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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] (5478 Views)
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I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 11:31am On Sep 07, 2019 |
So , I've been dating this girl for quite some time now, and it's a long distance thing, barely 2months and it's been going all fine and smooth. She's to come stay at my place for some time next month. One month in, she told me I'm her best friend and the only guy she can trust with everything even her secrets(we share deep things together, and talk for max 4hrs daily on phone ), and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and all... One day over the phone, she told me about one of her exes, a guy she use to know and love and how they both split and went their separate ways . Going through her FB page days later, I saw a pic she posted and I unconsciously swiped through the comment section(not my thing) , and I saw this particular guy, her ex to be precise(the one she told me about) , telling her he missed her with a love emoji added, and she replies with "me too" + a double love emoji and with a face that's about to cry.. This comment was made 1month 2weeks into our relationship. I was a bit pissed and then I confronted her over the phone and she told me it wasn't a heart felt thing and she didn't mean it , and besides "it's a normal thing to miss someone", she said . I angrily told her, "it isn't just anyone but your ex!!. Why should you miss him. Am I not enough!? " .Then, I ended the call and sent her a chat. Maybe I'm over reacting, or maybe I need to be worried, but it's not a good feeling I have about this. I don't know, maybe, I need space, or I need to just let her go because she totally sees nothing wrong with it. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Davash222(m): 11:34am On Sep 07, 2019 |
E be like she don already block you sef. 34 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 11:36am On Sep 07, 2019 |
Davash222: She wasn't online as at the time I sent those series of texts... Even up till now. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Davash222(m): 11:37am On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69:Story. Eve’s daughter don block you since. 32 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 11:39am On Sep 07, 2019 |
Davash222:Lol OK... |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 11:41am On Sep 07, 2019 |
![]() ![]() Why should you miss him. Am I not enough!? Dear OP, you're not ready for life yet, trust me... if this is how you intend to be policing your significant other about. These things aren't always that serious. Yes, you're overreacting! I talk to my both exes. One is always sending pictures of us from way back whenever he stumbles on it. Just two weeks ago, I found one inbetween my books... from 4 years ago and I sent it to him. We laughed over it and all. But trust me, there's nothing there. Perhaps, if I had a boyfriend like you and he had seen our conversations, he would have been jealous or upset. But really, there's nothing between us. I blocked him on Whatsapp but when either of us calls, we can stay on the phone talking for a decent amount of time. But then again, I don't think I've ever told either of my exes that I miss them. ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by internationalman(m): 11:51am On Sep 07, 2019 |
The real problem should have been if she told you she doesn't miss her ex. Anyone that tells you they don't miss their ex is screwing them behind your back... 3 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Nobody: 11:53am On Sep 07, 2019 |
Davash222: 16 Likes 1 Share
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Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by GraGra247(m): 11:59am On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: This is total and complete bullshit!! If you are in a serious relationship you have no reason whatsoever to share intimate pasts with your ex(s) . If you do so, you will certainly cheat. Mark my words. Its just a matter of time. The funny thing is that you ladies cry foul when men do these kind of things but now that men try to avoid such, you women do it and pretend there's nothing wrong with it. Hypocrisy! 29 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by internationalman(m): 11:59am On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO:Yes you do miss them but you don't tell them because it might lead them on.... Guys are always like that. But if I date you and you tell me you don't miss your ex, I will just assume you are still in contact with him 1 Like |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by blesskewe(f): 12:15pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
U are fighting for her but she doesn't want to fight for you 6 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 12:19pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
GraGra247: Is it really that intimate? That you see an old picture of someone and you send it to them. I understand how the other partner finding out might feel a bit uncomfortable It's a tricky subject really... and I can't quite say what's right or wrong. All I'm saying is that it's not always that serious. It's not necessarily a cause for worry. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 12:26pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: Let your boyfriend know about the emboldened and how you keep encouraging your exes(thereby leading them on) , and let me know what happens thereafter. Thanks. But trust me, there's nothing there. Perhaps, if I had a boyfriend like you and he had seen our conversations, he would have been jealous or upset. But really, there's nothing between us. I blocked him on Whatsapp but when either of us calls, we can stay on the phone talking for well over an hour. This is the problem I'm having, her inability to see the wrong in her deeds. It's a young relationship starting from scratch, and she's suppose to earn my trust little by little, but with every iota of trust she earns, she breaks it the next moment by raising a suspicion in me. Lady, it doesn't matter how little , or harmless "I miss you too" might seem , if it will break your relationship, then don't do it. Trust is earned, not demanded. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by GraGra247(m): 12:31pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: All I'm saying is that its CERTAINLY a cause for worry. And I am fully supported by every relationship expert around the world. NNo relationship expert will ever recommend you stay in touch with your exes to such dangerous degree of exchanging photos. Such things can easily spark a long buried flame from any of the parties. Cheating with exes always begin with such little negligible but dangerous things. 5 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by GraGra247(m): 12:34pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69: You are perfectly correct. Any lady that behaves that way and finds nothing wrong with it will CERTAINLY cheat. Even to the extent of adding 2 love emojis. She's still very much interested in her Ex. 2 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 12:40pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
blesskewe: I guess so. She called me 30mins ago still telling me she would stop, but she doesnt see any wrong, and if I want the pin to her social media accts, I can have them. She's so pretty, she must have tons of guys in her dm. I'm afraid I might see a lot more enough to scatter my heart in pieces. So I'd pass. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 12:41pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
GraGra247: Ultimately, it's about discipline... and intent. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Acidosis(m): 12:45pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
She's just a mere girlfriend, not your wife or fiancee. Continue to date her and leave it at 'dating' until you find someone that is worth your time. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 12:46pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69: I don't even like how it seems I'm advocating for people to keep up communication with their exes and expect their partners to not be bothered. But that's really not my point. I totally understand your point. You've registered your displeasure with her... and if she cares about you and the relationship, she wouldn't do it anymore. Ñdo. But how do y'all do the LDR thing? Were you guys already dating and living in the same town before the distance happened? |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 12:47pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
GraGra247: FACTS. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by GraGra247(m): 12:54pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: You obviously have no experience in relationships at all. Wait till experience teaches you very hard lessons. 1 Like |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 12:54pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: She was based in my state, and we were acquaintances. I decided to take it a little further than that 2yrs later , then she had already moved to another state. I wanted to a make a move before hand in person(she told me she had a thing form me then) . So we just clicked, whilst reminiscing about how we first met and how shy I was then. We already arranged to meet again next month. She's to stay a week. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Apination(m): 12:56pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO:You are unconditionally stupid, no pun intended. ![]() My brother, don't mind these farm tools, that's how most of them behave, you have done well, you don't have to tolerate any body's bullshit. ![]() |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 1:07pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69: Okay o. Good luck. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 1:10pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
GraGra247: Maybe that's the problem. You've learnt too many hard lessons. I'm at the point in my life where I can't be policing anyone about, telling them who to talk to... and who not to. Getting uneasy and insecure over the barest things. I mean,why should I lose sleep over the mere fact that my partner is talking with an ex? ![]() Or perhaps, my own case is peculiar. Maybe I'm the only person on earth who has exes with whom I have a cordial relationship but we've never and will never get intimate again. ![]() What I stand for is... if it really makes your partner uncomfortable...then do the needful. It's different strokes for different folks. Goodluck. ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Nobody: 1:25pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69:When I read your post the first word that came to my mind is Insecurity but reading through comments I thought you are just an overly sensitive (emotional being) but this post confirms my initial perception. You are INSECURE! You believe what happened in your former relationship will happen again and your lady being a beautiful one increases your anxiety. You don't believe in the relationship because you don't believe in you being enough, that prompt your question' am I not enough'? Lol dude that question will be difficult to answer by any one especially when it's asked by someone you barely know for two months. My question to you is, Do you see yourself being enough? Are you valuable enough? How do you see yourself? Do you think she's too good for you? Work on your state of mind (esteem and confidence) You lack those two. Now to telling an ex you miss them(him/her) Honestly speaking it is wrong especially when you are in a relationship. It refreshes memories and awaken desires to be together again. It is like saying there is a vacuum somewhere your current partner isn't filling and if there should be anyone to know this it should be ones current partner and not an ex. However we all should realize that ex's were once part of our lives and some can not be easily forgotten so it's normal to miss them. Op, telling your girlfriend you needed some space is wrong. You should have let your plight known to her, and work things out.That is how to build a relationship, your actions at such an early stage of your relationship shows you don't value her and sadly she might have interpreted it that way. You don't just pull out of things that way, you should have given her a benefit of doubt. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Richnerd69: 1:35pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
MariaLavina: Deep and true to an extent. Thank you. I will work on both my self confidence and esteem. 2 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Nobody: 1:37pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Richnerd69:You are welcome. |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Fountainofyouth(f): 1:59pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Lol |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Enwhen(m): 2:16pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
PrimadonnaO: All those calls and friendly attitude with ur ex is meant for what ![]() Just imagine if ur bf is still having a friendly chat and others with his ex, how would u feel ?, Sometimes when u people want to hide and do things , u claim there is nothing, untill when it get to point when u starts remembering those swt memories and before u know it, it's another story.... I still can't reason what will make me to be calling and sending pics to my ex when I have somebody I presently live and wouldn't cherish my conversation with my ex...we are talking about opposite sex here, that no one is perfect and we r all prone to mistakes, as such, why drawing trouble close to u when u don't want it ??... Once u truely done with ex,. There should be no communication or anything , it should road side greetings hi /hello how are u doing finish... We all know what is right but because we want to be more smarter we claim there is nothinnnng!!!!!. 3 Likes |
Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by Nobody: 2:17pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
ok
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Re: I Told Her I Needed Space...see Why[screenshot] by PrimadonnaO(f): 2:33pm On Sep 07, 2019 |
Enwhen: It's called "ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend" to indicate that you're no longer in a romantic relationship with that person anymore. It doesn't translate to someone you now see as an enemy or non-friend. Those calls and friendly attitude are because we were friends while we were still an item... they are because we still consider ourselves friends. And no, the calls aren't frequent or random. Y'all have your relationships and associations the way you want to, biko. |
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