Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.

I really don't know how to put this because I feel very ashamed of having this thought but I can't help my self.

I suffer from depression and panic attack, have had it since I was 14, almost everyday I sit at the back of my house crying and wishing I was dead. I keep myself awake thinking how death will feel like and how peaceful it may be. I don't like going out which my mom usually praise me for but she doesn't know it's because I don't want to be around people, I don't want them to see how vulnerable I am. I feel so ashamed of having this thought as I hear my peers talking about how good life is but I don't just feel it.

My siblings keep calling me a sadist because I always want to be alone. I tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn't understand, she just absent minded. I tried looking for antidepressants online, saw a couple ones but couldn't see any one in pharmacist and chemists stores. I know it's wrong to be taking drugs without a doctor prescription but I just wanted the pain to stop.

I need help. I just keep facing one problem to the other. I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me.

You shouldn't let this get the best of you. Everyone in life has one burden or the other to carry but how they carry their burdens matters.

There is a way you start focusing on your problems and they begin to expand.

First thing first. Start socializing. Meet people. Stop trying to be alone. That thought will come in if you do. Above all do you believe God can do something about it? If yet seek for Godly counsel.

MODIFIED. I am typing this using free mode on mtn if you what I mean.

There are so many thing to be depressed about but I choose to be free. You can if you choose to.

#depressionIsAChoice.

Loneliness kills

Go out and engage your mind

Make friends catch fun and be productive.

Your family may not understand you till you are dead.

So

Step out Make a new one out there.


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