BerryG:
please I need advice from people, I’m in a serious dilemma and I need people to talk sense into me, I’m hurting, extremely sad and heartbroken.
I’m a lady of 27yrs, an orphan and an undergraduate, I live in Lagos, sometimes ago I met a man who asked me out, at first I wasn’t interested but later on after much disturbance from him I accepted and also I haven’t dated in a long time and I was really lonely . He works in an oil company here in Lagos , I spend weekends with him sometimes and sometimes he comes to check on me in my house , been an orphan he started taking care of me, in fact the first thing he did when we met was that he furnished my room, I stay in a room self contain but I have nothing in my room, he bought me a very big fridge and microwave plus every other thing I need in the house that I’m even thinking of getting a bigger place because all he bought for me has taken a lot of space ,at first I wasn’t in love with him even though we were dating and despite all he’s been doing for me but later on I fell in love with him because he’s a very caring , gentle and understanding man, when I have an issue or problem he listen to me calmly with great attention.
After some months , I was at his place one day and I was just staring at him, my spirit told me he’s a married man, he’s 41yrs old while I’m 27yrs and when we met he said he wants a relationship that can lead to marriage with me and that I’m the lady he’s been searching for all his life so I thought maybe he was taking his time to get married besides there was no trace of him been married and I also did a background check I saw no signs of marriage , I also believe it’s possible for a man of 41yrs to be single , so that day at his place my spirit started troubling me and said I should ask him if he’s married so I left the bedroom and went to meet him in the sitting room and asked the question in a very calm manner to my utmost surprise he said YES, in fact he responded in a very calm manner looking straight into my eyes I wanted to die, my heart was beating really fast it’s as if my heart wanted to jump out of my mouth, I was feeling my heart in my throat like it will come out, I wanted to faint, after some time I regained myself and asked him why  ?? Why did he lie to me and led me on for months why? Why?? Why When he knows I’m an orphan and I have no one in this world he’s been everything to me since I met him, why would he do this to me?.
I never suspected anything all along the only thing I noticed is that anytime we are planning about our future he always seems disinterested especially when I’m talking about the type of marriage and how many kids we’ll have , I asked where his wife is he told me the wife is in port harcourt this explain the reason why I didn’t find out anything during my initial background check when we met because how could I have known all the way from Lagos that he has a wife hidden somewhere in port harcourt how The wife is not even a social media person maybe I could have found out , he has a wife and three kids !! ( I’m crying ). The wife is a deeper life member and the three children are really beautiful two boys and one girl, my mother was a deeper life member when she was alive and this made the whole thing to hurt me more. No wonder he always passwords his phones the other day I forgot where I dropped my phone and asked him to unlock his phone so I can flash my phone he refused I was surprised, I was even angry cause I thought he was cheating on me not knowing it’s because he has something to hide.
At that point I wanted to know the reasons why he is cheating on his wife? He told me the wife doesn’t dress well again after she gave birth and she Denies him sex that anytime he wants to touch her she used to run because he likes sex a lot that even sometimes they can go months without having sex, and that the wife used to fight with him a lot , causes trouble that the whole neighborhood will gather that it usually happen whenever he visits them in port harcourt cause he has properties in port harcourt, I think he used to work in port harcourt and when he became a boss in the company that was when they posted him to the headquarters in Lagos , so he started his life in port harcourt, that’s where he got married , and built houses, I didn’t know all these! He even told me the wife has been making efforts to move to Lagos with the kids but he has always refused ! God this man !.
Dear BV’s this is where I made the greatest mistake of my life, after hearing all this I found it difficult to pull out cause I had fallen madly in love with him, I was confused, the most surprising part was that he answered everything I asked him in a very calm manner In fact it got to a stage that I started screaming at him I was crying this man was very calm and was begging me, please what exactly is he begging me for? For the lies? The deceit? Time wasted? I invested a lot of emotion into this relationship or is he begging me to come and be a second wife or what? Plus from what I heard the wife is a trouble maker I’m young and an orphan I can’t do these alone ! Who will stand for me?
He begged me a lot , but I started drawing back but I am still in love with him, I just don’t know what to do , I have deleted his number several times and saved it back again!
While I have been thinking about my life and what to do with this “SITUATIONSHIP” the worst happened! Two weeks ago I spent the weekend at his place and on Monday morning he dropped me at home before going to work , at noon he messaged me and told me his wife cousin will be coming to Lagos from Ibadan for a job interview at chevron and the wife called that he will be staying with him, he said the guy is already on his way to Lagos, I was surprised because he just dropped me off that morning and he never mentioned anything like that , it’s not possible that it’s that morning the guy just got the invitation and it’s that morning he informed his sister who now called her husband , everything couldn’t have happened that morning when the guy was already on the way to Lagos, anyway since it’s the first time such is happening plus all the recent happenings I just said okay, then he begged me that I can’t come to his place when the guy is around so that he won’t report to his wife in port harcourt I said no problem, I told him to branch at my place after work to check on me he said it’s not possible because he has to pick the guy from the motor park to the house I said okay. The following day Tuesday we chatted all day when he was at work, then I told him to check on me after work he said no that he has to rush back home after work that if he gets home late his wife’s brother will report to his wife, I said even if it’s just ten minutes to branch and see me he said no, that I shouldn’t worry the guy will leave on Thursday morning, Wednesday evening I called him to ask what time I should come over on Thursday since the guy will be leaving in the morning but to my utmost surprise he said he will be the one to come to my place , that’s where I started suspecting a fowl play, I’m like why can’t I still come to your place after the guy must have left he said he will come to my place first then we will discuss , really? We have to discuss first before I can come to your place and since when did that start happening that we have to discuss first before I can come to your place. I said okay no problem.
Immediately I ended the call I took a taxi and went to his house without informing him of my coming , when I got there the gate man didn’t allow me in he said I should call him first ! What? Call him first? Oga you want to say you don’t know me, I have the spare key to his house. The gate man knows me very well so I was surprised at his behavior so he felt guilty and told me it’s because he has a visitor I said I know , I acted like I know and that I just came to drop something so he allowed me to go in, I didn’t go to knock I went to the back of the house and peeped through the bedroom window I saw nobody in the room but I saw a lady’s handbag and wig, ha! I thought it’s the wife brother or is it the sister that came? I went to the kitchen windows and heard a lady laughing , for the fact that it’s a lady and not a guy I already know it’s not his wife relative but I just have to let him know I caught him before leaving that was when I now went to the front of the house to knock, when I knocked I didn’t stay in front of the door camera so he doesn’t see me, immediately he opened I quickly dashed in so he doesn’t block me from entering, he was shocked , he didn’t say anything he just stood there looking at me, when I entered I met a lady in the sitting room stark naked, I mean no pant , no bra she’s completely naked and she crossed her legs on the seats, she had several waist beads on, she’s very fair with a very long lashes, immediately I dashed in she ran into the bedroom because she was naked , I saw her panties and undies lying on the chairs, I went into the bedroom and saw her wig, I didn’t say anything to her I just looked at her because I want to be sure it’s not his wife relative like he said , I looked at her closely without saying anything and left.
When I got outside the gate I felt this anger rose inside of me , this man came into my life to deceive me and when I was just thinking of what to do this now happened ?
I ran back inside and started screaming at him, I called him a wicked man, I said is this your wife brother? I shouted and screamed , then I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed, immediately I entered the bedroom the lady left the bedroom and came to the sitting room I didn’t talk to her at all, he came to the bedroom and started saying he can explain , explain what? He said she’s an old friend who came for an interview at chevron and had nowhere to stay that he’s just helping her and it’s just unfortunate that this has to happen, he said she actually came from Akure and not Ibadan but he didn’t come close to me as he was explaining he stood far from me, I left the bedroom and as I was walking out I told the girl I’m sorry for that ( I mean the way I barged in on her naked) and that was the only thing I said to her, I banged the door and left, till I got home this man didn’t call me or even come after me, immediately I stepped out he just closed the door , I cried a lot that night when I got home, I knew that was it, I didn’t sleep overnight I tried to sleep but sleep wasn’t coming, I mean I didn’t close my eyes throughout the night and I couldn’t eat, this man didn’t call or message till the following day, he messaged and said he can explain, he said the girl had left, and he wants to come to my place I told him not to come , I told our gate man not to allow him in anytime he comes around, one sister in my compound who likes me a lot saw me as I was crying when I wanted to go and drop refuse in the bin outside , she’s like a big sister to me and like a mother , she asked me what happened and I explained everything to her, she knows I’m dating the man but she doesn’t know too that he’s married , she knows he’s my fiancé, she was really angry, and told me she can take me to her town in edo state that I have to deal with the man, that they will lock him inside bottle, that she won’t advise me to marry the man cause he’s a useless man but to teach him lesson and get something tangible for the time wasted and emotional trauma, I said I will think about it but I don’t think I can do it, I’m a Christian also I pity his children.
This useless man came to my house the third day with gifts I don’t know how he entered after I had warned the gate man not to let him in, he started begging me and all asking me to order whatever I want online he will pay, I told him I don’t want anything , I told him I want to be alone , when he was leaving he told me he will be traveling to port harcourt for two weeks to see his wife and kids, lols , the wife you just used to lie to me, he said he’s sorry and left, the following day he traveled and since he’s been messaging me everyday begging, yesterday he messaged me that his wife has been fighting him, that he’s tired , that that’s how she fight him all the time , that she’s stubborn and he doesn’t know what to do, that she’s insisting on moving to Lagos with the kids that I shouldn’t worry that won’t affect us , I just nodded my head, this man is a beast and doesn’t deserve to live, my neighbor has been the one consoling me since , and to think I followed this man to go and check out a house he want to buy in lekki phase 1, telling me that’s where he wants us to live when we marry not knowing that where he wants to move his wife and children to, he even told me we are going to do court marriage in ikoyi registry lmao! Who does court Marriage twice? Cause he had court marriage with his wife too, Dear BV’s I’m in pains , I’ve told him to leave me alone, he refused cause I don’t know what exactly he’s begging for , I can’t be a second wife I want to be a legal wife in my life which is not possible cause he already had a court marriage,I’m in my room now typing , laughing and crying at the same time, please how can I get over this man? no! How can I come out of this heartbreak? ,it’s more painful because I haven’t fallen in love in a long time, my heart is broken I have no shoulder to cry on, no mother or father to talk to, I feel like dying, my neighbor has been the one consoling me, I can’t eat or sleep. ����
I need to make up my mind before he comes back from port harcourt next week, throughout yesterday I didn’t reply his messages he kept calling I had to switch off my phone . Look at this mumu |
BerryG:
Leave him and his family alone? Did you read where I said he’s been messaging me and I’ve not been replying, the disturbance was too much that I have to switch off my phone, did you read that? Aunty read your words well viz, "Dear BV’s this is where I made the greatest mistake of my life, after hearing all this I found it difficult to pull out cause I had fallen madly in love with him, I was confused, the most surprising part was that he answered everything I asked him in a very calm manner In fact it got to a stage that I started screaming at him I was crying this man was very calm and was begging me, please what exactly is he begging me for? For the lies? The deceit? Time wasted? I invested a lot of emotion into this relationship or is he begging me to come and be a second wife or what? Plus from what I heard the wife is a trouble maker I’m young and an orphan I can’t do these alone ! Who will stand for me? He begged me a lot , but I started drawing back but I am still in love with him, I just don’t know what to do , I have deleted his number several times and saved it back again! While I have been thinking about my life and what to do with this “SITUATIONSHIP” the worst happened! Two weeks ago I spent the weekend at his place and on Monday morning he dropped me at home before going to work , at noon he messaged me and told me his wife cousin will be coming to Lagos from Ibadan for a job interview at chevron and the wife called that he will be staying with him, he said the guy is already on his way to Lagos, I was surprised because he just dropped me off that morning and he never mentioned anything like that , it’s not possible that it’s that morning the guy just got the invitation and it’s that morning he" Aunty after finding out he was married you still went to his house. BerryG, stop lying to yourself and tell the truth, now read a part of what you wrote again, "invested a lot of emotion into this relationship or is he begging me to come and be a second wife or what? Plus from what I heard the wife is a trouble maker I’m young and an orphan I can’t do these alone ! Who will stand for me?" Aunty, sorry to say some of you home breakers (both man & woman) can be so wicked and self-deceitful. So, if you had support, you'd have fought your way for a place in the man's heart? Your words isnt that of someone who wants to leave the man and everyone who read your words saw in it greed, avarice and love for money. Yes, the man is horrible for cheating on his wife but exactly same way you (illegal partner) felt seeing a woman with him, imagine how his legally married wife should feel seeing you with him. In this case, te yourself the truth and it shall set you free. You didnt know, there you were 100% correct, from the moment you knew everything you do in relation to that man is all shades of heartlessness. |
