Hello nairalander, I was counting hours to furnish you guys with my prewedding pics but the call I made to my parents just broke my heart.

My wedding is first week of December and everything has been going on smoothly. I'm a Catholic and my bae attends pentecostal. I just informed my parents that the wedding will be in her church.

My mum couldn't even wait for me to finish before bashing me. Telling me it will never work. My dad told me calmly to expect them only for the trad.

I thought by right it is the ladies church that the wedding happens. We considered Catholic but they insisted wedding class must run it's course which is three months. And three months from now is January. We are not ready to wait till then.
Guys please how do I convince my parents. Please I need advice.

Oga this issue can not boil beans...

If u don't know the church to wed then
Wed in church of Satan..

carzola:
Oga this issue can not boil beans...

If u don't know the church to wed then
Wed in church of Satan..

It's boiling already. If not I won't put this up

Dear OP, how was it possible to fix a wedding without carrying both families along simultaneously? My parents insisted that it must be in their church and my proposed inlaws wanted theirs and we came to an agreement but at a cost consequence to myself and my fiance. I think you got it all wrong from the beginning. Go and plead with your parents even if the bride's church does the joining most times. Pardon my curiosity but were your parents in support from the on set or you slammed the wedding on them

Esthered:
Dear OP, how was it possible to fix a wedding without carrying both families along simultaneously? My parents insisted that it must be in their church and my proposed inlaws wanted theirs and we came to an agreement but at a cost consequence to myself and my fiance. I think you got it all wrong from the beginning. Go and plead with your parents even if the bride's church does the joining most times. Pardon my curiosity but were your parents in support from the on set or you slammed the wedding on them

I've never seen this as an issue. I've always been open minded. I've been a Catholic from birth, it has never made my life any worse or better. My fiance too is indifferent. But the issue is the time. I don't want to do my wedding in January or February. It all ends this year.

How did you get past your issue?

henro4niger:

I've never seen this as an issue. I've always been open minded. I've been a Catholic from birth, it has never made my life any worse or better. My fiance too is indifferent. But the issue is the time. I don't want to do my wedding in January or February. It all ends this year.

How did you get past your issue?

Both parents fixed a date to meet and come to an agreement. You know your parents better, go and appease them. It's primarily your day and secondarily theirs.

And they seriously said theyre not coming? Wow

You have to keep working on them since you dont want to move the wedding to a later date

My orientation tells me that it takes place in the guys church but I need to think about it

In any case it should be up to you since its your own wedding

You guys really care?

To be frank, it's pathetic that your parents don't respect your bride. Believe me your mother will come in one day during the marriage to slap her or do something humiliating.
African customs made this matter clear. A wedding ceremony is held at the bride's place so after the ceremony when the groom departs, he leaves with his new wedded wife. Women have been made to value marriage and their wedding day is not just any other day for most of them but a day to bid their old lives farewell and take up the names and identities of their husbands.

Your parents are deluded fanatics of a religion they know little about and your wife and yourself are brainwashed Israeli culture worshippers ( problem of Africa). This Western wedding thrives in Europe and North America because couples send cards to their parents a weekend to their wedding. Parents are not involved in planning, some even take it abroad and don't care who attends.

You're a weak man . Your parents know you are weak, they probably sponsored your wedding. What stops you from telling them you wouldn't attend their burial when they die?

Real guys just impregnate a lady until they have two kids. Lady's parents will plead with you if you have money and total control of their daughter to please come and see them, your parents wouldn't give such conditions because they know you don't care.

then go ahead with the traditional. this is a trivial matter, from what you wrote, they have accepted your girl and the only problem they have with the wedding is the church. do traditional alone and forget about the church.


I don't know why you people take shit from your parents in the name of seeking blessings, people without parents get married and nothing happens, don't let anyone tell you shit about your future except their reason is legit and sensible

mezarddinny:
then go ahead with the traditional. this is a trivial matter, from what you wrote, they have accepted your girl and the only problem they have with the wedding is the church. do traditional alone and forget about the church.

I don't know why you people take shit from your parents in the name of seeking blessings, people without parents get married and nothing happens, don't let anyone tell you shit about your future except their reason is legit and sensible

You're right but isnt church wedding quite important to some people? is it every time their parents disagree they will cancel their plans

I have seen where the fight got so much that even the traditional was cancelled

Freehuman:
You guys really care?

To be frank, it's pathetic that your parents don't respect your bride. Believe me your mother will come in one day during the marriage to slap her or do something humiliating.
African customs made this matter clear. A wedding ceremony is held at the bride's place so after the ceremony when the groom departs, he leaves with his new wedded wife. Women have been made to value marriage and their wedding day is not just any other day for most of them but a day to bid their old lives farewell and take up the names and identities of their husbands.

Your parents are deluded fanatics of a what they know little about and your wife and yourself are brainwashed Israeli culture worshippers.

You're a weak man . Your parents know you are weak, they probably sponsored your wedding. What stops you from telling them you wouldn't attend their burial when they die?

Real guys just impregnate a lady until they have two kids. Lady's parents will plead with you if you have money and total control of their daughter to please come and see them, your parents wouldn't give such conditions because they know you don't care.

You lack wisdom kiddo and please stop using the word “plead anyhow”

mezarddinny:
then go ahead with the traditional. this is a trivial matter, from what you wrote, they have accepted your girl and the only problem they have with the wedding is the church. do traditional alone and forget about the church.


I don't know why you people take shit from your parents in the name of seeking blessings, people without parents get married and nothing happens, don't let anyone tell you shit about your future except their reason is legit and sensible

Must they do two marriages at once sef? Only traditional marriage or church wedding or court marriage is enough ... choose one

Plead:


You lack wisdom kiddo and please stop using the word “plead anyhow”

Son of a bitch, go suck your mama.

Freehuman:
his Western wedding thrives in Europe and North America because couples send cards to their parents a weekend to their wedding. Parents are not involved in planning, some even take it abroad and don't care who attends.

This is not necessarily true... it only happens in those extreme cases

A wedding in the western world is a big deal and the brides father is supposed to pay for it, while the mans family will sponsor their honeymoon

If the family is not involved in the planning its because they are having issues

midnighter:


This is not necessarily true... it only happens in those extreme cases

A wedding in the western world is a big deal and the brides father is supposed to pay for it, while the mans family will sponsor their honeymoon

If the family is not involved in the planning its because they are having issues

Which part of Europe? Please provide evidence. Even in the British Royal famy, the custodian of ancient wisdom and norms in the Western Hemisphere had their prince choose to wed a divorcee of black descent and heaven did not fall.

midnighter:


In the UK and US the brides father is expected to foot the bill for the whole wedding because of the Bride-price/dowry tradition

What evidence? a link to a page? This is common knowledge... do you have evidence for your own claim?

Quote my reply again, I've made modifications.

midnighter:


yeah because of the tragedy of what happened to Diana princess of wales

Charles wanted to marry a different lady but they refused because she was too old and divorced (not a virgin)

They selected diana for him and the whole thing was a mess

So they allowed this one to prevent history from repeating itself and to show that the Royal family still has a place in modern society

That's what I'm trying to say, it's a subtle war between conservatism and liberalism. While doing a course in UK , I had an opportunity to witness the wedding of a colleague, few guys got inside the church after mocking that they haven't attended one for years, most waited outside for the reception. That guy sent a card to his parents the weekend before his wedding so don't believe what you read.
Atheism has germinated into the UK and there is a totally different culture there.

henro4niger:

I've never seen this as an issue. I've always been open minded. I've been a Catholic from birth, it has never made my life any worse or better. My fiance too is indifferent. But the issue is the time. I don't want to do my wedding in January or February. It all ends this year.

How did you get past your issue?

Do you mind me asking what part of the country you and your intended spouse are from? I know Yorubas marry in the wife's family church. Igbos generally marry in the man's church except Abians that marry in the woman's church.

It can give some context to where this issue is coming from .

midnighter:


The UK is not a good example to compare with Nigeria because its a class-based society

The royal family you mentioned is not going to send an invite to anybody 2 days before the wedding... equally the family background of your colleague will show you why it is that they dont take weddings serious

Nowhere in Nigeria is anybody going to plan their wedding without their parents input so no need for the comparison

I'm totally Nigerian and pro African. I've mentioned in my first suggestion that it's a norm to conduct ceremonies for traditional marriages at the bride's community.
The mention of a foreign culture somewhere in my long message was to support the proposition that Africans copy what they don't understand , in this case , a western marriage tradition.

midnighter:


I understand you now but the western wedding tradition isnt really the problem here, the main issue here is the OPs dynamic with his parents

The actual church tradition is not causing the problem, rather it is who is doing it and where

Exactly what I mean.

The west are able to handle such issues with their tradition because of their open mindedness - what most Africans who imitate them lack.

You're an exposed lady and definitely read. I know you get most of your knowledge through books and less empirical sources. Britain today is very different from the Victorian era. It's more of a "mind your business" society.

midnighter:



Lol. Excuse me but you dont "know" anything about me except if you ask me and I tell you.

Its a mind your own business society on the surface but when it comes to social issues such as marriage it is still quite complicated

You gave two examples that didnt suit the situation OP is facing and then quoted me back

In the west you will still get people whose parents didnt show up to their wedding for whatever reason.. now what? In fact when a white person marries a black, some people wont be able to cope with it and wont show up

By the way why didnt Meghan's dad come to the wedding? why was she walking herself down the aisle and why did her father-in-law come to escort her halfway through? Where was his openmindedness ?

Weddings are steeped in tradition and are be stressful events for people all over the world, no matter who is having them

Meghan is a woman who doesn't really want to associate with her root. She hates everything about poverty. How she was treated didn't matter to her. The Royal family called the shots and she obliged.

I didn't use the Royal wedding as a case study for regular weddings in Nigeria. If you read my reply again you'll understand my intention to argue that if there could be a deviation from the norm in the Royal wedding which is supposed to be a standard for that very norm , it means the norm isn't respected by commoners who do not have an ethical responsibility to protect it.
This is what I mean. If the Ooni of Ife actually receives brideprice for his son , then there's a swerve of the Yoruba culture because if you talk about the Yoruba culture, he is the first person to think of.

On the first part of the question, I think you're sapiosexual because it's hard to find a random Nigerian lady discuss a foreign news that's not directly related to showbiz.

Wedding should be in the man's church but people like me with no church will likely have mine in a garden with few family and friends.

midnighter:


Meghan is the one making waves and shaking tables in the royal family right now...in fact its making her quite unpopular. Its Kate who didnt care how she was treated and still does exactly as they tell her. Meghans dad and the majority of their family didnt show up because they are extremely dysfunctional...family problems happen all over the world

We dont know what the norm is yet because OP hasnt explained what they do in his place. If the church stuff is supposed to happen in his place and not the ladys then thats a custom that he has eschewed

Just like if the Ooni receives a groomprice then its an eschewing of culture

Following the Christian custom is not the problem its the mistake that the OP made in where he was going to partake in it. Any tradition that you dont carry out properly is going to cause issues with your family at some point

Lol my sexual preferences cant arise from what I like to read... maybe youre projecting...

You're probably reading law and top of your class. A teenager for sure and an introvert. You're nocturnal hence your moniker.

I give up, you won.

midnighter:


Lol your assumptions are mostly wrong.. it seems you are in the habit of making your mind up on people prematurely. Why not just ask?

Do i type like a teenager?

My dream job was to work for the CIA, I grew up and realized taking people's life and getting entangled in conspiracy theories was part of the job so I declined. Always trying to act like a detective.

I just guessed you're one.