So much vitriol being spewed out here? This was not meant to be a male bashing thread. A quick search on NL will quickly show (for those living on Mars) that Men and Women are both to blame for marriage breakups. And back to the subject of cheating, research after research have show women to be only marginally better than men - 55% of women cheat, as opposed 60% of married men - and this was a study done in 2002!

No matter how rehashed the question is, it is still a valid one. In fat, it is so valid that it underpins the whole of society today. Broken homes DO lead to broken societies.

Back to the OP's question - Being a "good" is just one of the components need to keep your marriage; For starters, you would have to marry the "right" person; one who can appreciate your "goodness". Also, the "goodness" cannot be defined by you, as it would always be prejudiced.
The same way being a "good" husband is certainly no guarantee of keeping your wife happy. All you can do is do what you SHOULD do (NOT your best), and leave the rest to God.

Romeo4real:

So much vitriol being spewed out here? This was not meant to be a male bashing thread. A quick search on NL will quickly show (for those living on Mars) that Men and Women are both to blame for marriage breakups. And back to the subject of cheating, research after research have show women to be only marginally better than men - 55% of women cheat, as opposed 60% of married men - and this was a study done in 2002!

What country was that survey carried out? Infact please post the source/link. Thank you.

ohaechesi:

If that is not acceptable by you, then you should advice wives to turn a new leave. days are gone when men stay put for the sake of their kids, we learn it from women and it seems that better. Alot of men had died in the cause of tolerating their wives and at the end what happens, live continues. pls give me a break

@bolded, That is just unfortunate.
Infact it is worse than unfortunate.

mutter:

Harakiri and Ohaechesi,
I am so sorry that both of you have never met a woman that makes you feel like a man. Sometimes too we are blind and do not see our fortune even when it is standing right before your very nose.
I do not think that most women want anything more than love and companionship from a man, but maybe I am naive.

I have noticed a very familiar trend on nairaland.Whenever a guy blurts out glaring truths concerning relationships or more specifically, WOMEN. . .next thing you see are comments from the opposite sEXxX concerning the guy being hurt in a relationship or if the guy has hatred towards women. The reality is that these women know the truth but will always try to circumvert the issue with derailing comments.

That being said, i speak for myself and i can proudly tell you that i don't need a woman to make me "feel" like a man. I AM A MAN WHO KNOWS HIMSELF AND HAS CONFIDENCE IN HIMSELF. I don't need reassurance from anybody to know my standing. It's all this media and religious brainwashing that has confused majority of the populace to the extent that they no longer know that the basics of marriage is anymore but what they are spoon fed with.Furthermore, i am a man whose in a relationship WITH MY EYES OPEN (meaning i am not blinded by that lie called "love". It's a feeling that comes and goes.Don't ever let hollywood and E! Channel decieve you.It always fades.

Finally, you claim that love and companionship is all that women want from a man.Even you yourself know that that's a bloody lie! How many beautiful ladies here would marry a one legged man (who isn't a billionaire?).How many ladies here would settle for a man who has no social security and no future ambition? Shebi love is blind abi? What is this love anyways? What is your own definition of love? Explain what differentiates the love between two couples and the love they have for their brand new ferraris? Medics have proven that the euphoric feeling of love we feel in our brains can be replicated by eating good chocolate (haven't you wondered why chocolates and other delicious goodies remain the best vals day gifts?). Everything about the lie called love is CONDITIONAL and that implies that the moment the factors that brought both couples disappears, the "love" dies. It's a universal law and applicable to everyone.

My post might sound harsh but that is how the cold truth always is. This is not the post of some unhappy guy who is mad at the world (matter of fact, my woman keeps rolling on my back every now and then to see what i'm typing on my bed and she's calling me crazy and laughing out loud).This is a post of a guy who has grown to face the harsh realities of life.

Nuff said.

Romeo4real:

So much vitriol being spewed out here? This was not meant to be a male bashing thread. A quick search on NL will quickly show (for those living on Mars) that Men and Women are both to blame for marriage breakups. And back to the subject of cheating, research after research have show women to be only marginally better than men - 55% of women cheat, as opposed 60% of married men - and this was a study done in 2002!

No matter how rehashed the question is, it is still a valid one. In fat, it is so valid that it underpins the whole of society today. Broken homes DO lead to broken societies.

Back to the OP's question - Being a "good" is just one of the components need to keep your marriage; For starters, you would have to marry the "right" person; one who can appreciate your "goodness". Also, the "goodness" cannot be defined by you, as it would always be prejudiced.
The same way being a "good" husband is certainly no guarantee of keeping your wife happy. All you can do is do what you SHOULD do (NOT your best), and leave the rest to God.

EHhhhhhhhh, dont even bring that here. That survey am sure was not caried out inNigeria and is so not applicable here.

fellis:

@bolded, That is just unfortunate.
Infact it is worse than unfortunate.

there you go again! listen attentively, it was for all the points you made mentioned sent most of our fathers to early grave. not again my dear, provided there was procreation involvement in the marriage, men prefer to be on their own "if" their wives choose to turn tiger over night

MzDarkSkin:

@OP, absolutely not! Men are going to be men. If the wife is good in the three main areas: culinary, sexually, emotionally to her man he may stick around alot more and cheat a little less. STRESS: A good man = cheats a little less than the average.

Men nag about what they want in women, how they want women and what they would do if they find that woman, when they do have her they may cherish her initially but like the men that they are, they get bored and want to "explore". If she is a woman with not too many flaws they will highlight the smallest thing to justify this. Women will jump circles like a circus clown for men only to be played and hurt! IMAGINE, a woman defends men, she cherishes everything about them! She gives her heart, mind, body and soul to a man. Anything he needs shes there to oblige and make him happy. This gay in return gives her a little s.ex her and there, take her out and then he dissapears! When she and he talk about it, he declares she is a "nag" but when she decides not to "nag", he finds some way to say she is "indifferent". Guys are real ARSETARDS! I HATE THEM!


*(I am venting right now like a water geiser- so what if i spelled it wrong?  , so try not to be the arsehole to turn me into a full fledge volcano!)

MzDarkSkin:

^^@the two "men"tards! I see why television shows like "Snapped" has yet to go out of season!   and rightfully so!
LAY THE PIPE! LAY THE BLASTED PIPE?!!! OH! I will lay the pipe alright, so I can get a good aim with my machete!  


TRUE! Honestly, men are only good for making babies! They are just spermatozoa donating sacks with legs. Worthless.

^^SMH @ such venom. My dear, you sound like someone that's been hurt cuz your signature has kinda changed from (you know). . .I may be wrong though. You've made your point but just try not to generalise it w.r.t the OP; different strokes apply to different folks. However, some men are not just designed to be Mr nice; call thier woman every now and then, buy them flowers and say those sweet and stimulating words women would like to hear. . .some men are hard-wired to see through the jeans and blouses women put on (even if u're dressed in heavy clothings like in the winter), reminisce on how they both got down the previous time but tend to forget about how caring the woman is/has been in terms of other factors. Meanwhile, some just believe that "Man shall not live by bread alone" - these may be some of the reasons why some men still go out hunting irrespective of how good their women are. Take a chill pill dear and redirect your anger and questions to the manufacturer.

ohaechesi:

If that is not acceptable by you, then you should advice wives to turn a new leave. days are gone when men stay put for the sake of their kids

It is still unfortunate.
Women also put up with crap from their husbands but will not come to boldly declare that their children are not worth staying put in the marriage.

What country was that survey carried out? Infact please post the source/link.

The information is actually from The Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy - Innovations in Clinical and Educational Interventions, Volume 1 Issue 3 2002, but there are numerous links online with the same data. Just google "Infidelity Statistics".
The research is from 2 countries - UK & USA. Do bear in mind that infidelity stats for both sexes are far higher in Nigeria.

Google is your friend.

EHhhhhhhhh, dont even bring that here. That survey am sure was not caried out inNigeria and is so not applicable here.

Thank God it wasn't - because the percentages would simply be equal. At least at the moment, women can STILL claim that men still cheat more, if only by a small margin.

Romeo4real:

So much vitriol being spewed out here? This was not meant to be a male bashing thread. A quick search on NL will quickly show (for those living on Mars) that Men and Women are both to blame for marriage breakups. And back to the subject of cheating, research after research have show women to be only marginally better than men - 55% of women cheat, as opposed 60% of married men - and this was a study done in 2002!

No matter how rehashed the question is, it is still a valid one. In fat, it is so valid that it underpins the whole of society today. Broken homes DO lead to broken societies.

Back to the OP's question - Being a "good" is just one of the components need to keep your marriage; For starters, you would have to marry the "right" person; one who can appreciate your "goodness". Also, the "goodness" cannot be defined by you, as it would always be prejudiced.
The same way being a "good" husband is certainly no guarantee of keeping your wife happy. All you can do is do what you SHOULD do (NOT your best), and leave the rest to God.

I wouldn't like to say yout statistical report are worthly rather not ethical in Nigerian marital affairs, you stands to be corrected. try and make a proper research once more

This Harakiri is an interesting character.
I may not like the way he articulates his opinion on topics about Women, but it's difficult to ignore or slight the modicum of truth in his posts.

Missy ★ B:

This Harakiri is an interesting character.
I may not like the way he articulates his opinion on topics about Women, but it's difficult to ignore or slight the modicum of truth in his posts.

may your days be long

let me give you a few pointers on how to keep your man   very controversial points but they are real

1, get in where you fit in. do not try to marry a man who is much more better looking than you. this is a potential problem waiting to happen. many girls will flirt with him and wonder why he is with you. he will eventually be worn down after so much advances from so many women that he will take up some of the offers especially if the woman is hot. stay in your lane. marry someone who looks uglier or as good as you.  

2, do not marry a man who is wayyyy richer than you. this is a potential problem. marry someone in the same economic class as you. marrying a rich man is a huge problem because he has enough resources at his disposal to replace you with a better model. the only rich man you should marry is someone who you both became rich together. marrying a ready made rich man will never work

3, always stay on point with your body. dont gain any crazy weight. stay fit, eat right, smell nice, keep your hygiene up to par. just always look classy and sexxxxxy

4, your hubby is not into incest. he did not marry his mom so please do not try to become his mum. stop nagging. learn to let things go. life is not that serious. learn to relax. learn to be easy-going. be happy. be joyful. stay stress free. dont be an uptight beyatchhhhh. nobody likes an uptight beyatchhhh. they might tolerate you but thats about it. if there is something that is bothering you, like the toilet sit is up ? do it yourself. put it down. dont always make an issue of trivial things.

that pretty much covers it. mucho gracias  

buzugee:

let me give you a few pointers on how to keep your man   very controversial points but they are real

1, get in where you fit in. do not try to marry a man who is much more better looking than you. this is a potential problem waiting to happen. many girls will flirt with him and wonder why he is with you. he will eventually be worn down after so much advances from so many women that he will take up some of the offers especially if the woman is hot. stay in your lane. marry someone who looks uglier or as good as you.  

2, do not marry a man who is wayyyy richer than you. this is a potential problem. marry someone in the same economic class as you. marrying a rich man is a huge problem because he has enough resources at his disposal to replace you with a better model. the only rich man you should marry is someone who you both became rich together. marrying a ready made rich man will never work

3, always stay on point with your body. dont gain any crazy weight. stay fit, eat right, smell nice, keep your hygiene up to par. just always look classy and sexxxxxy

4, your hubby is not into incest. he did not marry his mom so please do not try to become his mum. stop nagging. learn to let things go. life is not that serious. learn to relax. learn to be easy-going. be happy. be joyful. stay stress free. dont be an uptight beyatchhhhh. nobody likes an uptight beyatchhhh. they might tolerate you but thats about it. if there is something that is bothering you, like the toilet sit is up ? do it yourself. put it down. dont always make an issue of trivial things.

that pretty much covers it. mucho gracias  

Nice one Bruv.

Positive talk right there.

harakiri:

I have noticed a very familiar trend on nairaland.Whenever a guy blurts out glaring truths concerning relationships or more specifically, WOMEN. . .next thing you see are comments from the opposite sEXxX concerning the guy being hurt in a relationship or if the guy has hatred towards women. The reality is that these women know the truth but will always try to circumvert the issue with derailing comments.

That being said, i speak for myself and i can proudly tell you that i don't need a woman to make me "feel" like a man. I AM A MAN WHO KNOWS HIMSELF AND HAS CONFIDENCE IN HIMSELF. I don't need reassurance from anybody to know my standing. It's all this media and religious brainwashing that has confused majority of the populace to the extent that they no longer know that the basics of marriage is anymore but what they are spoon fed with.Furthermore, i am a man whose in a relationship WITH MY EYES OPEN (meaning i am not blinded by that lie called "love". It's a feeling that comes and goes.Don't ever let hollywood and E! Channel decieve you.It always fades.

Finally, you claim that love and companionship is all that women want from a man.Even you yourself know that that's a bloody lie! How many beautiful ladies here would marry a one legged man (who isn't a billionaire?).How many ladies here would settle for a man who has no social security and no future ambition? Shebi love is blind abi? What is this love anyways? What is your own definition of love? Explain what differentiates the love between two couples and the love they have for their brand new ferraris? Medics have proven that the euphoric feeling of love we feel in our brains can be replicated by eating good chocolate (haven't you wondered why chocolates and other delicious goodies remain the best vals day gifts?). Everything about the lie called love is CONDITIONAL and that implies that the moment the factors that brought both couples disappears, the "love" dies. It's a universal law and applicable to everyone.

My post might sound harsh but that is how the cold truth always is. This is not the post of some unhappy guy who is mad at the world (matter of fact, my woman keeps rolling on my back every now and then to see what i'm typing on my bed and she's calling me crazy and laughing out loud).This is a post of a guy who has grown to face the harsh realities of life.

Nuff said.

GGBAM, Totally agree with you, been married for 8 years and I can say, that sometimes couples go into marriage with unrealistic expectations of what "is" and what "should be" .Balancing both expecatatins is the key here. For me, I am more of a practical person and I thrive in practical realities  and this works for me. However, what works for me may not work for someone else

Pettitegal:

GGBAM, Totally agree with you, been married for 8 years and I can say, that sometimes couples go into marriage with unrealistic expectations of what "is" and what "should be" .Balancing both expecatatins is the key here. For me, I am more of a practical person and I thrive in practical realities  and this works for me. However, what works for me may not work for someone else

If half the population of married couples were as mature as you are, divorce prosecutors would be out of work. It's very rare to see the ladies on NL coming out with reality talk.

Keep it going sister. Stay real with your marriage.

harakiri:

Nice one Bruv.

Positive talk right there.

had to lay it on the ladys like a pipe

El Guapo:

^^^Nice piece for the ladies

right right. good lookin out bruv

Missy ★ B:

This Harakiri is an interesting character.
I may not like the way he articulates his opinion on topics about Women, but it's difficult to ignore or slight the modicum of truth in his posts.

Emmm. . .

I also talk about my fellow men also (not women alone). Thanks for keeping it real.

These r the kind of men we have Choose your man.

1st man:
*A good man that loves u very much.
*Comes back home early because he is always thinking about you.
*Has GOD in his life.
*Financially average not too poor but has an income below middle class.
*His d*ck is way below average n your sexual satisfaction is a mess.

2nd man:

*A picker
*You met him at a pick-up joint.
*His friends are all women changers and you were aware b4 you met him, tho he promised to change.But as u know promises r made to be broken and he has broken his many times
* He has the money to throw around.
*Has an average d*ck. That seem to be able to satisfy you.

3rd man:

*Holy Holy man.
*Honest and truthful to his fault.
*Survival is in the narrow range. Almost suffocating in poverty
*Sex is 3rd rated and had when extremely necessary cos he is always thinking about the end time and preaching.
*Has an average d*ck as well.


4th man:

*He throws u upside down sexually
*His d*ck is a bomb! and he is consider a rear breed.
*No good job and you r the major income earner
*You seem to be the head of the house.
*He is somewhat faithful because he knows you r in the drivers seat.
*When ever he cheats he does it perfectly and not even your best plan can detect him. What you don't know cant hurt u right? and he keeps cheating even wit your best friends.

5th man.

Middle income earner.
sexual activity average.
Unfriendly mother n family (in-laws)
Has brutal anger problem.
but somewht ok

6th man.

*Handsome, cute, loving.
*Wants what you want, share what you share.
*good love maker, always ready to make his woman happy.
*sees his woman as a queen and treats her same.
*slightly above average income earner, earned it through consistent hard work on a business he grew from scratch.
Your probability of coming across him?? 1/100 how difficult. Consider for example u live in Lagos and he lives in Maiduguri. Or you live in Calabar and he lives in Sokoto.

7th man.

*Good man
*A bank manager.
*Very good d*ck.
*Sex life is wonderful.
*But u r suspecting he has gay tendencies
*His attitude towards men is a complete suspect and embarrasses u in public




!!!PICK your MAN!!!

@topic

Being a good wife will most likely be enough to keep a good man; Being a good wife will never be enough for a bad man! Being a godly wife will be enough to keep a godly man

Pray before u marry, pray while u r married and pray after u r ma. . .oops, that doesn't count!

harakiri:

I'm pretty sure the above statement was meant to be insulting but unfortunately, it isn't.That is exactly what we are and it's vice versa (All women are useless womb-bags whose only worthless objective in life is bring forth kids into the world, nag their kids and men to death and generally be a nuisance both to themselves,their families and the entire community at large).

The feeling is mutual my little-baby-making Arrow!

No offense taken.

Oh stfu! Your feelings are hurt 

mojounited:

^^SMH @ such venom. My dear, you sound like someone that's been hurt cuz your signature has kinda changed from (you know). . .I may be wrong though. You've made your point but just try not to generalise it w.r.t the OP; different strokes apply to different folks. However, some men are not just designed to be Mr nice; call thier woman every now and then, buy them flowers and say those sweet and stimulating words women would like to hear. . .some men are hard-wired to see through the jeans and blouses women put on (even if u're dressed in heavy clothings like in the winter), reminisce on how they both got down the previous time but tend to forget about how caring the woman is/has been in terms of other factors. Meanwhile, some just believe that "Man shall not live by bread alone" - these may be some of the reasons why some men still go out hunting irrespective of how good their women are. Take a chill pill dear and redirect your anger and questions to the manufacturer.

I have calmed down a bit. I am still angry. It is just that I have this guy I have been dating and he and I just got out of long term relationships. I will spare you all the details but lets just say he wants me but he doesn't want me. Like he wants me to be his girlfriend but he wants to "explore". He went from being "all mine and wanting me to be all his" to being pissed off and not wanting to talk to me when I refuse to engage in sexual "experiments" or see things the way he sees it. He is Jackyl and Hyde! (the African version ). I gave up on American men LOONG AGO for their lack of knowing what they want and found my Cameroonian "king" and he turned out to be the biggest arsehole! Seriously when I try to pull away he comes flying and begging but when I devote my time/heart to him he pulls away  Do not get me wrong he can be a sweet heart but he loves women too much, he has wandering eyes and I haven't caught him cheating but i can "feel it" I am sure Fellis can attest to it when I say it's that "woman's intuition".

*the jacked up part is that HE approached me! He literally chased me down to get my attention! And I went against my better judgment (just getting out of a 2 yr relationship) and gave him a shot. When he is not tripping he is the BEST but this is our first big fall out and I am pissed!

Harakiri I do not ant to derail too far from this topic but to answer you directly. True love is no based on factors but on qualities that a person has and these do not fade,
The major problem most men have is that they do not respect women. When you do not respect woman, you cannot love her. No one can love what he does not respect or hold in high esteem.It is a shame that the African male has been reduced to this because this is the break down of the society that we are facilitating. It is not I but rather you that have been influenced by the propaganda without even knowing it.

buzugee:

3, always stay on point with your body. dont gain any crazy weight. stay fit, eat right, smell nice, keep your hygiene up to par. just always look classy and sexxxxxy

4, your hubby is not into incest. he did not marry his mom so please do not try to become his mum. stop nagging. learn to let things go. life is not that serious. learn to relax. learn to be easy-going. be happy. be joyful. stay stress free. dont be an uptight beyatchhhhh. nobody likes an uptight beyatchhhh. they might tolerate you but thats about it . if there is something that is bothering you, like the toilet sit is up ? do it yourself. put it down. dont always make an issue of trivial things.

I think the key point here is "learn to let things go". I would hug you if I could see you right now.

Harakiri, I beg to defer. True love does exist and it is unconditional. It might not be reciprocated but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's just a matter of the right people meeting each other.

marry someone who looks uglier

dangerous advice generally speaking.

being ugly is no guarantee a man will make a good husband.

neither extreme-too ugly or too handsome- is enough to keep a man, in itself.

some ugly men are the worst players imaginable.

tpia@:



dangerous advice generally speaking.

being ugly is no guarantee a man will make a good husband.

neither extreme-too ugly or too handsome- is enough to keep a man, in itself.

some ugly men are the worst players imaginable.

Google should tell me how to keep your man because i really dunno, lol


On a serious note, keeping your man is not such a big issue. Be the best woman you could ever be, and always improve on that; taking into consideration that you married the right man God ordained to you. As a religious person, you know good things only happens with God's intervention because their are various factors that will hinder our good intentions.

For me, i will never leave a woman that has the fear of God in her, a woman that cooks delicious meals; a woman that knows how to keep the house clean(i clean a lot personally; some women are extremely dirty) A woman that knows other women will want me but chooses to always remind me how much she loves me regardless of any external temptation that might come my way.

Men knows a good woman when they see one; no sensible man wants to throw away a good woman. So, be the best woman you could be.

Finally, when it comes to "cheating" as women call it, i really dunno what to say, men cheat for various reasons, Some men cheat because they don't love their women; some cheat because Sex is just sport to them and a new treadmill won't be a bad idea; some men loves their women but just can't keep their eyes off those mini-skirts on the outside.

I cheated because i did not have varieties of women when i was younger so i thought i missed out on something.Was busy pursing my career, Crazy reason huh!!!

Thats the spirit , don't take what men do to heart, sometimes we mean no harm,

Lol