loco somewhere , in the world 01/19/2006

I lost my virginity to a single mother. She was just so hot and goodlooking. Imaginethe best looking woman you ve ever seen....Shes a top person....Wonderful personality, good heart and very humble....
He little daughter who s 11 is very sweet and kind...At first I also didnt wana go for her, but she persisted and I honestly couldnt help it and guess what...She got pregnant of me! Now we have a gorgeous little girl whom I love to death...My life has been turned up side down though...I found out lots of dark secrets and stories I didnt know about her having slept with heaps of guys...Abortions and other shit...It s been so hard for me to accept so much shit...I was the typical born again clean virgin guy and have never been the type of sleaze who takes advantage of women...Like all the men she slept with....After having talked to her I realized she s been only a victim of her upbringing. She had a very difficult life...Her father ran away her mum s a drank and very negative type of person....I feel sad forher...Cause now I c that she actually ran towards those men as a puppy needy of love would run after u.....I haven t married her yet...Its hard for me to take the desition...I feel that not matter whatI do there s gonna be pain...If I marry her I will always have a bitter taste of life after finding out all about her past....If I dont I will become a single dad myself and have to know my little daughter will be far away in another state..Besides who would now take a single crhistian dad? My reputation has been completely tarnished .I frankly never been so confused....She wants to start going to church and have a beautiful family..She s not a bad person,Ilove her ...I adore her little daughter ...And I would give my life for our baby....I tried breaking up with her a few times but I cant bear her crying desperately..Her dauughter s also so attached to me...I feel they re so vulneralble and are so alone in this world...It s so bloody hard ....Please I need help ....Im going crazy ..email me...I need your advice urgently....Sometime I feel like killing myself

gypsymoonac@yahoo.com

Hello, if the single mother is ready to change her ways of life and have only you, why cant you go ahead and marry her?

You must however warn her seriously because any form of infidelity from her WILL destroy the marriage. Forget her past but use it as a basis to build you future together.

i guess this is what happens to ppl who leap before they look. in this modern naija, u v to research the other party before u commit to a serious relationship.

You really need to seek some help from your pastor or someone you trust to help you through all of this, it can't be done by you alone. If the lady is sincere then why not focus on marrying her because God is forgiving of all the mess we do why not be forgiving of her if she plans on making changes. Really work on making this relationship work but this time don't forget to include God in all your decisions and re-establish your born-again status!!!!!!

Alright mate, I'm going to email you instead of writing on here.

If you are a Christian, and she is becoming one too, old things are passed away.. Once you both have sought forgiveness from Jesus Christ...

Just take it all in your stride.. You have a child together, and her past didnt stop you from doing that... What u saw in her when u started the relationship should be what you should currently focus on..

And for goodness' sake.. remember there is a child involved.. that should be paramount of all considerations..

When I read your post, these sentences stick out for me and the amazing thing is that they are your own words too.

* She was just so hot and good looking
* Imagine the best looking woman you’ve ever seen
* She’s a top person
* Wonderful personality, good heart and very humble....
* Her little daughter who s 11 is very sweet and kind...
* Now we have a gorgeous little girl whom I love to death...
* She wants to start going to church and have a beautiful family She s not a bad person, I love her ...I adore her little daughter ...And I would give my life for our baby

(This sound like the ideal woman )

You are the only judge here. It don’t matter what anybody says here… you will be the one to make the final pick. I know your problem; you are worried because of your Christian background and her past life you just found out. Bro I tell you sometime blessings come in different packages and you have to be smart enough to see it. Don’t get caught up with prejudice of religious life. We all have past and past needs to be where they are IN THE PAST. Mary Magdalene was a prostitute till she met Jesus and her life turned around from there.

You need to see yourself as the guardian angel that has come to rescue her from the world and her past; the Moses that will take her and your daughter to the promise land. If she is ready to change which I think she is, go ahead and marry her that is the only right thing to do here. Any other thing will still put your daughter in the same shoes like her mother and I know you don’t want that to happen. You know the best gift u can give your daughter is a mother and a real father. U will also extend it to her daughter too.  You dont need to kill your self Bro..

Please write us back with a wedding date… I cant wait 

@ Wahalaman...

[size=24pt]WORD ! ! ![/size]

Thanks for all yours in response to gypsymoon's post. I've known about this site for long but never registered or used it (except brot in by google search for some info). I am in a similar dilemma wt just a few differences. I can't even get myself to correctly and properly compose this but I can bank on d anonimity of ds forum to post my similar experience and seek much needed godly and logical advice. First I wish gypsymoon goodluck in his case. Mine is dt I grew up wt a good christian background and got born again at an early age, so remained a virgin (am 30 soon) until 3months ago when I lost my virginity to the single mother am to get married to in a little while. It's a distance r'ship so thankfully, we got no room to continue indulging in premarital sex (which I count as sinful). Lately tho, I get very uncomfortable when I discover again and again dt she's been involved wt so many men b4 me and it's clearer by the day dt we're from different backgrounds. I am adjusting to d fact dt am going to father someone else's child altho d girl knows me as her daddy.To cut it short, what brot me into ds forum is dt she just recently suggested dt we wait for almost 2yrs after our wedding b4 having our baby, simply because she had a very terrible night coping wt her 5yrs old daughter dt was down wt a fever. I had shown so much concern at d daughter's condition just d day b4 but felt so disappointed at d suggestion dt came to me as selfish. But she wd not agree dt her suggestion is a selfish one. I asked her if she'd hv ever suggested it supposing she had no child just like me, and of course she was honest to say NO. She begins to gv me examples of pple around her who wilfully delay conception but cdn't tel me dt any of d partners has a child. She'd drag the issue and I asked whether she agreed dt some of d previous men never proposed to marry her because of her daughter which she agreed. I only asked her to try and not make me uncomfortable wt my decision to marry her by such a suggestion (or any similar talk or action) and dt made me d offender. Am sorry if am not getting this out alright but I just need someone to pls talk to me, what do U advise? I guess I'd kp checking in here for replies and cd talk a lil more if need be on ds matter. It's hard now.....I hv to stop. NB: Our wedding is just a few weeks down d line. Reply in here and/or thru my email jesujisos@yahoo.com

.

.

.

.

Y not MARRY her?

i'm surprised this thread is deserted. why ?? Where are all the marriage counsellors of Nairaland ?

U shld not use her past mistake to judge her or the fact that she's got a kid.

everyone's got a past!

The first poster, it seems that lady loves you, i dont know what your problem is. dont allow her past to hurt you, but if you cant live comfortable with her past let her go, stop the pity stuff.


The second poster, you would have created another thread, i guess u dont know how to do that, hence u used this forum to ask ur own question.

in your own, it seems that the lady is not yet in love. if possible cancel the wedding until you get ful assurance that shes is ready for marriage. Else you wont get her to change her mind on the child bearing issue.

i agree fully with wahalaman.but u really have to seek the face of God and also get a conviction from ur heart that truly u wanna get married to her.ansd i think u both have to take ur level of comprehension to another level.try to understand eachother more.as for the kids.i must say u are a favoured man.i also cant wait to have mine.and pls take good care of them ok.God is ur strength he will surely guide u in making the right decision.cos he who keeps isreal will neither leave u nor forsake.he also say u will prosper in all things even in ur relationship.from my heart man.stay blessed and pls never leave his presence cos there are fullness of joy and at his right hand?u know it,

I'll answer Laglon and Harvey with this same response/reply. I feel you guys. I really do. It's not about the love - cos it's obviously there (at least from your individual sides of the fence). What the girls feel is another thing. Children will always love a consistent, loving and true father-figure, which you've both evolved to become. Harvey, if your assessment of the relationship is good, bite the bullet and move on with your plans. Very few of us have clean slates, believe me. My slates aren't too bright either. But I'm man enough to admit it. For the house and to the house: ever dated someone who as an individual is so right but regarding circumstances pervading the person's existence, becomes so wrong? You get torn between choosing the love of your life (and a lifetime commitment to bear and forebear what at times seems unbearable) or choosing an alternate path for which you may have recriminations for as long as you live.

Been there, thus I'm talking from the soul.

Laglon; I'm only human. No oracle speaking here but you may be treading murky waters. I don't know your reasons for wanting to get married but people like me don't take the high road (divorce) as an alternative. Look before you leap has always been true to the game. You're looking but are you seeing? Don't rush into something which may scar or marr you. For your lifetime. I'm thirtyish too. Happily unmarried. Many at times long to wake up with her beside me but I know I can't be too careful so I'm laying contigencies down. It's true that no matter how much foresight you have and the planning you do, things can still go awry overnight. The fact is people change. For the better. For the worse.

Summary? Pray. You guys both profess to being excellent christians. Pre-marital sex even scares and taints one of you. Cool. Wish I were back to those days. Anyway, pray. Your faith in God and the fact that I believe MY God sleeps not, should guide you through. Wishing you luck as good as any person can get. Divine favour. More importantly, divine wisdom, guidance and intellect. By strength shall no man prevail ,

hi please you should not be confused go ahead and marry this lady since you love her, take her to the church and help her change her ways.