My mum had always been harsh, we didn't really mind then because we were very young, now we are grown ups and we can't take it anymore, she has always been there for us too, (we never really had a daddy, he had too many wives before his death) my mum gave us whatever matters: best of education e.t.c

but life goes beyond that. How do you manage a woman who gets angry so easily and starts shouting on you? how?

It depends on how old you are. Can you put your age on your profile please?

If you are above 21, the solution to this problem is financial independence (and getting your own flat).

If you are under 18, then there is no solution: children have no rights in our culture, they are like slaves.

Another approach to the problem is to develop some screaming skills of your own. It works, but it also backfires.

our last born is even more than 21, am the second to the last, i have older ones that are married, she is like that to them too.

Can you tell us some specific incidents that led to her anger and how she reacted? The question requires a very specific answer. Does she need a man or more friends around her age? Does she need chill pills?

maybe your mum is under alot of pressure. it can't be easy for her too, if she is flying off the handle so quickly , it means she is stressed. Maybe you and your older siblings should reassure her that you are working with her to make a go of things and that her temper is affecting everyone.

@folushola

I feel for you my sister. Even though I am a grown ass man (no one has supported me for over 10 years), my mum is still the same way, just like yours. You just have to live independently, it will never stop as long as you are living under her roof.

dupebaby:

@ fuloshola, maybe im a little bit young, but my mum still do the same thing for me, im 17 and my mum picks my cloths, tell me what to do and not 2 do, it might seems harsh but i know she loves u that why, with tyme and patiences u will overcome this, maybe u all should sit your mum down and explain to her, she can;t beat u since u are 2 grown for beating, she might yell but she will still get the message, [/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000]

You are absolutely correct!!!!!!!!

If your talking to her over and over again doesn't help, then believe me nothing would But like my dear sister said, its all with love, though it can be annoying and frustrating with the harshness

Deal with it or emancipate. Your choice.

folushola:

My mum had always been harsh, we didn't really mind then because we were very young, now we are grown ups and we can't take it anymore, she has always been there for us too, (we never really had a daddy, he had too many wives before his death) my mum gave us whatever matters: best of education e.t.c

but life goes beyond that. How do you manage a woman[b] who gets angry so easily and starts shouting on you? how?[/b]

do you communicate with your mum at all? do you(her children sit her down and talk to her)

As your mum i think she is sensitive to your needs and emotions but if she is not, please bring it to her attention

as for the shouting,she is prolly going trough some thangs,shouting and getting angry at you guys might have worked in the past,let her know that as adults its not working

like others have said , if she is not going to stop find your own place ,start to live your own life

give her time they say age mellow-down things(at least give her a chance after all she is your mum,your progenitor

You just mentioned that the word daddy has always lived for you in the dictionary. She probably lives her life trying to remain disciplined for you; so maybe no visible partner, no external support, no listening ears, even if your dad were alive I doubt he would have been of much help.

You really can't carry a load meant for two without crunching, squeaking or yelling under the weight. Great mothers are like gold or diamond; they go through a lot of burning or chiseling - try asking goldsmith how it feels before the masterpiece stands glorified in a glass shelf waiting for the highest bidder. The least you can do is to understand and appreciate her more. When last did you get her flowers, when last did you give her a hug, take her out for dinner, buy her a materrial she denied herself because she has to settle your bill? If at your age you still eat her ponmo and drink her soy milk; when last did you wash or iron or send her clothes to the laundromat?

Lend a hand so that instead of yelling she'd be relaxed enough to share her innermost thoughts with you. She's got a lot bottled in and been there for her is the first step to the solution. If you can't alleviate or tolerate the situation; getting out to find out how it feels when NEPA (there's no real change; their old name is still at work) harass you for forgetting to pay N1725.02 will be a good start point for showing appreciation.

Thanks guys, but presently we dont even live together, she lives in New York and only comes around when someone is getting married e.t.c. my older ones in New York keep complaining that she is too hot tempered, when she calls us and we try to correct her, she flares up and starts shouting on the phone, "after all i have been through because of you people, " e.t.c
Whenever her call is coming in, am so scared of picking it.
I just lost my grandma, so she is definitely coming for the burial this June/July. She will quarrel with as many of us as possible for different funny reasons.

Very simple stop telling her too many things ,
She is  your mother and you will know how she reacts to giving situations

whatver your mum may be like, remember this, she successfully raised independent , capable children on her own.

thats a lot more than can be said of many mothers who had the luxury of a daddy to join in child rearing.there is no such thing as a perfect human being. based on all you've said, you'll miss her when she passes on.Try to appreciate her while you still can. i'm sure what she wants is some appreciation of the type we all give as kids but not as adults:
('you're the best mum in the world!') etal.

From the contributions so far, the reason for mama being too "harsh" and  "hot tempered" is obvious. Mama is reacting to the effect of having to shoulder alone the responsibilty of a father and a mother. The effect of a disappointment from a loved one (her husband).

_{o ku oro omo}.

Women tend to over-react, when it comes to the issue of their spouse. Have you ever seen some women who lost their husband? I have a case, and your mum is even a tip, when compared to thsi one.

Your mum is not too harsh. She loves you guys.

The truth of the matter, however, is that, YOU CAN'T CHANGE HER!.. I am sure your mum regrets it each time she overreacted, but she just can't change herself.


mi dear, you have just to learn to cope with it. Afterall you are not living together.

What you can't change, you learn to tolerate it.

me i dont think its because ur mom does not have a hubby, cos my mom is like that too. though she has chilled now and i dont see her so often (i ve grown older and stay on my own now) however, at the end am always glad she was harsh at the time cos i would have been way-ward or might have dropped out of school. but now am a responsible man thanx to madam thacher

some parents (not just mums) are like that
when they shout, u feel hated!
but it is saidd that it is the one you love that u scolde more.

i guess your mun is just trying in her own way to show love and groom u'all.

my mum can also shout, sometimes at the least provocation,
i use to be very angry

now , im grown, i have younger people droping in every now and then

naturally, i dont scream,
but sometimes, when im upset, i find myself raising my voice far higher than what im used to
especially when the offender is someone very close to me
if the person is not close to me, im tempted to just ignore the person.


basically, what im saying is that, she is trying to show love in her own way
would have been easier if dad is there to help,(sorry about that)

generally though, parents could be annoying
im sure our kids will say same someday about us.

, i honestly think that on the long run, its a lot better, i was also in the same circumstances several years ago, but its paying off now, domesticated,neat,confident and bold, ,
 you only need to be patient with her and apply a lot of wisdom, God bless you,

it's her character and u should have known by now how to avoid her trouble. my mum is like that 2, but it's helped in the training i've gotten 4rm her, cos we dont usually see what our mums see, although we might think they r strict or harsh, it's 4 our own good cos they love us.

on the other hand, when i notice she's in a bad mood, i completely avoid her and make her happy most times cos i've studied to know d type of person she is.

i think the best solution 2 ur problem is that u have to learn the type of person ur mum is, and know how to follow her.u can aso advice her politely that the more she keeps working herself up, the more she gives herself a chance of inviting high blood pressure to her body.

she's only doing whats best for you thats what they say

u sed u were growned up now just move out of d house if u cant do dat just IGNORE her she will be d one cumin bk 2 say sorry

oyb:

based on all you've said, you'll miss her when she passes on.Try to appreciate her while you still can. i'm sure what she wants is some appreciation of the type we all give as kids but not as adults

Very true! Even though her nagging can be very tiring, try to cope with it. It's a good idea for all of you to come together and talk to her about it, suggest other ways you think she should explore to get the same message across. If that doesn't work, appeal to elderly people she respects in the family to help you talk to her. That should drive home to her the point that although you love her, you simply can't take the way she shouts. All the best, and please don't hate her, she's only human.

Most contributions here rightly capture my thoughts. Your mum is a product of the situation she has found herself (polygamous family, widowhood etc). Being harsh is one way of survival and bringing you guys upon her own. But then again, 'harsh' is a bit too harsh a term to use. Let say 'too strict'.

You just have to bear it till you gain your financial independence from her. Then again, I have this gut feeling that you may end up being 'harsh' to your kids too.

@junegirl
that's correct, bravo for that. Also, she could live longer by taking things easier!

pls lets not pretend, thats just nigerian styl. no matter what ur age is they still wana maintain the same control over you.

they dnt like looking weak

hi , you just need to study her the more . when ever she's annoyed or furious you can be quite 4 her. you will also enjoy her if you develop good rapour with her.

Helo everybody, what i will just say is that anytime she shout she shows that she still care about u ppl, and as far as she is ur progenitor there is notin than to tolerate any kind of harshes she myt brought

superman, nice one men!!!!

the fact is this, we (well, most of us) come from a culture that flogs for discipline, and are very vocal and physical! i am 32 and i had to sit my mum down and tell her some home truths! did i shit my pants before going ahead with it? hell yeah!!!!! but the fact remains, you put up with what you allow!
now, before you lot start talking rubbish like "mo le ko" or anything stupid like that; i love my mother to bits (same situation as the thread starter, no dad just mum all the way) but the one thing we lack the most in nigerian homes is honesty! parents are too scared to be real with their kids, kids are too scared to be real with their parents! so we have both parties acting out mostly in fear and dread of failure!

guys, our parents fear failure more than anything else and once you combine that with the famous Naija pride, then you have an explosion waiting to happen!!! LOL

my advice is to build that trust and respect with your mum! if you give her excuse to shout, then she will simple as!!!
if you do not, i am not promising that it will stop, but God knows it will reduce it a lot. let your word be bond and then you can slowly start to prove your point as been grown up.

Now, with my mum i have got to the point now where i tell her things not to do and i have a go at her! you might say that is rude, but its in love!!! if you see your mum going to a wedding (naija style) and you know she can't afford it but she will rahter go, then you have to put your foot down and make her see sense (thats the kind of having a go i mean!!!)

so, take it from someone who called his mum margaret thatcher for 19 yrs, it can be done but your tactic will either be a bridge builder or you had better find some friendly family members to take you in! LOL

Peace!

ohhhhh i am looking for viagra

she's doing her job,its because of what she has gone through,if she has never told you about her past tell her to tell you.

ohhhhh i am looking for viagra

, na wah oh, hope all is well.
well, the way i do mine is just ignore my mum, and believe me she gets really pissed off ,some people say its rude but its a polite kinda rudeness, he talks, she talks, she realize i'm not responding, she gets angry, she stops.