Top 30 jokes
1. Scientists says that girls with
long eye lashes can see money
in men's pocket, 70km away
from them. True or false?
2. To marry a fat girl, you don't pay bride price, you do
clearance. Bride price is for slim
girls only. Aunty, stop looking at
me like that
3. If you have been single and
searching for more than one year. My brother/sister your
antenna needs upgrade. Contact
me now
4. Just because I gave goat a lift
and you're calling me a thief.
Won't humans help animals again
5. Research has shown that,
every delicious AKARA is sold
near a gutter, the bigger
the Gutter, the nicer the AKARA
6. A man with AK 47 ran into a church and pointed the gun at
the congregation saying️, "Who
is a child of GOD here?! Let me
send him to heaven? The
congregation remained silent.
He then released one shot into the roof, the congregation
shouted, "It's the Pastor !He
always says that he is a child of
GOD!" Pastor replied, "What kind
of conspiracy is this? Every one
here knows that I am the son of Ekua Safoa Donkor. How am I
related to GOD?
7. U still have the courage to
reply with ''K'' wen u failed
chemistry. What do u knw
about POTASSIUM! 8. The first igbo girl to open a
twitter account saw the bird
and kept it a secret, and daily
logged in to see if it was
growing
9. My dear sister, if I go down on my knees and propose to u
and u say NO! Upper-cut follows
immediately. No time for
nonsense!
10. Why is it that when u sit in
the kitchen and wait on ur rice, the water never seem to dry But
just remove eye small, press
phone! BOOM!
BURNT OFFERING
11. I want a wife who is a
stammerer so that before she can finish saying "Baby I need
money" I am already at the
office
12. If 33 is called
thirty three and 22 called
twenty two then why is 11 not called onety one and 00 zeronty
zero? I wonder where these
teachers got their education
13. You will buy rice with meat,
plantain and egg and the seller
will still ask "Bros, is that all?" No ma, add mosquito lap: idiot
you follow me work money
14. My girlfriend celebrated her
birthday and I asked her what
does she want. She replied that
she wanted something that will last the whole of 2019. So I
bought her 2019 calendar. Now
I'm calling her and she is not
picking my calls. I don't know
why?
15. Somebody should buy me iphone 11 pro or else i will
drink coke and die
16. I'm Just wondering what
would have happened to David
when he threw the stone and
Goliath Dudge it 17. Big boy is not when you
manage buy iPhone x max and
behave rude to your elders. Big
boy is when your girlfriend ask
you for money and you give her
your ATM with the password and tell her to withdraw any
amount. Ladies am I making
Sense? Any girl that thinks I’m
making SENSE. Hmm Electric
Pole FALL on U thief
18. Our elders said "nothing has disadvantages without
advantage" E sir, What is d
advantage of poverty?
19. When the pastor says "Open
to the book of Roman" You will
start sleeping But when a girl says "Open my blouse" you will
do that in 5 seconds and draw
her bra like someone starting
generator. Don't worry bro, the
devil is happily gathering your
firewood 20. If you are always noticing
Stingy people, it means you Beg
a lot. Stop it!
21. Someone told me that
"Dating is a WEST of time" Then
I replied "It is "NORTH true" I must kill English this year
22. Boy: Hi!
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you? Boy: Am
RICH Girl: Oh! My name is Mary but
you can call me BABY, Am 19
and I stay in ovwian. I love
short dark men like you and am
glad to meet you. So when are
we going out? Boy: No! No! No! Rich is my
name. It's the short form of
Richard
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to
strangers
23. Its only in Nigeria you will see #FOOD_IS_READY But when u go in and ask for pounded
yam with egusi, they will tell
you “E still dey fire”
24. A little boy fell from a
mango tree, immediately he got
up and told his friends "Thank God say I no die, if to say i die,
my papa for kill me!
25. U can tell me ur secrets, It is
safe with me, even when d
Admin told me he slept with
five members Have I told anyone?
26. Breaking News: All short
people have been allowed to
use there full pics as passport
27. If you see me talking to
myself understand because am self-employed and I'm having a
staff meeting
28. Igbo girls be like "There are
2type of retters; formal retter &
ifeoma retter
29. Just imagine how the ladies who dumped "BILL GATE when
he was Upcoming would feel
Now, Ladies be careful not To
make similar mistake With me
30. Happy new month

Nice one OP. So interesting.

thanks

1. If my phone and bible are
falling at the same time what
will I do? I will catch my phone
and let the bible fall because the
word of God can not be broken

2. Blessed are those boys that have no
girlfriend for
they shall enjoy their pocket
money

3. This people that keeps asking
can u exchange me for 1million naira,can u slap me
for 10million
naira, they don't even know that with
the present situation of nigeria
now i can exchange them with bread
and
minerals

4. Dating a short girl is really
good but not
until you enter bus Dem tell you Oga pls
lap your daughter

5. I Saw a girl crying at the mall
I asked her what happened?
She Told me that she lost her
1000 naira So, I gave her 200 naira from
the 1000 naira which I found at
the Entrance of The Mall.
When God gives you , You must
share it too!

6. Be shouting smal body no be sickness, until they start sharing
drinks in an event, and dey got
to ur turn &giv u bobo

7. Neighbours will always see
the girl u brought home last
night But they will never see the thief
who stole from your place even
during the day!!! *Nonsense
bunches of idiots*

8. I asked A Girl on Facebook to
tell me more about herself. I Fainted after she told me that
She is SLIM IN COMPLEXION
9. Big boy is not when you
manage buy
iPhone x max and behave rude
to your elders. Big boy is when your
girlfriend ask you for money
and you give her
your ATM
with the password and tell her
to withdraw any amount. Ladies am I making Sense? Any
girl that thinks I’m making
SENSE. Hmm
Electric Pole FALL on U. Thief

10. Nobody is careful than a guy
composing an SMS for a new girl. He can even go to
dictionary to confirm the correct
spelling of "IS" just to be sure

1*Have you ever been stressed with a relationship that even a taxi driver asks you where are you going and you answered "only God knows"
2. I insulted my neighbor, he told me if I try to come out, he will deal with me, he's lucky I don't have anything to do outside
3. Text A Girl “I Heard Something About You” And Watch How Fast She Texts Back.* If you like try it now
4. On my wedding day,you will be given mathematics question to solve , if you fail,no food for you
5. Only guys that press breast a lot that can differentiate between today's bread and yesterday's bread* *Hope the guys are with me?

1. A group of slim girls in the swimming pool will be looking like boiled spaghetti, Lemme come and be going biko
2. After aborting like a dozen times, u will be praying for fruit of de womb when u have already uprooted the whole tree. My sister advise ur self
3. Am done with Nigeria movie, How can a native doctor be wearing mountain of fire band
4. The highest form of deliverance is deliverance by flogging, if a cele man flogs u eehn. Mtcheww U and the demon will decide where to go
5. That moment in the exam hall when you tell a Jehovah witness "open" And he says "when I came and knocked on your door, did you open for me?" You will know what you did to yourself
6. Sister, bleaching ur skin till u shine brighter than your future is not a problem. The problem is having yellow face, green vein and red leg, don't come and be looking like traffic light
7. Some African Parents will be like 'I will not place Curse on you, but whatever you do to me your children will do you same. Is this one a Proclaimation or a Declaration? ah my tongue
8. Wen a white man creates a phone and you video chat with your brother you call it technology but when your Grandmother in the village use a mirror to see you in your house in Lagos, you call it witchcraft: you dey try well done
9. So My Bro Broke Up With His Girlfriend Yesterday Because He Saw A Man Driving Her Car. We Later Investigated & Found Out It Wasn't A Man, She Just Took Off Her Wig
10. Watching a Movie with a kid is stressing, A kissing scene Comes on and you end up saying 'come on boy, Go and close the rain, window is getting in
11. “I cannot marriage a man that is not education”, says a lady at the bank yesterday

1.. Some tribes in Nigeria will be
crying during funerals but they
will still use that same eye to
locate the people sharing food
nd drinks »»». ..... I will not call
the tribe before they say that I hate igbo people

2. Just because I don't like
cooking doesn't mean I can't
cook .... Have you tasted my hot
water before ? .... chaii ..... You
will lick your hand.

3. nobody can give me headache
when panadol is #50.. nobody
can break my heart when super
glue is #30... With #80 I am
safe.

4. some people will do blood money and still be stingy ..
Blood that is not Even ur own....
What rubbish

5. Breaking News : "all short
people are now allow to use their full picture as passport

6. The downfall of a man is
not the end of his life but if he falls from a 3~story building.... that one na CALL OF EXIST

7. How can I bought shoes for
250k and expect me to walk on
the ground?.....
Abeg if u hear any sound on
your
roof don't panic ... Na me dey waka

8. What if your offering
money
is wat they are going too use to
feed u in heaven?? ..... Some
people will die Before 1 week

9. On judgement day ... I will
just hold Nigeria flag so that
God
can know that have pass
through hell b4 .... I can't face
hell twice ohh

10. I know my people can't read
without appreciating my effort

1. In nigeria, whenever rain is about to start, nepa must take light... Pls is it written in the constitution?
2. I seriously need to stop listening to peoples conversation in Public transport, I once followed someone to his house just to hear the rest of the story
3. I am on bike and something is telling me to totori de bike man in de armpit
4. On my wedding day, i will cook beans, pls if you are coming dnt bring gift ooo!! Just com with bread or garri it'll be unique
5. Dear men! If u are a short man, biko dnt date a benin girl, Because it will b easier to put You in a spiritual bottle
6. In china earthquake for 3 days electricity still on. In Nigeria 2 birds sitting on the wire then boom no light for 4 months WHY?
7. Only a black person will steal your thing and help u to search for it after
8. I cooked today and everyone have been going to toilet. Biko what's wrong With Dem? Na only 13 Maggi I put oh
9. Imagine someone owing you 100k just posted "I wish i could die now" die go where? My dear you're covered with the blood of jesus
10. I wake up this morning and found my self in the market, people were pricing me.. My girlfriend nearly sell me just becus of iPhone 11+ my broda fear Igbo girls
11. If You want to know your wife's secret?, call your neighbour's wife a prostitute then you'll see revelation

1. I never knew am this handsome until 4 ladies started dragging my hand in the market yesterday "FINE BOY!! FINE BOY!! PLEASE COME AND BUY FUFU"
2. Imagine marrying a woman dat loves watching zee world. My broda ur food will be burning extraordinary everyday 3. nigerians can make colour oooo which one is ,coconut pink, bread yellow, akpu white, crayfish brown, okro green
4. Glo is very useless so if I don't remove my sim and lick it,,,network won't come up
5. That moment your village people are ready for you, they will just make you put on MTN t- shirt while going for Glo interview
6. Snoring is a gift not everybody can sing while sleeping
7. If you think China products are all fake why don't you try their poison
8. AFRICAN PARENTS can be so annoying! They will wake you from your sweet sleep only for them to ask you if you are sleeping

1. I was singing one day and one of my neighbors asked me "Is that your voice" and I replied "No, it's my footsteps". I hate nonsense
2. I'll do anything for you, I will die for you... "says your boyfriend who unirates in the basin at night for fear of going outside
3. some people don't know the right time to greet, how can I be urinating on the road and you greet me?? Can't you pretend you didn't see me
4. Dating tall girl is very hard, she might just see the future and breakup
5. When I marry and give birth to a girl, she will not suck her mother's breast, I can not support lesbianism in my own house
6. This anambra guy called me yesterday and was like, My blooder you are velly tarented, I have been leading your jokes
7. I was slapped by a solider today for stepping on his foot, I wanted to hit him back, I just remembered Exd: 14 vs 14 "the lord shall fight for me and I will hold my peace" This soldier man is lucky oh
8. I told you she's my sister and you're asking Me if we are related by blood? No ooh! By yoghurt. Mtcheeew Nansense
9. You are tagging me with your boyfriend's pics, For what! Am I him? Are him me? Me are him? You better answer oooo, He I am? Or I me him?

1. In 2013 there was a Russian scientist named Povandolakovivi scovkintayionshinkov, Why you skiped the name? I will not complete the story
2. Impregnating a girl in Europe is so nice that her parents will even buy you a car But in Nigeria, the curse alone will change your destiny
3. Glo weldone o! So I have to sit at the edge of my bed, turn a little to the left and open my mouth before network enter my phone
4. Just because you are using MTN doesn't mean you should allow your teeth to be yellow
5. At wat age did y'all realize that BAE stands for BILLS AND EXPENSES
6. Instead of joining cult in school, dying like fowl. Why not just tell your parents to use you for money ritual..
7. My sister English language is not by force o if u can't speak english correctly, u kindly use pidgin . Today at the bank, a guy told a girl, excuse me please, can u go back so that i can pass'' and she said please, please, i can't go backer than this , this is the backest i can go , can't u see that there is some body in front of my back ? I almost requested for toilet tissue, instead of withdraw slip
8. I met a small boy crying with two ten naira note in his hand, and i asked him why he was crying ? He said, his mother sent him to buy ten naira sugar and ten naira cowbell. But he has forgotten which ten naira is for sugar and which is for cowbell
9. A Mad mad was standing at a police station looking at the policemen when they are doing their matching. A passerby asked the mad man: This one u are looking at the policemen like this u wan join police? The mad man replied: Me join police? I dey Mad?
10. My aunt just joined Facebook and she has been searching for me but can't find me because she has been typing "My sister pikin" 11. appreciate my effort

1. Nigerian Maths .. If Emeka has 20k and Jennifer smiles at him,How much will remain ?
2. American: Is it true that Nigerians Answer Questions with Questions Nigerian: Who Told You?
3. This morning I saw some group of people Surrounding a bus conductor shouting give me my change , I joined them and shouted Oga Give me my own change na , I collected #450 and went my way , what concern me; english sha
4. When I have problems i sing to cheer my self up , but sometimes it turns out that my voice is worst than my problem
5. Eat Good food always in case u wanna vomit , my Guy vomited, rice and Red oil today , I use shame go buy 2 meats drop for d vomit
6. Nigerians Hate saying their Names at the Door when they Knock If u ask who be dat They will reply Na me Who be you Na me na
7. Ever since I Recharged 10,000 instead of 1,000 I no dey press ok without using Toothpick to count the Zeros
8. When u Buy a blue ABA jeans, and wash it, you can use the water , To paint 2 bedroom flat
9. Nothing is more Painful/ shameful then a lecturer standing beside u in an exam and shouts "hmmmm, some people are just writing Rubbish"
10. Happiness is when u are sitted next to your landlord in church , and u are owing him 2 years rent and suddenly the pastor says "look @ your neighbor and tell him, that God has paid my debt" and Your Landlord will b like "Hope u know is thunder that will fire you"

1. Dating a lady with bow legs is cool... The problem start when she wears red leggings.... She'll end up looking like a plier Lemme be going
2. I wanted to date you but you said you have a boyfriend.... Now you are asking me for money My sister!!! Have you ever seen a UBA staff collecting salary from GT-BANK What rubbish?
3. Stupidity is when you have a land rover.... Land cruiser and you still have a landlord!!! i speak sense into you
4. I told my girlfriend I'd like to have 7 kids after marriage and she shouted.. "Ah babe! That's too much yo'.." In my mind i was like, "what's wrong with this one,are you my future wife?
5. Black people will never believe that you're sick until you refuse delicious food
6. Your dad listen to Bob Marley you listen to naira Marley you are both marlians
7. Boys will be like; i. Baby my love for you is extraordinary everyday Oshey Zeeworld ii. Baby I won't let you go I love you thanks Bro pharaoh iii. Since you came into my life, my life changed Oshey APC
8. 1. So I went to the police station to report a cult boy that threatened my life, Only for the police man to tell me to catch the guy and bring him to the station
9. The road to heaven is narrow. I pity those that are fat. Lemme mind my business sef 10. Please, Before U Block Me,Tell Me So I Can Visit Ur Timeline to Unlike My Likes,Unlove My Loves,Unwow My Wow,UnHaha My Haha
11. Bus drivers should stop moving the bus when everyone has not sits, one girl just grabbed my dick for support

1. Nothing is sweeter like dating three girls who bear the same name, you post status, "I love you blessing" and everyone will be happy. Sense we not kill me
2. If you know any unemployed graduate with Bachelor's degree and Diploma, please kindly extend my greetings to them and let them know that education is the key but African leaders have changed the padlock
3. Today is the happiest day of my life. I saw myself on TV when I switched it off
4. Ladies I've been saying this, stop using different kind of charger for your phone, it can spoil the charging port! If you know, you know
5. I seriously need free mode on YouTube, they should remove the sound I'll watch it like that
6. Old people will act as if they know everything until its time to load Airtime on their phone
7. Sis, Because he sounds like a lion when praying doesn't mean he is a responsible Man. Not all lions are from the tribe of JUDAH
8. Do you remember when you were small and you thought the moon use to follow you, That's when your stupidity started 9. My dear Igbo girls, Please repeat after me "It's called GUITAR AND NOT JINTAR
10. Some guys will say girls don't love them because they don't have money, you sef bros, as you don't have money do you love yourself?

1. Trouble is when a Soldier punish you and releases you to go, but you jump on your Okada and shouts, "Officer, You are very stupid!!!", suddenly, your bike refuses to start!
2. Anty just 2 days into a relationship , u are already asking for 10k its that Registration Fee ??
3. Rule Number 1.. Never lie to a Girl, Because they Ask what they Already Know
4. As a Man if ur wife head is bigger than urs forget it , she is d head is the Family
5. My Brother if a woman commits suicide just because of u , just know that she loves u Dearly ,MARRY HER
6. Some girls are wicked ooo I said to a lady today ,"Baby u know I can die for u" she said prove it as how nah
7. Igbo Girls will be like , Baby I wanna Drink High Screen
8. Welcome to Naija where our parents remove their glasses just to hear what some one is saying
9. My Ex told me that I am childish that's y she left me , she that her dad still shouts up NEPA whenever light is been restored
10. Donald trump wants to paint the white house.. He calls for quotation.. Chinese guy quoted 3 million. European guy quoted 7 million.. Nigerian guy quoted 10 million.. Trump asked chinese guy.."..how did u quote 3 million..?" Chinese guy replied .. "1 million for paint 1 million for labour 1 million profit.." Trump asked european guy.. He replied-".. 3 million for paint 2 million for labour 2 million profit.." Trump asked Nigerian guy.. He replied.. .."..4 million for you.. 3 million for me.. .. .. and we will give 3 million to the chinese guy and ask him to paint..!!" The Nigerian guy got the contract ! Please don't laugh alone

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Hi there Hi there