Another day another dummy.

So it’s emotional to state that a man should not abandon his family?

egwekwe:


Stop been emotional. I agree that was careless on the husband part and I already edited my post.

This is the wife version.what do you expect her to do? Divorce the husband?

It seems like the hubby is still providing for her and kids.

It's hard to judge family matters without getting all the facts

In the meantime op, you can get a job or something to keep yourself busy .

Build yourself up.

[quote author=cococandy post=84254146][/quote]my sister, most of us women see this marriage thing as the Alpha, Omega, Ultimate, be all and end all of life. The moment they marry, it's as if they start living for their husbands without having personal goals and ambition.Whatever the Husband says is final even when it pertains to an opportunity that will improve his wife's life. Tomorrow, the man walks away and she is left to start her life from scratch.
.
.
As a divorce attorney, I see too many women who lived their lives for men who are now so happy to move on from them. Love is very sweet, but women should try to remove small sense and keep somewhere to remind them that "Anything can happen". Have a plan and something going for you in life asides being "Mrs somebody" or "Mama somebody".

Tell them

queenfav:
my sister, most of us women see this marriage thing as the Alpha, Omega, Ultimate, be all and end all of life. The moment they marry, it's as if they start living for their husbands without having personal goals and ambition.Whatever the Husband says is final even when it pertains to an opportunity that will improve his wife's life. Tomorrow, the man walks away and she is left to start her life from scratch.
.
.
As a divorce attorney, I see too many women who lived their lives for men who are now so happy to move on from them. Love is very sweet, but women should try to remove small sense and keep somewhere to remind them that "Anything can happen". Have a plan and something going for you in life asides being "Mrs somebody" or "Mama somebody".

He scammed u. Where una dey meet this kind men ehn. Looks like he went to uk for arrangee marriage.

Me I have nothing to say, but please be mindful of the kind of advice you take to use here o mama.

Nairalanders are home wreckers.

cococandy:
Another day another dummy.

So it’s emotional to state that a man should not abandon his family?

It's emotional when you start attacking people verbally with opposite views on the thread.

It's emotional when you already concluded the husband has another family else where without proof.

So you want her to leave her husband and suffer?


After three children, you think it's that easy to move on.

You have to consider the Nigeria factor .

She can only build herself up and get her life moving.

Her husband might just be a rigid person with pride and not necessarily cheating

maynation:
Me I have nothing to say, but please be mindful of the kind of advice you take to use here o mama.

Nairalanders are home wreckers.

You've said it all

egwekwe:


It's emotional when you start attacking people verbally with opposite views on the thread.

when someone tells you your post is shit, it’s not an attack. it’s a statement of fact.

It's emotional when you already concluded the husband has another family else where without proof.
[

why don’t you tell us what it is then?

So you want her to leave her husband and suffer?

So what’s she’s doing now? Not suffering? Having the time of her life? You’re clearly deluded

After three children, you think it's that easy to move on.

Apparently it is for him.

You have to consider the Nigeria factor .

The Nigerian factor is nothing but you and folks like you. It’s not an unseen unheard-of force that prevents things from being normal. It’s just ‘regular’ folks like you who bend over backwards and have the magical ability to twist into all sorts of shapes in order to justify the unjustifiable but turn around to shit bricks if you were to be on the receiving end.

She can only build herself up and get her life moving.

wow. You said something that made sense. All hope is not lost.

Her husband might just be a rigid person with pride and not necessarily cheating

good for him. Now he can scoot over and marry his pride.

You guys are unstable. Wetin una dey find sef?

Acidosis:


You guys are unstable. Wetin una dey find sef?

Better life as the grass is assumed to be greener on the other side. Good morning.

This one pass me o

Esthered:

Better life as the grass is assumed to be greener on the other side. Good morning.

Hmnn. It appears the husband & wife don't know what they want. Sadly, nothing great comes out of being in a relationship with a person who doesn't know what they want.


Good morning dear. How're you today?

Fear 9ja men! You gotta be street and smart when dealing with this category of homosapien. You don’t put all your cards on the table for this people cos the moment they pick two, drop last card ,enter market!!!?....my sister!!!....two seconds everywhere don burst...
You need a durable shock absorber when dealing with this people.

If you’re married to a Nigerian man currently and you don’t have a financial backup plan, you’ll cry!. It’s no longer business as usual. Use your PH!.

Forget him and pick your pieces .i know it’s going to be really hard. He’s going to come around but don’t wait until your pieces become dust. Get yourself together and see this as a stepping stone to growth.

Start all over again if need be. Don’t put a period where God puts a question mark. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the kids.

Acidosis:


Hmnn. It appears the husband & wife don't know what they want. Sadly, nothing great comes out of being in a relationship with a person who doesn't know what they want.


Good morning dear. How're you today?

Absolute truth you said sir.

I'm good and you?

cococandy:


Who’s raising you people?

Welcome to our World...Deal with it

Yep

femi4:
Welcome to our World...Deal with it

This is exactly what happens when you put all your hope in a man

Esthered:

Absolute truth you said sir.

I'm good and you?

You and "sir", lol. I hope you know my age?

I'm well o.

queenfav:
my sister, most of us women see this marriage thing as the Alpha, Omega, Ultimate, be all and end all of life. The moment they marry, it's as if they start living for their husbands without having personal goals and ambition.Whatever the Husband says is final even when it pertains to an opportunity that will improve his wife's life. Tomorrow, the man walks away and she is left to start her life from scratch.
.
.
As a divorce attorney, I see too many women who lived their lives for men who are now so happy to move on from them. Love is very sweet, but women should try to remove small sense and keep somewhere to remind them that "Anything can happen". Have a plan and something going for you in life asides being "Mrs somebody" or "Mama somebody".

Citing the OP's submission, the man's behavior is bad - shame on him if he has unjustifiably acted in such manner - he can do better, no matter the circumstances. However, your tactical support for cynicism and contentiousness among couples is rather repulsive; you'll be doing more harm than good to your clients in particular and the marriage institution in general, if you continue with this kind of mentality. It's unethical for a couple to unjustifiably mete out distrust and rebelliousness towards another - two conscientious people in pursuit of a common goal shouldn't be caught doing such against one another. Cynicism in particular is the unpronounced major cause of disunity among couples.

As a divorce attorney, a conscientious one I have to believe, your first duty is to master the act of differentiating altruistic couples from egoistic ones and avoid giving the former advice meant for the latter. You (a divorce attorney) can't have a successful career if you fail in this regard.

Resourcefulness is refreshing and engaging, however, it always becomes a toxic if the aim behind the grit is to cushion cynicism in particular and subjugation is general.

You can do better, believe you me.

alfa0:
@Mrsabuh1

There are so many mystery around your marriage that one needs to unravel before advising you.

1. For the period you lived with him on UAE,what was the relationship like.
2. What job does he do.
3.You said you have successfully travelled down to Nigeria to give birth on two occasions before this third one.please tell us what happened during this third trip.
4.You said you guys almost went the divorce way.Why...What happened.....How was this issue settled ,if it was actually settled.

Note that some men are very rigid when they take decisions.i strongly believe something must have transpired.
But whatever that have happened,I still feel he should have come out clean and clearly on the situation instead of running away from his shadows. Of course ,he can never run away from. His Shadow

thank you for your response , I met him while at school while he was graduating and I was entering the university, he helped out with my registration process and I just grew fond of him, he didnt ask me out at that time untill we met again on fb when I was in 300l , I discovered he was out of the country but he told me he was in Canada, we did lots of video calls through Skype and yahoo messenger and that was how the relationship started ,when I was preparing for my final year exam he visited the country and proposed ,after my exam and project defence his people came for my introduction on his behalf , I was meant to visit him after the introduction and also get some things for the wedding as plans are setting in place ,he called to informed me that his company had transferred him from Canada to their branch in Dubai ,he works in a shipping company even till date my mom still attach Canada to his name as a saved contact, when I went to UAE I went through his passport and didnt see any Canadian stamp and it was later I discovered that he had never been to Canada before but I forgave him for lying to me ... the first child was conceived during my nysc ,I already made arrangement for that but he said I need to go home and have the baby since its my first and also by the time in giving birth it ll b same period when I will ve to attend my passing out parade ,
second child was conceived when my first was 7months old and that period he lost his job so he was taking out the frustration on me , I was always visiting the hospital due to one complication or the other I suffered after he hit me for allowing a church member to visit me , he had made it plain that he doesnt accommodate friends ,when I reported to my parents my father told him to come home so I can b taken care off .
third pregnancy was during buhari regime when ban was imposed on some imported goods ,he was already into cargo and logisitics so business that year was bad I saw it and understood with him.after the third child he went and canceled our visa without informing me
the major problem was the issue of job ,I got one in abj and he said I'm not going to take his kids anywhere,my parents weren't having it and during the meetings with my parents he asked me to stay behind and not follow him back home because my father I shld take the job and leave the marriage ,after a while I gave up the job because I was missing my children ,I wasn't allow to take them and even my parents said I shldnt bring his children to their house let him be responsible for them ..it was after we settled that he opened a tailoring shop for me and then the issue of UK came in ..

obiekunie2:
he suspects u r cheating on him. he feels that last child is not his own

n

no , the last child is his carbon coby , no denial and where I'm from in kogi state , its a taboo for married women to cheat , I guess that's the more reason why he is doing all this

Acidosis:


You and "sir", lol. I hope you know my age?

I'm well o.

Mi o mo o but just take it.

Esthered:


Mi o mo o but just take it.

Ah you speak Yoruba?

Mrsabuh1:
n

no , the last child is his carbon coby , no denial and where I'm from in kogi state , its a taboo for married women to cheat , I guess that's the more reason why he is doing all this

sorry to ask ma - since you already know how to secure your own visa, why cant you arrange for your own trip - as in travel out on ur own. Is it that you cant afford the cost of traveling out on ur own?

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

he is also a nairalander ,if only he can see this post and tell me my offence , im not saying I'm a perfect being but I know for sure that I have not offended him in any ways, as a matter of fact he was the one that had offended , for three years I was in Nigeria ,hubby was cohabiting with another woman untill he they had issues and he beat her up, she lost two tooth and got into a problem.with UAE police , the ugly lady contacted me and she seems to know so much about me , things I shared with my hubby she is aware of everything in my home ,this was part of the reason why we had some crisis in June and also part where I got a job in abj added to it ..I forgave him and moved on .
I couldn't ve seized his passport,he told me he was making plans for us to go on a short vacation to UK to make it up to me for the pain he caused me , when the visa came out he said he needed to return to UAe to finish up so business so he can be free to travel and then boom., he went to UK just like that and right now he isnt communicating wit his family ..
ok let's assume I did something wrong , what about his children , didnt he consider them at all, what offence did the committed against him for him to turn his back on them like this

Mrsabuh1:

thank you for your response , I met him while at school while he was graduating and I was entering the university, he helped out with my registration process and I just grew fond of him, he didnt ask me out at that time untill we met again on fb when I was in 300l , I discovered he was out of the country but he told me he was in Canada, we did lots of video calls through Skype and yahoo messenger and that was how the relationship started ,when I was preparing for my final year exam he visited the country and proposed ,after my exam and project defence his people came for my introduction on his behalf , I was meant to visit him after the introduction and also get some things for the wedding as plans are setting in place ,he called to informed me that his company had transferred him from Canada to their branch in Dubai ,he works in a shipping company even till date my mom still attach Canada to his name as a saved contact, when I went to UAE I went through his passport and didnt see any Canadian stamp and it was later I discovered that he had never been to Canada before but I forgave him for lying to me ... the first child was conceived during my nysc ,I already made arrangement for that but he said I need to go home and have the baby since its my first and also by the time in giving birth it ll b same period when I will ve to attend my passing out parade ,
second child was conceived when my first was 7months old and that period he lost his job so he was taking out the frustration on me , I was always visiting the hospital due to one complication or the other I suffered after he hit me for allowing a church member to visit me , he had made it plain that he doesnt accommodate friends ,when I reported to my parents my father told him to come home so I can b taken care off .
third pregnancy was during buhari regime when ban was imposed on some imported goods ,he was already into cargo and logisitics so business that year was bad I saw it and understood with him.after the third child he went and canceled our visa without informing me
the major problem was the issue of job ,I got one in abj and he said I'm not going to take his kids anywhere,my parents weren't having it and during the meetings with my parents he asked me to stay behind and not follow him back home because my father I shld take the job and leave the marriage ,after a while I gave up the job because I was missing my children ,I wasn't allow to take them and even my parents said I shldnt bring his children to their house let him be responsible for them ..it was after we settled that he opened a tailoring shop for me and then the issue of UK came in ..

.


Just look at how your husband has been wasting your future, he doesn't want you to be successful in life

Your father already told you to go for the Abuja job and leave your kids, you refused. ......... So what happened finally?? No Abuja job, deserted the kids, no husband

Mrsabuh1:

thank you for your response , I met him while at school while he was graduating and I was entering the university, he helped out with my registration process and I just grew fond of him, he didnt ask me out at that time untill we met again on fb when I was in 300l , I discovered he was out of the country but he told me he was in Canada, we did lots of video calls through Skype and yahoo messenger and that was how the relationship started ,when I was preparing for my final year exam he visited the country and proposed ,after my exam and project defence his people came for my introduction on his behalf , I was meant to visit him after the introduction and also get some things for the wedding as plans are setting in place ,he called to informed me that his company had transferred him from Canada to their branch in Dubai ,he works in a shipping company even till date my mom still attach Canada to his name as a saved contact, when I went to UAE I went through his passport and didnt see any Canadian stamp and it was later I discovered that he had never been to Canada before but I forgave him for lying to me ... the first child was conceived during my nysc ,I already made arrangement for that but he said I need to go home and have the baby since its my first and also by the time in giving birth it ll b same period when I will ve to attend my passing out parade ,
second child was conceived when my first was 7months old and that period he lost his job so he was taking out the frustration on me , I was always visiting the hospital due to one complication or the other I suffered after he hit me for allowing a church member to visit me , he had made it plain that he doesnt accommodate friends ,when I reported to my parents my father told him to come home so I can b taken care off .
third pregnancy was during buhari regime when ban was imposed on some imported goods ,he was already into cargo and logisitics so business that year was bad I saw it and understood with him.after the third child he went and canceled our visa without informing me
the major problem was the issue of job ,I got one in abj and he said I'm not going to take his kids anywhere,my parents weren't having it and during the meetings with my parents he asked me to stay behind and not follow him back home because my father I shld take the job and leave the marriage ,after a while I gave up the job because I was missing my children ,I wasn't allow to take them and even my parents said I shldnt bring his children to their house let him be responsible for them ..it was after we settled that he opened a tailoring shop for me and then the issue of UK came in ..

Hmmmmm.
I will advice you not to run into fast conclusion yet.i will I am on the road now.
I will digest your reply and we see the way forward.
Quick questions.
1. After the introduction, was any formal wedding conducted.be it traditional or church wedding.

2.you mean his people came for the introduction in his absence and younand your people accepted.

Honestly,I can see the hand writing on the wall, like I said ,once am free ,we will address it and know the way forward.

If you talked of been used,your article says it all.You were been used.

Maybe their is something you aren't saying that can erase my above conclusion.

A man who can't tell his wife his next move and doesn't reason issues with her but only sees her as a reproductive tool is only using her.

Their is no excuse under the sun for him to give the silent treatment.

Or maybe he doesn't find you worthy to partake in his plans.

One man Mopol.

sadly some truths i can't say here,due to the fact that you might think am exaggerating..

But my candid advice is just accept the Worst from your Husband including him settling down with a whity to get his papers.He is desperate

and you aren't in his plans and such man can do anything.

Acidosis:
Ah you speak Yoruba?

Not fluently

Mrsabuh1:


he is also a nairalander ,if only he can see this post and tell me my offence , im not saying I'm a perfect being but I know for sure that I have not offended him in any ways, as a matter of fact he was the one that had offended , for three years I was in Nigeria ,hubby was cohabiting with another woman untill he they had issues and he beat her up, she lost two tooth and got into a problem.with UAE police , the ugly lady contacted me and she seems to know so much about me , things I shared with my hubby she is aware of everything in my home ,this was part of the reason why we had some crisis in June and also part where I got a job in abj added to it ..I forgave him and moved on .
I couldn't ve seized his passport,he told me he was making plans for us to go on a short vacation to UK to make it up to me for the pain he caused me , when the visa came out he said he needed to return to UAe to finish up so business so he can be free to travel and then boom., he went to UK just like that and right now he isnt communicating wit his family ..
ok let's assume I did something wrong , what about his children , didnt he consider them at all, what offence did the committed against him for him to turn his back on them like this

Madam, from your moniker and your posts, I can deduce (I stand to be corrected) that you take so much pride in being a 'Mrs'. That made you overlook some issues in your marriage and you glossed over your relationship with your parents. You have three kids, they are yours, as your husband is nowhere to be found. Your concern right now should be: improving YOUR LIFE and YOUR KIDS. You need to wake up from your bubble, technically, you are a married single mom. Start with your shop, then get back into the workforce. You need to apologize to your parents so that they can take maybe your older kids in, then keep your youngest with you. This is not the end of the world. Stop looking for your husband, he will come looking for you when he needs you (he seems like a selfish person to me). Don't waste the certificate your parents squeezed their hard earned money to pay for, use it to benefit your kids, get a job as soon as you can and once you have enough money, you can plan to move anywhere you want. Your life first, got it?

Go get a job esle I see it only getting worst. You were not adding financial value, plus he is a liar and sorry tou may not have known him really for that 7 years.

How did he get a job in the UK with a 6 months visiting visa? You don't sound intelligent, so you believed him?

My advise, look for a job fast, get busy and stop chasing shadows, you even wanted to study in Canada on him? But you said his business wasn't booming. Hmmm, girls/women easily get scammed when they fail to build themselves but wait for made men to feed and meet their needs.

If you don't get a value, this man will never value you .

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