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Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 6:06pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
So I posted the below on a thread some months back and have always debated within myself if I should make it a thread. I saw a thread on 'some mothers manipulating their kids to believe their fathers are deadbeat' so I decided to open the thread. A man is the head of the home hence linages are mostly traced on the patrilinearly. A man finds the woman he wants to build a home with, share common vision etc. I am sure that is where the agreement of our definition of headship ends. I do not understand the unquestionable demigod persona Nigerian people keep painting in alignment of the Bible. All through the Bible, not once did I see a man take a decision alone and the one person not sure ( same Abraham we all parrot) asked God what he should do. The position of headship is not a privilege to do as you deem fit: it is a call to lead your home to righteousness, train your children and be a godly example. A man who cannot boldly say 'follow me as I follow Christ' has failed as the head. After all, it is the duty of the husband to wash his wife clean. Is he going to do that with hands stained with adultery, pride, hatred, gross irresponsibility, lack of provision, lies, spiritual darkness and malice amongst others? Every man proclaim of his own faithfulness:a faithful man, who can find? I know this addresses a husband and father however, the focus is on fatherhood. If a man plays the role of a father as he should, it would be near impossible for his wife/ex to paint him bad. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 6:09pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
Why is my bold command not working on the OP? Cc: LewsTherin |
Re: Fatherhood by liberalchick(f): 6:24pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
I can’t relate to most of what you wrote on your post but I agree that fathers shouldn’t give up on knowing their children because the mother is bad. 1. Choose someone suitable to be the mother of your children 2. Give your all to know your kids. 4 Likes |
Re: Fatherhood by Cutehector(m): 6:26pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
What is this 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by lagosminded: 6:54pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
Is this a reply to that other crazy thread? If it is, it wouldn’t be effective getting your message across because this only applies to Christians. Anyways, it’s your post let me mind my business. |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 7:01pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
liberalchick: The post is a direct lift from another thread so I tried to highlight the specific portion most suitable for this although my bold command was not working in the OP If the father is really a father, there would be little the mother can do to poison the mind of the kids. |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 7:02pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
lagosminded: Emmmmmmmmmmm Not a direct response. Look at it more like the duty of fathers encouraged by the other thread. 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by lagosminded: 7:11pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
bukatyne: I agree with you 100%. I was just saying the quickest way people on NL find loopholes in arguments is through religion. If you make ur post neutral, there wouldn’t be excuses like “this is for Christians”. Anyways, I trust that your thread will be much more civil, I like how you stick to topic when you respond to insulting quotes. 3 Likes |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 7:13pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
lagosminded: Very true, I understand. |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 7:25pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
Cutehector: |
Re: Fatherhood by LordKO(m): 7:34pm On Sep 08, 2019 |
The following assertion can only hold true if the woman is sane, content and humble; "If a man plays the role of a father as he should, it would be near impossible for his wife/ex to paint him bad." - a subjugator/one who's penchant for subjugation can never be satiable. Meanwhile, headship veto remains infinite provided that the holder remains alive and lives above expediency. Headship/spiritual head is all about living on principle rather than expediency (living at the periphery of expediency) - a head/leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. So, I don't agree with this "I am sure that is where the agreement of our definition of headship ends." - provided that the aforementioned standard remains sacrosanct on his part. Failure to acknowledge infiniteness of headship in this regard is a recipe for disharmony. On "the unquestionable demigod persona Nigerian people keep painting in alignment of the Bible." It's little or nothing to do with one's worldview/religious leaning, but it's everything to do with one's mental state in particular and ethical leanings in general - spiritualism remains different from religion. The biblical record of the character "Christ Jesus" was that of a principled entity rather than a religious one. In summary: - Goodness (love and submissiveness) can't mutually take place where insanity, greed and conceitedness are present in the life of either one or both parties. - Toxicity/subjugation knows no gender. - Self-conquest (of the listed vices) is the only recipe for harmony - mutual goodness breeds harmony. 9 Likes |
Re: Fatherhood by Nobody: 9:22am On Sep 09, 2019 |
bukatyne:Nice one. Most people who proclaim themselves as christians dont know what christianity is. Being thr head of your hime as a man is a responsibility from God to men to lead in the example of Christ raising up a holy generation to God's praise. |
Re: Fatherhood by missjo(f): 6:38pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
You know Christians are not the only ones who get married right? |
Re: Fatherhood by missjo(f): 6:40pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
LordKO:Sir do you know the meaning of effective communication? 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by AntiMCU: 8:12pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
missjo:LordKO don come again.
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Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:17pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
missjo: Yeah This thread is not about marriage. I would appreciate if other religions outline the duties of a father here. 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:18pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
solite3: True, thanks |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:23pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
LordKO: I need a dictionary for this. The OP is a direct post I made on a thread about headship that's why some of the paragraphs would seem out of place on this thread. For some strange reason, the bold command wasn't working in the OP so I resulted to enlarging the portion I wanted to highlight. 1. If a father provides (according to the OP) for his children, how would his embittered ex /wife badmouth him? |
Re: Fatherhood by missjo(f): 10:30pm On Sep 09, 2019 |
bukatyne:The thread is not about marriage? But i did keep seeing words like headship,wife, husband, etc. tho To be a father,one would have to be married if we are to follow your Christian values right? |
Re: Fatherhood by hify9935(f): 12:21am On Sep 10, 2019 |
missjo:he doesn't |
Re: Fatherhood by LordKO(m): 5:05am On Sep 10, 2019 |
bukatyne: Lol, make you no vex, as I come de look am now it come be like say I don spoil your thread, but no be my plan be dat. I hope you dey fine. |
Re: Fatherhood by missjo(f): 8:49am On Sep 10, 2019 |
hify9935: |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:52am On Sep 10, 2019 |
missjo: I added a comment in the OP that I lifted it from my post on another thread hence I highlighted the part on fatherhood I wanted to address. See my response to LordKO. Even if a man gets a lady pregnant out of wedlock, he still needs to be a father to his child/children although marriage is the best platform. 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:58am On Sep 10, 2019 |
LordKO: Hahahahahahahaha You did not answer my question joor. |
Re: Fatherhood by missjo(f): 9:00am On Sep 10, 2019 |
bukatyne:Ok,carry on ma'am |
Re: Fatherhood by LordKO(m): 11:33am On Sep 10, 2019 |
bukatyne: Foremost, I take the ex/wife here to mean a greedy woman who's bargaining power (offspring of the union) - so, it's not just about a woman/being a woman - while the man is a good (non-toxic) man. Well, for a greedy woman (man) it's always about self-interest and the dominion, sanity or dignity of the other person, with this you can see that her insatiableness will automatically make it impossible for her not to badmouth him, even after giving his best. It's better to dine directly with the devil than to dine with a person who's greedy for both power and money who has bargaining power - such a person is akin to a psychopath. S/he is personification of danger. 6 Likes |
Re: Fatherhood by LewsTherin: 4:41am On Sep 11, 2019 |
Some stupid spambot banned me for a while for nothing more than trying to modify a post because I saw a spelling error. I gues the bots in Nairaland have not been updated since 1978. Anyways, I see the failure of fatherhood in Nigeria as another result of the failure of leadership. Our leaders believe leadership is rulership. They see themselves as unquestionable and infallible overlords when leadership should be more like shepherding. A shepherd guides, protects and cares for his sheep. He disciplines every time it is needed but he primarily guides and cares. But we should also remember the pressures men in this age face. Pressures to provide. To succeed. To meet society's standards. To "be a man". These pressures are immense and manny men in a bid to meet what is expected of them miss what is right for them. Many women and wives do not understand this and will pile up even more pressures on their men making it worse for them. Especially as society has made caeing for the children the woman's job. This, by the way, isn't necessarily a bad thing. An emotional thinker is more likely to do a better job on children who are not yet capable of rationally following through a thought but will still "feel" their way out of things. No woman, however, has the right to bad mouth a father to his kids irrespective of what the man has or hasn't done. 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by Richy4(m): 6:47am On Sep 11, 2019 |
This Spiritual Head and Tail thing sounds more like a headache. That is why I like the parable of the talent in the scripture. In that little passage, it was written that the Lord gave each and every one of them what they are capable of.. He gave out 5 talent; 3 talent; and 1 talent. Any analyst could ask but why didn't he give them the same talent to level the field of play? He gave them based on what they can do... In my opinion ( since everyone is entitled to theirs) if u are a father, forget about this label thing and work with your partner.. If she's good in taking care of the kids, don't say oh! I am the spiritual head.. blah blah blah... Just channel your energy to another aspect that can benefit the family.. If u are finding it difficult financial wise, seek help from your wife.. let her work and provide / support u.. Don't die because they said u were the spiritual head, the provider and other bla bla bla.. There are men that are "all rounder".. they can be everywhere.. and they can do all things... from praying to taking care of the kids to being a handy man. It works for them and their families.. If u are not like that, don't force yourself into doing what you cannot do in the name of being a spiritual head.. Look for what works for you and your family.. If u can't handle a toolkit, look for handyman that can fix your taps, electrical faults etc and pay them.. By doing that u have reduced your chance of finding yourself in the hospital.. u have also provided for someone whose livelihood depends on that work. The bottom line is having a peaceful family and creating an atmosphere where children respects their parents.. and not a sergeant major's home.. If every man is gonna follow through everything written up there, I don't think a man's livespan will be up to 40 if he should marry at 29. 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by LabuleofNigeria: 8:23pm On Jun 24, 2020 |
Who doesnt want to be a good father? The hardship and challenges faced by men in this present economy is more enough reasons most men become irrational and boycot the true role of fatherhood. Fathers/husbands in a balanced state of mind emotionally & financially knows their roles and what is right |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:37pm On Jun 24, 2020 |
Richy4: Na wa for you Just this small thing? 1 Like |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:41pm On Jun 24, 2020 |
One year later, the bold command refused to function in the OP. |
Re: Fatherhood by bukatyne(f): 8:42pm On Jun 24, 2020 |
LabuleofNigeria: Not easy however they need to work at it. And thank you for resurrecting the thread. |
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