The job market sucks right now and for someone finding a job has proven next to impossible when following all the rules. However, for some they like to push the envelope to stand out when going up for a new position. Maybe they should rethink some of their methods.

10. Instead of shaking hands, you ask them to “pull your finger.” Some people can’t take a joke!

9. You’re not willing to risk being downsized, since you’re unsure if they’re referring to your penis.

8. In your zealousness to pad your resume, you claim 10 years of Java and 15 years of HTML. But what do they know, they still use Windows?

7. After your interview tantrums, so-called “Equal Opportunity Employers” don’t seem to be buying your “Tourette’s Syndrome” excuse.

6. Small-minded employers find “alien abductions” unacceptable explanation for gaps in work history.

5. You can’t afford shoes – Jesus only worse sandals!

4. “Slashed co-workers with a broken coffee mug” doesn’t look as impressive on your resume as you thought it would.

3. Too much time during your interview spent discussing your jihad, not enough on how you would perform as the new personnel counselor.

2. You show up at each interview wearing an aluminum foil suit “just in case of enemy attack.”

1. You list “smoking weed” as a hobby on the job application and offer to start group session to help the company relax at lunch.