I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....

I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..

I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

merit1988:
I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

How long did u and your husband dated before marriage? Abi ona no date?

Tony142:




How long did u and your husband dated before marriage? Abi ona no date?

most times, it's not how long ,but how well... pple date for years b4 marriage and still end up getting divorced...that's what I'm trying had to avoid

merit1988:
most times, it's not how long ,but how well... pple date for years b4 marriage and still end up getting divorced...that's what I'm trying had to avoid

We know, but during the dating periods, u should have seen this sign and try to tackle it before marriage, that y I was asking weather ona no date? How old is the marriage?

Hmmmm...sorry dear. May God help us all.

Nonsense talk.

fulaniHERDSman:
There is no permanent love in any marriage. It comes and goes. It's childish to expect fairy tale romance in marriage. Reason is that a lot factors come to play in marriage. Pressures from child rearing, homekeeping, friends, relatives, finance, business, work place, etc make it impossible for love to constantly be there.
Another angle is the reason you married in the first place. People who marry for selfish reasons do experience your present situation.

To the OP,

Either you or your husband or both of you married for selfish reasons. Love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

PrincessNZ:
Nonsense talk.






To the OP,

Either you or your husband or both of you married for selfish reasons. Love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

what are these unselfish reasons?

Tony142:




How long did u and your husband dated before marriage? Abi ona no date?

most times, it's not how long ,but how well... pple date for years b4 marriage and still end up getting divorced...that's what I'm trying hard to avoid

fulaniHERDSman:

Very rude from a woman ... and U senselessly re-echoed my last line.
Now I see why some foolish women go through domestic violence. Online world Shaa.

You said love is not permanent in any condition and that made your opinion nonsense.

Once more, love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

The OP hasn't given enough info. Expect distorted responses.

First, you have to realize that the fairytale unconditional love you were told by movie directors and romance authors is a scam. There is no such thing as unconditional love.

You cannot fall in love with space. There's something about that man or woman we all fall in love with. If you find yourself falling for a man or woman with bad characters, it means you love bad characters.

If your man do not have the power/conditions/requirements, whether good or bad, to attract your love, then nothing you do will change the situation. He's got to have something to attract you. May be the way he flirts with other women, dresses, or the way he smokes cigarettes.

fulaniHERDSman:
There is no permanent love in any marriage. It comes and goes. It's childish to expect fairy tale romance in marriage. Reason is that a lot factors come to play in marriage. Pressures from child rearing, homekeeping, friends, relatives, finance, business, work place, etc make it impossible for love to constantly be there.
Another angle is the reason you married in the first place. People who marry for selfish reasons do experience your present situation.

in selfish reasons,u mean? Oh pls,u know nothing much abt me,so don't think I'm one of those golddiggers ur familiar with

PrincessNZ:
Nonsense talk.






To the OP,

Either you or your husband or both of you married for selfish reasons. Love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

if ur "selfish reasons" means financial or monetary gain,well I'm sorry to disappoint you...we are both from reputable and we'll to do families....so I'm wondering what else u literally mean by selfish reasons

merit1988:
if ur "selfish reasons" means financial or monetary gain,well I'm sorry to disappoint you...we are both from reputable and we'll to do families....so I'm wondering what else u literally mean by selfish reasons

That and much more. If it is not for selfish reasons from both sides, it means both of you complements each other in character and every other thing. Then your husband should horn his loving skills, it is the duty of a man to love his wife, real men know how to love. You should focus on submitting to him.

Unconditional love is not fairytale, unlike someone said above maybe out of ignorance.

I read a thread here sometimes ago where Men were advised to marry and learn to love those who love them and only use and dump those they love.I asked how does one learn to love but my question was left unanswered, the ones who tried to answer only danced around it. No procedure or How to was provided and I laughed. How men bask judiciously in so much ignorance amuse me! They believe women learn to love so they can do it too.But only the wise one would ask how women easily divert this so called love on their children as soon as they are born neglecting the fathers. Was the love ever there?


The truth is you can never learn to love, you can only learn to appreciate.Love is not something you can create but Gratitude, you can. The misconception comes when people mix up love and gratitude. Contrary to what we see movies like a man learning to love the woman he was force to marry, No! he only learned to appreciate and live with the woman after his brain has been reconfigured by a terrible situation that might have caused him to lose the Good woman.

Op, you can't learn to love. You can only learn to appreciate, learn to be with and learn to accept your Man. In this case, look at the positive sides of things, compare his good qualities to what others do not have and accept him. I wish you luck.

PrincessNZ:


That and much more. If it is not for selfish reasons from both sides, it means both of you complements each other in character and every other thing. Then your husband should horn his loving skills, it is the duty of a man to love his wife, real men know how to love. You should focus on submitting to him.

Unconditional love is not fairytale, unlike someone said above maybe out of ignorance.

LOL Can you love someone without expecting love in return? Do you love your spouse because you just want to love him? You don't care about being loved in return? Well, that's the condition.

PrincessNZ:


You said love is not permanent in any condition and that made your opinion nonsense.

Once more, love is permanent when two people marry for unselfish reasons.

You read too many romance fictions. Love is not permanent. If the conditions that made you fall in love with a man fade, you will eventually fall out of love. There's no such thing as unconditional love. Conditions only differ e.g. material (rich, cars, height, colour, etc) or immaterial (God fearing, loyal, gentle, knowledgeable, etc).

There is no love that doesn't come with a condition.

Acidosis:


You read too many romance fictions. Love is not permanent. If the conditions that made you fall in love with a man fades, you will eventually fall out of love. There's no such thing as unconditional love. Conditions only differ e.g. material (rich, cars, height, colour, etc) or immaterial (God fearing, loyal, gentle, knowledgeable, etc).

There is no love that doesn't come with a condition.

Healthy people love others without condition. However, they fall in love/go into relationship with condition; which can be material or immaterial as you well noted above. If the condition is immaterial, it is real love.

PrincessNZ:


Health people love without others without condition. However, to fall in love/go into relationship with condition; which can be material or immaterial as you well noted above. If the condition is immaterial, it is real love.

True

merit1988:
I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

You have to be specific with the details. This is not clear enough.

I'll advice you take this Issue to SDK blog. There are more women there to advice you as women and that is what every lady needs.

generationz:
You have to be specific with the details. This is not clear enough.

They will wait until people dig out the details and start insulting them before they explain what actually the problem is

.

midnighter:


They will wait until people dig out the details and start insulting them before they explain what actually the problem is

Lol

Breaststroke:


For some inexplicable reason this made me laugh.

I think unselfish reasons would be ones which align very well with what heaven originally intended;

1. Companionship
2. Sex within God's blueprint.

@ OP, sorry I don't know what might help.

Lol

Love as we as we talk about it, romantic love, doesn't exist. It's all neurochemicals messing up with our brains and we almost always snap back to reality when the effects of these neurochemicals wear off.

Marry someone you are compatible with, someone who respects you and you're at least physically attracted to.

KevinDein:
Lol

Love as we as we talk about it, romantic love, doesn't exist. It's all neurochemicals messing up with our brains and we almost always snap back to reality when the effects of these neurochemicals wear off.

Marry someone you are compatible with, someone who respects you and you're at least physically attracted to.

I agree with your first paragraph

Stoopid-crazy "romantic love" is a sham

merit1988:
I got married as a young virgin...probably didnt understand what love was all about then....I've never really felt love or being loved in my marriage..coupled with some other marriage issues..I wear the shoes and I know where it hurts...all I need is advices on how to build my love life and not yabs pls...it's very hurtful

Is it love that's the problem or your marriage is boring?

OP I understand how you are feeling... and trust me, as you get older, it will affect your sex life in devastating ways.
I know the love isn't there anymore but do you at least like him as a person? If so, you guys can still live together in friendship. There are marriages out there like that (mine inclusive)... sometimes it's hard to walk away from a marriage when there isn't a " tangible " reason like domestic violence, cheating etc... society can be so judgemental and it really sucks. I totally get you dear.

crackhaus:

Is it love that's the problem or your marriage is boring?

i guess u don't understand that when love doesn't flow in a marriage, everything becomes boring