Gaggi:

My area of coverage doesn't include young wives. You want to know if there is leverage for a young wife cheating. Since I'm not married to you, your best bet is to ask your hubby. And yes, he may know more than you think. I'm sure more 'saintly ' men actually know more than their wives think. Then again, that's none of my business.

If you think that I want to know if young cheating wives have a leverage, then I have given you too much credit.

And I find the constant reference to my husband funny especially in this post. He is not the cheat here and I like to go to a subject matter expert.

That a man decides to respect his martial vows doesn't mean he is a Saint. And the fact that at a point, you couldn't keep your vows does not mean every man is like you.

If you were really cheating because you were immature, you would understand that your wife/a woman could also be immature and be willing to forgive.

Your constant reluctance to answer my question shows you know what you were doing at that point and it was not as a result of immaturity, it was because you knew you could get away with it. It also shows that you were not faithful to your wife while you were courting.

On a serious note, this post (and others) were not to judge you (I never have the authority nor proximity to do so): it is to point out:

1. Your hypocrisy: Do unto others as you want them to do. Martial faithfulness was not only commanded to women. You are advising the OP to overlook it because it worked for you. I am sure you wouldn't advise a man to overlook his wife's infidelity.

2. Trivializing adultery: it is not 'immaturity' like a husband refusing to eat because he is angry or keeping malice. It is a husband deliberately stepping out of his martial vows and sleeping with other women.

Good night.

Sorry for derailing your thread at @Great828

makydebbie:
Sis, make sure you've concrete evidence before you confront him.

Pen!s owners can be funny and turn the table around to make themselves look like the victim, you'll be amazed.

Wish you a safe delivery. x

Lol so its just about the tool of havoc huh?

You have to confront him but not now. You cant afford to worsen your prenatal stress and at this period of gestation its already a lot. You need to ask him questions only when you have all the answers there's a possibility he is having an affair. All answers are in his phone u can check his messages check every log stealthy because u cant harbour a cheating partner and when they catch HIV and give u, u watch urself die slowly.

If u have facebook u can log out on chrome then go to forget password on facebook login page put in that mystery number and if there's a profile attached to it you will see. Grab your evidence screenshot everything, snap alll then confront him.

bukatyne:


If you think that I want to know if young cheating wives have a leverage, then I have given you too much credit.

And I find the constant reference to my husband funny especially in this post. He is not the cheat here and I like to go to a subject matter expert.


That a man decides to respect his martial vows doesn't mean he is a Saint. And the fact that at a point, you couldn't keep your vows does not mean every man is like you.

If you were really cheating because you were immature, you would understand that your wife/a woman could also be immature and be willing to forgive.

Your constant reluctance to answer my question shows you know what you were doing at that point and it was not as a result of immaturity, it was because you knew you could get away with it. It also shows that you were not faithful to your wife while you were courting.

On a serious note, this post (and others) were not to judge you (I never have the authority nor proximity to do so): it is to point out:

1. Your hypocrisy: Do unto others as you want them to do. Martial faithfulness was not only commanded to women. You are advising the OP to overlook it because it worked for you. I am sure you wouldn't advise a man to overlook his wife's infidelity.

2. Trivializing adultery: it is not 'immaturity' like a husband refusing to eat because he is angry or keeping malice. It is a husband deliberately stepping out of his martial vows and sleeping with other women.

Good night.

Sorry for derailing your thread at @Great828

All this grammar? You asked a question and I directed you to someone whose answer should matter to you.

I shared an experience and talked about the consequences, yet you and your hypocritical self couldn't read and waka pass, you start asking irrelevant questions.

At least I'm honest, can't say much about the goody two shoes littered around this forum. They say one thing and do another.

Will a cheating woman be given leverage? The question comes across as you wanting to know if you cheat whether it would be ok. Your cheating doesn't matter to me, it only matters to the man you took a vow with. Kindly ask him what he thinks about that question.

I never advised OP to overlook anything. I simply shared an experience. Funny enough I know a woman whose husband was a 'saint' and he died leaving a second family behind. To say the trusting wife almost committed suicide is an understatement. Once again, I'm just sharing an experience.

Surely you are intelligent enough to know that this issue is becoming over flogged.

makydebbie:
Sis, make sure you've concrete evidence before you confront him.

Pen!s owners can be funny and turn the table around to make themselves look like the victim, you'll be amazed.

Wish you a safe delivery. x

OP, do not, I repeat, do not wait for any such "concrete evidence" before speaking with him about this -- nip it in the bud!

How is your communication with him? It will be important how you approach him on this. You wouldn't want to make him feel judged or accused. Simply make him realise how unhealthy this is, and how uncomfortable this makes you feel as his wife.

Remember, your husband may have been doing all this with out any ill motive. But like I said, nip it in the bud. The only time a man realises he is about cheating on his partner is usually after the act

Tomjazzy2:


OP, do not, I repeat, do not wait for any such "concrete evidence" before speaking with him about this -- nip it in the bud!

How is your communication with him? It will be important how you approach him on this. You wouldn't want to make him feel judged or accused. Simply make him realise how unhealthy this is, and how uncomfortable this makes you feel as his wife.

Remember, your husband may have been doing all this with out any ill motive. But like I said, nip it in the bud. The only time a man realises he is about cheating on his partner is usually after the act

Since I'm not the op I'm wondering why you've to quote me to make your point.

bukatyne:


This has nothing to do with me or family

You noted young husbands are immature and prone to cheat.

It is only normal to ask if such allowance extends to the wives or only husbands are allowed to be 'immature'?

You didn't know?
Women are expected to be "matured", i.e. look the other way while uncle is busy flogging those small small girls in their respective rooms. Whereas men are born "immature" and can stay immature for as long as he likes.
Double standards everywhere

RisenPhoenix:


This is mature advice. Madam please greet your husband for me. He has done a good job.

Na dem dem.

makydebbie:


Since I'm not the op I'm wondering why you've to quote me to make your point.

I'm sorry if that offended you. I also wanted you to get the message.

Tomjazzy2:


I'm sorry if that offended you. I also wanted you to get the message.

Okay.

makydebbie:

Okay.

good morning makky. Hav a great day ahead

Liposure:
good morning makky. Hav a great day ahead

You too hun.

Saintmary:


You didn't know?
Women are expected to be "matured", i.e. look the other way while uncle is busy flogging those small small girls in their respective rooms. Whereas men are born "immature" and can stay immature for as long as he likes.
Double standards everywhere

Na dem dem.

I don't support cheating, and if the man was the one asking questions I would have advised him not to do so; rather he should go and marry the other woman formally if the first one is not sufficient. However in this case, it was the woman that was asking for advice, and defusing the situation is better for her in the long run. I am helping her to keep at least half of her marriage intact. You are inciting her to break up her marriage.

Funny thing is; all of you women advicing her to confront her husband and create katakata in the marriage will be the same ones deriding her and watching her like eagles when she is a divorcee. And when she greets your husband "good morning" in church you will be rushing to NL to get advice about how to punish that 'husband snatcher'. It seems women are always hellbent on making each others' lives miserable.

Great828:
Hello Nairalanders,

Pease pardon my typo error

My marriage will clock 2years in few months. We have never had any serious issue to warrant serious argument, my hubby is a responsible fellow. Recently i noticed few things via his phone. (We don't check each other's phone except on occasional cases e.g i help with his phone when ringing by calling his attention. We also know each other's password)
Recently, I noticed few notifications dropped on his phone which warrants me to check further,I discovered my hubby make consistent calls to a particular lady, the lady also calls. my hubby also initiates romantic chats on WhatsApp with this particular lady and 2 others. He deletes all this chats before he sleeps, but i was able to come across few. The consistent call is visible on his call log. I don't want to bring up this issue but am not comfortable with all this. We are expecting our first child in few weeks.
Please advise how to manage this issue.

Madam, let me reply this way.
Your Observations
1. Your husband chats with a particular lady with 2 others.
2. Its a two way conversation, meaning they are all in it together.
Assumptions
1. He is cheating
2. He thinks you don't know.

So, what will you do with a cheating husband? What are the risks he is exposing you to? How do you protect yourself?
Reality number One
You can't stop him from cheating. If you raise hell, he'll just find a way to do it without your knowledge.
Reality number Two
His family and the whole of male folks in this Nigeria will most probably support him. This will come in the way of half hearted apologies to you and reprimands to him, they will only teach him how to be coded about it. So don't bother calling anyone with the expectation of getting him to stop.
Reality number Three
Your expectations of a blissful, adultery-free union has been busted. You are now experiencing what almost 90% of women are dealing with or will deal with at any point in their marriage.
Your Risks
1. HIV and other STIs
2. Juju. There are desperate women out there who will go to unspeakable lengths to replace you.
How do you protect yourself
1. Health: You are about to deliver a baby. You need to remove any stressful situation from your life for now. Concentrate on taking care of yourself.
Your husband's behavior is not going away anytime soon, so, don't kill yourself over something that will probably not change.
Finances: You need to audit your personal finances, start thinking of ways to make more money so you can achieve your own dreams. I hope you don't have a joint account. Start looking out for yourself, your husband wasn't looking out for your pleasure by gallivanting around with various females you might never get to know about. Don't leave yourself at the mercy of a man whose heart and soul is parted in many ways.
Sexual Safety: Buy a large amount of female condoms, if he asks why, well, tell him you are trying to protect yourself. Get evidence because he will try to accuse you. Start praying for your safety and that of your baby, if you haven't started already. Stay safe.

RisenPhoenix:


I don't support cheating, and if the man was the one asking questions I would have advised him not to do so; rather he should go and marry the other woman formally if the first one is not sufficient. However in this case, it was the woman that was asking for advice, and defusing the situation is better for her in the long run. I am helping her to keep at least half of her marriage intact. You are inciting her to break up her marriage.

Funny thing is; all of you women advicing her to confront her husband and create katakata in the marriage will be the same ones deriding her and watching her like eagles when she is a divorcee. And when she greets your husband "good morning" in church you will be rushing to NL to get advice about how to punish that 'husband snatcher'. It seems women are always hellbent on making each others' lives miserable.

While you were busy jumping to conclusions, I have already made my post replying the OP.

Saintmary:

While you were busy jumping to conclusions, I have already made my post replying the OP.

Now you're talking. Much better.

Though your post still has a touch of vindictiveness in it. It's like you feel she has a right to be resentful. Why should she be? As long as he takes care of her, it's all good. Also, I think that encouraging him to formalise a marriage with the second lady (and other subsequent ones that he may find attractive) will be better to prevent stds as well as the so-called juju that you seem to fear.

RisenPhoenix:


Now you're talking. Much better.

Though your post still has a touch of vindictiveness in it. It's like you feel she has a right to be resentful. Why should she be? As long as he takes care of her, it's all good. Also, I think that encouraging him to formalise a marriage with the second lady (and other subsequent ones that he may find attractive) will be better to prevent stds as well as the so-called juju that you seem to fear.

We don't have to agree on everything. As for juju, you have not met desperate and mad people. I prefer to spend my time praying for more blessings than to be fasting and praying over a witch my husband was stupid enough to bed.