Are you guys legally married yet?

What I sense here is the finances and management are your major problems. If you’re earning over 200k like you said, you could can live within your means and not be too stressed out financially.

Seems you want a working wife who brings money too regardless of your income but she doesn’t want to work. It would have been best if both had this discussion before hitching together.

Bukatyne did give you good advice. Share the financial responsibilities that way she knows what’s hers to fund and hopefully that will help her sit up. For this you have to go back to the drawing board and reevaluate how you can both contribute to the home without one person feeling stressed like you are feeling right now.

How old are you kids now? What are you plans for taking care of them while she diversifies into bread winning as well?

Also cooking for yourself is a basic adult skill. If she doesn’t know how to, then do it and feed yourself at least. Buying food outside will deplete your already tight income. Apply wisdom.

If Dick and Pussy can be scrapped or removed from human body, I'm optimistic 90% of the world's problems have been solved already. I'm not and I will never be a fan of breeding Offspring on poverty level. That's If I will even have Offsprings sef. Poverty Is the worst thing that can befall a human being In the world, Most especially In Nigeria. You go hear whhenn, Your yansh go hot like hot plate lol.

Ralpdee123:


Come and cut it then...

My guy, I really enjoyed your write up. You'll be fine, trust me. Just another typical day in a 9ja man's life!

Hahahahahaha , I had a really good laugh on this thread, Op and the way he described everything is really funny

Wtfork:
Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..

Very funny , after attending two catering schools
@ OP we would come back to your marriage but first did she finish her academics cus I over heard her saying they did not teach her well ...olodo !

Wtfork:
Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..

Very funny , after attending two catering schools
@ OP we would come back to your marriage but first did she finish her academics cus I over heard her saying they did not teach her well ...olodo !

Girls dey scam boys big time. You will see one in school and marry. She will be collecting money for hostel, feeding etc

When time reaches for graduation, that's when you hear stories that touch the bones. Some will say her results were seized.

bukatyne:


You have been married for 8yrs and you met her 7yrs ago.

When you discussed your life aspirations, what did she say she wanted to do? What steps did she take towards achieving them?

The problem I see are the lies (majorly before marriage) and the laziness (financial, mental and physical).

Since she wants to behave like a child, apportion some personal tasks to her.

Also ask her what her plans are. If none, save up the money you have than wasting them on unprofitable ventures.

Also stop providing excesses. For instance, a phone is basic: A N50k phone is a luxury.

Only provide the basics and tell her to work if she wants more.

Save for your children's future: you don't want to be stranded.

Be resourceful (a lazy woman can't be) and stop buying food outside. If she makes salty rice, tell her to make another one till she gets it. The stew is not well cooked, tell her to keep repeating it.

As it were, she is practically not adding value to you save the kids and she is not even earning to cater to the excess due to her slothfulness.

You have left things go wrong for years so you need to work hard to restore things.

You don't want you kids taking after her slothfulness.

Telling her to work if she wants more is waking the devil, because she has her body to hawk with.

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

my brother go and sleep, are you the first to marry a lazy woman? My friend go and handle your home and stop winning like a baby....

Its like your eye is already outside.

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

nigga pliz you are a mumu

you complain of her getting pregnant as if you aint sleeping with her.

if you are married and not ready for more kids, both of you, you go to see a doctor and get advised on contraceptives, most are female based but you need to understand and support each on the decision of not having kids when finance and mental capacity is not there

you are partly to blame on the pregnancy part, what part are you playing yourself that helps in her not getting pregnant ?

You ripped what you saw what your reason to rush into marriage when you were still at Uni ? No well groomed girl would just move in with you, without lying to her parents, when she started moving things in slowly did you ever asked yourself if her parents knew that she had moved in with you ?

As much as she looks bad, your are also bad making right decisions to prevent future problems

Ralpdee123:
Uncle Lala...
Please help move for wider response.....

I feel marriage have scammed me...

Marriage didn't scam you. You scammed marriage.

You jumped in. That's why they say "fools rush in"

Normal course of events...you meet a girl, date/court, ask her to marry you, plan for a wedding and marriage. But in your case, you followed your own order and it has led you into this trap.

I am sure when you used to hear the phrase "self control", you would turn your ear the other way as if they are talking to another person.

See where 5 mins of pleasurable skin to skin has landed you and turned your life upside down. I hope the pleasure was worth it. A girl you probably wouldn't have married ordinarily if you had dated her and known her well, you are now trapped with her because you couldn't keep "it" in your pants.

When we were regularly Screaming that men should not Marry because of Love or Beauty again rather a productive woman people think we are biased.
Bro, there is a way people receive Brain Reset and Formatting when the Bills start rolling in.
Bills are Real bro, they are Real and at that point all those Rubbish Love will fly out through the window.
There was a thread last week about a popular single lady celebrity looking fresh and relaxed and pocohantas was running her mouth that it is because she is not married and stress-free.
Only if she knows that staying single and not married on average and on the long run favours a man more than a woman because he won't be stressed, worried and over thinking over shouldering unnecessary burden of a woman, children and inlaws why the woman will have to keep running to clear her own bills.
Ever wonder why we are having a rise in women developing men related diseases like cardiac arrest, high blood pressure, stroke, hypertension etc. These are diseases related to men due to regular worry about bills which a lot of ladies are facing now.

Then don't marry. No one forces you guys to marry. It is even ironic that you guys claim to be the most stressed party in marriage. Yet when you see a woman who doesn't want to marry- you still insult her and say she isn't complete without a man. One would expect you all to encourage such women, but no.

You mean she isn't complete without stressing a man?

Please, stop whining over my posts. You are a married man, but you talk too much like a teenager. Doing teammates with undergraduates. One would wonder when you will achieve some level of maturity.

I am giving you some respect because of your wife, because on your own...hmm.

emmaodet:
When we were regularly Screaming that men should not Marry because of Love or Beauty again rather a productive woman people think we are biased.
Bro, there is a way people receive Brain Reset and Formatting when the Bills start rolling in.
Bills are Real bro, they are Real and at that point all those Rubbish Love will fly out through the window.
There was a thread last week about a popular single lady celebrity looking fresh and relaxed and pocohantas was running her mouth that it is because she is not married and stress-free.
Only if she knows that staying single and not married on average and on the long run favours a man more than a woman because he won't be stressed, worried and over thinking over shouldering unnecessary burden of a woman, children and inlaws why the woman will have to keep running to clear her own bills.
Ever wonder why we are having a rise in women developing men related diseases like cardiac arrest, high blood pressure, stroke, hypertension etc. These are diseases related to men due to regular worry about bills which a lot of ladies are facing now.

pocohantas:
Then don't marry. No one forces you guys to marry. It is even ironic that you guys claim to be the most stressed party in marriage. Yet when you see a woman who doesn't want to marry- you still insult her and say she isn't complete without a man. One would expect you all to encourage such women, but no.

You mean she isn't complete with stressing a man?

Please, stop whining over my posts. You are a married man, but you talk too much like a teenager. Doing teammates with undergraduates. One would wonder when you will achieve some level of maturity.

I am giving you some respect because of your wife, because on your own...hmm.

It doesn't matter, am free to whine whether married or single. Don't think it's a crime to relate with undergraduates too.
I only picked so points in your posts and don't think that is a crime.

I also believe i respect you too so no room for abusing each other.
I don't know if talking too much is oy reserved for singles then awa married ti wo gbese niyen.
People talk and whine alot on nairaland be it politics, romance or family section and some are married, so we are cool with that.
About the topic - you are right about guys/men shaming women to marry.
Maybe only if they can take a seat and look at the long term, maybe they will know they should go for better options and avoid it.
I believe we are good

Please take your whining somewhere else. Your wife is probably joggling work and home. She won't have time for this. But you as a Nigerian horseband- you have all the time in the world to be tagging your younger brothers upandan NL.

This is Dec 2019...grow up!!

Chuchuchu, you no dey tire? Hah!

emmaodet:


It doesn't matter, am free to whine whether married or single. Don't think it's a crime to relate with undergraduates too.
I only picked so points in your posts and don't think that is a crime.

I also believe i respect you too so no room for abusing each other.
I don't know if talking too much is oy reserved for singles then awa married ti wo gbese niyen.
People talk and whine alot on nairaland be it politics, romance or family section and some are married, so we are cool with that.
About the topic - you are right about guys/men shaming women to marry.
Maybe only if they can take a seat and look at the long term, maybe they will know they should go for better options and avoid it.
I believe we are good

pocohantas:
Please take your whining somewhere else. Your wife is probably joggling work and home. She won't have time for this. But you as a Nigerian horseband- you have all the time in the world to be tagging your younger brothers upandan NL.

This is Dec 2019...grow up!!

Chuchuchu, you no dey tire? Hah!

Lol

bukatyne:


You have been married for 8yrs and you met her 7yrs ago.

When you discussed your life aspirations, what did she say she wanted to do? What steps did she take towards achieving them?

The problem I see are the lies (majorly before marriage) and the laziness (financial, mental and physical).

Since she wants to behave like a child, apportion some personal tasks to her.

Also ask her what her plans are. If none, save up the money you have than wasting them on unprofitable ventures.

Also stop providing excesses. For instance, a phone is basic: A N50k phone is a luxury.

Only provide the basics and tell her to work if she wants more.

Save for your children's future: you don't want to be stranded.

Be resourceful (a lazy woman can't be) and stop buying food outside. If she makes salty rice, tell her to make another one till she gets it. The stew is not well cooked, tell her to keep repeating it.

As it were, she is practically not adding value to you save the kids and she is not even earning to cater to the excess due to her slothfulness.

You have left things go wrong for years so you need to work hard to restore things.

You don't want you kids taking after her slothfulness.

I don't want to be a Kill Joy with my advice but I feel when something has gone wrong for too long with humans, It is too late to fix. Machine errors are hard to fix, humans are way harder.

Marriage that started on the wrong foot should just end, let everyone go & relax for a year or two. So each person can be sober & acknowledge each other, also heed some advice.

I know It sounds a lot harder to say because children are involved but perhaps I'm an extremist, I rather throw away a business & start over, than to manage a failing business. In this case marriage.

Fountainofyouth:
Hahahahahaha , I had a really good laugh on this thread, Op and the way he described everything is really funny

Finally! I'm not alone. His write-up shows the dude is extremely tired. No time for any unnecessary grammar, he went straight to the point.

I’m speechless. O.p needs our prayers.

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

God told us that Sex before marriage is Wrong...very Wrong. But humans say na we wise pass, na the result be this.

Assuming you controlled yourself from Day 1 from Abstaining all this would not have happened.

It's obvious the parents knew that the girl was lazy and Unmotivated.

Her bf raped her and you all did not goto the station to file a report.

I am sure her bf impregnated her and she pinned it on you.

As It is now, go out there and make some crazy cash becasue the bible does not encourage husbands and wife to divorce except one of the spouse sleeps in death.

Ralpdee123:



@wtfork....
She did finished oo..... But immediately she finished, the handhout that I paid alot of money for was rolling was on the floor for weeks until my boys started to tear and write jargon on it.... I was like...WTF, isn't this the handbook of the academy you just finished...SMH... So cos you didn't pay a dime for it abii.....


Till date her OND result isn't out after I paid year 1,2&3. After months of asking, she told me she had some issue with one course. I remember awalys telling her to take her study seriously, she'll only grin and laugh then carry GOTV remote.....

She later asked me to come and pay extra yet school fee.... I told her to go meet are parent cos they are still alive...... Then she calls me a bad person that she can't leave her husbands out to go back to her parents....

P.S.

I am not discussing my family's issue outside, it's shamefu to discuss with my folks reason I created this moniker...... Because I am already planning to stay away from the house.... Cos she'll say this house is her... And I don't want to make evening newspaper's headline.........

Have you tried signing up for family counseling with a real counselor or psychologist?

That said, at this point, you need to realize there is a need to safe for the rainy day otherwise, your pains will only multiply. Plan your savings first and then spend the rest but most times, do only the basics.

This isn't a time to show off or compete. As for buying cooked food, it is one of the most expensive ventures. Make cooking fun by participating in it with her. YouTube has so many videos on basic things one can cook from stew to soup. That is a way to save.

As for your wife, it is unfortunate she isn't willing to grow up and face the reality of life as she sees you as a meal ticket. You can sit her down and plan life with her. First put the subscription on a pause and make her understand you make payment for the Zee World she is interested in and those she wants to watch are actually earning a living from their movies. As such, to enjoy the luxury of watching Zee World, you both need to increase the family earnings.

Also, make her understand she can't remain like this forever as it is not good for the her health and that of the children.

Lastly, I thought married men are more calculator of their wife's cycle than the women. That said, encourage family planning or migrate to condom in the unsafe period +/- some days if she isn't willing to.

I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Op, 200k a month in naija especially Lagos is no money so don't think you earn enough.

Some people's rent will swallow your yearly income.

Best is to see yourself as a poor person and live within your means.

School-to-marriage lifestyle always rub off on the guy. You need at least three years post school to balance your life before talking of marriage as a guy.

Sadly, you can't change your wife's behavior, you can only manage it.

Are you even saving for your retirement?

My advice is that you secretly plan to leave. Make person no kill you.
Just get a place of your own and move. Then plan with your family on how to take custody of the children.

But you need some peace in your life.

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

She tricked you that her ex raped her.
Obviously she was not a virgin before you met.

Think deeply bout it

Ralpdee123:



@Babythug....

You're right about my naiveness but to inform you sir...
I have worked really hard to ensure everything works well financially for my family.... I have improved my earnings too..above 200k monthly aside side hustle.. But everything goes into paying one bills all the other...

O opened a shop for her to sell foodstuff before the second catering school, she couldn't manage it and didn't tell me what was going on... The only thing I realized was that I was the one buying the stuffs as she'll bring them home and give me a bill at end of each months telling me that's what we are eating....to the point that I owe her more than her customer do....

I went to her shop unscheduled after work one day and I was amazed that the thing was empty.... The big Freezer that I bought for her to use to stuck drinks and water only had half bag of water in it.......

After much question, she told me she didn't like the business that u didn't let her do what she liked to do.. I was amazed because out of my busy schedule I'll still do the thinking for her.....

Then I said she should close down the shop and not come there again till she tells me exactly what she wants........ You won't believe she was actually waiting for that day to come.... She didn't complain..

Then she told me to go and relocate the shop and bring it to an inner place.... A shop that was situated a a junction.....

After then, I have discussed with her in love and even come to terms with her weaknesses but I guess the only thing she wants to do is nothing....


I have called her parents to come and carry the Liability they gave me in form of a wife....

P.S.

I have perfected the legal aspect at ikoyi registry as she wants..... I did it for my kids but I am no longer happy and can't come and die early at my age....thank s sir...

Hmmmmm, what a liability! If you rush into marriage, you will definitely rush out. Yours is a very clear example of this adage.

The real issue here is...

THE KIDS. kids attract bills. Bills attracts high BP, mental stress, even depression.

I can't bet on a lazy nigerian woman to fall through with appropraite family planning. They want kids but have no plan on how to cater for them.

Dude, take a break. Separate. Take those kids to Mama. All Adults to your tent. If wifey does not establish herself. Divorce. She'll hook a simp when you leave though.

for better for worse that was the Bible say

You saw a pit with korokoro eye, and fell in it. Even if you leave the entanglement, cos I see no marriage here, the scars will remain forever!!!

Ralpdee123:



@Babythug....

You're right about my naiveness but to inform you sir...
I have worked really hard to ensure everything works well financially for my family.... I have improved my earnings too..above 200k monthly aside side hustle.. But everything goes into paying one bills all the other...

O opened a shop for her to sell foodstuff before the second catering school, she couldn't manage it and didn't tell me what was going on... The only thing I realized was that I was the one buying the stuffs as she'll bring them home and give me a bill at end of each months telling me that's what we are eating....to the point that I owe her more than her customer do....

I went to her shop unscheduled after work one day and I was amazed that the thing was empty.... The big Freezer that I bought for her to use to stuck drinks and water only had half bag of water in it.......

After much question, she told me she didn't like the business that u didn't let her do what she liked to do.. I was amazed because out of my busy schedule I'll still do the thinking for her.....

Then I said she should close down the shop and not come there again till she tells me exactly what she wants........ You won't believe she was actually waiting for that day to come.... She didn't complain..

Then she told me to go and relocate the shop and bring it to an inner place.... A shop that was situated a a junction.....

After then, I have discussed with her in love and even come to terms with her weaknesses but I guess the only thing she wants to do is nothing....


I have called her parents to come and carry the Liability they gave me in form of a wife....

P.S.

I have perfected the legal aspect at ikoyi registry as she wants..... I did it for my kids but I am no longer happy and can't come and die early at my age....thank s sir...

So how far?

How have you both been able to sort out your issues?

Give us update.

I know how it feels.but to me cum is like a demon. Pushing you. Oya pour inside.pour ..pour. but as a wise man.u must shoot it away and out not in. You kept cummin inside her. 4 better 4 worse bro. Nobody rush you. We way still single we no stupid na.