Hi! Good morning all.

I have been married for 10 years, and I have never had any serious issues with my husband, I have never treated his mother badly. I love his mum just like i love mine. I lost my dad last year and my husband never showed any concern towards my family, i didn't call any of my siblings or my mum till date.

But recently each time we are having a discussion he keeps saying that anytime I challenge him that he will ask my children to insult me. This breaks my heart because i was never rude to my parents as child even as an adult. I have never spoken ill of my husband before my kids, so i don't understand why he keeps saying that to me. My children mean alot to me, i have invested so much in my kids and they are lovely children. I am scared that he might start poisoning their minds towards me.

Matured advice needed please.

What is marriage becoming thesedays. Every day another sad marriage tale. We need to start looking at the bigger picture if a marriage doesn't work. It's how it is. What's the point staying under the same roof with someone we don't love. A marriage where all the loving and respect has flown out the window will also produce issues like this one. But then, there's always two sides to every tale and many times the tale bearer presents the side of the story that absolves them of any kind of wrong doing

Then start repecting him
Because you are rude

Kids naturally love their mom more than the dad so there's no amount of poisoning he can poison the kids mind that will change their mind against you as long as you remain a good mom and a wife too..

xoftcore:
Then start repecting him
Because you are rude

i am not i swear. I don't even have a say. I wish he is on this forum, so that you can ask him.

We all know the mother has an overwhelming force over her kids...

It's the mother that raise kids. Your post is a joke

Can't make a head of this case at all....

Chapter1vs6:
We all know the mother has an overwhelming force over her kids...

It's the mother that raise kids. Your post is a joke

how? You mean he can't do it?

ebyjoyken:
I lost my dad last year and my husband never showed any concern towards my family, i didn't call any of my siblings or my mum till date. But recently each time we are having a discussion he keeps saying that anytime i challenge him that he will ask my children to insult me. Matured advice needed please.

You need to rephrase the emboldened to 'whenever you guys have disagreements which subsequent leads to a quarrel'.

Firstly, your marriage has lasted a decade so you should know your husband more than anyone. If you really need a solution, then you should look inward to see if there are things you do or say to him that he finds disrespecting. There lies one of your solutions.

Secondly, you're obviously bitter your husband didn't call your family when you lost your dad. Have you found out from him why he didn't? Did your family offend him in any way? And even if he was offended, nothing justifies not sharing his condolence at that time. Regardless, you have to forgive him in order to have a peaceful marriage since he's your husband.

Lastly, you don't have to be scared if you've been in your best behavior or get angry when it's demanded. Your kids are actually seeing everything and know quite a lot if you're thinking they don't. When your husband is in his best mood, you should have a talk with him to resolve these underlying issues before they'll escalate to something irreconcilable.

ebyjoyken:
Hi! Good morning all.
I have been married for 10 years, and i have never had any serious with my husband, i have never treated his mother badly. I love his mum just like i love mine. I lost my dad last year and my husband never showed any concern towards my family, i didn't call any of my siblings or my mum till date. But recently each time we are having a discussion he keeps saying that anytime i challenge him that he will ask my children to insult me. This breaks my heart because i was never rude to my parents as child even as an adult. I have never spoken ill of my husband before my kids, so i don't understand why he keeps saying that to me. My children mean alot to me, i have invested so much in my kids and they are lovely children. I am scared that he might start poisoning their minds towards me. Matured advice needed please.

If you love them and show them Love Nothing will make him turn them!

I know a man that tried this, the truth always wins and it did in this case.

worry not, your children that are nurtured and well cultured would not turn against you because a sorry excuse of a man says so.

Be calm

GrabHisBalls:
You need to rephrase the emboldened to 'whenever you guys have disagreements which subsequent leads to a quarrel'.

Firstly, your marriage has lasted a decade so you should know your husband more than anyone. If you really need a solution, then you should look inward to see if there are things you do or say to him that he finds disrespecting. There lies one of your solutions.

Secondly, you're obviously bitter your husband didn't call your family when you lost your dad. Have you found out from him why he didn't? Did your family offend him in any way? And even if he was offended, nothing justifies not sharing his condolence at that time. Regardless, you have to forgive him in order to have a peaceful marriage since he's your husband.

Lastly, you don't have to be scared if you've been in your best behavior or get angry when it's demanded. Your kids are actually seeing everything and know quite a lot if you're thinking they don't. When your husband is in his best mood, you should have a talk with him to resolve these underlying issues before they'll escalate to something irreconcilable.

God bless you.

Stop being afraid, let him go ahead. The kids knows the truth, if truly you have raised them to be respectful, it will backfire on their father.

Op you know that's a big joke,stop being too serious and relax.

First of all, not calling your family to share his condolences is very odd if everything was alright between himself and your family, very odd.

Does this mean he did not attend the burial of your late father as well?

You also stated that both of you have never had any serious issues. Well, this is a misleading claim to make considering that something serious definitely changed/happened recently to make him start threatening to get the children to challenge & be rude to you - this is not a good thing also, but context is important.

My advise is that you keep your story straight and share exactly what you know is going on.
I understand why you would feel the need to construct the story in such a way as to make yourself a victimized and guiltless bystander in the matter, but unless your goal is to get your husband bashed by the usual suspects, then I don't see what your aim here is.

xoftcore:
Then start repecting him
Because you are rude

Where does it say she doesnt respect him? Didn't you see where she said anytime she challenges the horseband he'll tell the kids to insult her? Does your definition of challenge means being rude? Did you even read to understand or you read to blurt out whatever rubbish your little brain told you to type

healthserve:
What is marriage becoming thesedays. Every day another sad marriage tale. We need to start looking at the bigger picture if a marriage doesn't work. It's how it is. What's the point staying under the same roof with someone we don't love. A marriage where all the loving and respect has flown out the window will also produce issues like this one. But then, there's always two sides to every tale and many times the tale bearer presents the side of the story that absolves them of any kind of wrong doing

I have noticed one trend with so called males here, they usually type @emboldened when it is a female stating her issues, but when it's a male, their functioning brain goes on hibernation, SMH!!

If you want to hear the other side of the story, kindly get in touch with the horseband, and bring him here to say his version, in the meantime, this is all we have, if you are not satisfied with her version, don't even try to comment, and the next time you see a female thread stating her sad family issues, kindly jump and pass.

crackhaus:
First of all, not calling your family to share his condolences is very odd if everything was alright between himself and your family, very odd.

Does this mean he did not attend the burial of your late father as well?

You also stated that both of you have never had any serious issues. Well, this is a misleading claim to make considering that something serious definitely changed/happened recently to make him start threatening to get the children to challenge & be rude to you - this is not a good thing also, but context is important.

My advise is that you keep your story straight and share exactly what you know is going on.
I understand why you would feel the need to construct the story in such a way as to make yourself a victimized and guiltless bystander in the matter, but unless your goal is to get your husband bashed by the usual suspects, then I don't see what your aim here is.

Another one, get the husband to air his version nah, shey you know him and where they live, we are waiting.....

This is exactly what we are saying on a thread that got to front page today, imagine this mistake of a man and father, him and his wife have issues, instead of him to resolve it, he wants to involve the kids and make them antagonise the mum, what has the kids got to do with it? Instead of the ones above to comment fairly, they are looking for his version, no matter what the woman said, what type of man will tell his kids to do such? If reverse was the case and woman told their kids to insult their dad, the comments would have reached page ten by now with all manner of insults on the woman,

The husband doesn't obviously want to be challenged in the decisions that involves the family, he wants a 'yes sir' kind of woman, he wants to subdue her smh, does he expect his decisions to be right all the time? How will they be able to rub minds together on whats best for the family

Madam Op, anytime he says anything, don't challenge, react or talk back, just be looking at him and ignore, let him say his own and do whatever he thinks is right, you too, do whatever you think is right, when he sees the arrangement isn't palatable due to clashes, he will remorsefully call you for a heart to heart talk.

Chapter1vs6:
We all know the mother has an overwhelming force over her kids...

It's the mother that raise kids. Your post is a joke

You are the bigger joke dude.

Both of you should keep Ur kids out of your wahala.Only foolish couple does this.

crackhaus:
First of all, not calling your family to share his condolences is very odd if everything was alright between himself and your family, very odd.

Does this mean he did not attend the burial of your late father as well?

You also stated that both of you have never had any serious issues. Well, this is a misleading claim to make considering that something serious definitely changed/happened recently to make him start threatening to get the children to challenge & be rude to you - this is not a good thing also, but context is important.

My advise is that you keep your story straight and share exactly what you know is going on.
I understand why you would feel the need to construct the story in such a way as to make yourself a victimized and guiltless bystander in the matter, but unless your goal is to get your husband bashed by the usual suspects, then I don't see what your aim here is.

He didn't attend my dad's burial, he wasn't around. His brothers attended on his behalf. I am not trying to be the victim. I just wrote it as it is. He doesn't like my family, i have asked him several why he doesn't like my family. He gave no response.

Fountainofyouth:
This is exactly what we are saying on a thread that got to front page today, imagine this mistake of a man and father, him and his wife have issues, instead of him to resolve it, he wants to involve the kids and make them antagonise the mum, what has the kids got to do with it? Instead of the ones above to comment fairly, they are looking for his version, no matter what the woman said, what type of man will tell his kids to do such? If reverse was the case and woman told their kids to insult their dad, the comments would have reached page ten by now with all manner of insults on the woman,

The husband doesn't obviously want to be challenged in the decisions that involves the family, he wants a 'yes sir' kind of woman, he wants to subdue her smh, does he expect his decisions to be right all the time? How will they be able to rub minds together on whats best for the family

Madam Op, anytime he says anything, don't challenge, react or talk back, just be looking at him and ignore, let him say his own and do whatever he thinks is right, you too, do whatever you think is right, when he sees the arrangement is palatable due to clashes, he will remorsefully call you for a heart to heart talk.

Thank you.

Wow....What's happening to the marriage institution

ebyjoyken:
He didn't attend my dad's burial, he wasn't around. His brothers attended on his behalf. I am not trying to be the victim. I just wrote it as it is. He doesn't like my family, i have asked him several why he doesn't like my family. He gave no response.

His brothers attended on whose instructions?

How does he relax? Does he smoke constantly or intermittently? His brains no correct.

Fountainofyouth:



I have noticed one trend with so called males here, they usually type @emboldened when it is a female stating her issues, but when it's a male, their functioning brain goes on hibernation, SMH!!

If you want to hear the other side of the story, kindly get in touch with the horseband, and bring him here to say his version, in the meantime, this is all we have, if you are not satisfied with her version, don't even try to comment, and the next time you see a female thread stating her sad family issues, kindly jump and pass.

Are you married? Or are you simply one of those ladies out there who deliberately ignore the objectiveness of a criticism so long it doesn't stroke their big ego? You don't have to be defensive.

The woman have said her side of the story, no one is judging her since no one have heard from the husband. It's only normal and logical to explore her story for POSSIBLE things that may be responsible for the family issue and proffer POSSIBLE solution(s). And I think that was the reason why she came here in the first place.

@OP, God is your strength, it's not healthy to bring in kids into issues like this, any sane mind will not do it for their sake. There are underlying issues which resulted into your husband making such threats, I may be wrong, these are just manifestation of some unresolved issues between you two that have lingered for too long.

You need to look inwards, humble yourself, respect him more and talk things through with him. Your husband is your husband o, you should know him better than the rest of us. God will uphold your family IJN. 10 years nor be here o.

Shalom

GrabHisBalls:
You need to rephrase the emboldened to 'whenever you guys have disagreements which subsequent leads to a quarrel'.

Firstly, your marriage has lasted a decade so you should know your husband more than anyone. If you really need a solution, then you should look inward to see if there are things you do or say to him that he finds disrespecting. There lies one of your solutions.

Secondly, you're obviously bitter your husband didn't call your family when you lost your dad. Have you found out from him why he didn't? Did your family offend him in any way? And even if he was offended, nothing justifies not sharing his condolence at that time. Regardless, you have to forgive him in order to have a peaceful marriage since he's your husband.

Lastly, you don't have to be scared if you've been in your best behavior or get angry when it's demanded. Your kids are actually seeing everything and know quite a lot if you're thinking they don't. When your husband is in his best mood, you should have a talk with him to resolve these underlying issues before they'll escalate to something irreconcilable.

Exactly my mind. #Respect

ebyjoyken:
He didn't attend my dad's burial, he wasn't around. His brothers attended on his behalf. I am not trying to be the victim. I just wrote it as it is. He doesn't like my family, i have asked him several why he doesn't like my family. He gave no response.

This one is not something anyone here can help you with. If you don't know why your husband does not like your family after 10yrs, to the extent he did not call to share his condolences when his own father-in-law died, then OYO for you. It's obvious that whatever is between them is very serious yet you're claiming no knowledge of it.
You have definitely been perfectly okay with the bad-blood for that long, because according to you, there has never been any serious issue between both of you - meaning you never saw this as an issue or brought it up as one.


As for trying to turn your kids against you, like I noted before, this is not good but you still haven't shared the disagreements that lead to this or how it is you challenge him.

Who spends more time with the children and who are they closer to?
You or your husband?

bukatyne:


His brothers attended on whose instructions?

Probably his, and perhaps he also extended his condolences through them.
The story is still opening up little by little

crackhaus:

This one is not something anyone here can help you with. If you don't know why your husband does not like your family after 10yrs, to the extent he did not call to share his condolences when his own father-in-law died, then OYO for you. It's obvious that whatever is between them is very serious yet you're claiming no knowledge of it.
You have definitely been perfectly okay with the bad-blood for that long, because according to you, there has never been any serious issue between both of you - meaning you never saw this as an issue or brought it up as one.


As for trying to turn your kids against you, like I noted before, this is not good but you still haven't shared the disagreements that lead to this or how it is you challenge him.

Who spends more time with the children and who are they closer to?
You or your husband?

I spend more time with the kids than he does. When we got married, he asked me to live in the village with his mum and sister my parents refused and asked him to get an apartment for me in the city. Which he later did. Since then he hated my family for challenging him.

Fountainofyouth:



I have noticed one trend with so called males here, they usually type @emboldened when it is a female stating her issues, but when it's a male, their functioning brain goes on hibernation, SMH!!

If you want to hear the other side of the story, kindly get in touch with the horseband, and bring him here to say his version, in the meantime, this is all we have, if you are not satisfied with her version, don't even try to comment, and the next time you see a female thread stating her sad family issues, kindly jump and pass.

Na who be this one