| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Nobody: 11:00pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Fountainofyouth:
You have comprehension problem, he is caring and disturbed but doesn't want his wife to get a maid to assist her in chores, he lost his job but doesn't want a job that isn't up to his previous 6 figures pay, in this hellish Nigeria of today, meaning he has a preference, combined with ego and pride, he doesn't want to start small, he wants to sit at home and drink away cos job will come and meet him at home abi? Get sense. 6 figures  The way Nigerians confuse the 6 figures is funny, Americans use the word "6 figures" because it means pay above 100,000 US Dollars. Not 100 thousand naira oh, please sister Amaka 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by TEYA: 11:00pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Fountainofyouth:
Dey no get problem walahi cos they see life as uncomplicated, na we Africans dey take everything personal, especially religion. Over half of their marriages end in divorce, they don't have much to teach me about keeping a home. |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Austineva(m): 11:01pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
genq:
Here we go again! Another topic posted for the sole purpose of inviting frustrated NL femcels to come bash your husband.
Just a quick question based off the highlighted statement below. Why is it that a man can feed, house and even clothe a woman and the children all of his life but you will never hear him announce this to the hearing of others - but let a woman pay the bills for just one out of thirty years, the whole world must know and we won't hear the last of it!
God bless u, man! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by jaxxy(m): 11:01pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
midnighter:
Hmm thank you...I thought I was the only person who felt like that...all those staff wandering about in your house is so awkward.. My neighbor experience, it was same people who helped him clean and park into his new house and knew his movement that arranged thieves to come rob the house when no one was arround. They knew the house well and stole valuables, luckily he alerted the police who traced the boys and they were all caught. So u need to be careful who u let in. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Nobody: 11:01pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by CsRockefeller(m): 11:02pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Hedonini:
Interesting topic with a VERY valuable lesson for those who are quick to chant 'don't marry a man that does not have a "good job" or a man that earns less than bla bla bla.
Many in this generation with the wrong mentalities would eventually suffer and die of mental ill-health and maniacal depression. They don't know it yet. You think say na by the beginning? Life is bloody long.
You start well on a shaprapra shapropro level (for your mind), you come feel say life soft, dey carry shoulder for your supposedly less fortunate peers, but you forget say the race na marathon and weather dey change. When you reach midpoint come run out of fuel, when life unexpectedly change your reggae to blues, na body go finally tell you.
Two seconds, everything don burst.
Those with sense, let them learn the right lessons. True words, "life is bloody long" |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by SyrusdeHansome(m): 11:02pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Op if u follow the advice given by some local feminist in this forum u may end up regretting in the future. Most of them have through bad attitude spoilt their marriages/relationships. They're trying to instigate u against ur husband nd certainly they won't be there to support u when u end up regretting. Ur husband's actions nd behaviours are simply normal. Pple react differently to problems of life because our temperaments make it so. All he needs now is ur help to make him return to the man he once was. If he nags don't nag back because it won't help. You're even favoured to have a husband who's not an abuser. With ur love nd understanding ur husband will recover nd ur marriage will be great again. Stay blessed! 5 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by midnighter(f): 11:03pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
|
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Austineva(m): 11:04pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
genq:
Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.
You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.
Local champion  indeed, u are a man |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Viking007(m): 11:04pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
farady:
OP, thank God for using you to keep the home running, still loving you husband etc. Your husband really need some time to chill off and some bit of counseling preferably from someone he greatly respects to give him new "factory settings".
His behavour which is normal with men that have experienced job loss can be really traumatic. To him, he has lost that his economic power (which defines his masculinity) to provide for the family and in fact lost it to you................Look whether you bring in a cleaning company or not, his attitude will not change for the better, it will grow worse. At this moment, he need the support and encouragement of everyone, friends and family.
Get someone he truly respect to talk to him. On your part, go on kneels and commit him to God in prayers. Next, as you run the affairs of the home, please be kiafu make you no go mis-yarn. For instance you come dey hala like "I think you people have finished this milk that i bought just 2 days ago"  or "I don't understand what you people are boiling with gas oh, that cylinder I just filled it with N4k last week and the way the cooker is burning, its like the cylinder is getting empty"...............When we men hear things like that, some of us get very upset, cause he would start thinking all these years he has been spending, nobody heard anything.
I pray God will visit your home and He who sees your sincere heart will restore joy and happiness to your home by settling your husband in Jesus name, Amen! I rarely say 'Amen' to stuffs online. But I can't help but say a big AMEN to this. Prayer backed with common sense! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by midnighter(f): 11:05pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
jaxxy:
My neighbor experience, it was same people who helped him clean and park into his new house and knew his movement that arranged thieves to come rob the house when no one was arround.
They knew the house well and stole valuables, luckily he alerted the police who traced the boys and they were all caught. So u need to be careful who u let in. Exactly. Some of them begin to resent you even when you try to dash them something. Although I may need the help sha but I'm somehow uncomfortable with it 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by greggng: 11:05pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.
I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.
My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.
A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.
He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.
Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.
So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.
Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.
My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.
I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.
My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.
Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.
After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.
I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.
Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?
Don't get Fed up ...you are a good woman. Your husband is going through some psychological issues ...ranging from losing his job....granted you are helping but a real man wanna be in control....hire a lady that will come do house chores like washing cloths but you most be in Charge of preparing your husband's meal....this is the time to show him real love....not the time to remind him you are now the boss 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Nobody: 11:05pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.
I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.
My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.
A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.
He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.
Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.
So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.
Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.
My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.
I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.
My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.
Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.
After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.
I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.
Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?
Ur husband is depressed and now it has made him impossible to deal with. There isn't much u can do, except maybe to involve his closest friends n family, tell dem everything and take it up from there 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Theboss100(m): 11:06pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
MamaFryo:
What is this one even saying biko? Is he not meant to be the bread winner of the home as the society takes it. So when the woman now starts acting as the bread winner is there not something wrong? That is not even the issue, if he were to be the one working and the wife is at home, won't he expect the wife to do the house work? Now that he is the one at home, why is he not doing the house cleaning?
So that he will turn to househusband abi? Ur plan no go work. My advice to op is to bring a relative who will stay with them to help out. Either 4rm her husband side or her side. U women are just something else |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by OlawaleBammie: 11:06pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
genq:
Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.
You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.
Local champion Hiii Hiii Hiii!!!! Aaaaahhh!! ah-aaahhhh yeeh yeeh yeeh Dis guy dey remember heaven oo, ranti ojo atisun oo... aaahhh |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Nobody: 11:07pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
midnighter:
Lol no be our fault na...you should blame inflation
Abi you want us to be talking of 10 figure salary and be sounding crazy?? Use your Nigerian figures bikonu, 7 figures is 1M naira. Which one is 6 figures that our ladies would be shouting upandan |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by nlPoster: 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant. Six figure salary in Nigeria is monthly, I assume that's what you mean?  Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family Could you explain further (if you dont mind, you seem to have created only one post and then vanished) the relationship between the huge property investment and the other parts of your statement. The investment took up all your savings?  |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Viking007(m): 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
24kmagic:
I just feel he's kicking against strangers coming into your house because he doesn't want outsiders to find out that you're the one running the home. Because one way or the other, they will know and he'll lose his respect before the public, you know how 9ja people do reason.
As for not wanting to assist, he doesn't want to lose his dominance over you. Cos believe me once he starts helping, you'll unconsciously think that's his responsibility.
Honestly, all I see in this is a family man that is frustrated due to his inability to provide for his family. He will come around as soon as he gets a nice job.
But he's lucky to have you tho, 95 inside 100 women will not take that from their man.
They'll rub his joblessness on his face till he gets depressed, leading to suicide.
You're blessed! This is probably going to be the most sensible post on this thread. No need reading further.
Good luck op. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Fountainofyouth(f): 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by midnighter(f): 11:09pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
truthsayer009:
Use your Nigerian figures bikonu, 7 figures is 1M naira. Which one is 6 figures that our ladies would be shouting upandan Lol oga leave am like that so that when we go abroad the conversation go translate well Instead of somebody overhearing that 7 figure and thinking you must be a scammer |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Alexaonfleek: 11:10pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
genq:
Based on your previous comment I shouldn't even be responding to an uncouth scallywag like you.
You said OP's husband should be locked up - of course you'd say something so senseless and idiotic being that you have no man of your own.
Local champion so how exactly have you countered her point.She raised a point against you,all you could do was just to spew trash all over nairaland Who's the local champion now 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by executive12: 11:10pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
AwkaetitiBabe:
That's why I love oyibo mentality, he would have turned into the house husband to help you d bread winner out pending when he gets a job. You love oyibo mentality? Really? I hope you know that oyibo mentality also means that the husband and wife see themselves as partners, sharing financial responsibilities in the home; not the Nigerian model of the man carrying everything on his head. |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by nototribalist: 11:11pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
UnbiasTruth Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.
Your husband is going through depression, he won't tell you cos he thinks it's normal to be an introvert. You have to be careful with him so he doesn't hurt himself. The only thing that can revive him back to normal is for him to get another job that is better than the previous. From experience, my sister and her husband leaved for decades till now after her husband lost his job, she took care of rent, school fees for 6 children. Depression is draining him down, it's not a pastor issue, it's a mental health issue. As for the maid matter, I would have said you should go to your village and get your poor relative to come stay with you but it sounds like your husband has ego problem. He won't want his or your relative to see him in the house. He's going through depression, that's for sure 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by shumuel(m): 11:11pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.
I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.
My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.
A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.
He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.
Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.
So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.
Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.
My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.
I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.
My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.
Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.
After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.
I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.
Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?
Can you please tell me his Birthday date |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by executive12: 11:13pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
LewsTherin:
Seeing as this thread has been well derailed by those bashing men and those bashing those bashing men, I'll modify my post.
Your husband has just lost the most important thing to any man - self worth. He is depressed, he is frustrated, he is lost. He may come out of it tomorrow, he may never recover. You can take the easy way out like many so-called feminists will say and kick his behind to the curb...
...or you can honour your vows of "for better or worse till death do us part" (I am assuming you said those words).
If you choose this route, my advice (which may not work by the way) is
1. Pray for him. Constantly. That he find his way back.
2. Keep the house going to the best of your ability. It is difficult, I know. But it is possible.
3.Talk to him like there is nothing different. Ask his opinion on anything and everything. Leas him into discussions that will make him say "if it was me, I will do such and such" or "the best option would have been to do this and that". Something that will help him begin to think again, to plan again. It may help him out of his hole.
4. Keep trying to get his mother/father, closest friend, pastor he trusts to talk to him. But do not under any circumstances involve any other people that it can be said "you went to spread my news round the world". And very definitely no one from your family.
I actually have first hand experience of this so I have an idea how he feels. God help you. Excellent advice. |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Fountainofyouth(f): 11:14pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by GeoAfrikana(m): 11:15pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Fountainofyouth:
He is not depressed anything abeg, why won't he allow his wife get a maid after changing 4 maids in a year? He is just a vindictive and bitter person, he hates the fact that his wife is the one working and he is the one at home, he just wants to domesticate her by force nah, abi why else will he tell her to do it herself, someone that is working and obviously needs help at home..... You're not a man and most likely you're not married. So you have no idea what's going on. It's better you avoid talking so you don't misguide the OP. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Viking007(m): 11:16pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
truthsayer009:
6 figures
The way Nigerians confuse the 6 figures is funny, Americans use the word "6 figures" because it means pay above 100,000 US Dollars. Not 100 thousand naira oh, please sister Amaka And to make matters worse. The so called "6 figures" salary is a scam with worthless purchasing power. Any '6 figure' below 500k is just another middle-class hustler. You'll know this when you start earning the so called 6 figures yourself. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by Austineva(m): 11:16pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
CHoccolaTE:
Honestly, especially Nigerian men. Evil, arrogant and selfish group of people.
Even if housework and bread winning is killing their wives it's not their concern, as long as his ego is massaged.
And look at the hypocrites on this thread asking madam to continue showing a self centered egoist love and pray for him.
Let a woman be the one acting so useless in her marriage this thread will be counting five pages of insults by now. am not surprised at ur comments cos I have seen it all on ur profile pix. Men need to be very careful when choosing a life partner cos I have seen it all. Majority of women are Devil 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by OlawaleBammie: 11:17pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
CHoccolaTE:
I won't show grace and consideration to the group of people the are always seeking to subjugate women and inconvenience them with selfishness and over bloated ego.
Oga dont worry majority of nairaland women are nice as civil when writing about men, just skip my posts if you find them non edifying.
Thanks
Am not going to change though  am sure somebody Don wound u, i pray u get healed faster. |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by midnighter(f): 11:17pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
Fountainofyouth:
He is not depressed anything abeg, why won't he allow his wife get a maid after changing 4 maids in a year? He is just a vindictive and bitter person, he hates the fact that his wife is the one working and he is the one at home, he just wants to domesticate her by force nah, abi why else will he tell her to do it herself, someone that is working and obviously needs help at home..... Its actually probably a mixture of depression and faulty character. My own is that he should seek help instead of being selfish |
| Re: How Do I Understand/satisfy My Husband? by openmine(m): 11:17pm On Nov 21, 2019 |
24kmagic:
I just feel he's kicking against strangers coming into your house because he doesn't want outsiders to find out that you're the one running the home. Because one way or the other, they will know and he'll lose his respect before the public, you know how 9ja people do reason.
As for not wanting to assist, he doesn't want to lose his dominance over you. Cos believe me once he starts helping, you'll unconsciously think that's his responsibility.
Honestly, all I see in this is a family man that is frustrated due to his inability to provide for his family. He will come around as soon as he gets a nice job.
But he's lucky to have you tho, 95 inside 100 women will not take that from their man.
They'll rub his joblessness on his face till he gets depressed, leading to suicide.
You're blessed! True! |
