familiar with that person, we rate the person more by possessions, positions and power rather than intelligence, character or good nature.

If subsequently we sense the person doesn’t have much materially, isn’t highly placed or not so famous or influential, we lose appreciation and basic respect for such person. In a situation when we feel we have a higher level of power, possession and prosperity than such one, we automatically assume a dominant role in the relationship and in fact demand respect from such a person even if the person is older or more advanced in life.

Sadly as Nigerians, money and material possessions are the basic factors we use to determine who we choose to respect and the degree of respect we accord. Power and influence are the next factors we use in matters of honour and respect. That, unfortunately is how our society rolls. This is my submission.

This being the nature of our society, many of us unfortunately believe the only way we can truly earn the respect of others is through material possession and financial surplus. We hence, hanker after money and material things by all means based on our craving for respect and popularity. We want respect so we opt to buy this respect from others.

This is a major reason many of us make unreasonable financial decisions.

We labour or steal to build massive expensive houses in expensive areas to impress and earn respect but eventually just occupy a small portion of the massive building.

We buy and collect expensive cars and waste money servicing and maintaining vehicles we hardly use – just to impress and earn respect. We invest in very expensive clothes and accessories than the ones half the price look more beautiful and elegant just to let people know we can afford designers even if they’re ugly.

Some of us go as far as borrowing money to travel abroad just for people to think we can afford it and respect us. We just keep spending without deep thinking to impress people so that they will respect us or in our words “bow” for us.

Ladies and gentlemen, real respect cannot be bought, what you can actually buy is eye service. True respect is when people genuinely respect you in your presence and in your absence. True respect is when people respect your person not your possessions. No matter how rich you are, you must earn self-respect to get it, it cannot be bought. The most revered and respected people in history never achieved it through their bank balances.

If today it appears you are respected by many people because you are rich, the day you’ll know what they truly think of you is the day you find yourself in a problem money can’t solve.

If also you think people respect you, hold back your financial favours and generosity from them for a season and you’ll hear true confessions about what they think of you.

My dear friends, money cannot buy respect, being good or kind cannot buy respect, even humility and decency cannot earn you respect. The only way you can earn genuine respect is through self-realisation and self-dependence.

The day you set yourself free from the opinions of others, the day you cease to be a victim of their emotional blackmail, the day you cease to hanker after acceptance and popularity, the day you don’t need people to sing your praise, accept you, commend you or validate your essence, that day you begin to earn real respect.


If you want people to show you proper respect not tied to your money, power, influence or position, you need to make the following decisions and abide by these rules. They are as follows:

1. Stand for something. Define your essence and give your life a meaning. You must clearly define what your life is about and what you’re after in life. You must know where you’re going and how you intend to arrive at your destination.

You must have certain values and personal rules you wouldn’t violate no matter the situation. These should be beyond morality rules, they are self-discipline or personal rules. When you define yourself, and respect your personal rules, you need no one’s opinion about you, you already know you.

2. Take action. When you want something or you need to do something, stop seeking friends, relatives and familiar people to help you or do things for you.

Don’t ask anyone to do for you whatever you can do for yourself. Even if you think you can’t, try first and fail before asking for help. Take action by yourself.

You may not realise this, it is actually easier to get help and honest feedback through strangers than a familiar person. Be your first and best help. Be independent, solve your problems yourself.

3. Self-accountability. Carry out a periodic review of your person, your values, your progress and growth in life. You must give yourself honest feedback on how you are doing in life. Review your association regularly and be sure you’re hanging with the right people. When you judge yourself honestly, no one can judge you.

4. Ignore your fears. Fear is natural and occasionally comes to everyone but, never bow to your fears. Ignorance is actually the source of most fears. What you know and understand, you can easily handle and defeat. Fear is a major reason we run to others for help and cover. When you become knowledgeable and capable, you become fearless, you become independent.

5. Expect mistakes. No one is perfect in life including you. You’ve made mistakes in time past and you’ll make mistakes in the future. When you make mistakes, don’t dwell on it in prolonged regret, lamentation and self-condemnation.

Never accept disrespect from anyone because you goofed. Accept your mistakes, no excuses, take corrections and move on. You’ll surely make mistakes in life, but never dwell in regret, just move forward.

6. Respect yourself too. Don’t treat yourself with disrespect. Don’t speak ill or low of yourself. Don’t think negatively or poorly of yourself. You are good as you are and you’ll become better, you are great and you’ll definitely become greater. Appreciate who you are today even as you strive and work at becoming better. Dear friend, show yourself good respect.

7. Spend time with respectful people. Make sure to avoid people that talk down at you, criticise you, make coarse jokes of your dreams and ambition or laugh at your mistakes and weaknesses. Avoid such people, hook up with people who respect themselves by respecting others. Insecure people disrespect others, avoid them.

8. Don’t stop. In life you’ll encounter different situations and experiences that will thoroughly discourage you and disappoint you. Don’t let them stop you. You can slow down, rest, relax and absorb the hurt but never stop. Never give up on your dreams in life, it defines your essence, once you give up, you lose the meaning of your life. Hold on to that meaning of your life, never give up.

Dear friend, words hurt, words destroy. Don’t be a victim of verbal abuse, disdain or disrespect. Position yourself for proper respect with or without a lot of cash. Respect is more about who you are, not what you have. If you want true respect, follow the rules!

FRANKLY SPEAKING BY
MUYIWA AFOLABI

It's not a Nigerian thing. It's a human thing.


The wisdom of the poor is despised -- Bible

The perfect way to live life. is when you live your life not to impress but to be Happy...