NaijaTushboy:

dude you are just lucky to have a short d**k coz peope with short konji doesn't penetrate place where HIV dey if it was someone like me or lalastic***hmmm

Please stop spreading fake and misleading information. It's just stupid. HIV infection has nothing to do with the length of the p*nis.

I suspect that you did skin to skin with her, she suspected that you infected her, hence she wanted you to marry her so that you both can be positive together because she cannot come and go and marry any other person.

You self, you nor dey fear HIV. Only God knows how many girls you have been laying carelessly without protection.

IamaNigerianGuy:
You need mature advice but you came to Nairaland.

I can't think of a better place to go Bros, not even my family.The level of stigmatization is still high in this part of the world.

GrabHisBalls:
Stop saying she pressured you. I don't think women easily pressure men into doing things they don't want. I could even deduce you married her 'cause a child was involved which you had a choice to say 'No' to. Inasmuch as she may have fooled you, you have your own share of the blame. Couples undergo series of test like genotype, blood group, HIV status before marriage. If you'd both done this, you would've known her status prior to the marriage. That would've informed you that she's infected since you're lucky to have been immune to the virus.

Will you just shut the fvck up

Hobbsandshaw:


Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

No surprises. HIV doesn't just infect like that, else we'd all be in serious soup. But it's good to be paranoid and take precautions very seriously.

1. Contraction is slightly harder from a woman to a man. It's always easier from a man to a woman or a man to a man (doggy things ).

2. She took her drugs religiously, so that reduced her chances of infecting you significantly.

I'd move out from the house immediately. I can't tolerate long kept secrets, talk more of a health-threatening one as that. I'm sure as hell she's surprised and very disturbed that you weren't infected.

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

HIV is not that easy to contract. The chances only increase for those who usually develop sores around the genitals or injuries resulting from a dry vagina or rough sex. Or anal. Or mouth action from a person with sores or gum bleeds or injuries.
Or those who sleep around with nursing mothers and suck their breast, and the milk that comes out during sex. LOL, many cheats forget this. And its a faster way to contract HIV than sex itself.

Also HIV is more transmissible from a man to a woman via the sperm, than from a woman to a man. It also depends on something termed the 'viral load'. The higher, the chances.

Nevertheless, he's lucky quite alright cos of the length of time though.

Hobbsandshaw:


I dare not show her any sign at all.I know her very well, she won't mind poisoning me

What if she is reading this thread ?
If I was in Ur shoes, I would carefully
Take my children to my mother's house under the guise of holidai
And cautiously serve her a divorce letter .

Too bad she trying all her best for u nd her to go to hell fire together right ,Devil is a lair call her attention nd let her knw

Oboi, it is obvious, pls lets call a spade a spade, just be careful in there bro, God be with u

..I wont blame d OP for watever reason, becos if it was d other way round.., those ladies calling d OP fool or telling him nt to say He was pressured., would av called guys all sort of names.
All i knw is Mistake has no boss, anyone, i repeat any 1 can fall into dis situation.
Wat we express outwardly does nt reflect wats in our heart wen it comes to relationship even though few re geniune but many re not.
U only knw urself.
Op, dat woman u called wife is Evil, all she did was to cover d track of her sexcapde and whoreness..
For her to keep dat for as long as U mentiond 5yrs or wat... She can kill U.
My advice is simple... Run for ur life.!
Though, i'm an Advocate of hearing the other side of a story.., bt on dis ur matter.. i No wan hear her story except U're d one who gave her d Virus.
Brother Run..!
Let ur Mum take care of ur kids.

You see why it isn't good to leave the church out. Most churches conduct HIV, blood group, genotype, pregnancy, fertility tests etc on couples before joining them.

Just Bleep her and get positive period, its for better for worse. That's y am still single and using ma soap

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

The marriage is void from the outset. She didn't disclose her status to you which invalidates the marriage vows. This is the only ground for divorce in the Catholic church.

Hobbsandshaw:


She wasn't even pregnant, she staged the pregnancy.She went as far as getting fake pregnancy test and results and pressured into doing the traditional marriage because according to her,her parents must not know she gets pregnant out of wedlock.
As for the drug,I honestly don't know how she was doing it.

Have you ever thought she was actually pregnant, but pregnant for another person?

I dont know if ure really thinking sef.

Its a tough situation,,,yes u can remain negative even if you hv been doin skin to skin..especialy if her viral load is low...which i guess is,because she is on her antiretroviral..welll marriage is for better or worse..you guyz can talk it tru

Hobbsandshaw:


Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

Now, don't try to justify the lady's act. It's absolutely inhumane. Purposely risked someone's life. His problem is not being trapped by pregnancy. It's being lied to.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

This is very simple. If i were you this is what i will do.

1. Crime, lies, deceit, pretence all are bad examples that we should not condone. I will firstly get the kids away from her, then let my family and her family know and divorce her.

2. I will file a law suit with that first hospital and ensure the Doctor and Nurse that did that coverup is exposed and maybe suspended from practicing.

3. I will ofcourse explain all this steps to her after getting the kids away, and ask her to come clean and tell me all that happened and how she did all she did. If she is remorseful and comes up with the truth, i will forgive her and we will now have a plan of how i will assist her with living with the disease and ensure the kids are in her life since she will now understand the dangers and will now take precautions in living with the disease.

4. Very importantly, like i said if she confesses and tells the truth and now ready to follow your lead and not all the hide and seek, lies and manipulations, then be there for her 100%, no matter what your family and friends say. Understand that what she did is absolutely WRONG, but again understand that the society, stigmatization, her upbringing, led her to this.

oldtruth:


Great comment! Most have been thinking south. Average Nigerian reasoning is just too low.

Thanks for this great input

Kalixx:



HIV is not that easy to contract. The chances only increase for those who usually develop sores around the genitals or injuries resulting from a dry vagina or rough sex. Or anal. Or mouth action from a person with sores or gum bleeds or injuries.

Also HIV is more transmissible from a man to a woman via the sperm, than from a woman to a man. It also depends on something termed the 'viral load'. The higher, the chances.

Nevertheless, he's lucky quite alright cos of the length of time though.

We posted exact same thought, exact same time. Tell me you're a single lady

Hobbsandshaw:


My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

Guy, if you still have your dad, pls , invite him to one eatery, buy him fried rice and chicken with salad plus chilled soft drink, after project is completed, narrate this story to him. He will advise you appropriately. However, never you sleep with her again , even with condom. You were saved because God loves you. So, don’t dare God by sleeping with her any longer.

spiceadole:


Its a condition where one person is negative,the other is positive.
Negative husband,Positive wife
Negative wife,Positive Husband.

Discordance means not equal,not same.
One person is infected,the other is not.

There are many couples on this table today

thanks.
But I heard that after a test, the person maybe positive but it cannot be known till after some months when they return for another test. This kind of method is permanently inconclusive. Because during the window period, they could get infected even if they weren't initially

Hobbsandshaw:


She wasn't even pregnant, she staged the pregnancy.She went as far as getting fake pregnancy test and results and pressured into doing the traditional marriage because according to her,her parents must not know she gets pregnant out of wedlock.
As for the drug,I honestly don't know how she was doing it.

From the way you replied that mofo I know that ure a chicken. You need some street smartness. Imagine the rubbish she said and you answered her like that. Guy if you like yourself then you better seize to sleep with that lady ASAP. Infact don't sleep in the room together. Don't eat anything prepared by her. If she tries to make noise put her in her place and tell her, the best choice before her is to get a divorce. Treat her like a complete stranger because she's evil. Make arrangements to get your own place. Let her evil remain with her. After all she might have 20yrs to go. Be as close to your kids as possible and sideline the idiot. I dey vex seriously on your behalf. Person pikin won't do this to me and I wouldn't detach immediately. Say na who die? An apology would not do. Cry me a river isn't enough. Thank God, and move on with your life. Don't tell her it's over. Just ignore her. Stay as far away as possible from her. No bed sharing, pillow or lounge talk. Keep calls to less than 20secs. Buy baby stuff urself. My guy you are at war. You've got a devil beside you.

You were not positive because she have been taking her drug properly

frugal:

We posted exact same thought, exact same time. Tell me you're a single lady

lolol, lady for where?

Im a man bro, u sure u did not mention me mistakenly like dis?

Omojudy:

Bro, hard truth is you have to forgive. I know someone in similar shoes. The only difference is that he hasn’t found out. Sometimes we have to try and understand things from the perspective of these carriers. It’s hard being stigmatized for something probably wasn’t our fault.
Do you think it was by your power you didn’t get infected from other girls in your previous life or were you a virgin till marriage?
So for your sanity, your kids future and all, forgive,take your drugs and live. About madam think of an appropriate punishment. Maybe threaten a separation till she comes back sober. And you too please don’t go about having side chicks especially without a condom!

How about that person's health and life? HIV becomes deadly

So sorry I don't know what to type but if it was me and my husband hide such a secret from me and deceived me to marry him, I would leave the marriage after this discovery, having HIV is not the issue but keeping it secret and deceiving you into marriage and also lying to you after all these years is the height of wickedness. Only you can make this decision whether or not to stay and while you're at it be very careful.

Hobbsandshaw:


Brother calm down.This issue is not as simple as you are seeing it.This woman is desperate to keep me,if I force anything, she will fight in a dangerous means. And forget,we have two children together already.I need all the wisdom I'll get to handle this situation.I'm not weak at all.

No I don't think you are weak. I think you are foolish. You are married to a wicked and conniving woman. A viper who didn't mind passing on the virus to you. She deligently too her drugs but didn't inform you and didn't care if you got infected and died. She will rather keep a secret than save your life. Such a woman can poison or kill you and you will keep giving stupid excuses for her.

You are not the first to divorce neither the last. I'm sorry but even your children deserve better. She is very selfish and cares only about her honor and comfort as a married woman. That's woman has no iota of love for you. She slept with you unprotected for 5 years knowing she was positive. Knowing you didn't know. Knowing you were not on any medication or protection. Yet she will look you in the eyes everyday, kiss you and say she loves you.

God has given you a second chance to rid yourself of the viper. A vicious liar. Even lied about CS

If you stick to her she will end up ruining your life because she is a vicious liar and a selfish woman. Even beyond the HIV to other aspects of life. Such a woman can sleep with your best friend or brother and still smile, serve you dinner and sleep with you that night.

Remain married to her at your own risk.
Or pity your self, your children and your parents and separate your self from this evil and wicked woman.

A word is enough for the wise

I don't blame you at all, cos as young adults we all make 'silly' mistakes.
Nevertheless you are not a superman neither are your lovely boys but I sense your wife is a good woman by taking all the necessary medical and practical steps to protect you and your children.
You definitely know her more than I do but my advice is this,first you have to watch out more for yourself and your children.
Secondly after some Couple months (since she just put to bed) you need to sit her down,let her realize you have known about it longer than she thought.
But as it is now,no woman would treat your boys better than her so I suggest you keep her.
The attitude you talked about maybe due to frustration of keeping such to herself not knowing how you will react to it.
As long as she is not promiscuous.
She will appreciate you for the remainder of her life.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.
... she called that she was pregnant after I visited. She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public....
What should I do?

First, I empathise with you and wouldn't like anyone to be in this strait situation.

BUT, I believe if you have not VISITED your destiny would have remained intact. But when we say IT IS ABSTINENCE, and we we are called fools and all manners of names. That someone else will be eating our yams if we abandon them. Now I ask: has his VISIT stopped his yams from being lavishly distributed?
If you have abstained, how do you think you could ever find yourself in this quagmire.

May God show mercy, guide you and heal your marriage in Jesus name, amen

bro,your type is so rare! just tank your God. pls n pls fly away from her before she unleash another of her wicked move.

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